Chapter 40 Gigi
“How about we go sailing this afternoon?” Gus asked Gigi over beer and burgers at Thistle Dew. It was the third day since
his return. He’d grilled out four times already. “Just the two of us while your mom is working.”
Gigi agreed. She loved sailing but had never really learned how. Gus had been in the process of teaching her when he’d first
left, and he’d never been back long enough for the lessons to continue with any regularity.
They took off from the harbor in Fred Moore’s sailboat, a twenty-footer named Forget-Me-Knot , which he let Gus borrow whenever he was back. The sails fluttered like the kites Gigi and Gus used to fly together on the
beach at British Landing.
“Everything okay with you?” Gus asked, tending to the ropes. “You’ve seemed kind of down. If it’s this doctor guy I keep hearing
about...”
“It’s not James.” Gigi hadn’t seen him since Lillian had dropped the news about their ruse. Things were in his court as far
as she was concerned. “You do see what you’re doing, right? With Mom?”
A wave from a wake boat sloshed into them. They rocked, then righted. “What do you mean?” Gus said.
“You’re not letting her get over you.” Gigi picked at her nail beds.
When he spoke, he sounded curious. “Do you think she wants to get over me?”
“Of course she does,” Gigi said, but the words felt rickety.
Gus nodded but didn’t look convinced. “Then why did you send me that photo of her and that Irish buffoon?”
“Scottish,” Gigi corrected, sidestepping the question. “Clyde is Scottish.”
“I know your motive, Gigi. You’re my daughter.”
She thought she heard some pride in how he said it. Both of them had the same selfish streak.
“Do you want me to leave?” Gus went on. “Is that what you’re asking?”
It was not what Gigi was asking. What she was asking was for him to stay, but not because of Eloise... because of Gigi.
“I just don’t want her getting her hopes up again,” Gigi said.
Gus checked the wind indicator, monitoring the direction and speed. “Don’t you think I get my hopes up too? Don’t you think
every time I come back here, I wonder if maybe this will be the time it works?”
Gigi assumed Gus always knew he wouldn’t stay when he came back to visit. He never brought more than a backpack. But could
it be that his departures were as unplanned as his arrivals?
“So many times I’ve asked your mom to come away with me,” Gus said. “And so many times I’ve been close to moving back here.
I don’t want to give up on us. We’re meant to be together, your mom and me.”
His face held the pain of a thousand goodbyes and a thousand and one hellos, or maybe that was just Gigi’s own expression
bouncing off his sunglasses.
“Then be together.” Gigi hated how close she sounded to begging. “Just make it work. You’re adults. Make it work.”
Gigi liked Clyde, but he wasn’t her dad. They wouldn’t have the same family unit. Clyde would never know Eloise like Gus did.
He’d never know Gigi like that either.
“I’m trying this time, kiddo,” Gus said. “I’m really trying.”
They made their way out to the open water, the island shifting into the background. With its limestone bluffs rising from the water, it was clear why the Native Americans named it Great Turtle. It really did look like a shell emerging from the water. Something living, something breathing.
“So what did you hear about the new doctor?” Gigi asked. She couldn’t resist revisiting the topic, not when he’d dangled it
like that.
Gus laughed. “That you and Lillian are in a head-to-head battle to make him your husband. So I’m guessing you don’t actually
like the guy, you’re just trying to win?”
Gigi briefly considered letting him in on the latest development but decided against it. It wasn’t fair to Lillian, and Gigi
didn’t trust that Gus would keep it confidential. “Something like that.”
“Your mom mentioned you’ve spent some time with that new officer, Ronny. I like him. Seems like a fun guy.”
Gigi cringed. “James is the better person,” she said, thinking how she’d like to spend more time with him now that she knew
the backstory with Lillian. “But there’s no point. We’re both just here for the summer.”
What once would have been her ideal setup—something with an expiration date already set—now felt too hollow, too tinny.
“Probably better that way,” Gus said. “Your twenties are for exploring.”
“I’ll be thirty next year,” Gigi said.
Gus looked taken aback by that. “Thirties are for that too. Your whole life is. But sometime you might reach a point where
you just want to hunker down with the person you love and stay put awhile.”
It felt like the breeze had picked up. The island was far away now. It was just Gigi and Gus out here, unfenced.
“Are you at that point?” Gigi asked, trying to understand how her dad had changed. If he had changed.
“I’m closer than I’ve been in a long time.”
Gigi wanted to ask a lot of follow-up questions. She didn’t.
“So where’s my adventurous daughter off to next?” Gus asked. “After summer wraps.”
“Not sure yet,” Gigi said. She didn’t want him to know that she was starting to find his model of hopping from place to place
very unfulfilling. She worried that would drive a wedge between them further. “Wherever the wind takes me.”
“You’re always welcome to tag along with your old man,” Gus said, which was all the confirmation Gigi needed that he didn’t
intend to stay on Mackinac much longer. “Don’t forget that.”
Gigi hadn’t forgotten. She’d taken him up on that offer once, six years ago, when she was leaving New York and in need of
a place to go. She’d joined up with Gus for a ride along the Eastern Seaboard. It had been fun for the first week, then a
complete trainwreck.
“That didn’t exactly go so well last time,” Gigi said. They had never really talked about it. She could see now how she’d
inherited a lot of her avoidant traits from Gus.
“It was all right, wasn’t it?” Gus said. “We had fun.”
“The trip ended with me sleeping on a park bench,” Gigi reminded him. “Because you were taking that girl back to your hotel
room.” Gigi said girl instead of woman because she’d been closer to Gigi’s age than to her mother’s.
“I said you could get your own room,” Gus said.
“But you didn’t offer to pay for it.”
Gigi had called Rebecca asking for money so she could leave. Rebecca came through for her, though she asked too many questions,
like always.
“Why’re you bringing this up?” Gus asked, getting defensive. “We’re having a perfectly nice day.”
“It’s not bad to bring up the past,” Gigi said. “Sometimes you need to go backward to go forward.”
Gus was looking at her like he didn’t really know her. “Who brought the shrink on board?”
The fact that Gigi nearly took this as a compliment showed how far she had come since the days of wadding up her emotions and stashing them into a drawer like socks.
“I’m sorry you didn’t have a great time on that trip,” Gus went on. “But you were pretty difficult at that stage.” He seemed
to think this was a decent apology.
“Yeah,” Gigi said, thinking back to that younger, flailing self with some embarrassment, but some compassion too. “I guess
I was.”
Awkwardness rubbed between Gigi and her dad. She wasn’t sure he felt it. She wasn’t sure he felt much at all.
Gus’s eyes dropped to Gigi’s rib cage. “Is that a new tattoo?”
Gigi traced the ink with her fingers. “If five years old is new.”
“Love it,” Gus said. “Any meaning to it or just a cool design?”
Dandelions symbolized defiance to Gigi. Misunderstood flowers demonized as weeds, boldly spreading their seeds, refusing to
succumb to toxic pesticides.
“Just a cool design,” she said.
“A tattoo is on my bucket list,” Gus said. “Maybe we could get one together sometime. A father-daughter thing.”
“I don’t think Rebecca would want one,” Gigi said.
“We could get one just the two of us,” Gus said, in a way that implied he hadn’t really thought Rebecca would be part of it.
The snub of her sister made Gigi feel bad rather than victorious, like it might have before. She wanted to bring up something
deep, something that would anchor them. “Are you sad?” Gigi asked. “About Rebecca’s wedding?”
“Not sad,” Gus said. “Just bummed.”
Gigi wasn’t really sure what the difference was.
“You could try calling her more,” Gigi said, thinking that would be nice for Rebecca, and for Gus too. “I know she loves you.”
Gus stopped fiddling with the sailing equipment and sat down next to Gigi at the back of the boat. Gigi liked how it felt
having him so close.
“How do you know that?” Gus asked.
“Because it’s impossible for a daughter not to love her dad. No matter how hard we try sometimes.” She smiled.
Gus wrinkled his nose like he’d breathed in pollen. “I just feel like I’ve messed up a lot.”
Gigi hadn’t seen this side of her dad in a very long time, if ever. It would be easy to pile on, call him out for all the
ways he’d let them down in the past. But instead of wanting to punish him for his wrongs, she found herself wanting to make
him feel all right.
“It’s called being human,” Gigi said. “And for the record, if I ever get married, I’ll ask you to walk me down the aisle.
But I probably won’t. I don’t really believe in the institution of marriage.”
That wasn’t really true, though. She just didn’t believe she’d find someone she’d actually feel confident committing to. Someone
she wasn’t worried she’d outgrow, or who would outgrow her. The idea of promising to call someone on the phone felt daunting,
let alone the idea of promising to be someone’s partner for life.
“Same,” Gus said, dropping an arm on Gigi’s shoulder, leaving it there like it wasn’t an accident. “And no guy would ever
be good enough for you anyway.”
Gigi was glad her bangs were hiding her eyes. They were bleary from the sting of the wind, nothing else. “Very true.”
***
Gigi caught herself whistling as she pattered down the stairs later that week. It wasn’t one of those annoyingly chipper whistles,
but it was a whistle nonetheless. Not the kind of sound she typically made, particularly before 9:00 a.m. She’d taken to waking
up earlier now that Gus was back. There was more to do: bike rides and cliff jumping, sailing and swimming. The routines of
family life had returned with alarming ease.
Eloise making Gus his morning coffee, then taking it back into the bedroom (they had abandoned the pretense of the couch after Gigi had called them out on it).
Bike rides around the island, stopping at Sunset Rock for a family selfie.
Gus standing behind Eloise, his hands on her waist as she cooked.
Movie nights on the couch rewatching the original Batman and The Princess Bride .
It wasn’t like Gigi was suddenly thinking her parents were going to get back together or that Gus was really here for good.
She just thought it seemed healthier than before. Like both her mom and dad had done some growing up. Maybe it helped that
Gigi was better behaved too, slower to lash out. She liked to think she might be playing a positive role in the family dynamic.
Without Rebecca here she was stepping up to the plate.
It was the most in sync Gigi had ever seen her parents. The chemistry between them wasn’t new or giddy like it was with Clyde
and Eloise, but something more tested, more textured.
I’m not predicting a reunion or anything, but I’m just saying it feels different this time , Gigi texted Rebecca last night.
I’ll believe it when I see it , Rebecca had replied.
The house was empty this morning. Eloise and Gus were likely out for a morning walk. Gigi raided the homemade cinnamon rolls
in the bread basket. Eloise had been whipping up all the special-occasion treats like they were everyday staples.
The side door creaked open. Eloise came in from the front porch, two mugs in hand. She was still wearing her nightgown. Gigi
knew right away that something was wrong. There was a rawness about her. Her breathing was too loud.
“What happened?” Gigi asked. She set down the cinnamon roll.
Eloise didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to.
Gigi already knew. “He’s gone, isn’t he?” she said, the kind of hunch too good to be a guess.
Eloise nodded. She wasn’t crying, wasn’t shaking. An eerie calm hung about her like a rain cloud had been wrung dry and all
that remained were wisps of fog.
“I hate him,” Gigi said, body quaking. She hated herself more, the way she’d let herself be duped. She should have known by now that unreliability was the only thing she could rely on her dad for. “I hate him so much.”
Eloise began loading the mugs in the dishwasher, spacing them carefully so they wouldn’t clank against each other. “Blame
me,” she said. “I’m the one who told him to go.”