Chapter Eleven
LATER THAT AFTERNOON, when Gabriel had to drag himself away from making love to return some of the calls he’d neglected these last few days, Alessia took herself off exploring.
There was so much to see! To her delight, by the time she’d finished exploring the villa’s interior, Gabriel was sitting on the balcony having a drink.
‘Your home is amazing,’ she said, sinking into the seat next to his and twisting round to face him, unable to keep the smile from her face.
As well as the huge living area, there was a smaller, cosier living room, a cinema room with sofas so deep and wide a party of people could sleep on them, a games room with a bar, other bars inside and out, a full-blown gym and a spa area bigger than the ground floor of her quarters.
On top of all that were the eight bedrooms, eleven bathrooms, an upper floor entertainment area.
.. It was endless! Oh, and Gabriel’s office, which she’d only peeked into to blow a kiss at him as he was on a call.
Oh, and there were two kitchens too, an indoor one which looked like it belonged on a spaceship, and an outdoor one.
She hadn’t even thought of exploring the grounds yet!
His eyes crinkled. ‘I’m glad you like it,’ he said as he poured her a glass of iced water and passed it to her.
She thought of the intricate sketches he’d made of the stables. ‘Did you design it yourself?’
‘I had the vision of what I wanted but an architect put those visions into something workable.’
‘It’s the polar opposite of the castle. And I can’t get over how quiet it is.’ She closed her eyes and listened hard. The castle was quiet at night but by day, it being a place of work as well as her family’s home, it bustled with the burr of people’s voices, footsteps and general movement.
Large hands wrapped around her ankles and pulled her feet onto his lap. ‘How would you feel about us turning the stables into something like this?’
She met his stare with a mournful sigh that turned into a sigh of pleasure when he began rubbing his thumbs over her left calf. ‘We’d never be allowed—can you imagine this there? Much as I love this, it wouldn’t fit in with the surroundings.’
‘Agreed, but with some clever architecture, we can get a lot more light into it.’
Relaxing under his strong, manipulating fingers, she sighed again.
‘That would be nice. I’ve never really considered how little natural light there is in the castle.
I don’t suppose anyone thought about natural light when they converted the stables either.
They probably thought my grandmother’s personality suited living in darkness,’ she added with a cackle of laughter.
‘I’m still astounded by what you told me of her.’
‘That she hated being a royal?’
‘No, I understand that; but that she seemed to hate people including her own family.’
‘She didn’t seem to, she did hate people.’
‘Including your mother?’
‘I suppose she must have loved her,’ she said doubtfully. ‘That’s what mother’s do, isn’t it? Love their children.’
His fingers were still working their magic on her legs, now massaging the muscles of her right calf. ‘You don’t sound sure.’
‘I’m not. It’s not something we really talk about. I know my grandmother was hard on my mother but she was hard on everyone. She wasn’t a woman for drying a child’s tears, but she knew her duty and she was the perfect queen consort. She never let my grandfather down.’
‘Not until he died.’
‘But when he died my mother took the throne and my father became consort. My grandmother was relegated to dowager queen. She gave forty years of her life to our monarchy so I don’t blame her for wanting to retire from the public eye and wanting some privacy away from the castle.’
‘You sound like you admire her.’
‘I do in a way. And I feel sorry for her too. She must have really hated being a royal to go to those extremes once her duty was over.’
‘And how do you feel about being a royal?’
She shrugged. ‘It’s just my life, isn’t it? I never had a choice about it and I don’t know anything different.’
‘Have you ever wished for anything different?’
‘Not for a long time.’
‘But you used to?’
She nodded. ‘When I was small.’ She gave a quick smile. ‘Smaller. I used to wish my mother wasn’t queen.’
‘Really?’
‘Really. I was six when my grandfather died and everything changed overnight. My mother took the throne but it felt to me that the throne took her. Before, when she was just heir to the throne, she had many responsibilities but she was still able to be a mother to us...in her own way. She never bathed me or read me bedtime stories—my father read me stories, though; he was always much more present, even after she took the throne—but she did take an interest in me. I remember she wanted to see my schoolwork every day—this was when I had a governess, before I went to boarding school—and see for herself that my handwriting was developing properly and that I was learning my sums. Sometimes she made me read to her. Once she took the throne, that all stopped as she just didn’t have the time.
There were always more important things that needed her attention. ’
‘That must have been tough for you.’
‘It was but it’s how royal life works. In our royal family, in any case.
Like your mother, she did the best she could.
You have to remember who her mother was and the upbringing she’d had.
She tried hard to create a more loving environment for us in comparison to what she’d endured but there were times when it was very hard.
The toughest time was when she went to Australia and New Zealand for two months with my father on a state tour.
I was only seven, and it was the first time I’d been properly separated from them.
I can’t tell you how sick I felt from missing them. It was awful.’
‘What would you do if you were asked to do the same thing?’
‘Leave our child on a state tour?’
He nodded.
‘I wouldn’t do it.’
‘Why not? They’d be at home with me so they wouldn’t be separated from both their parents like you were.’
‘But they’d still be without their mother. Do you remember what you said that day about putting our child’s wellbeing before duty?’
His eyes narrowed slightly in remembrance.
‘Gabriel... I have always put my duty to my family and the monarchy first, above everything. Everything I’ve ever done has always been with duty and what’s expected of me at the forefront of my mind.’
‘And wanting approval from your mother?’ he asked astutely.
‘Maybe... Probably...’ She grimaced. ‘When I was a child I lived for my mother’s attention because I got so little of it.’
‘Was being a good princess a way to get it?’
‘Yes. She always noticed...complimented me on my deportment and manners.’ She expelled a long breath.
‘I’d never allowed myself to step out of line before, and it hurts my heart that she’s still angry with me about my Dominic comments and the circumstances of the pregnancy.
That night... It’s the only time I have ever, ever put my own desires first. The consequences were so great I thought I would never be able to do anything like that again but I feel the changes happening inside me and think of the child growing in my womb and the feelings I have for it.
..’ She shook her head, unable to put into words how strong the emotions were.
‘Our child’s emotional wellbeing is more important to me than anything.
My feelings are the same as yours in that regard—when you’ve experienced pain, the last thing you want is to put your own child through the same, and I will not make them go through what I went through.
If I was asked to go on tour, I would only accept if our child could come with me. ’
His hands had stopped working their magic, his stare fixed on her. There was a long pause before his shoulders relaxed and he lightly said, ‘But then I would be left at home alone.’
She swallowed. On Sunday night Alessia would fly back to the castle without him, returning to her dutiful place for a full week of royal engagements. Five whole days without him.
Until the stables renovations were complete, this would be her life, only seeing him at weekends. And those precious weekends would be interrupted too, she thought with an ache, when she attended one of her frequent weekend engagements.
Would things be better when they moved into the stables and Gabriel was in a position to work from home? She would still be a princess going about her duty without her prince by her side.
For the first time, the prince of her dreams had a face. Gabriel’s.
‘You wouldn’t have to be alone,’ she whispered. ‘Any time you change your mind and decide to be my prince—’
‘It isn’t going to happen,’ he said, cutting her off. But there was no malice in his voice, just a simple matter-of-factness with a tinge of ruefulness in it.
‘I know.’
‘I will not be your prince but I will be your husband.’
She nodded, almost too choked to speak, but she forced herself to say what was on her mind and in her heart. ‘I’d love for you to be my prince, I really would.’
Carefully placing her feet back on the floor, Gabriel gripped the sides of her chair and pulled her to him.
Once their knees were touching, he ran his fingers through her hair, then gently rubbed his thumb under her chin.
‘I know our marriage is not what you grew up expecting your marriage to be. It isn’t what I wanted or expected of a marriage either, but we can make it work and we can be happy. ’
‘I want to believe that.’
Palming her cheeks, a fervour came into his voice.
‘Think about it, Lessie. When we move into the stables, we can make it a real home, a real distinction between the princess and the woman. We can make it a home without any intrusion from royal life and all its demands, and our child can have the semblance of a normal life. And so can we.’