Four
Noah
Tegan accosted me the moment I walked in the door of our shared apartment. “How’d it go? Did the birthday boy like it?”
Pulling out my phone, I queue up the photos and hand it to her. “Hit of the party.”
“I knew it. Ooh, is this her son?”
Devin’s grin makes my heart stall. “Yeah. His name’s Devin.”
“Cute kid.” She continues to scroll through the photos. “Woah, who’s this?”
When did he step in front of my phone? “The owner of the gym.” Thank god my tone remains neutral.
“He’s hot. I wonder if he’s married.”
Better not be if he’s putting the moves on my woman. Or my sister, even if she is interested. Don’t like the guy. “I don’t think so.”
“Why so growlie, Noah?” Ignoring my silence, Tegan chuckles at the next picture. “Do you think we could get permission to use this for marketing?”
She holds up a photo of Beryl and Devin reaching for the same bonbon and laughing. I shrug. “We can ask.”
She hands back my phone and crosses her arms. “What’s going on with you? And don’t give me the ‘it’s been a busy day’ bullshit line. Something’s bothering you. You said that woman’s name?—”
“Beryl.”
“Called her Beryl when she took a fall. You know her. Wait. There isn’t anything wrong is there? Some injury that didn’t show up right away?”
If only life were so kind. Shaking my head, I drop onto our large, second hand couch. “She’s fine. Seeing her surprised me is all. We were both surprised. I, uh, we knew each other in college.”
Tegan perches on the couch’s thick arm. “Knew as in were classmates or knew as in the Biblical way?”
I give her my best older brother ‘watch it’ glare but she only leans forward nodding. “You did it. Oh, don’t look so offended. I’m not shocked or anything like that. I wouldn’t expect you to be celibate.”
Eyes wide with questions, she tilts her head offering me the chance to say something. I don’t.
So she continues, “Know what? I am going to tell you a secret. I haven’t met anyone I want to have sex with. I’m still a virgin.”
“Tegan, have you been drinking?”
Her face flushes. “A little. To celebrate today. Why?”
“Because you just told your brother you’ve never had sex.”
The flush deepens. “Well, not with another person anyway.”
Dear fucking god. I cover my ears. “Shit, Tegan. TMI.”
Her giggles morph to a serious expression. “How serious were you two?”
Answering that would expose my actions, my stupid blunder of believing Beryl would be better off without my restless searching. I can’t even give myself an honest answer for why I did what I did.
Tegan slips down the couch arm and settles next to me. “You don’t need to say anything, Noah. I may have been young then, but I still knew you were an asshole. You didn’t think about anyone but yourself, although you did a good job of faking it those few times you came home. I’m glad you grew up.”
Have I? I own what promises to be a successful business that will support me and my sister. I’ve reconnected with my extended family. My brain stalls. There should be more entries on my list. I should be more. I hadn’t known anything was missing. Until today.
The confidence I would not have been a good man for Beryl after graduation does little to temper the growing ache of wanting her again. I press my palm over my heart.
Tegan covers my hand with hers. “If you’ll take some advice from your little sister…”
Answering truthfully, I grin at her. “I always do. You haven’t steered me, or us wrong.”
“Business is easy. Personal is hard. This is personal. If there isn’t someone else in her life, you need to try again. Make up for what you did. For ignoring all those letters she sent.”
Jerking, I stare at her. “What do you know about letters?”
“I know after you graduated, after you left to do whatever it was you believed you needed to do, I brought a series of letters in from the mailbox. One almost every day for about a month. All of them had the same handwriting. Did you even read them after Mom forwarded them?”
Deep in her ever-changing drinking moods, she stands and moves toward her bedroom. “No, I’m pretty sure you didn’t and I don’t want to hear it. There’s spaghetti in the fridge if you’re hungry. I’ll be up extra early to set up the shop in the morning. Night, bro.”
I stare at her closed door for a long time. Fuck. What other parts of my life I think are private does she know about? Unable to sit still, I head down to the shop. The spark of an idea for a new flavor for a filled chocolate tickles my mind. Working on that will take my full concentration. There won’t be brain space for anything else.
Six hours later I’m physically drained and mentally numb. The outpouring of today’s emotions inspired the combination of sweet mango and banana with smokey chipotle chiles wrapped in bitter chocolate then topped by a few flakes of pink Himalayan salt. My past and my hope wrapped up in a single bite.