Chapter 17
Athena suggested a coffee shop a few blocks from his mother’s house. When they arrived, Blue opened the door for her.
His sister Sadie had pressed him to at least ask Athena for coffee. She was certainly smart and attractive, but this felt awkward. He’d known Athena most of his life, but always as his brother’s girlfriend, and then as his wife. And now, his widow.
“This place opened last year,” she said. “The owner is a parent from my school.”
It was a cozy spot with exposed brick and mismatched antique chairs. Blue thought of Jo, of the red Formica and vinyl booths, and the aroma of her Queen’s Blend coffee, but he said nothing.
They stood in line at the counter. “What will you have?” Blue asked.
“They make a good latte.”
“One latte, one black coffee,” Blue said when it was their turn. He paid for them, and then they waited. Once they had their coffee, they found a table by the window.
“It’s nice to… to see you again,” Athena said, a little awkwardly.
“Likewise,” Blue said with a polite smile. This small talk was killing him. He glanced out the window.
Outside, a woman pushed a stroller with a screaming baby into a grocery market. A bus rumbled by, sending a spray of water from the morning’s rainstorm over a man on the sidewalk. The El train rattled overhead, and screeching tires cut through the morning.
Everything was raw to him.
Athena wrapped her hands around her cup. She wore a white lace blouse and small pearl earrings.
Charles had loved her deeply.
They both sipped their coffee as if not knowing what to say.
Finally, she said, “I want you to know I didn’t ask your mother to arrange that dinner. That was all her. And your sisters. I mean, we’re friendly, of course. They always have me over for Charles’s birthday and the day…well, you know.”
“I know,” he said. “I figured.” Blue always called his mother on those days, too.
“But I’m glad to see you.” She met his eyes. “Charles loved you very much. He was so proud when you graduated from the Police Training Academy.”
Blue laughed. “I still remember him calling me a rookie.”
They chatted briefly for a few minutes, reliving the past.
Athena had always been easy company. She talked about teaching third grade. She loved the kids but didn’t like the increasing paperwork.
Blue watched her. She was saying ordinary things in an ordinary way, but something underneath didn’t match. Her fingers were restless on the side of her cup. She kept glancing toward the window and back, then taking a breath as if to speak but stopping herself.
“How long are you staying this time?” she asked.
“A couple more days. Ty needs an answer before I leave.”
She nodded slowly. “Your family wants you to take the job. What do you want?”
Blue didn’t answer, only looked at her across the table.
Charles had married this woman in the church four blocks south, with Blue standing beside him as best man.
Their whole family had filled those pews, and Blue had watched his brother’s face when Athena came down the aisle.
He’d never seen anyone look that certain about anything.
He could see the life his family wanted for him. It was laid out like a map. A house in this neighborhood, Sunday dinners at his mother’s table, his nephews growing up with their uncle down the street. And Athena, who was kind and smart—and already family.
It would be easy. A life that made sense to everyone except the two people sitting in this coffee shop.
Blue clasped his hands and leaned forward. “May I be very direct?”
“I wish you would.”
“I’m not Charles. I never will be. I can work in his precinct and sit in his chair at Ma’s table, but I’d still be the wrong man for you.”
Athena didn’t say anything. Her eyes were shining.
“I’m going to ask you straight, because I think we’ve both been too polite for too long.” He spoke as kindly as he could. “My family is clearly trying to push us together. Do you think we should be? Is that what you want?”
“I, I don’t know,” she said, looking down at her nails.
“That’s what my mother wants, and Sadie, and Elyse, and if we don’t say something now, this whole thing is going to keep rolling downhill at us until we’re pinned against a wall with no way out.”
Athena’s cheeks turned pink. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you that.” Not that you aren’t—” She stopped and pressed her fingers to her mouth with a small smile.
“I’m listening.” He touched her hand to reassure her.
“I’ve met someone. His name is David, and he teaches fifth grade at another school nearby.”
Blue nodded, taking it all in.
Her voice steadied as she spoke. “His wife passed away three years ago. He has two children, a boy and a girl, six and eight. We met at a district meeting last fall, and we talked, and…” She looked at her hands. “He’s so kind, and he makes me laugh. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.”
“Athena—”
“Let me finish, or I won’t get through it. You know I can’t have children. I made my peace with that a long time ago. And then here comes this man with two babies who lost their mother, and they need someone, and I—” Her voice broke. “Well, I need them, too. It’s perfect for all of us.”
“It sounds like it is,” Blue said. Relief swept through him, and he was happy for her.
“I’ve been terrified to tell your family. I feel like I’m betraying them—and Charles. Like if I move on, I’m saying he didn’t matter.” Tears filled her eyes. “He mattered more than I can say.”
“I know he did.”
“Your mother has been so good to me. Sadie and Elyse treat me like a sister. I don’t want to lose that, but I can’t hide this secret anymore.”
Blue reached across the table and took her hand.
“Listen to me,” he said. “Charles would want you to be happy. If he were sitting right here, you know what he’d say? ‘What took you so long?’ And then he’d ask if David could throw a football.”
Athena smiled through her tears.
“Hey, you’re not losing this family,” Blue said, patting her hand.
“You’ll always be one of us, whether you want to be or not. That doesn’t change because you found someone. Charles wouldn’t allow it, and neither will I.”
She squeezed his hand hard.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “You have no idea how long I’ve been dreading this conversation.”
“I think I do,” Blue said.
They sat for a while, two people who had loved the same man, holding hands across a table in a coffee shop.
Eventually, Athena dried her eyes and smiled.
“Now it’s my turn to ask you something.” She tilted her head. “Sadie says there’s a woman on Crown Island you like.”
Blue blinked hard. “Her name is Jo, and she owns a diner. We’ve been seeing each other since I arrived there.”
Athena studied him. “Did she break your heart? That’s the only reason I can imagine why you’re moving back here.”
“I think I broke hers. I wish I hadn’t.”
“I hope she knows what she had. Maybe it’s not too late.” She tilted her head. “Seize happiness, Blue. The right person doesn’t come around too often.”
When they’d finished their coffee, he walked her out. On the sidewalk, she hugged him and held on a little longer before she let go. He watched her walk toward the school.
She turned and waved, looking happier than he’d seen her in years.
Blue took the long way back to his mother’s home, walking slowly and taking in the changes.
He strolled past the corner grocery and past the church, and came to the intersection where, if he turned left and kept going, he’d reach the precinct where Charles had worked his last shift.
Blue waited to feel the pull home, but it didn’t come.
The El screeched somewhere behind him, and a car alarm went off and kept going. The air smelled like exhaust and hot concrete and, underneath it, the faint metallic bite of the lake.
He loved this city and these people. He would always be a Chicago Bears fan. But he didn’t fit here anymore and didn’t miss it.
What he missed was the sound of waves through an open window at night. Salt air and the scent of jasmine. He missed his beat, the slow cruise down Orange Avenue at dusk when sunburned tourists watched the sunset on the beach.
He missed Adrian’s guitar and Hank’s terrible jokes. He missed Miss Ella and Whitley at the Majestic.
These people had become his family. And they didn’t argue nearly as much.
He missed Jo’s neon sign on the corner and how it turned everything red at dusk.
Above all, he missed Jo and the light in her eyes. That curly, dark hair, her kindness, and her determination.
Crown Island was home. And so was Jo, forever at home in his heart.
He paused by the old basketball hoop he’d seen earlier. “I’m not you,” Blue said aloud. “I never was.”
And then, he let his brother go, knowing they’d shared the best of times. But there were good times ahead, too.
His mother was in the kitchen with the radio on and pots simmering on the stove.
“There you are,” Rhonda said. “I was worried about you. Sit. I’ll fix a plate for you. Did you see Athena?”
“Sit with me a minute, Ma. We need to talk.”
She wiped her hands on a dish towel and sat down across from him at the table.
He took her hand. “You know I love you, but I’m going back to Crown Island. That’s my home now.”
“But the job—”
“I’m turning it down.”
“Blue—”
“I know what you and my sisters have been planning. That family dinner and seating me next to Athena. Ty calling me out of the blue. I’m not angry about it, because I know why you did it.” He paused. “But I’m not Charles.”
Her chin came up. “That’s not fair.”
“But it’s a little true. Athena, really?”
“She’s such a lovely woman.”
“You won’t lose her, but you will have to adjust. I can’t take over my brother’s old life. I loved him, and there isn’t a day I don’t think about him. But his shoes don’t fit me.”
She shifted in her chair. “Did you talk to Athena?”
“She’s met someone,” he said gently. “A teacher. A widower with two little ones. She’s been scared to death to tell you, because she doesn’t want to hurt you. She loves you all.”
His mother pressed her fingers to her mouth. “She’ll never replace Charles.”