Chapter 42 Daisy - The Hardest
DAISY The Hardest
Most of the day, I felt like I was too tired to go to Mason’s baseball game.
I hadn’t slept all night, had dealt with the difficulty of leaving Maisy at day care for the first time, and had worked a twelve-hour shift, after all.
He wouldn’t blame me. But, as soon as I got Maisy strapped into her car seat, I turned around in the day care parking lot and noticed the warmth of the spring night, the feel of the fresh air entering my lungs.
And I decided that being outside in it, eating a hot dog and some peanuts and squiring around my baby girl, might be just what the doctor ordered.
Not to mention the fact that I had thought about Mason all day, and, between our texts, had fantasized about his lips on mine.
This would be the only way I would see him, so it seemed like I should get over there.
It was a six thirty game, so, by the time I left work at seven, picked Maisy up from day care, got to the school, navigated getting Maisy into her stroller, got my hot dog, and sat down on the bottom of the bleachers in the corner where I could keep a hand on the stroller, it was almost eight o’clock. And I had to be back at work at seven.
I realized that navigating parenthood—even if it was only ever foster parenthood—work, and a relationship was going to be tricky.
Julie, my mother, was only a few rows behind me in the bleachers.
She smiled and waved like we were old friends.
I smiled and waved back, trying to seem casual.
Part of me felt like I owed her nothing; the other part knew that totally falling apart in front of her, and feeling soothed by her motherly hug, meant I wanted more from her.
I think what hurt most was seeing what a devoted, committed mother she was to Kevin.
I mean, I was happy for him. I didn’t want any kid to have anything less.
But why him? And why not me? I used to imagine that she couldn’t love me because I was adopted, because she hadn’t given birth to me.
But the ease and speed with which Maisy felt like my very own killed that theory—and made it even harder to forgive her.
I promised myself I would talk to her. Next week, maybe. I needed to move forward.
Carmen, Principal Tim’s wife, slid beside me as I took my first, delicious bite of hot dog.
As I chewed, Mason spotted me and waved.
And, just like that, I quit caring about how tired I was going to be tomorrow.
I would take a twenty-minute nap during my lunch hour.
I could tell even from across the stadium just how happy he was to have me there. And that was everything.
“So, it’s true,” Carmen said. “He’s in love with you.” She sighed and shook her head.
“He waved at me from across the stadium, Carmen. He would have waved at his brother the same way.”
As if I had conjured said brother, Parker and Amelia trailed behind an exuberant George and Greer as they ran up to me. “Aunt Daisy!” Greer enthused, throwing herself into my arms, almost making me drop my hot dog. I kissed the top of her head and said, “Greer! You’re here!”
Carmen looked disgusted. “Aunt Daisy? Sure, sure. That was a brotherly wave.”
Amelia crooned over Maisy and picked her up out of the stroller without even asking, which, for some reason, made me feel so safe and warm. It was like we were family, and why would she ask if she could hold my baby?
Parker wedged himself between Carmen and me, to which she protested. “Hey! We were having a conversation!”
“Nope,” Parker said, helping himself to one of my peanuts. “Mason really likes this one. I won’t have you ruining it for him.”
Carmen raised both penciled-in eyebrows. “If I can’t have him, no one else should either. I think that’s reasonable.”
We all laughed, including Amelia, who scooted Parker and Carmen down to sit by me, as she sniffed the top of Maisy’s head. “That new baby smell. Oh my gosh, Daisy. Your whole life is that new baby smell.”
Sure, sure. No poop or panic or taking vitals or dealing with emergencies. Just new baby smell.
I looked up to see Drew throw a truly searing pitch, and the crowd went wild, which I took to mean he had struck the other team’s batter out.
The Marlins ran to the dugout as George got his face as near to mine as he could without touching and said, “Can you take me over to see Uncle Mason, Aunt Daisy?”
“Oh my gosh. It’s like they’re married already. My heart. Y’all are killing me!” Carmen said dramatically.
I laughed. I was about to answer when Parker said, “George, you can’t see Uncle Mason until after the game. You know that.”
He walked to the end of the bleachers to pout.
“Aunt Daisy, huh?” Amelia asked, still holding Maisy close.
I shook my head and laughed. “I’m sorry. I tried to explain to them how and why I wasn’t their aunt, but Greer was insistent that she call me Aunt Daisy, and, well, I don’t know if you know, but she’s very hard to argue with.”
Parker sighed. “That’s putting it mildly.”
Amelia nodded and looked over at her twins. Greer was wearing a red crinoline tutu skirt with an orange sequined top, spinning around in the grass. “She refused to wear anything else today,” Amelia said. “You just wait.”
I looked down at Maisy and felt suddenly drenched in sadness. Because the reality was that Maisy might not get to be mine. I wouldn’t be anyone’s first choice when there were married couples with stay-at-home moms just waiting on lists for healthy baby girls like Maisy.
I looked over at Mason again, the bright spot. Whether or not I got to keep Maisy, she had led me to Mason. And that in and of itself felt like a miracle.
I turned to look up in the stands and saw Sarah, and my stomach dropped. Here I was parading around with her baby. I had to talk to her. She gave me a little wave, and, honestly, she looked relieved—and healthy, thank goodness.
Tilley, Big George, Olivia, Elizabeth, Mr. Saxton, and Mr. Thaysden appeared at the concession stand, and Greer and George made a beeline for them.
Amelia smiled, watching her children as Big George lifted his namesake up in his arms and Greer squeezed onto Tilley’s leg.
I didn’t miss the way George put his hand on the small of Tilley’s back as they talked to the children and, evidently, neither did Amelia.
“Whoa. What in the world was that?” she asked.
I’m sure I looked as stunned as I felt. “I don’t know. Do you think something could be going on there?”
Amelia helped herself to a peanut with the hand that wasn’t holding Maisy. “I don’t know. I mean, I wanted her to date again, but I wasn’t imagining that to hit so close to home.”
“Maybe it’s just a hand,” I said.
Amelia smiled sweetly as Greer came back, taking the sleeping baby’s hand. “Maybe find out for me?”
Big George was still holding little George as I got up and walked to the concession stand.
“Oh, Daisy! Darling!” Tilley trilled. “George, this is Daisy, the woman who has swept into our lives, stolen Mason’s heart, and is the very reason I am back on the stage.”
The drama of her was too good. “I’m so glad to meet you. But I am not the reason Tilley is back onstage. I simply drove her and watched in awe.”
George squeezed her to his side. “She is magnificent, isn’t she?”
Wow. So, he was smitten.
“I’m going to go sit with Amelia and Parker,” George said, leaving me alone with Tilley.
“Um, ma’am, I know we aren’t at the beauty parlor, but I need the scoop.”
She laughed. “I don’t want to say too much, but I believe we might be starting a little something.”
“Wow!”
Tilley took my arm and pulled me off to the side, where we were truly alone. “Daisy, about the other day…”
I put my hand up. “You don’t owe me any explanations, Tilley. I know that sometimes you go somewhere else, so to speak. And—”
“But I never should have gone there,” she said.
I bit my lip. I looked around, realizing this was probably an inappropriate place for a life-changing conversation. But I also had an idea. “Tilley, I mean this with all due respect…” I trailed off, wondering if I would hurt her feelings.
“What? What do you want to say?”
I scrunched my nose. “If what you said is true, and if you need to unburden yourself, Robbie probably won’t believe you.”
Tilley looked up into the stands, as if considering, which is when I noticed Trina and Robbie were sitting in the very top row. I hadn’t even seen them there.
“Darling, truly, there is nothing to tell.” She paused. “But may I say something, from me, an old woman with a lot of life experience, to you, a young one with all the heart in the world?”
I squeezed her hand. “You aren’t old, Tilley. And you may say anything to me at any time, because we are besties.”
She laughed. “Maybe it isn’t my place…”
My stomach gripped.
“I don’t know everything, but I do hear quite a bit around town, as you can imagine.” She paused and looked up at me.
“Tilley! You’re killing me! What?”
“Sweetheart, I know you love that baby very much. I think we all do. And I have heard rumors about who the mother might be, but, of course, I don’t know.
But I think you do.” She looked me in the eye and said, “Daisy, take it from me, if that child doesn’t come clean, it will ruin her life.
There are ways to move forward with this, but the secret is not the way. Do you understand?”
My swallow sounded very loud in my head. I nodded and took a deep breath, my heart thudding because I understood two things: One, Tilley was Robbie’s mother. And two, I was being selfish. “Tilley, I can’t just make her tell. And then, what if that changes things for Maisy?”
“Bestie, I love you. But do you mean what if that changes things for you?” She patted my hand. “I’m here if you need to talk. Anytime. But, for now, there is a very handsome gentleman who needs my attention if I am to hook him.” She smiled at me. “See you Sunday?”
Sunday… “Oh yes! Easter!” That felt a world away. “What can I bring?”
“Oh, just that sweet baby. Between us, I don’t really like outside food on my perfectly curated Easter table.”
I laughed as she walked away. Then I looked up at Robbie and waved.
This family had a lot of logistics that I was very much unprepared for.
But then I looked over at the field, where Mason was holding a boy by both shoulders.
And I realized that he was worth it. I’d take a million crazy family members and unbelievable dramas if it meant getting to share my life with him.