Chapter 19
Declan
Two Weeks until Finale
‘It’s been a bit boring lately,’ Imogen announced a few days later, her heart-shaped sunglasses glinting in the afternoon light.
They were sitting on a daybed, Declan and Imogen on one side and Eavie and Oliver on the other.
The picture of two straight couples, though he and Oliver had found a way to arrange their legs so Oliver’s calf brushed his.
Small moments of casual contact had become both the best and the most excruciating parts of Declan’s days.
‘Now you’ve gone and jinxed it,’ Eavie said, resting her head contentedly on Oliver’s shoulder.
The boys smiled at each other, and Declan pressed more firmly against Oliver’s leg.
The interlude on the hike had made pretending that they were mates in front of the cameras a special form of torture.
They had spent the past few days dancing around each other, touching but only in a strictly platonic way, hanging out but not any more than before.
It was maddening to stay at arm’s length when Declan woke up every morning to Oliver’s warm body just out of reach, especially now that he knew what it felt like against his own.
‘Woah,’ Imogen said, pointing towards the villa.
‘Maybe I’m magic.’
Declan turned to see Paige making her way over to them.
He groaned. ‘Or maybe we’re being surveilled at all times.’
Imogen gave a comical pout.
‘Well, I’m going to continue to think I’m psychic.’
‘I love that for you,’ Eavie said.
‘Hey,’ Paige said. ‘Declan, could you come with me?’
Declan was immediately suspicious.
‘Why?’
‘Zoe wants a word,’ Paige said brightly.
‘I’m all right, actually.’
Declan hadn’t spoken to Zoe since her return with James, but he had suspected the producers would eventually make them rehash the whole sordid affair for the cameras.
He did not, however, have to make it easy for them.
Paige crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing.
‘Oh, come on,’ Imogen said, nudging his side.
‘It won’t be that bad.’
Ultimately, it was Oliver’s supportive look that gave Declan the fortitude to get up.
‘Lead the way.’
Zoe was waiting for him on the couch swing, and the smile she gave him as he sat next to her was flat with nervousness.
Neither spoke while Paige directed the cameraman into a position with a favourable angle.
‘Right,’ Zoe said, as soon as Paige signalled for them to begin.
‘I wanted to say that I’m sorry for how things turned out between us.’
Declan couldn’t tell if she was being honest, choosing to stare at the wall behind her instead of her face.
‘Okay,’ he said.
Paige sighed, and Zoe glanced her way before continuing.
‘I wanted to explain my side of things.’
‘Okay,’ Declan said again, not managing to change his inflection.
‘It’s just,’ Zoe said, wringing her hands together, ‘I never believed you liked me.’ Declan couldn’t suppress a snort, and Zoe tensed.
‘That’s funny to you?’
she asked coolly.
‘No, it’s not funny,’ he managed, finally looking at her.
‘How could you do that to me? And with him ?’
‘That’s exactly what I mean,’ Zoe said, voice rising.
‘You only care about who I left you for, not that I left you.’
‘Clearly I care that you left me,’ Declan said.
‘I thought—’
‘Is it clear?’ Zoe cut him off.
Declan couldn’t understand what had shifted between them; when Zoe had picked him all those weeks ago he thought it was because they had the same goal: winning.
‘I thought we were in this together,’ Declan said.
‘So why did you do it?’
‘For love,’ Zoe said, as though it was obvious.
‘I love him. And I know you and everyone else here hates him, but I can’t help it, I can’t control it.
I love him.’ Declan had nothing to say to that, watching as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
‘Sure, he’s not perfect.’
Her voice went quiet.
‘But he’s surprisingly sweet, and he loves me, I think, better than anyone else I’ve ever met.’
Declan, who had plenty of experience bad-mouthing James to Georgia, still found himself speechless.
He hadn’t expected her feelings for James to be genuine, but he couldn’t find any familiar signs of performance on her face.
‘He’s going to hurt you,’ he said finally.
‘And I don’t want to see you get hurt.’
Zoe cocked her head at him.
‘What do you mean?’
‘He dated my friend, back in London. And he cheated on her, repeatedly.’
Zoe frowned.
‘That’s not how he tells it.’
‘Yeah, well, he’s a liar,’ Declan said.
‘That’s rich coming from you, King,’ James said, stalking towards them, a cameraman on his heels.
With one glance at Paige’s guilty face, Declan knew the scene had been orchestrated.
‘A liar and a cheater? Pot, meet kettle.’
Declan was on his feet before he was even aware he’d moved.
James towered over him, but Declan didn’t give an inch, glaring up at him.
‘C’mon,’ Zoe said, tugging at James’s arm.
‘Drop it, James.’
‘As I’ve said countless times before,’ Declan gritted out.
‘Nothing happened between me and Georgia.’
The other contestants had gathered around as their voices rose.
Declan was keenly aware of Oliver’s eyes on him.
‘Right,’ James said slowly.
‘I know you think I’m thick, but I’m not that thick.’
‘Yes, you are,’ Declan said.
‘And the worst part is that you made her feel like it was her fault you couldn’t be faithful.
Making her feel like a terrible girlfriend for daring to go out with her mates while you were God knows where drugged up and unresponsive partying with your band.
You gaslighting piece of shit.’
There was a gasp from the crowd that had gathered around them, but Declan was too angry to look.
Zoe dropped James’s arm and was staring at them, a horrified expression on her face.
Declan knew that he’d made his point, that he could stop now, but the words kept coming.
It was everything he’d wanted to say to James over the months of his break-up with Georgia.
‘You only care about yourself and your image. Did you even care about her feelings? Did you care that you left her alone half the time while you went on tour? How she’d make excuse after excuse for you because she loved you that much?
She wanted it to work.
She probably would’ve forgiven you too.
If you weren’t such a shit.’
James gaped at him, seemingly struck dumb for the first time since Declan had known him.
Declan glanced around at the other contestants; everyone wore similar expressions, ranging from shock to mild horror.
Zoe looked close to tears, her arms wrapped around her torso.
‘Is that true?’ she asked quietly.
James turned to her.
‘Baby—’ James was cut off by a chime and Darcy’s saccharine voice came over the loudspeaker.
‘Oh Lovers, don’t fight.
It’s not sexy. Let’s have a challenge, shake things up a bit.
Grab a swimsuit and meet by the pool.’
James stood there, blinking at him, until Zoe stalked away.
Declan turned to Paige, but she didn’t meet his eye.
‘Sorry about that,’ she muttered.
She and the cameraman followed Zoe and James into the villa.
An hour later, after everyone had a chance to cool down and the producers had captured an apologetic James grovelling to Zoe, the contestants lined up by the pool.
The production team had set up a bar with a row of colourful cocktails and a stack of whiteboards, which Declan eyed with trepidation.
They stood there for a moment before the PA system chimed and Darcy’s voice came through the loudspeakers.
‘Lovers,’ she read, tone cloying, ‘you’ve been causing a buzz on social media.
Let’s see what the audience is saying about you.
All good things… we hope.
Each contestant will read a post with names redacted and guess who it’s about.
If they pick correctly, they get to throw a drink.
If they guess wrong, they’re the ones who get a drink to the face.’
Declan looked around and couldn’t see one excited face.
The audience votes were a fairly good indicator of popularity, but this was the first time they’d hear directly what the public thought of them.
Imogen was first, prancing to the bar in a bright red bikini.
‘Not going to lie, [blank] dumping [blank] for [blank] was the biggest betrayal of my life and my wife cheated on me.’
The rest of the Lovers laughed, but Declan’s ears pricked, knowing this one was about him.
He glanced over at Zoe and James, and James scowled back.
Imogen shot Declan an apologetic expression before confidently calling out: ‘Not going to lie, Zoe dumping Declan for James was the biggest betrayal of my life.’ She pulled away the tape, revealing she was correct.
Grabbing a red drink, she walked over to Zoe, smiling with faux-sweetness before lifting the drink high and pouring it over her.
‘Hey, watch it!’ James yelled, as some of the drink splashed on him.
‘Oops,’ Imogen said, the smile not dropping from her face as she walked back to Declan.
‘Good one,’ he whispered, fist-bumping her.
Niall read out the next post. ‘[blank] gives us regular men hope that we can bag a total babe like [blank] while still being a complete idiot.’ He grinned.
‘Well, that can only be one of us,’ Niall said.
‘Sorry, Jackie-boy, this is Jack and Maeve.’ He was right.
‘Go for her!’ Jack cried, pushing Maeve in front of him as Niall walked over with a lime-green cocktail.
Niall laughed and tried to throw the drink over Maeve’s head at Jack, but ended up dousing both of them.
‘Ooh, two for one!’ Stella called, as Niall walked back and wrapped her in a bear hug.
Oliver read out, ‘Okay, but [blank] and [blank] are in love. Cool, we all agree? Moving on.’ His face froze in concentration as he considered each couple.
‘Er, Niall and Stella?’ He ripped off the tape.
‘Okay, but Declan and Oliver are in love. Cool, we all agree? Moving on.’
Declan stiffened as Oliver shook his head dolefully, laughing along with the rest of the contestants and seeming completely unfazed.
Thankfully, no one was looking at Declan; his cheeks were flushed, but he hoped his sunglasses covered most of his reaction.
Stella grabbed a drink off the bar, throwing it into Oliver’s face.
‘This’ll be chakra-cleansing, babe,’ she said.
Oliver shook out his wet hair, managing to get some droplets on Stella in revenge.
Zoe walked over to the bar, grabbed a whiteboard and read out: ‘Are the men on this show blind? When they’ve got a queen like [blank] right there?
God save her.’
Declan could see the relief on her face when she realised the post had nothing to do with him or James.
‘Oh, this has got to be my girl Holly!’ She pulled off the tape to reveal Holly’s name.
‘The queen commands you to stop,’ Holly joked as Zoe approached.
‘So sorry, Your Majesty!’ Zoe said, pouring the pink drink all over her.
Still dripping, Holly read the next post. ‘[Blank] is hot shit, can’t believe [blank] let her go without a fight.
They were so cute together.’
Holly looked confused for a moment before saying slowly, ‘Imogen and Oliver?’
She was only half right.
‘Maeve is hot shit, can’t believe Oliver let her go…’
There were some wolf-whistles from the group.
‘Sorry, Holls,’ Oliver said, grabbing a drink from the bar and dumping it on her.
‘My bad for fumbling two women, I guess.’
Declan was last, and his stomach twisted uncomfortably.
The producers had probably saved the most egregious post for him, and he wasn’t excited to find out what they had in store.
He grabbed the board off the bar and read out: ‘Girls, get you a man that looks at you the way [blank] looks at [blank].’
Relief flooded through him at the tame post. ‘Jack and Maeve?’ he guessed.
‘No fair,’ Jack said.
‘That was an easy one!’
Declan pulled the tape off and revealed the correct answer: ‘Get you a man that looks at you the way Declan looks at Oliver,’ he read out.
It took longer than it should have for the meaning to sink in.
Then his face went numb.
Jack and Owen keeled over with laughter.
‘The real frontrunners,’ Jack said between huffs.
It was Maeve who walked over to the bar and grabbed a drink, throwing it in his face with an almost sad look.
Declan blinked rapidly, trying to get the sticky liquid out of his eyes as a ripple of discomfort crawled up his back.
The game ended and the contestants scattered while the production crew cleaned up, but Declan was barely aware of any of it.
He sat in a nook at the edge of the garden and leaned his head against the wall, listening to the others chat in the kitchen.
He tried to take a deep breath, but the air left his lungs in a flitting, unsteady rhythm.
They’d been careful, he had made sure of it.
They hadn’t been acting any differently.
The posts had been jokes, and the producers were messing with them for laughs.
Rationally, he knew that.
But he was already plotting how he could do better, how to school his features even more when they were together.
Declan knew how to look impassive; it was a face he’d learned long ago.
‘There you are,’ Imogen said.
‘All right?’ Declan looked up at her, her hair still dripping and chest stained red.
She sat beside him, gently lacing their fingers together.
He nodded.
‘You sure?’ she asked, cocking her head.
‘You don’t look like your usual peppy self.’
He smiled tightly, wishing he could put her mind at ease, but there was a buzzing in his ears and he felt lightheaded.
‘That bad, huh? You look miles away, love.’
‘Just thinking about the posts,’ Declan managed, trying to find a polite way to ask her to leave.
‘Oh, they weren’t that bad,’ Imogen teased.
‘You actually came out looking pretty good, I think.’
‘Right,’ he said, unsure how to talk about what was bothering him without mentioning Oliver.
‘Just didn’t realise I was so popular.’
Imogen’s laugh was a bit too loud.
‘Of course you are! You’re every girl’s dream.’
She winked.
‘Maybe I don’t like how they’re perceiving me,’ Declan tried to explain.
‘It’s – it’s not real.’
Actually, he didn’t like how close to the truth the audience had got.
‘It’s a reality TV show,’ Imogen said, ‘of course it’s not real.’
She pointed at the plants in the planter box behind their heads.
‘See, fake.’ She pointed at the blinking camera peeking out of a nearby sconce.
‘Fake.’ She pointed at her chest. ‘These? Definitely fake.’ That got a small laugh out of Declan, and Imogen grinned at him in a private way that reminded him of Georgia.
‘Thanks,’ he said.
‘Of course,’ Imogen said, leaning into his side.
‘I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.
I’m the perfect girl for you, anything you need.’
She was looking at him intently.
Something in the way she’d said it made Declan squint at her.
She seemed to notice the change, nodding her head encouragingly as if to say, come on, you’ve nearly got it.
She glanced pointedly at Oliver, laughing with the other contestants in the kitchen, then back at Declan.
‘Oh,’ he said, the dread he’d felt moments ago returning immediately.
She squeezed his hand, but Declan hardly felt it.
The buzzing in his ears started again, and he could feel his heart throbbing behind his eyelids.
‘I’m, uh, gonna go and take a shower,’ Declan said, patting her knee and standing.
‘It’s okay,’ she said, frowning.
‘I know,’ Declan said, too quickly.
‘I just hate being sticky.’
Imogen looked at a loss, her hands wringing uselessly in her lap.
‘I’m here, whatever you need.
We’re in this together,’ she said finally.
Declan walked away from her feeling unmoored.
Imogen knew. And if she had figured it out, who else had noticed that there was something going on between him and Oliver?
His thoughts wandered aimlessly, not settling on anything in particular, leaving him feeling fuzzy and like he might be developing a headache.
He breathed out slowly, hoping his mind would slow to a manageable speed where he could work out the problem at hand.
Imogen knew and she wanted to stay with him anyway.
She was offering him everything he had come on the show to find – only he wasn’t sure he wanted it any more.
‘Hey,’ Oliver said, intercepting him before he reached the villa.
Declan didn’t look at him directly, convinced one glance would unravel him.
‘I’m going to shower.’
Oliver’s eyebrows knitted together.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, putting a hand on Declan’s shoulder.
Declan shook it off and moved to get around him.
‘I’m great.’
‘No, you’re not,’ Oliver said, side-stepping back into his path.
‘Look, I can’t do this with you right now.’
He was too strung out to talk to Oliver; he could feel it in the rush of blood through his veins.
Oliver ignored his pleading look.
‘Do what?’
The throbbing in his head threatened to burst him open at any moment.
‘Can’t you just leave me alone?’
he asked, pinching the bridge of his nose and digging his thumbs into the corners of his eyes.
‘Can’t you just talk to me?’
Oliver asked, looming over him, standing too close.
All Declan wanted was to lean in.
‘No,’ Declan said, glancing at his lips and then finally meeting his eye.
Like Declan looks at Oliver.
He blinked, saw a flash of concern in Oliver’s gaze, and turned away quickly to look at the faint pink light of the setting sun.
‘I don’t think I can do this.’
The words were out before he registered what he was saying.
It was an instinct, somewhere deep down, to push Oliver away before they both got hurt.
Oliver raked a hand through his hair.
‘Do what? Talk to me?’
Declan tried to imagine the two of them outside the confines of the villa, but he couldn’t.
Oliver wanted to go to New York and Declan had a career in London.
He’d never had to fit someone into his life before, had never been willing to try.
But Oliver had upended everything he had ever known; he’d do anything for him.
And that terrified him.
‘Any of it.’
Oliver had said being with Sophie had been easy – nothing about this was easy.
Life didn’t work like that; Declan didn’t get to have what he wanted.
Oliver blinked at him incredulously for a moment before understanding hardened in his eyes.
He opened his mouth to reply, then seemed to think better of it, brushing past Declan.
Declan wanted to run after him, to take it back, but he was rooted to the spot.
The throbbing in his head returned full force.