Chapter Eight #2
She had no idea how long she lay there, afraid to move so much as a muscle. Afraid of the feelings swirling inside her. The deep yearn to wriggle back into his solid body and press herself to him. To wake him...
Holding her breath, she slowly inched herself out from under his arm. Once she’d inched herself off the bed too, she carefully picked up her book and her phone, and crept out of the room. Only when the door was closed behind her was she able to breathe.
Downstairs, she padded into the kitchen and fixed herself a coffee.
It was the one thing she liked to do for herself, and when she had days without any engagements, she relished the solitude and independence the early mornings gave her.
The days she had engagements, staff surrounded her before she’d even climbed out of bed.
Her hand clenched around her favourite coffee mug, and she squeezed her eyes shut. Hurt and anger had made her tell Gabriel she would accompany him to Madrid. She wondered if he would even pretend not to be relieved when she told him that wouldn’t be possible after all?
Rolling her neck, she pulled herself together and took her coffee into the day room, opened the curtains, snuggled into her reading chair and opened the book.
Ten minutes later and she was still on the same page. It didn’t matter how many times she read the same passage, the words refused to penetrate. Or should that be, her brain refused to concentrate?
With a sigh, she closed her eyes.
Her brain refused to concentrate because it wanted to think about Gabriel, and nothing but Gabriel.
Wasn’t it enough that her stupid brain had taken for ever to go to sleep because Gabriel’s arms had been around her and her every inhalation had breathed in the divine scent of his skin?
Wasn’t it enough that her body had also taken for ever to relax itself into sleep for the exact same reason?
She swore it had taken at least an hour before she’d even been able to breathe properly.
And then there were all the thoughts that had crowded her already frazzled mind, every single one about Gabriel, never mind the battle between her mind and her rigid yet aching body.
That had been the worst of it. That yearning ache deep inside her that had spent hours begging her to wake him with a kiss.
‘You’re up early.’
If Alessia hadn’t already finished her coffee she would have spilt the contents of her mug, which was still in her hand, all over herself.
Snapping her eyes open, she turned her head and found Gabriel in the doorway looking at her with an expression that made her heart inflate and her belly flip.
Black hair mussed, his jaw and neck thick with stubble, all he wore was a pair of low-slung black jeans that perfectly showed off the muscular chest her face had spent half the night pressed against, and the yearning that had kept her awake for hours hit her with its full force.
The hint of a smile played on his mouth. ‘What does a man do for coffee here?’
Her certainty that he could sense or see the effect he was having on her sent a flush of heat thrashing through her, and she had to clear her throat to speak.
‘There’s a pot made in the kitchen.’ Trying not to cringe at the overt croak in her voice, she straightened her back and added, ‘If you’re hungry, press three on any landline and it will connect you to the palace kitchen.
The chefs will make you anything you want. ’
The only thing I want is you, Gabriel thought.
Although the angle of Alessia’s armchair hid much of her from his sight, the little he could see was enough to make his chest tighten and his pulses surge.
That his appearance had such a visible effect on her only heightened the sensations, and he ground his feet into the carpet and filled his lungs slowly before speaking again. ‘Have you eaten?’
She tucked a strand of her silky dark hair behind an ear. ‘Not yet. I’ll order something later, but please, don’t wait for me. The chefs are used to preparing dishes any time of the day or night.’
‘I’ll wait until you eat. Did you want another coffee?’
‘No, thank you. I’m limiting myself to one a day.’ She pressed her belly as explanation.
The tightness in his chest loosened and expanded, and he nodded his understanding. ‘Can I get you anything else?’
‘No. But thank you.’
Gabriel nodded again and turned down the corridor that led to the kitchen. The aroma of freshly ground coffee greeted him, and he poured himself a cup and added a heaped spoonful of sugar while taking a moment to gather himself together.
He’d fallen asleep surprisingly easily considering everything, but had woken with a weighty feeling in the pit of his stomach.
He’d felt Alessia’s absence from the bed at the same moment everything that had occurred between them on their wedding night had flashed through his mind.
The weighty feeling had spread to his chest as, for the first time, he had an insight into how she must have felt that morning to find him gone.
Why had he never allowed himself to think of that before? He didn’t have the answer. He’d always acknowledged to himself that his behaviour that morning had been abhorrent but all the justifications he’d heaped on himself had smothered his ability to think of how it must have been for Alessia.
He wished he could say that she was overreacting.
One-night stands happened all the time. Alessia wasn’t his first and, princess though she was, she was a modern woman so he doubted he was hers either—although her reaction to his question about monogamy and his reaction to that reaction told him previous relationships were a subject best avoided between them—but what they’d shared did not happen all the time.
The chemistry between them had been off the charts.
It still was.
That Alessia refused to act on the chemistry was a situation of his own making. It was on him to make things right.
Carrying his coffee back to the main living area, he took a seat on the armchair closest to her. Her eyes flickered up from the book she was reading, colour rising on her cheeks.
‘I would like us to take a visit to the stables at some point this weekend,’ he said. ‘We need to start thinking about how we want it to be renovated.’
‘Sure.’ She closed her book. ‘I’ll ask Ena—my private secretary—to find the keys for us. She’ll be at her desk in an hour.’
‘What about your domestic staff? What time do they start?’ All the times he’d been at the castle, whatever the time, the stone walls had contained a hive of activity, worker bees efficiently getting on with their individual tasks, unobtrusive but always in the background.
‘This is an official day off for me so they won’t come until I call for them.’
‘Do you have many free days?’
‘My weekends are normally free, but sometimes I have engagements to attend, sometimes issues crop up that need to be dealt with—my role within the family isn’t something I can turn on and off. None of us can.’
‘How many engagements do you go to each week?’
‘It varies.’
‘What do you like to do in your free time?’
Alessia studied him warily before answering.
All this talk about engagements made her think there was a real irony in Gabriel making the effort to engage with her as he was currently doing when she’d been the driving force on their night together, forcing him to engage in conversation with her.
She remembered thinking that he didn’t seem to like her.
Clearly he’d wanted her but that was physical desire.
It was the liking of her, her personality, she’d had doubts about.
She still had them. For all his excuses about ghosting her, she couldn’t help but think that if he’d liked her more, he would have returned her call.
She wished she didn’t feel so resentful that he was only making this effort to engage and get to know her now as part of his efforts to build trust between them so they could have some kind of harmony in their marriage rather than because he wanted to know her for her own sake as she’d so longed to know him.
But there was no point thinking like this.
She had to think of their marriage as being like her headmistress’s proverbial bed and imagine it having a lumpy mattress.
Alessia had no choice but to lie on it and play her part in flattening those lumps, and as she thought that, she was helpless to stop the image of them naked, entwined together on a real bed, and helpless to stop another wave of longing.
She expelled a slow breath and forced herself to answer.
‘Sometimes I see friends. Sometimes I go shopping. Sometimes I’ll spend a whole day reading or watching boxsets.
It depends.’ And then, because she knew she had to get over her resentment and find a way to deal with her hurt otherwise she’d be condemning them both to a lifetime of misery, added, ‘What about you? What do you do on your days off?’
‘I don’t take many days off but when I have free time I like to unwind with a bourbon and a good film or a book.’ He nodded at the book on her lap. ‘What are you reading?’
Bracing herself for a cutting comment, Alessia showed him the cover. It was a historical romance, the kind of book her brothers had always laughed at her for enjoying.
Gabriel didn’t seem to find anything amusing about her literary choice, pulling a musing face and asking, ‘Any good?’
‘So far.’
‘Do you read only historical books?’
‘I’ll read anything.’
‘Me too, although I tend to lean towards thrillers and biographies. I have a library at my home in Madrid. I’m sure you’ll find something on the shelves you’ll enjoy.’
Caution made her reluctant to jump to conclusions. ‘Does that mean you’re going to let me come with you?’
‘I don’t remember you giving me any choice in the matter,’ he said dryly.
‘But you’re right, I didn’t make it a precondition of our marriage and, having thought about it, it would be good for you to see the place I call home.
All I ask is that your presence there is kept from the press.
I am serious about my privacy, Alessia, and would like any press intrusion to be kept to an absolute minimum. ’
So he didn’t actually want her to come. Like this whole conversation, it was a sop to her.
She lifted her chin, determined not to show the hurt. ‘Our press office only notifies the press about my movements for official engagements so that won’t be a problem.’
‘Good.’
‘But if it does become a problem, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know I’ll only be able to travel with you next week.
After that, I’m afraid my engagement diary’s full, so you will get your wish to have me out of your hair Mondays to Fridays after all.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to do my dance exercises and take a shower.
’ Already regretting the flash of bitterness she’d had no control over, Alessia rose from her chair and, in a softer tone, added, ‘Order yourself some breakfast—please, don’t go hungry on my account. ’
Before she could walk away, though, he said, ‘Have you heard of Monica Binoche?’
She turned her face back to him. ‘The French actress?’ Monica Binoche was the actress Marcelo had had a crush on in his early teenage years.
Alessia distinctly remembered him asking their father if she could be invited to castle so he could meet her, and their father laughing and replying with something along the lines of ‘If only.’
‘Yes.’ Gabriel took a deep breath, and watched her reaction closely as he said, ‘She’s my mother.’