21. EMERSON
21
EMERSON
Now
You up?
Callum: I am now.
I miss him.
Callum: You text me at 4:30 am to tell me that. Tell him that, not me.
Brandon and I called off our engagement.
Not even seconds after I spotted the delivered message appear under the last text I sent to Callum, my phone rang.
I pick it up on the second ring. “Callum?”
“Emerson, it’s about time that’s called off.”
“Excuse me, but I don’t need you confirming that.”
“Come on, he was a buffer for your mind. A placeholder for—”
“That’s not true. I don’t tell you everything.”
“I smelled through your bullshit, States. Brandon was barely easing the fact that you wouldn’t let yourself be with the person you want to be with,” Callum continues without acknowledging that I spoke.
“He asked something similar to that. ”
“Did he now?”
“I don’t need condescending Cal right now,” I say firmly.
I fill Callum in on Liam and I’s walk home and how Brandon had heard our hallway conversation through the door. Then, how Brandon graciously bowed out of our relationship. I know he’s hurt and mad, but he left me with a proposition and words I desperately needed to hear.
“Are you okay?” Cal asks.
“I will be. I’m more upset that I hurt Brandon than the engagement being called off and that it was Liam who sent it spiraling.”
“You have to stop blaming Liam.”
“Why? None of this would have happened if he hadn’t asked to come upstairs. I would still be engag—”
“Miserable. You’d be miserable, Emerson. Yeah, Brandon overheard, but Liam didn’t do anything besides tell you the truth. All he’s ever tried to do is show you the love you deserve. In a roundabout way, he did that tonight.”
“I hate it when you are right.”
“Most do. Are you mad I didn’t tell you about Liam being there?”
“Not anymore. I was at first, but I realized it was probably for the best. I get you were protecting me in a way.” Is that the truth? I’m not sure. “As I texted you, a heads up might have been nice, though.”
“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Telling me would have given me the opportunity to determine what I wanted to do and prepare any lingering emotions.”
“After a year, I didn’t expect you two to run into each other.” His voice is sincere.
“Kind of hard not to when he’s with my best friend.” Callum can’t see my eye roll but can easily hear the sarcasm dripping from my voice.
“Wait. You know Natalie? She’s your best friend? Is that why he was at your place? ”
“Slow your horses, dude. Natalie and I have known each other since we were seven.”
“This makes sense.”
Is he delusional? In what world does any of this make sense?
“Oh! Care to elaborate on how this all makes sense? Because none of this makes sense to me!”
“Well, one night, her phone lit up with a text notification. Ya know me, let my eyes wander over. The name of the text was Emme. That wasn’t what caught my eye. It was a picture. Natalie sitting on a boat, hugging a smiling brunette. I thought she looked like you, but she had sunglasses on and short hair. Haven’t seen you in years, so how would I know what your hairstyle is now? I just assumed it wasn’t you.”
It’s the same photo I used as my lock screen. The picture was taken on the Fourth of July last summer.
“Surprise, it was me.”
“Yeah, I realize that now.” Callum pauses. “Probably could have thought about the name being Emme.”
“You’ve never called me that before.” Honestly, Callum is the only one who even calls me Em of the London crew. I’m just States to everyone there.
“I’m sorry, States.”
“Don’t be. The world being small isn’t your fault.” I swiftly change the subject. “I heard you are coming here soon, too.”
“I’m gathering some of the documents we need from London before I fly over to meet Liam. Probably will be there within a week. Latest, two.”
“Fair warning: Natalie will want to set us up once she finds out.”
“Should I make George come instead? He’d love this. Still wants his chance with you, States,” Cal jokes.
“Liam wouldn’t allow it, you know that.” I sigh at the irony of it. Liam would die seeing me with one of his friends but is currently with mine. “Beatrix, either. I’m excited to see you.”
“Were you excited to see him?” Callum’s question is direct .
“If I say yes, will you judge me?”
“No.”
“I couldn’t decide if I wanted to kiss his face. . . with my lips or my hands. Callum, I thought I was over it. I told you I moved on. . . but seeing him last week and with. . . her tonight was salt in my Liam-shaped wound.”
“And talking to me isn’t salt?” Cal keeps with my lousy analogy.
“No,” I breathe out. “Does he know you still talk to me?”
Cal hesitates for a moment. “There are some things better left as secrets, I believe.”
There’s a beat of silence between us.
“Every few months, he asks about you, though. I reckon he knows.”
“What do you say when he asks about me?” I ask, nervous to know the answer.
“Don’t ask about what you don’t want to know.” His phone beeps, another call coming in. “I’ve got to take this, but Em.”
“Yeah?”
“They aren’t dating.”
“Are you sure?” I don’t believe him.
“Positive.” Callum wraps up our call, telling me he’ll see me soon and to try to get some sleep.
That didn’t help. I miss Liam more now.
I toss my phone on the bed and let out an agonizing groan.
The photos I was looking through before he called are still in my hand. I scoot backward, resting my back against the side of my bed.
With the photos between my fingers, I keep flipping through them. I stop five photos in, holding them as if I could somehow enter them and be taken back to that moment.
It’s a candid picture of me and Liam. George was always sneaking my camera—several photos were taken that I wish I had never seen, but others like this, I wish there were more of them .
We were out for drinks after dinner in Lagos. Liam and I were walking back from the bar to our table. My camera was in George’s hand. I was sure he was using it to zoom in on a girl’s butt.
Liam leaned down to whisper in my ear. Full belly laughs took over me instantly, and I tripped over myself. Liam’s hand, without a drink in it, reached out to catch me and bring me to him. The photo is of him holding me. My body curled into his. My head tilted up at him, smiling and laughing. His eyes locked on me. The expression in them that night was confusing. He kept looking at me as if he wanted me, but it was as if I had grown a second head in the next blink of his eyes.
Liam steadied me; my head was still turned up at him. He brought me closer. As we stood there, he focused his gaze on my lips, mere inches from each other. So close. A single movement from either of us would have caused a collision. His breath hitched as my tongue darted out to moisten my lips.
All I wanted was for him to kiss me.
But something happened when I thought he would lean in and do it. His eyes closed, and he pulled his head away. He released me from his arms and walked back to the table.
George captured the moment.
Our almost moment captured forever, in a stack with our almost forever .