Chapter 59 Alice
Alice was clipping grocery coupons and watching Jeopardy that night when Eloise entered through the creaky side door. Her movements were distressed, her energy distended.
The boxy TV made a staticky sound as Alice turned it off.
“I’m sorry,” Alice said, praying Eloise might take at least one of her hundred apologies. “I never meant to hurt your father.
Or you. Or anyone.”
“We’ll talk about it later,” Eloise said. “The engagement is off.”
Alice leapt up from the couch so fast that her hip twinged. “What did he do? What did that foreigner do to my girl?” She would
go after that Clyde with David’s old shotgun if she had to.
“It was me. I did it.”
Eloise explained what happened, which is to say she didn’t explain very much at all.
“This isn’t because of me, is it?” Alice asked. She prayed she wouldn’t have to blame herself for another of Eloise’s failed
relationships. “Because I made you question my commitment to your father? Or because you’re worried about leaving me to fend
for myself? I’m all right on my own, I really am.”
Alice meant it. Some days she felt overwhelmed by it all, as she had the day she and Deirdre had collapsed in each other’s arms. But on the whole, she felt more capable on her own than she ever had.
It was nice knowing Georgiana would be sticking around, at least a little longer.
Liam, too, if she really needed something.
“It’s not because of you,” Eloise said.
Alice wasn’t convinced. She didn’t want to hold her daughter back.
“What if you and Clyde just carry on dating for a while?” Alice suggested. “Take the pressure off.”
Alice went to the kitchen and cut into the homemade apple crisp she’d stress-baked earlier today. She gave Eloise the bigger
piece and served it à la mode with vanilla ice cream.
“Clyde says you’re either moving forward or backward,” Eloise said.
“Such extremes.” Alice wished she hadn’t given her blessing quite so readily. “Have you been in touch with Gus? Since the
engagement?”
“I left him a voicemail. He texted back to say congratulations.”
Alice knew it wasn’t her place to pry. She pried anyway. “I know your father and I always liked Gus,” she said, testing out
how it would be to bring up David.
Eloise seemed open to hearing, so Alice kept going.
“We were so excited to see you two together that we overlooked some things, condoned his behavior. I should’ve given him a
talking-to back when he first left. Your father should have too.” It felt wrong to critique David when he wasn’t here to defend
himself, especially in light of recent disclosures, but she felt he would agree with her.
“That wasn’t your job.”
“Of course it was,” Alice said. “My biggest job in life—my only job, really—is to protect my daughter. And now my granddaughters.
And I feel like I let you down by not doing more when Gus left. When he wronged you. He really wronged you, Eloise.”
“I know that,” Eloise said, and she seemed glad to hear the words, to hold them as validation. “But the divorce is final,
and we’re both moving forward. My decision with Clyde is unrelated.” Eloise set down her fork, her appetite seemingly retreating.
“I have to trust my gut on this.”
“As long as I’m not the one who ruined it,” Alice said, and she felt the multiple meanings of her words. She didn’t want to be the one who ruined Eloise and Clyde’s relationship, nor the one between Eloise and Alice.
“As Georgiana says, ‘Mom, maybe not everything is about you.’”
They were able to share a laugh, however short, and it meant more to Alice than she could express. “You’ve raised two wonderful
girls,” she told Eloise. “You’re a good mother, Eloise.”
Eloise hugged her bare shoulders. She wasn’t wearing cardigans as often these days, whether because of the summer heat or
a new preference to show off her very nice shoulders, Alice wasn’t sure.
“I don’t always feel that way,” Eloise said. “Georgiana isn’t taking the news of Clyde and me well. I feel like no matter
what I do, I let her down.”
Alice could empathize. “But you’re sure of your decision?”
Eloise nodded. “I am.”
It was nice at least to see Eloise so decisive. “Well, one thing your father used to say was if it’s not a hell yes, it’s
a hell no.”
Alice thought back to walking down the aisle of the Little Stone Church with David, how she’d felt like she was floating,
how every molecule in her being had been so sure he was the one to walk through life with, to draw her last breath beside.
And yet she had gone on to be unfaithful, and then David died, precluding their plans of exiting this world together. Even
when you were so absolutely sure, things could still go wrong. But she supposed that not having that kind of faith in the
beginning would make for some very bleak times when things inevitably got tough. Being sure about something wasn’t a guarantee,
but it was still a helpful prerequisite.
“Have you talked to Deirdre recently?” Alice asked gently.
Alice hadn’t talked with Deirdre for very long after their surprise cry together that morning.
All Deirdre said was that she’d had a daughter long ago and put her up for adoption.
Deidre wanted to tell Eloise herself. Alice understood.
She felt kinder now toward Deirdre, who had always seemed to have a chip on her shoulder.
It was understandable to act that way when the chip was something as big as a daughter.
“This is delicious,” Eloise said, complimenting the crisp. “One of your best.”
“Is that your way of saying you might forgive me?”
“It’s my way of saying that I think we’ll get there,” Eloise said.
Alice felt instantly lighter. There was something so cleansing about the release of a secret, especially one that had burrowed
as deeply as this one.
They still had things to talk through, to work through, but Alice knew they would get there.
“Needs a bit more spice,” Alice said. She added an extra dash of cinnamon. “Hard to believe it’s apple season already.”
***
Georgiana came over the next evening to watch Jeopardy .
“So tell me, Nonni,” Georgiana said. “What’s been going on between you and Mom? I know things are weird.”
“Just some mother-daughter stuff,” Alice said vaguely. She was relieved Eloise had agreed that the girls did not need to know
about the affair.
“Is Mom upset you’re dating Liam?” Georgiana guessed.
Alice fussed with the afghan, made sure it was properly covering Georgiana’s shins and toes. “I’m not dating him.”
“Well, you should go for it if you want to,” Georgiana said. “Not like you have to commit to him for fifty years at your age.”
She grinned.
Alice couldn’t help but chuckle.
“We all just want you to be happy,” Georgiana said. “I’m sure Pop would want that too.”
“I am happy.” Alice turned up the volume on the TV just a little so Georgiana might take the hint to drop the topic.
“Well, will you at least think about what I said? About giving Liam a chance? He’s clearly obsessed with you. Believe me, I know the look.”
Alice found this assessment quite encouraging before she remembered she wasn’t supposed to think like that. “Since when did
granddaughters start lecturing their grandmothers about love?”
“Since their grandmothers started becoming hot commodities on the dating market, that’s when.”
Alice shook her head, amused. “I’ve missed you.”
“I saw you this morning for pickleball.” They had clobbered Camille and that Yooper boyfriend of hers. A satisfying win indeed.
“Before this summer, I mean,” Alice said. “In the years you were away.”
Georgiana looked sheepish. “I should’ve kept in touch better. Especially after Pop died.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Alice said, though she absorbed the words like bath salts. “It’s just good to have you back.
For now, at least. I know mayor is only a two-year term. It’s probably not forever.”
“Well, nothing’s forever, right?”
“Very true. Except this island. She’s eternal.”
“Hopefully our ghosts can haunt it together,” Georgiana said. “How fun would that be?”
It felt almost irreverent, but Alice couldn’t help but giggle. “Yes,” she said. “How fun.”