Chapter 21 Heaven
Heaven
Usually, a Baja Blast and a couple Crunch Wrap Supremes fix all of my problems. Halfway through an episode of Love Island Australia—the girls are hot, but the boys are all jerks—I take my last sip and still feel like crap.
I can’t believe I asked her about Rhys. I guess I was trying to see what’s different for her when it comes to someone she considers more than a friend.
But like she said, it wasn’t that way with Rhys.
Getting that answer didn’t help anything.
I just realized I need to never talk again and now we’re watching a dating show where everyone is wearing bathing suits, my own personal nightmare.
The episode ends and I start picking up our trash. “I’m gonna go grab my Sharpies and then I’ll make a masterpiece out of your cast.”
“Oh! Can you do one of your flash pieces? It’ll be good practice.”
“Sure. I’ll grab my tablet and you can pick one.”
She gives me a nod of approval. When I get up to my room it’s like my heart deflates a little.
And finally, I know why I feel so weird.
I’m embarrassed. Saylor is so—she’s so sure of herself.
She doesn’t care what people think. She goes after what she wants.
She can talk to adults she doesn’t know without mumbling or stuttering.
And here I am, freaking out so bad over a hug.
So maybe what I was thinking the other day is a little true—I want to be like her and I like her.
I grab everything I need and head back downstairs. I can’t help but smile when I see Saylor’s moved to the floor and Di’s head is in her lap.
“You just missed Jessica cussing out Martin,” she says.
“Good, he had it coming.”
“Are you okay?” she asks as I sit down on the couch.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“We can watch something else,” she says.
“No, you can keep this on. I gotta draw anyway. I won’t be looking up. Here.” I hand her my tablet, then swipe over the screen to show her a few pages of options. Some “official” flashes I’ve done for Miss Kelly and then some doodles that can be considered flash.
“Oh my god!” Saylor laughs. “These are so cute.”
“I call those gay ghosts in hats.” A series of four ghosts in hats and flower crowns coupled off together. Saylor points to two ghosts in flower crowns. One is kissing the other ghost on its ghost cheek.
“I want that one.”
“Excellent choice,” I reply, trying not to think too much about why I drew those particular ghosts and why she just picked them. “I’m sorry I’m gonna have to move your doggy friend.”
“Oh, sure. I’ll miss her, though.”
“She won’t be far.” I give Fergie and Di the command and they both trot off to their doggy beds on the other side of the living room.
“They are well trained.”
“Worth every penny, my mom says.” I pull out two fine point markers and then pat my thigh. “Sit however’s comfortable for you, but I need your arm up here.”
Saylor gets herself settled—her body half turned toward me with her arm propped on my leg.
For a few minutes, all I can think about is how close together we are again, how it means nothing, but a chance for me to practice actually drawing on someone.
Once I get into the rhythm with the tip of my Sharpie, it’s a bit easier to ignore the way her leg is pressed against my foot.
Finally, I finish the ghosts, but there’s still so much more room on the cast.
“What do you think?” I ask Saylor. She tears herself away from the make-out session on the screen and looks down at what I’ve done so far.
“I love it!” She looks up at me, her hazel eyes beaming.
“Do you just want the ghosts or do you want me to doodle around it to fill up the space?”
“Fill it, please.”
“Aye, aye, Captain.” I get right back to drawing, then silently thank God when Saylor turns off Love Island and starts looking for movies to watch.
She puts on Captain Marvel. I don’t say anything, but I wonder if she knows how gay this movie is.
I focus back on what I’m doing and add some detailed roses, a soccer ball, a basketball, and a softball for all of Saylor’s varsity sports.
I add a heart with SF + LI in it, just to commemorate her favorite show.
I add stars and clouds and a rainbow. There’s a sun in there too, and some lines and swirls connecting it all together.
Saylor has to move a few times so I can keep the designs going all the way around, but we make it work.
Soon she’s not watching the movie at all. She’s watching me work, and surprisingly I don’t mind her focusing so closely on what I’m doing. I add one final star near the base of her thumb, and it looks pretty done to me.
“Okay. Tell me what you think.”
Saylor rises up to her knees, and I move my leg to give her some more room between the couch and the coffee table. I ignore the way she’s suddenly kneeling between my legs and keep my attention on her newly decorated cast.
“Heaven, this is so cool,” she says. “I’m gonna hug you again if that’s okay. A thank-you hug.”
I can’t stop myself from swallowing the lump that just formed in my throat.
“Yeah, a thank-you hug is cool.” I don’t know what to expect, but I just roll with it when her arms come up and feel like she’s about to hug me in slow motion, like she’s giving me a chance to change my mind.
That’s not gonna happen. As a matter of fact, I scoot closer to the edge of the couch, hugging her back before she can close the gap.
This hug is different from the one we shared at the museum.
A lot different. I think Saylor was just trying to prove that hugging another human in public wouldn’t lead to global disaster.
This feels like she’s really trying to hug me.
Me specifically. My brain is not working at all, but the rest of me doesn’t seem to mind.
Saylor’s arm comes around my shoulders and my hands go around her waist. Then she nuzzles my shoulder and I feel her breath on my neck.
My whole body goes up like the Human Torch and I finally understand what tunnel vision feels like.
My heart is beating in my ears and throat at the same time. Does she do this with her friends?
“Thank you,” she says quietly, before she pulls back just enough to look me in the eye, but her arm is still wrapped around my shoulders. She is really close to my face. “Having a broken arm sucks, but this makes it better.”
Logically, this would be the moment where I say, “You’re welcome,” and this hug we got going on comes to its natural conclusion.
That does not happen. I’m looking at Saylor’s lips all of a sudden, and I’m pretty sure she’s looking at my lips, and it feels like something in the air around us changes, that weird fuzzy charge before it starts to rain.
I don’t know who moves first, but a few short seconds later our lips are definitely touching.
It’s short, but sweet. Definitely a kiss. On the mouth.
Saylor breaks contact, but when she does, she sighs, like a Disney princess sigh that does something to my brain.
She rests her head back on my shoulder. Hugging her tighter seems like the right thing to do.
I drop my chin to her shoulder and try to breathe deep through my nose.
I have no clue what’s happening, but I love it.
On the TV Carol and Nick Fury are getting to know each other.
Neither of them know about the earth-shattering moment that is going down right now on my couch.
I don’t know how long Saylor and I stay like that, but I loosen my grip when she starts to move.
She kisses me again, just quick on the lips, but again definitely a kiss.
Then she moves off the floor and sits beside me on the couch.
She wiggles down a little so she’s in the right spot to put her head on my shoulder.
I make up my mind not to say anything. I am not the person with a single second of experience in this situation, so I’m just gonna follow her lead.
We keep watching the movie, talking about how sweet Maria and Carol are together, agreeing on how cool it would be to have a Flerken.
I take a quick second to grab us both something to drink and pull out the rest of the Starburst from the pantry.
Saylor settles right back next to me and stays tight to my side through half another movie until we hear the garage door open and we realize there are Starburst wrappers all over the place.
Mom offers to drive Saylor home, and I think we both realize it might not be a good idea to have a romantic kiss goodbye right in front of my mom/her dentist. I tell Saylor I’ll text her later about a good time to do the tie-dye. She smiles and says okay.
After dinner, I’m still trying to catch my breath.
I think I could kiss Saylor all day long.
Her lips are really soft and she smells even nicer up close, but those aren’t the only things that have got me all messed up in the head.
I just had my first kiss, and it was with Saylor Ford, and there’s a chance that Saylor Ford might like me, like me.
Even if it is just a Stage One situation.
I think she might like me. She must have really liked that cake.
I take another deep breath and touch my cheeks.
My face is still all hot. If I had known kissing was on the table, I might have tried to be friends with Saylor much sooner.