Chapter Eighteen
Victoria closed the bedroom door behind her and leaned against it, pressing her palms flat against the cool wood.
Her hands were shaking. Rejection wasn’t something she’d really had to deal with before, and now that it was coming thick and fast, she was discovering that she disliked it tremendously.
The door opened, pushing against her back, and she stumbled forward.
"Go away, Ambrose."
"Not Ambrose."
Victoria turned. Sasha stood in the doorway, backlit by the hallway, and Victoria's traitorous heart did something complicated.
"I'm fine," Victoria said before Sasha could ask.
"Right. You fled dinner like the building was on fire, but you're completely fine."
"I'm tired."
"You're lying." Sasha closed the door, leaned against it. "What's actually going on?"
"Nothing that concerns you."
"Doesn't it?" Sasha crossed her arms. "Because from where I'm standing, you've been wound tighter than a spring all week.
You're constantly on your phone, looking like someone's shot your racehorse, you practically vibrate with tension whenever your grandmother mentions your job, and tonight you went completely white at dinner. So forgive me for being concerned."
Victoria felt something crack in her chest. "You barely know me. And I don't need your concern."
"Well, you're getting it anyway." Sasha moved closer. "Talk to me."
"Why? So you can feel sorry for me?" Sasha coming closer was not what she needed right now. Or it was exactly what she needed. She was confused on that issue.
"So you can stop carrying whatever this is alone." Sasha's voice was gentle. "You don't have to be perfect all the time, you know."
The kindness in her voice was worse than pity would have been. Victoria felt her carefully constructed walls crumbling, and she couldn't seem to stop it. She didn’t want to stop it. She was watching Sasha’s lips, and all ability to lie seemed to flee her body.
"I was fired," she said flatly, eyes still firmly on Sasha’s mouth. "Made redundant. Three days before I came here. My entire department, actually, but that doesn't make it any less humiliating."
Sasha's eyes widened. "Victoria…"
"Don't. I don't want sympathy." She managed to tear her eyes away from Sasha’s lips. "The perfect daughter, the golden child who never puts a foot wrong. Except I did, apparently. I just didn't realize it until they were escorting me out with a box of my belongings like some sort of criminal."
"That's not your fault."
"Isn't it? I worked eighty-hour weeks. I was the best in my department.
I canceled dates and missed family dinners and basically sold my soul to that job.
I did everything right, and it didn't matter.
" Victoria's hands were shaking again. "And now I'm sitting here lying to my entire family because I can't bear to see their faces when they realize I'm not actually perfect after all. "
"They won't care about the job."
"Of course they will."
"They won't." Sasha was close now, close enough that Victoria could feel her heat. "You were made redundant. That's corporate restructuring, market forces, whatever rubbish excuse they gave you. It's not failure."
"It feels like failure."
"I know it does." Sasha's hand found hers, fingers threading together. "But it's not. And your family loves you for who you are, not what your job title is. Trust me on this."
"You don't know that."
"I do, actually. I've watched them with you all week.
" Sasha's thumb traced circles on Victoria's palm.
"Your mother's proud of you because you're kind and brilliant and you defended me to your terrifying grandmother.
Your father smiles every time you walk into a room.
Even your siblings adore you, though they'd probably die before admitting it out loud. Especially Ambrose, but then we both know what he’s like when it comes to truth and feelings. "
Victoria felt her breath catch in her throat at the feeling of Sasha’s hand in hers. "I'm supposed to have everything figured out."
"Says who?"
"Says everyone. I'm the responsible one. I'm meant to set the example, show everyone how it's done… I’m meant…"
"To be perfect?" Sasha stepped even closer, eliminating the last bit of space between them. "That sounds absolutely exhausting."
"It is." The admission came out as barely a whisper.
"Then stop." Sasha's free hand came up to cup Victoria's face, and Victoria felt her breath stop at the contact. "Be human instead. Be flawed. Be someone who sometimes gets made redundant through no fault of her own and has to figure out what comes next."
"I don't know how to be that person."
"Sure you do. You're doing it right now." Sasha's voice had dropped lower, intimate. "You told me the truth. That's a start. A good start."
They were standing so close that Victoria could feel Sasha's breath on her face, could see the way her pupils had dilated in the lamplight.
Every nerve ending in her body was suddenly, acutely aware of Sasha's proximity, the warmth of her skin, the way she was looking at Victoria like she was edible.
"This is a terrible idea," Victoria said quietly.
"Probably." Sasha's gaze dropped to Victoria's mouth. "Though I have to say, your terrible ideas are significantly more interesting than most people's good ones."
"Sasha…"
"Tell me to leave." Sasha's voice had gone rough, urgent. "If you want me to go, tell me now, because in about five seconds I'm going to kiss you and I'm not sure I'll be able to stop."
For an agonizing second, Victoria debated the wisdom of what she was doing, of what was about to happen.
And then, the last barriers broke, whatever piece of her it was that was sensible gave up the ghost, walked out of the room, and slammed the door.
Victoria's hand slid to the back of Sasha's neck, fingers threading through soft blonde hair.
"I really, really don't want you to leave. "
"Thank God," Sasha breathed, and then they were kissing.
It was nothing like their first kiss, nothing like the tentative exploration in the library.
This was pure need, days of tension finally snapping like an overtightened string.
Sasha's mouth was hot and demanding, and Victoria made a sound she'd definitely be embarrassed about later as she pulled Sasha harder against her, needing more contact, more everything.
Sasha's hands were everywhere, sliding under Victoria's dress, mapping skin with increasing urgency. Her touch left trails of fire, and Victoria found herself walking backward toward the bed, pulling Sasha with her, not breaking the kiss even as they stumbled over the rug.
"We should—" Sasha gasped when Victoria's mouth moved to her neck. "We should probably—oh God, that's—"
"Lock the door?" Victoria bit down gently on her pulse point and felt Sasha shudder against her.
"Already did it when I came in."
"Clever girl." Victoria's hands found the zip of Sasha's dress, pulled it down slowly. "Very forward thinking."
"I've been told I have excellent survival instincts." Sasha's fingers were working at the buttons of Victoria's dress with less patience. "And walking away from you right now would be the opposite of survival."
They tumbled onto the bed in a tangle of limbs and increasingly desperate breathing.
Victoria's dress hit the floor, followed by Sasha's, and the feel of skin against skin made Victoria's vision blur at the edges.
Sasha was soft and warm and perfect, and Victoria couldn't quite believe this was actually happening.
"I've been thinking about this," Sasha murmured against her mouth, hands sliding up Victoria's sides. "For days. Wanted you so badly I could barely think straight. Do you have any idea what you've been doing to me?"
"Then stop thinking." Victoria rolled them over, pinning Sasha beneath her, enjoying the way Sasha's eyes went dark. "And show me exactly what you've been thinking about."
What followed was heat and hunger and desperate relief.
Sasha's hands on her skin, learning every curve, every sensitive spot.
Her mouth blazing a trail down Victoria's body, pausing to bite and kiss and taste until Victoria was trembling and incoherent.
When Sasha's mouth moved lower, when she settled between Victoria's thighs with clear intent and a wicked smile, Victoria had to clamp a hand over her own mouth to muffle the sound that tried to escape.
"Quiet," Sasha murmured, and Victoria could feel her smile against sensitive skin. "Can't have the whole house hearing what a mess you are for me."
Victoria would have argued, would have said something cutting and clever, but then Sasha's mouth was on her properly and thinking became impossible.
There was only sensation, building and cresting like waves until Victoria came apart with Sasha's name caught behind her hand, her body arching off the bed.
She lay there trembling, aftershocks still coursing through her, while Sasha kissed her way back up slowly, looking thoroughly pleased with herself.
"Smug doesn't suit you," Victoria managed when she could speak again, though her voice came out rougher than intended.
"Doesn't it?" Sasha's grin was absolutely wicked. "I rather think it does. You should see your face right now. Little Miss Perfect, are we? Or did I just make you fall apart?"
"Come here." Victoria pulled her down into a deep kiss, tasting herself on Sasha's tongue, which should probably have been strange but was actually devastatingly hot. "My turn."
"You don't have to…"
"I don’t do things I don’t want to do." Victoria rolled them again, pressing Sasha into the mattress. "I've been thinking about this too, you know. What you'd taste like. What sounds you'd make. Whether you'd be as bossy in bed as you are everywhere else."
Sasha's breath caught. "I'm not bossy."
"You absolutely are." Victoria's mouth traced down her neck, pausing to bite gently at her collarbone. "It's actually quite attractive."
She took her time studying Sasha's body, cataloging every response, every place that made her gasp or moan or arch into Victoria's touch. The curve of her breast, the dip of her waist, the soft skin of her inner thigh. When she finally settled between Sasha's legs, when her mouth found heat and want and Sasha wet and ready for her, Sasha let out a moan so deep and urgent that Victoria’s sensible side popped its head around the door and scowled at her. She lifted one hand and clamped it down hard over Sasha’s mouth, muffling the increasingly desperate screams beneath.
She worked her slowly, thoroughly, paying attention to every hitch in Sasha's breathing, every tremor that ran through her. She was methodical about it, learning what made Sasha's thighs shake, what made her whisper Victoria's name like a prayer, what made her come apart entirely.
When Sasha finally shattered, it was with her back arched off the bed and Victoria’s hand pressed tight over her mouth, her whole body trembling with the force of it.
Victoria slid her way back up, settling beside her as Sasha's breathing gradually slowed to something approaching normal.
They lay tangled together, skin cooling in the evening air, and Victoria felt something settle in her chest. Not peace exactly, but the absence of that constant tension she'd been carrying for days.
"So," Sasha said eventually, still slightly breathless. "That was…"
"Monumentally stupid?"
"I was going to say overdue." Sasha turned her head to look at Victoria. "Though stupid works too, I suppose."
Victoria laughed, the sound startled out of her and feeling surprisingly good. "What are we doing?"
"I have absolutely no idea." Sasha's fingers traced lazy patterns on Victoria's shoulder. "But I'm significantly less concerned about it than I probably should be."
"We should be concerned. You're supposed to be dating my brother."
"Fake dating. And everyone except your grandmother knows it's fake. He thinks this is a summer fling."
"It’s better if you don’t discuss my love life with my brother, I think. And this is… complicated."
"I like complicated." Sasha shifted closer, pressing a kiss to Victoria's shoulder. "Besides, you needed this. To stop being perfect for five minutes and just… be. Be human. Be flawed. Be someone who's allowed to fall apart occasionally."
Victoria pulled her closer, breathing in the scent of her hair. "Is that what this was? Charity?"
"Please. That was entirely selfish on my part." Sasha's grin was wicked. "Though if it helped you relax, I'm happy to take credit for that too."
"You're insufferable."
"You like it."
"Unfortunately, I think I might." Victoria kissed her roughly. "Though this doesn't solve any of my actual problems, you know. Tomorrow I still have to face my family. I still don't have a job. I'm still lying to everyone."
"Tomorrow you can worry about all of that." Sasha's hand found hers again, fingers threading together, pulling her closer, arching her back until Victoria’s mouth was closing in on her nipple. "Tonight, just… be here. With me. Let yourself have this one thing without overthinking it."
Outside, Victoria could hear voices in the hallway, the family still awake and moving around the house.
Tomorrow she'd have to face them, have to keep pretending everything was fine.
Tomorrow she'd have to figure out what this thing with Sasha meant, how any of it could possibly work when they went back to real life.
Tomorrow she'd have to deal with all the complications and consequences.
But tonight, wrapped around Sasha in the warm darkness with her body still humming, Victoria decided tomorrow could take care of itself. She dipped her head and began to circle Sasha’s hardening nipple, feeling her chest contract and warmth build up inside her.
She just really, really hoped no one had heard them.