Chapter 19
The worst heat of the day had passed, the sky hazy and the sun just starting to sink, as Zoe headed next door for the promised barbecue later that night.
It had taken a while for her parents to get ready, and so after closing up the store and walking back with Dan, Sophie, and Henrietta Starr, Zoe had hurried to her own house to start the laborious process.
Her mom wanted to change outfits, which, with her limited mobility, involved some effort, and her father was so tired and breathless he had to sit down for five minutes after going up the stairs. Zoe was trying not to worry, but she knew she really needed to make that doctor’s appointment.
Zoe pulled on a pair of cut-off denim shorts and a tank top, not wanting to seem to be making too much of an effort, and also because she was hot. This wasn’t a date, she reminded herself, not even anything close to it. She just felt like it was, for some reason.
“You two scrubbed up pretty nicely,” Zoe told her parents teasingly as she came downstairs. Her mom was wearing a pair of linen trousers and a loose tank top, and her dad sported a button-down shirt and khakis.
“We were saying,” her mother told her, “we couldn’t remember the last time we’d been out. It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut sometimes.”
And was she at least partly to blame for that, Zoe wondered.
It did require a lot of effort to get her parents out of the house, and her mother especially was often reluctant.
But maybe if Zoe had been more determined and proactive, both her parents could have had livelier lives.
Her mom was right; staying stuck in a rut did feel easier… but they were all getting out now.
Dan, Sophie and Henrietta were all in the backyard as Zoe strolled over with her parents. They’d strung fairy lights over the patio, and the mouthwatering smell of burgers came from the barbecue.
“Of course I remember your parents,” Henrietta barked when Zoe started to introduce them. “They moved here thirty years ago, when your father started teaching at Quinnipiac. Your mother judged the cakewalk the year after I retired from that fearsome duty.”
“Did she?” Zoe glanced at her mother, whose cheeks had turned pink.
“I forgot about that,” she said with a laugh. “We were very involved in the town, back in the day. It seems like a long time ago now.”
“It’s certainly more challenging when one gets older,” Henrietta told them, “and illness doesn’t help.” She glanced at Zoe’s parents, a flicker of sympathy in her faded blue eyes. “Besides, it’s not easy to feel forgotten,” she finished quietly.
For a second, no one spoke. Zoe had had no idea that Henrietta Starr, of all people, was acquainted with her parents or their health problems. It both humbled and heartened her, to realize she hadn’t been as alone as she’d thought she’d been. That was, perhaps, a life lesson to take to heart.
With her parents settled next to Henrietta, all of them reminiscing about old times, and Sophie inside getting the condiments for their burgers and hot dogs, Zoe strolled over to Dan.
“Hey,” she said softly, her insides fluttering at the sight of him.
She was remembering just how his fingers had felt twined with hers, and the way he’d looked at her with such tenderness last night…
just as he was looking at her now, his eyes crinkled at the corners, his smile ready and warm as it rested on her.
“Hey.” His voice was just as soft. “How are you?”
“Okay.” When, Zoe wondered, would this fluttery feeling go away?
She felt both nervous and hopeful, hyper-aware and yet as if she were in a dream…
and all they were doing was exchanging pleasantries.
“I wanted to thank you,” she said in a low voice, “for being so kind last night. I know I was kind of a mess…”
“Hey, I’m a mess, too, and not even kind of,” Dan replied. “I’m honored that you were honest with me, Zoe.” Gently he reached over and touched her hand, no more than a brush of his fingertips. “Seriously.”
For a second they simply stood there, their hands touching, their bodies close. Then something sparked on the barbecue and Dan leaped back with a laugh. “Whoa… better make sure the burgers aren’t burning,” he said.
Zoe stepped away, that flutter going in her chest once more, like a little bird was trapped there, beating its tiny wings. She didn’t know if she felt nervous or excited or both, but whatever it was, she felt. A lot, at least when it came to this man.
While Dan dealt with the burgers, Zoe decided to go inside to help Sophie. She found her slamming bottles of ketchup and mustard onto a tray, her eyes narrowed as she glared at her.
“Do you have a thing for my dad?” she demanded.
Zoe nearly took a step back, such was the force of the teen’s anger. “And if I did?” she made herself ask as lightly as she could. “Sophie, last week you were practically pushing your dad and me together.”
“That was last week,” Sophie replied, and Zoe almost laughed.
“Well, I can’t keep up,” she said. “Do you want me to slice a tomato?” She reached for one from a bowl on the counter. “Why are you sounding so angry, anyway?” she asked, making sure to keep her voice light.
Sophie didn’t answer as she took a jar of mayo out of the fridge and Zoe started slicing a tomato. Waiting, she decided, was better than pressing the matter.
“He’s way too old for you,” she said at last, her gaze on the tray of condiments. “He’s over forty.”
Did Dan feel he was too old for her, Zoe wondered. She knew she didn’t, maybe because she felt a lot older than twenty-eight. “I know he is,” she told Sophie, “and just to be clear, nothing’s happening between us.”
And already she was wondering if anything would. If Sophie wasn’t on board… did she really want to fight that? Would Dan? His daughter was certainly singing a different tune tonight than she had last week, and who even knew what next week or month would bring?
“And,” Sophie continued, her voice rising, “my mom was his only girlfriend, ever. They started dating when they were in college, like, their very first year. He never even had a girlfriend before my mom. And he hasn’t had one since.” She glared at Zoe, her chin thrust out in challenge.
Zoe swallowed. She didn’t really like hearing these details, but she supposed they had to come out at some point. “Sophie,” she said carefully, “even if your dad and I were dating, which we’re absolutely not right now, I would never take the place of your mother. I wouldn’t even try.”
“You couldn’t,” Sophie snapped, and now she sounded almost near tears. Zoe shook her head, hardly wanting to argue with her.
“Have you heard from your mom recently?” she asked, but unfortunately this question had the opposite effect she’d intended, and Sophie looked only more furious.
“What’s that supposed to mean!” she cried and then pushed past Zoe out to the backyard.
Zoe watched her go, regret warring with frustration.
It seemed like Sophie hadn’t heard from her mother, but was that Zoe’s fault?
She recalled what she’d thought of Dan Bryson when she’d first met him—cute but complicated, and way too much for her to handle, with the way her life was going.
That fact, she realized, hadn’t changed, even if her fluttery feelings had.
With a sigh, Zoe finished slicing the tomato, added some lettuce she found in the fridge, and brought the plate outside.
* * *
Fortunately, over the course of the evening, Sophie thawed a little, in large part due to the easy yet relentless charm of Zoe’s dad.
He plied her with lateral thinking puzzles and riddles, just as he had when Zoe had been young, always acting thrilled and admiring when Sophie got them right, and Henrietta acted impressed, as well, so Sophie preened under both of their positive attention.
“Your dad is giving my daughter the biggest boost to her confidence,” Dan told her, a smile in his voice, when they were both clearing paper plates.
“Along with my grandmother. Sophie’s always struggled with feeling stupid, because of her dyslexia.
It’s great, the way he relates to her.” He paused. “You know, he’d be a great tutor.”
“He would,” Zoe agreed. She felt a pang at the thought that her father might never get such an opportunity again.
“I know his health is compromised, but he could do it from home or even online,” Dan continued. “It might bring him some satisfaction.”
“I don’t think…” Zoe began, before she trailed off. Would her dad be up for that? She realized she didn’t even know. For the last few years, his life had shrunk along with her mother’s, and Zoe’s, as well. She’d told herself it was their choice, but what if it was because of her?
“You want to finish that sentence?” Dan asked with a small, wry smile.
“I was just wondering if I’ve been limiting my parents without meaning to,” Zoe confessed.
“Because I’m so scared that they’ll do too much or get sicker.
But also, if I’m honest…” She blew out a breath.
“Because it was easier. For me.” She shook her head.
“I don’t know, I feel like I’ve handled everything wrong. ”
“Hey, you’ve done the best you could,” Dan told her. He rested his hand on her shoulder, the weight warm and comfortingly heavy. “That’s all any of us can do. Act with what information we have, with the best intentions. Are you going to call the doctor?”
She nodded. “Tomorrow.”
“If you want, I can be there,” Dan offered. “Just for moral support, I mean. I remember when I had to call the doctor for my mom, when she had cancer. I got a knot in my stomach every time. I could barely swallow.”
“Yeah.” Zoe gave him a grateful smile. She’d forgotten that he understood what she was going through. “Thanks.”
“I mean it.”
“I know.” She caught Sophie’s glance then and clocked the girl’s scowl. “I don’t think your daughter is very happy with me at the moment,” she said quietly. She stepped away from him, shrugging off his hand. “Or rather, us.”
Dan frowned. “What do you mean?”
Zoe shrugged. “Last week she was playing matchmaker, this week not so much.” Too late she realized how she sounded. “Not, I mean, that we’re… that anything is…” She found she couldn’t finish that sentence.
“Zoe, I like you,” Dan told her. “I hope that’s clear, but if it isn’t, let me say it right now, so there are no misunderstandings. I like you, and I’d like to ask you out on a date, whatever that could look like with both of our lives the way they are.”
The fluttery feeling in Zoe’s chest turned into a whole flock of birds, so she could barely breathe. “The way our lives are,” she repeated, her voice sounding squeezed because she really was having trouble breathing. “Maybe it’s too complicated, Dan.”
His frown deepened, although his smoke-gray eyes were warm. “It’s only too complicated if we decide it is,” he told her.
Slowly Zoe nodded. That was true enough, she supposed, and she knew Dan meant the words to be comforting, but…
What if one of them decided it was too complicated? It would be over before it began, which would be better, she realized, than starting something only to end it. Much better to deal with disappointment sooner than later, right?
“Zoe?” Dan prompted. “Will you go on a date with me?”
She should say no. She always said no, always stepped back, always stayed safe, just her and her parents in their cozy little world… except when it came to Dan Bryson, she’d been saying a lot of yeses. Something about this man made her want to break out of her shell and finally be free.
She glanced over at her mom and dad, both looking tired and yet at the same time livelier than they had in months.
She should have been taking them out more, Zoe thought.
She should have been gently encouraging and pushing them forward, rather than holding back.
She should have been saying yes a lot more than she had been—for her parents and for herself.
“Zoe?” Dan prompted, a wobble of uncertainty in his voice. It couldn’t have been easy for him to put himself out there the way he had, especially when she’d just warned him about Sophie. But last week Sophie had wanted them to date, next week she could be back to it.
“Yes,” Zoe said, and the word burst like a firework in her heart. “Yes, I’d like to go on a date with you.”