58. EMERSON
58
EMERSON
Now
Nothing is better than taking off your heels at the end of the day. I release a deep exhale at the immediate relief when my feet touch the cold floor.
Leaving my camera bag and purse on the counter, I go to my bedroom to change. I thought it would be Liam to take this off me tonight, not me. My arms twist around my back, stretching to reach the zipper. I unzip the back of the dress before untying the bow at the nape of my neck and letting it pool at my feet.
Dressed in my comfiest pajamas—sweats and Liam’s old soccer shirt- I return to the kitchen. Natalie’s letter stares at me from the fridge as I make a cup of nighttime tea.
I’m leaning against the counter, steeping the tea bag in the hot water. Pulling on the tag lightly, the bag moves around in the water. I stare back at the letter, contemplating whether I should finally read it.
Taking a deep breath, I reach for it.
Curling up in my favorite blanket on the couch with the tea, I open her letter.
Emme, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I hope you realize that I never meant to hurt you. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The day I met Liam, I knew instantly who he was. How could I not? He was exactly the way you barely described him. And if I’m being frank with you, he looked like the photos you kept of him. I know I shouldn’t have gone through your belongings, but I was curious and didn’t enjoy feeling like you were keeping something from me. We never kept secrets from each other. When he walked up to me in the bar, I planned to tell him that night, but then I had this idea. What if I could convince him to come back here to Chicago with me and surprise you both? Well, he was already planning on coming, and then when I got back, you and Brandon looked happy. I didn’t expect to fall for him. It didn’t happen right away. . . me falling for him. But it’s too easy not to. I understand why you did. He’sperfect. And I didn’t mean to make him fall for me (if that is even remotely a way to describe his affection for me). Of all the people I know, you deserve a relationship like the one he can give you. After everything you’ve done for me, I wanted to do this for you. For the both of you. When I told Liam, he was mad, fair, but quickly let it boil over and then laughed. He looked at me and said thank you. What guy on this planet would say thank you? I told him I would tell you, but I chickened out because I didn’t know how, and the more I waited, the more I figured it didn’t matter. You two were together—the way it’s supposed to be. Emme, you have to know he was in love with you then and is in love with you now. It’s been evident since the night in my apartment when I saw the two of you look at each other. He’s never looked at me like that. Never. Each time you were near each other, he was the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him. It’s like his missing part (and you!) was returned to him. Maybe this whole thing was simply getting him back to you. Well, it was. . . that was my plan. I guess what I’m saying is that maybe my messing up has a purpose, like someone or something else had this plan all along. I think you two were always meant to get back to each other—one way or another. I don’t expect you to forgive me for this or for falling for him, but I hope you can move past that. Whatever happened happened. I hope that the biggest mistake of my life allows the two of the most incredible people in my life to be happy. I want you to be happy. This love you feel? The one you keep denying and lying to yourself about. It’s going to be scary, and it’s not always going to be perfect, but it shows you know it’s real, that it’s true. If you want to believe it, start with the reason you stopped. Talk to your mom. XO Nat
I drop the letter on the couch, wiping away the tears on my face. Pulling out my phone, I send a text.
Hey. Want to come to the city?
And then I send another.
Can we talk?
Liam: I’ll call you tomorrow.