Chapter Ten
I CHOOSE YOU, NUSH. The words reverberated through Nush like temple bells, restoring her faith in their relationship at a deep, core level where all her insecurities dwelled like sleeping monsters.
By the time she emerged from the shower, hair still mostly damp because she didn’t have enough strength in her one weak bicep to dry her thick hair, Caio had arranged everything outside in the patio off the kitchen.
A soft melody belted out from cleverly hidden speakers, the words in Portuguese.
Running a hand over her dress, she reminded herself to ask him to teach her the language.
She wanted to be able to converse with him in his mother tongue, which was a long-term project for her brain.
But more than that, she wanted to understand all the things he muttered to her when he touched her.
He’d set the plates already served with lasagna she’d made, a salad he seemed to have whipped up, a bottle of wine and glasses. A couple of sleek solar heaters kept the space toasty even as a breeze from the ocean tickled its cold fingers once in a while.
Beautiful, rare black roses sitting in a crystal vase at the center of the small table sent her pulse racing all over her body like a loose electrical wire. That he’d remembered what Yana called her morbid fascination with all things dark and decadent made her dizzy with joy.
His hair, like hers, was still wet from the shower and slicked back.
He’d dressed in dark jeans and a gray Henley that seemed to span an endlessly broad chest. The sexy casual attire made the dinner feel even more intimate.
Like here was another side of Caio Oliveira revealed just for her and only for her pleasure.
And God, what those jeans did to that ass.
Feeling suddenly self-conscious, Nush wished she’d taken the time and patience to dry her hair properly.
All she’d done in terms of dressing up had been to pull on a loose, sleeveless pink gown with a deep V at the front and slap a little lip gloss onto her lips.
After all the fuss she’d made about dining together, maybe she should have. ..
“Princesa? Have I missed something?”
“No. I just...” Nush swallowed her silly doubts at the possessive gleam in his eyes when they swept over her, lingering everywhere it fluttered. “It’s perfect.”
“You’re the one that is perfection, Nush.”
She bit her lip and smiled, fighting the urge to smooth her hair down. Longing twisted through her for something more. Even though she kept begging her greedy heart to stop its needy clamor. “Thank you.”
“Shall we eat then?”
Nodding, she joined him at the table. He’d arranged the chairs closer together, looking out into the ocean, instead of on opposite sides of the table. Her belly swooped at how romantic it looked.
When they’d settled into the chairs, he poured himself a glass of wine and produced sparkling water for her. “I’d like wine too,” she said, forking a piece of the flat noodles into her mouth.
“I thought you couldn’t mix alcohol with your meds.”
“It’s one glass, Caio. And I’m not really planning to drive myself anywhere.”
Nush took a sip after he poured and made a face. The dry bitterness drew a caustic trail down her throat. “That tastes...awful.”
“That’s a ten-thousand-dollar bottle, Princesa,” Caio said, looking suitably horrified by her comment even as his mouth twitched. “Maybe you need a discerning palate to enjoy it.”
She stuck her tongue out at him. “I think my dad took care of our palate when it comes to enjoying alcohol one way or the other. After seeing him in one of his binges, none of us can stomach alcohol in any form.”
He stared at her. “Then why did you insist I pour you some?”
“Because you decided I couldn’t have any,” Nush said, biting her lip.
“Stubborn minx.”
“Arrogant, high-handed stud.”
His laughter provoked her own and they busied themselves with the cutlery.
“I didn’t realize how it must affect you, or Yana or Mira, to see him like that.”
Nush shrugged. “Mira’s the one who’s seen him at his worst, who’s terrified that that kind of addiction runs in her veins.”
“You?”
She shivered and instantly, Caio placed a jacket over her shoulders. “My fears lie in a different place.”
His fork clattered to the plate with a loud clank in the silence. “Where?”
“It’s not a big deal. Neither is it something you can immediately fix for me.”
His brows tied together in a dark scowl. Breath hitching in her chest, Nush watched him.
The wineglass turned round and round in his large hand. “But you know that I’d try anyway, don’t you? To fix them for you?”
She swallowed, an overwhelming sense of affection surging through her.
Turning away, she took a bite of her food, knowing that any of her attempts to hide from him were only half-hearted.
She couldn’t play games like him, couldn’t control her thoughts and feelings around him in some kind of transaction.
A sigh left her. “Promise me you won’t think me less for it? ”
His golden-brown gaze held hers in a solemn promise. “There’s nothing in the world you could tell me that would make me think less of you.”
“Mama’s mental health problems...are hereditary.” She touched his wrist when he’d have spoken up. “I know it’s not a guarantee that I’ll get them, only that there’s a probability higher than...yours, for example. My fear is not even that I’ll inherit them. But more irrational...”
“Like what?”
“My recurring nightmare is that I’ll be left alone in some clinic, forgotten, with no one to visit me, that I’ll just fade away under the kindness of strangers.”
With a soft curse, Caio gathered her to him, his arms a steel band around her. “It’s never going to come to that, Nush. You’re never going to be alone like that. Never.”
“I loathe the idea of becoming some kind of burden on you.”
“Is that how you think of your mother?”
“Of course not,” she said, recoiling at the very thought. “I just... I have a hard time, still, believing that this is all real, Caio. That you want to spend your life with me. That it’s not a...”
An angry growl escaped from his mouth, making her pull back from the pit of her own insecurities. “What do I do to prove to you that I want this?”
“You don’t have to prove anything to me,” she said, alarmed by the hard edge of anger and something more in his voice. “Proofs and transactions and contracts...those won’t bind us.”
“You’re being purposely stubborn about this. Turning this into a battle.”
“I’m not, Caio, believe me. Choosing the hard way is Yana’s style. Not mine. I just...want this, have wanted this for too long, with everything in me, to let it be anything but real. I’m not holding out on you because I don’t want this. But because I...want it too much.”
Even out of her periphery, she could see the tension around him deflate at her honest confession.
Hard knuckles dragged down her cheek as he said, “Okay, let me ask you something. Would you turn back on me, desert me if you discovered a new facet to me? If you learned that I...have a real deficiency? Not a mental health problem like you worry about, which makes no woman or man less. If I have a weakness that has been bred into me as a product of cruel circumstance?”
It was her turn to stare at him. There had been something in his voice as he said that, a certainty that there was some dark facet of him that he’d never let her see.
Yes, he was ruthless, and ambitious and had an armor that was probably made of platinum but.
.. And even the question was more dare. As if he was playing with her concept of loyalty and commitment.
“If it’s some kind of test, it’s a horrible one,” she said, reaching for the wine. Wanting to wash away the taste of fear from her mouth.
“It’s not, Princesa.”
“Of course I wouldn’t desert you.”
“Then you also know that I’d never let you be alone like that, Nush,” he said, “no matter what happened between us.”
Nush blinked back tears, his promise taking the edge off her deepest fear.
Throwing her own rules out the window, she nuzzled her face into the side of his neck, loving the scent of him, the rough texture of his skin even though he’d just shaved. When she pressed a soft kiss under his ear, his fingers on her arm tightened. With a smile, she catalogued his reaction away.
Her erratic heartbeat settled back into a slow rhythm as she pulled back into her seat.
For a while, they ate in silence, his vow taking on a new depth and breadth between them, morphing into another concrete layer in the foundation of their relationship. Not that everything had been addressed, she knew that.
But it was progress and she reveled in the quiet joy of sharing the moment with him.
“How did I not know that you’re such phenomenal cook?” he asked, patting his flat abdomen.
Pleasure filled her like colorful bubbles in a jar at the sight of his empty plate. “I’m full of untold delights like that.”
“No arguments there.” He kissed her knuckles. “You’re like a present I’ll unwrap forever, Princesa.”
Heat crested her cheeks and Nush cleared her throat. “If you keep saying things like that, I’ll melt into goo, and you’ll have to scrape me off this lovely patio.”
Elbow on the table, he leaned toward her and licked her upper lip. “How’s it that you exchange filthy talk like a pro but blush fiercely at simple compliments?”
She bunched the neck of his sweatshirt in her fingers and licked him back, inviting him to do more.
No, she didn’t have to wait for him to do anything. He was hers for taking, for mussing up, for reveling in, to do as she pleased. For now, at least.
Bolstered by the thought, she took his mouth in a hungry kiss, pouring every ounce of her need into it.