Chapter Three
STILL, NUSH’S SENSE of right and wrong would let her go only so far when all he offered was comfort. Words were needed and even though she hated forming them, releasing them, she knew it was time.
“I...want this, Caio, with you.” Slowly, bracing herself to be pushed away, feeling as if her very existence was contingent upon touching him, she pressed her forehead to his chin.
He didn’t blink or sigh or push her away and she let it all out.
“I’ve spent months telling myself that it can’t happen, that you don’t see me like that, that it’s madness to want you.
” A laugh escaped her mouth and still he didn’t move or say anything and some spark of hope lit up inside her and she kept running toward the edge, rearing to jump off the cliff.
“This is why I want to leave, why I find it unbearable to be near you.” Another wretched sound escaped her and she bunched her hands in his shirt.
“And now to know that you might be making... Do you see why I have to leave? Why I can’t be here while you make new.
..alliances? It would be easier on me to hate you, Caio, than to—”
“Cristo,” Caio said in a low, guttural growl and his head jerked down and she jerked her head up and his chin bumped her cheekbone and pain jarred through her and his fingers were over her cheek and she was breathing hard, trying to untangle herself and his hands were over her shoulders and then her mouth went flush against his.
She might have stopped breathing altogether, her heart stopping its frenzied beating. Everything in her stilled to better drink in the sensation of his mouth against hers.
And for the first time in months, she felt as if she’d reclaimed a part of her she hadn’t even realized she’d lost. She wanted to own this desire.
Own her choices, right or wrong, successful or full of defeat.
“I don’t want this to be some accident. Don’t want you to say this was some kind of overflow from all the grief and loss of the last few months.
It’s not. This is what I’ve wanted for..
.months now, Caio. I want to kiss you. Now.
I want to see if you...feel this thing too.
I want to test this pull I feel. Or I’ll regret not taking the risk forever. ”
Waiting for him to push her away or walk away was the hardest thing Nush had ever done in her life. But he didn’t. Only stared at her, those golden flecks in his eyes darkening, his nostrils flaring, his entire frame tense and tight.
Letting him see the want in her eyes was the biggest, headiest rush. More than a rough, hungry kiss with another man. More than half-naked groping in the dark with a stranger.
One breath turned into the next and the next, and Nush sank her fingers into his thick hair, pulled his head down and pressed her mouth to his.
Still, he watched her, an inherent challenge in that taut jaw line, the gold of his eyes darkening.
And that was its own aphrodisiac, winding her up, taunting her to rise to the occasion.
Heat burned through her, leaving every doubt and insecurity in piles of ashes.
She glided her mouth from one end of his to the other, rubbed up and down, sucked his lower lip between hers and then his upper.
Their noses bumped, their breaths a loud whistle in the room.
Textures and sensations assaulted her, all at once.
The contrast of his rough stubble and the softness of his lips made a soft moan escape her.
Needing more, she explored every inch of his mouth, every slope and rise and dip and curl, the rigid contour of his upper lip and the lush give of his lower lip.
Desire trickled through her limbs like warm honey, dripping and pooling in her lower belly. Hotter and needier and hungrier and...he was kissing her back. He had been kissing her back from the first contact.
Only now, in true Caio fashion, he was taking control of the kiss.
Her pulse drummed in her ears as Nush took a hasty catalog of the new sensations vying for attention.
His fingers in her hair, gripping firmly, holding her for his onslaught, his other hand cupped her hip nudging her closer, her small breasts crushed against his hard chest and his mouth.
.. God, his mouth. It was everything she’d ever dreamed of, his kiss hotter and filthier than her wildest fantasy.
She was panting, every muscle trembling, her skin burning up as he chased and hunted and devoured her lips, not letting her settle into or savor any one sensation.
He nipped at her lower lip and he licked the hurt when she mewled and he growled against her mouth until the sheer vibrating pulse of it made her open her mouth with an answering groan.
And then his tongue was swooping into her mouth.
Cajoling, teasing, taunting, licking, his hands moved all over her back and the more he took and demanded and wanted, the more Nush wanted to give.
Desire made her dizzy, and she clung to him, digging her fingers into his shoulders, scratching her nails into his scalp. Throwing all her weight onto him, she nudged her hips forward and the heated press of his erection against her lower belly created the most delicious burn between her thighs.
“Caio,” she whispered, sobbing and panting his name, begging for release.
It was the wrong thing to say, the wrong thing to invoke. The spell broke, as suddenly and violently as the kiss had taken off.
Caio’s sudden stillness was like a cold splash of water over her heated skin. “Merda!”
The word reverberated between them before he set her back from him in such a sudden movement that Nush crashed into the hard, sharp edge of the desk behind her.
With another rough sounding curse, Caio reached out to steady her. But his fingers landed her hip and Nush jumped away with a gasp of pain.
“Wait, Princesa. Don’t move.” Going to his knees in a sinuous movement, he lifted the edge of her spaghetti top and tugged the hem of her shorts down gingerly. Even in the dark, Nush could see the blue-green bruise already taking shape.
“Cristo!” Caio stared at the flare of her hip where the bruise was. One long finger traced the edges of it before he muttered, “I didn’t mean to...hurt you.” Deep and hoarse and guttural, his voice pinged over her.
Nush bit her lip, trying to ignore the sensation of his fingers on her bare skin.
Or how her sex clenched greedily at the sight of him on his knees in front of her, his mouth inches from flesh she’d caressed while thinking of him.
“It’s okay,” she murmured, wanting to sink her fingers into his hair again but not daring.
To touch him—even after their explosive kiss—was an intimacy she hadn’t been granted yet.
Her skin tingled as he stayed like that, head dipped, the remnant warmth of their kiss burning like embers within her limbs.
“It just hurt a little when you grabbed me.” She couldn’t help pushing back a lock of hair that had fallen onto his forehead. “I’m fine.”
His fingers arrested her wrist. “This is what will happen if we do this, querida.”
“What?”
“I’ll hurt you.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Nush said, striving for a levity she didn’t feel. “It was an accident.”
He sprang to his feet and away from her with that grace that, for once, couldn’t hide the fact that he didn’t want her to touch him anymore.
Nush stayed still, hope deflating inside her chest as fast as it had grown.
Dread chased away every spark of pleasure.
She’d thought to let him know of her desire, to let him see it, to find out that he didn’t return her interest, or that he didn’t feel the same attraction would be the hardest part of this.
But it wasn’t. It was this waiting.
That Caio had kissed her back, that even now his broad frame shook with tension was easy to see. That she’d only felt a part of something that had already existed between them was clear.
But waiting for his reaction to what they’d done, waiting to see what he’d say to her in the wake of the best kiss of her life...this was the hardest part. She felt as if her vulnerability was written all over her face, a giant neon sign waiting for his decision.
For long seconds, he looked at that framed photo of the three of them again.
“Caio?”
A rough thrust of his fingers through his hair. When he spoke, he sounded cool, distant. As if the kiss hadn’t affected him at all. “I should’ve stopped you. I will regret it for the rest of my life that I didn’t.”
Nush flinched as if he’d dealt her a body blow.
Caio wished he could take back the words instantly.
Cristo, he was full of a contrariness that he couldn’t fathom. He didn’t want to hurt her. Ever. And yet, that meant hurting her now. Killing the hope he saw in her eyes now before it was too late.
“That can’t happen again, Nush,” he said softly.
“And yet, it just did.” Her chin tilted up in a stubborn streak he knew so well. “You kissed me back. And you enjoyed the hell out of it. I’ve kissed enough men to know the difference.”
“I don’t need a reminder of your colorful love life of the past year,” he said, the taste of her on his lips a teasing promise he wanted to explore further.
Something glinted in her eyes, a flash of such pure satisfaction, that it was only then Caio realized how...judgmental and even a little jealous he sounded.
The situation was unraveling, getting away from him faster than he could fix it.
And it made him lash out in a way that he’d never been with her.
He did it even though he hated himself for the cruelty in his words.
“I was taken by surprise. You were crying and I didn’t want to upset you further by pulling away. ”
“You’re a bastard,” she said, her chin rearing down. “How dare you twist something so real up like that?”
“You have no idea how close to truth you are in your assessment, Princesa. I’m a bastard when things don’t go my way. Let’s do each other a favor and forget it ever happened.”