14. Hadley
What the hell just happened?
That wasn’t sex.
I’ve had sex.
Numerous times and not one of those was anything like that!
“You okay?”
Quade’s question takes a moment to register, another moment for me to figure out how to make words come out of my mouth. In the end talking is too hard and I nod my head on his shoulder where it fell at the end of the out-of-body experience he just delivered.
“I need to hear you speak, Hadley.”
“Can’t. Yet.” Two words puff out on breaths still choppy and short.
“Okay. Time to get you cleaned—” his body jolts against me, his cock slipping free of my still clenching body. “Fuck!”
He tries to pull away but my arms and legs are wrapped around him like an octopus with dinner and I’m not letting go.
“I. Hadley.” The way he says my name, the anguish lacing his words has my head snapping up. “I’m so sorry.”
Is he apologizing for blowing my body and mind? If so I might have to punch him. My displeasure at his words must be written all over my face because he’s pulling me close, a tumble of words rushing from his lips.
“I didn’t protect you. I took advantage and never thought and now I’ve put you in danger and I?—”
“What?” Palming his shoulders, I shove him back. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I didn’t use a condom. Fuck. I don’t even have one. I never thought…”
It’s all making sense now and I understand his concern—his mild freak out—because now that he’s brought attention to it, I can feel his come sliding out of me onto my inner thighs. “Oh.”
Not my most intelligent response but his concern is now mine and my mind is racing trying to remember if we’re in the clear or if…
Swallowing, I lick my lips and take a deep breath. “I think we’re okay. I’ll need to check?—”
“I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone in well over a year and I’ve had a full physical since then. I’m in perfect health for a man of my age.”
He says the last with a bit of a tease in his voice and I guess he’s attempting to lighten the mood but I’m not sure it’s possible yet. “I should clean up. Check my calendar.”
“Right, yes, okay.” Quade moves away, his hand going to my waist to lift me off the counter. “Let me turn the water on for you and get a towel.”
“You’re not joining me?”
“I thought…”
I lift an eyebrow and stare at him. “Are you backing out of your promise, Quade?”
“You still want me to clean you up?”
“You said you would.”
“Yeah, but that was before.” He waves a hand toward the vanity.
“Before the best sex of my life?”
Air rushes from him, his shoulders lower, and a smile curls his lips. “You too, huh?”
I flash him an answering grin. “I’m surprised there’s still a roof over our heads.”
“It was explosive.”
“In more ways than one.” I’m grinning as I step closer to him and wrap my arms around his waist. “You weren’t careless with me. We were careless with each other. But it’s okay. I’m not about to blame you for something I had just as much involvement in. Let’s clean up then crawl into bed and I can check my phone to see if we’ve got anything to worry about before we worry, yeah?”
“You’re not on anything.” It’s not a question. He understands my need to check means I’m not.
“I haven’t needed to be on anything in a while.”
“A while?”
“Are you fishing for my sexual history?”
“No. Yes. Maybe. I should tell you mine first. When I said well over a year, I meant five.”
The number shocks me enough to have me jerking back. “Five years? Are you serious?” I look down at him, study him from head to toe and mutter, “You can’t be serious.”
“I am. I told you I haven’t dated in a while and I don’t date and fuck because it always leaves me feeling hollow, the satisfaction of getting off never lasting long.”
“So you’re a relationship-sex guy?”
He shrugs. “I guess so.”
“And your last relationship was five years ago?”
“Yes.”
“And she never met your family?”
“No. We had an on/off thing going for several months before we fell into bed and after that it was more off than on. She traveled for work.”
“And you travel for work too.”
“Enough that we found it hard to connect.”
“No. You didn’t have to desire to make the connection. If you’d felt deeply for the woman, or her you, you’d have made it a priority to work around your schedules to see each other.”
“You’re right. It was nice to have someone to take to dinner, to talk to, occasionally have sex with—not that the sex was that good. It wasn’t bad… Why am I telling you about sleeping with another woman?”
I have to laugh. We seem to reveal things to each other neither of us expects. And while I don’t really want to hear about Quade doing what we just did with someone else, I want to know everything about him.
“I don’t see the humor.”
“We feel safe.”
“Sorry?”
His confusion has me laughing again before I can put my thought into words. When I finally do, I make sure my gaze is locked on his. I want him to hear what I say, to understand it. “With each other. We feel safe, sure the other isn’t going to judge us or think badly if we speak our truth.”
Our arms still around each other, our bodies pressed close, he eyes me for long seconds. “Yeah, I think you’re right. I can’t pinpoint why but I’m comfortable with you. Feel…calm, settled, around you. Talking to you, touching you.” One hand trails down my back and cups my ass. “Fucking you. It all feels right.”
I smile up at him. “I feel the same. It’s why I said we should do this for real for the summer instead of faking it.”
“Nothing fake about what we just did.”
“No. Or anything else before that.”
“I really do like you, Hadley.”
“Right back at you, Quade.”
“If there’s a complication in our future, I can’t imagine dealing with it with anybody else. Wouldn’t want to.”
“We aren’t going to worry about that yet.”
“I know. I just want you to know I’m not going to walk away or be a pain or?—”
I put a hand over his mouth. “Stop. All you have to worry about in the next few minutes is getting in that shower and getting clean. After we’re both snuggled up in that big bed, we’ll worry.”
“You’re a snuggler?”
“You have a problem with that?”
His head cocks to the side as he thinks. “I don’t know. I’ve never snuggled. Well, not since I was a kid anyway.”
“None of your other girlfriends?—”
“Never slept in the same bed with any of them.”
“You never—?” I shake my head. “What kind of women have you been with? Everyone loves a good snuggle.”
“I’m not sure I agree with that, but I guess we’ll find out if I like it or not after we get cleaned up.”
“Don’t worry. I’m a champion snuggler, I’ll have you fixed in no time.”
“Oh, there’s something wrong with me?”
“Don’t know yet. It might be that you weren’t with the right person.”
“Oh, I definitely was with the wrong women. No argument there.” He shuffles me backward and reaches behind me. “You like it warm or hot?”
“What if I said cold?”
“Then you’d be the one with something wrong with them.”
“Let me guess, you like it hot.”
Quade’s lust filled gaze meets mine. “Yeah, I like it hot and up until a few minutes ago I’d only ever had lukewarm.”