Chapter 37 Saylor
Saylor
Heaven adjusts my knee a little where it’s resting on her thigh before she goes back to working on her latest flash sheets.
Mrs. Yeun asked her to try her hand at some nautical themes, sailboats and anchors.
Stuff like that. Heaven’s taking her time, and from where I’m sitting, it all looks pretty good.
I’m working on my LEGO succulents very, very slowly.
When Heaven told me she told her parents about us, I was relieved, but then I cried.
I love Heaven’s parents. They are funny and kind.
They always make me feel welcome and always have the best snacks in their kitchen.
They also treat Heaven like her own person, a princess if you will, not a prop.
It makes sense that Heaven’s parents were cool about us being girlfriends.
Even more warm and welcoming to me after they found out.
But that doesn’t change what my mom will do.
Still, when Heaven tells me that her mom will help, all I can do is trust her. I mean, I trust Dr. G with my dental health. Maybe I can trust her with this.
Dr. G came back hours ago, smiling and assuring us everything was fine.
I want to believe her, but I know my mom, and I know how moms interact.
A good conversation between them doesn’t mean things are good between my mom and me.
So, I don’t rush home. Heaven doesn’t seem to mind.
She grabs her tablet and digs up the LEGOs we haven’t touched yet, and then she asks me where I left off in Love Island Australia, and we make ourselves comfortable.
When one of my favorite girls finally gets sent home, I think it might be time for me to head that way too. I turn to Heaven. Her hair is pulled back again, half-up, half-down. She’s wearing another bow, but this one is black. It suits her.
“Hey, Cutie.”
She looks up at me with the sweetest look on her face, and no matter what happens with my mom, I’m definitely not letting her go. We have so much bad dancing to do at homecoming.
“Can you drive me home?”
“Sure,” Heaven says, and then she leans over and kisses me.
And I like that it’s not a big deal that her mom is on the back deck with the dogs and her dad is upstairs.
They know, and neither of them is going to ask us if we want to make a BeeBop about it.
We tell her mom we’re leaving. Dr. G gives me a sympathetic smile and tells me I’m welcome in their home anytime.
I don’t know if that’s a good thing to say, considering the circumstances.
I might be moving in depending on how this conversation goes.
Heaven and I make the quick ride back to my house, and this time I kiss her when she pulls to a stop at the mouth of our walkway.
“Do you want me to stay? I can wait out here until you tell me it’s cool.
And if it’s not cool, you heard your dentist. You can just come and hang out at our house,” Heaven says.
I know I need to do this, but I also know it’s too much to hope that my mom will have a normal chill response. Still, it’s time.
“Yeah. Please wait. I’ll come back out either way.”
“Okay. I’ll be here.”
I kiss her one more time on the cheek and head inside my house. I find my mom in her office, listening to music and scribbling something down in her planner. She looks up at me, her beachy wavy bob swinging as she smiles.
“Hi, honey. Did you have fun at Heaven’s?”
“Yeah,” I say. I walk down into the room and curl up in the big armchair she keeps in the corner. “We had a good time.”
Mom sits back and sets down her pen. “Well, I had a great time with Maurene, and she told me congratulations are in order. You and Heaven make such a cute couple!” I want to take the compliment, but the muscles in the back of my neck instantly get all tight and hot.
“Was that all you guys talked about?” I ask.
“Well, no. We had a long lunch. She asked me not to put Heaven in any more of my posts because she’s underage. Which is no problem at all.” She taps the words out against the edge of her desk.
“Mom. I’m underage.”
She blinks, genuinely confused, and I don’t know why, but that makes me more upset. She really doesn’t get it. “Yeah, I know. But Dr. G would be more comfortable if Heaven was less online and in the public eye until she turns eighteen.”
“But it doesn’t matter what’s better for me? Or Stella or Scarlett?” I feel Dad walk into the room. I know he’s going to tell me to leave it and do what my mom wants, but I can’t. “It must be nice to have a parent who is actually trying to protect you from bad things online.”
“What does that mean?” Mom asks. She’s not even mad, she’s genuinely clueless, and I feel like I’m losing my mind.
“I don’t want to make content with you anymore. I’ll finish up the Fosters deal because we signed paperwork, but I’m done. No more Get Ready with Me. No more outfit of the day. No dances, no reaction videos. No more videos about me.”
“Why? I thought you liked making content with me.”
“When I was like ten. Now it’s different. Now it’s all the time,” I say, and I don’t stop. “Nothing in my life is mine anymore. My arm. My hair. My girlfriend. Heaven drew on my cast to cheer me up and somehow you had to spin that into a party trick to make you look good.”
“I thought it was nice—”
“I know you thought it was nice, and Heaven appreciated the experience. I didn’t tell you how much I liked her, and I didn’t tell you she was my girlfriend because I knew without Dr. G stepping in, you would try to make content about us.
I bet you’re still thinking about how you can make a ‘my daughter has her first girlfriend’ video without showing Heaven’s face or mentioning her name.
I feel like I can’t have anything good or bad, broken arm or my first love, without you trying to take it and monetize it for views and likes. ”
Mom opens her mouth to reply and then she looks over at Dad. I look over at him too. But he’s just watching this unfold.
“I want to go to school and be with my girlfriend and not worry about your followers calling my hair ugly or Heaven ugly, or saying we both need to go to church and fix our gay. And really, I don’t think my even younger sisters need to hear those things about me or themselves either.
I’m not making content with you anymore and I want you to stop making content about me. ”
I swallow, refusing to cry again. I glance over at Dad. He gives me a nod, one of those nods where he juts his bottom lip out in agreement. It’s as good as a thumbs-up.
“Well, Saylor.” Mom throws up her hands exasperated. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“Mom, are you being serious right now? I’ve told you no like a million times and you just say ‘Oh come on!’ and start filming anyway.”
“Yeah, because I was trying to spend time with you and make memories with my kid who is going to be out of the house in a year. I thought you were just being a bratty teenager who thought her mom was cringe. I didn’t know it was actually making you upset.”
“Well, it is,” I huff.
Mom gets up from her desk and comes and squeezes herself into the armchair beside me. She pulls my hand between hers. “I didn’t know you were upset,” she says. “I’m sorry, honey. Truly. I love doing this stuff with you and your sisters, but it’s only fun for me if it’s fun for all of us.”
“And I can stop doing content?”
“Yes.” She laughs. “But we do need to do the ointment video. They paid us a lot of money for that. I have to phase you out anyway next fall, why not start sooner. And I’ll let your sisters decide what they want to do when they get back from camp.”
“I think you can start by not getting matching haircuts with them again.”
“Yeah, okay, that was a beyond cringe mom thing. I’m learning as I go. It’s hard.”
“I think I believe you, but I’m not sure I believe you.” I look over at her. My mom is so pretty. She could make plenty of money without us on her smile alone.
“Your dad is here as a witness. You have my permission to use him against me if I forget and try to drag you on live next week.”
“I think taking a step back is a good idea. A little bit of privacy never hurt anyone,” Dad says, and then he turns and walks out of the room like nothing happened.
I would pay all of my Fosters Healing Ointment money to be as calm and detached as that man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. I should be relieved.
I’m free from the content machine apparently, but I’m still in shock.
“How’s your arm doing?” Mom asks.
“It’s fine. I can’t wait to get this thing off.”
“Just two more weeks. It’ll be off before you know it,” Mom says. “And I won’t take any pictures. I promise.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I give her a tight hug and move to stand up. “I gotta go. Heaven’s outside.”
“Wait. Heaven’s outside?”
“Yeah. She wanted to be sure I was okay. I need to go tell her I’m not planning on running away, at least not tonight.”
“Tell her to come inside. I have your T-shirts and I want to get one picture of you two wearing them.”
“Mom!”
“With the Polaroid. You just spent the summer doing a super-fun bingo project with your new girlfriend. I won’t post anything about it, I promise, but Mom rights dictate I get at least one picture for the album. Go get her.”
“I will, but Cristine Ford, I swear to God if I see a picture of this Polaroid in your Instagram stories, I’m moving in with Auntie Carrie. I’ll commute to school from Santa Barbara. I don’t care.”
Mom stands and rolls her eyes. “Just go get her.”
A few minutes later, I’m back in my mom’s office with a very confused Heaven.
“Great! You’re here. Lovely to see you, Heaven.”
“Hi, Mrs. Ford,” she says cautiously. I’m not shocked she thinks this is all a trick. I barely know what’s happening either.
“Okay, so I took Heaven’s advice.” She grabs two black shirts off her desk and hands them to us.
Heaven unfurls hers first. That big design she previously showed us is right there in the middle—the sun, the rainbow, the sparkles, and the clouds—with Heaven and Saylor’s Summertime Bingo Challenge on a black cropped T-shirt, just the way Heaven wanted.
“Okay, these are pretty metal,” Heaven says.
“I’m glad you like them. Go try them on. I want to get one picture, and then I will leave you both alone for the rest of the summer.”
“Right,” I say. We both change really quick, and then Mom tries to act all subtle, getting us set up in front of her backdrop and lighting kit. She truly cannot help herself. But at least she does actually grab her Polaroid instant camera.
“Okay. I’m gonna take four—”
“Mom!”
“Will you hold on! One copy for each of you to have, one for me, and one for Dr. G. That’s it. No digital record to be reposted anywhere.”
“Okay.”
“Now smile.”
I slip my arm around Heaven’s waist, and then Mom keeps her word and snaps four quick photos. She hands three of the square pieces of developing film to us.
“Now, I know I’m the uncool mom. But you don’t have to run right back to Heaven’s house. Heaven, you can stay and hang out for a while. Her sisters are gone, so they won’t be bothering you, and I have a ton of work to do, so I won’t bother you either. We’ll order dinner.”
Heaven shrugs, looking over at me. It’s my call.
“Yeah, we’ll stay.”
“Great. Go be young while I figure out how to replace all this back-to-school content.”
I cringe. I know a lot’s planned already, tons of ads, but I appreciate that Mom isn’t giving me a hard time about it.
Maybe she’ll stick to her word. I take Heaven’s hand, and we go into the living room.
It is pretty quiet without the twins around.
We sit down together, both looking at the Polaroids, and even though I know there’s a chance Mom will still make this weird, I can’t stop thinking about how cute my girlfriend and I look together in matching shirts she will never, ever, ever wear with me in public.
“What do you want to watch?” I ask when we’re nice and comfortable under one of my mom’s fancy throw blankets.
“I need to see if Maya gets Josh back. She’s the only one I care about,” Heaven admits.
“Ha! You’re a fan.”
“Is that what they call it when you join a cult?”
I lean over and kiss her, and she kisses me back.
Halfway through the episode, I get a text from Bethany.
Back in one week.
I can’t wait to see you.
I text her back, thinking about how my friends are gonna respond to the news, that this grumpy goth girl is now my princess cutie who was willing to put up with Polaroids and matching T-shirts just for me.
I can’t wait to see you!
I have something to tell you.