Chapter 4
Zeke
Talon’s smile falters with his last sentence, and I almost rest my hand on his forearm for comfort, or to convey that I know how he feels, but that would be crossing a line.
No doubt anything more than a handshake would leave a burn mark on my skin, as hot as he is.
Talon is like the sun, and even looking at him increases my internal temperature.
His dark features are striking and quite a contrast to his open, easygoing, bright personality.
Talon seems eager to hand out a compliment and a smile, but there’s an air of sophistication to him he can’t quite hide.
His age isn’t easy to guess, but if I had to, I’d say he’s out here living his best life before some corporate job or law school demands long hours and part of his soul.
When I shook his hand outside, the size and strength behind it had me recoiling fast. Not because it was unpleasant, but because it wasn’t.
For the first time in a long time, I want to dig deeper.
Why doesn’t he think he has a chance at a happily ever after?
But creating any connection with him is a terrible idea.
I keep people at arm’s length because if no one gets close to me, they can’t take anything from me or ask anything of me.
Derek’s already taken everything I had to offer anyway.
Talon and I make it through the lunch rush and are in the dead space of the day by the time three o’clock rolls around. The wind has picked up, and the biting cold is barely kept at bay by the tower heater that Talon and I are huddled under.
This close to him, I can smell his cologne, and it’s short-circuiting my brain.
“Is that a playscript I see under the iPad?” he asks.
Feeling oddly shy, I pull the electronic device down farther to cover the pages.
“Um, yeah. No one minds if I study my lines when there aren’t any guests out here,” I say quickly.
I wish I could stop being so damn defensive around him, but it seems I’m always on edge these days. Afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, like I do in front of Derek.
Talon holds both hands up in the air.
“Hey, man. It doesn’t bother me. I was just wondering what play you’re working on.”
The snort leaves my mouth before I can stop it.
“You know theater? No offense, but—”
“Which clearly means you’re about to offend me,” he says with another confident smile.
Appropriately chastised, I nod. “I take it back.”
“You haven’t even said it,” he argues, the tilt of his mouth telling me he’s being playful.
“And now I won’t.”
“Oh, come on,” he prompts. “I’m dying to know your thoughts about me.”
My eyes quickly scan his frame, noticing the designer label on his jacket before looking past that to the breadth of his shoulders. Standing so close, I have to raise my eyes significantly to see his face, and yep, he’s still blindingly attractive.
A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth, the sensation unfamiliar.
“I was just going to say you give off more gym-bro vibes than theater-kid.”
At this observation, Talon throws his head back in carefree laughter. As it washes over me, the sound warms my flesh faster than the heater above us.
“First of all,” he says, still laughing.
“I’m pretty sure no one has ever accused me of being a gym bro.
Second, I’m from New York. Of course, I know theater.
And last, are you telling me someone can’t be both a gym-bro and a theater-kid?
Because honestly, that sounds like a very well-rounded individual. ”
My ears snag on the most important words that left his mouth.
“You’re from New York? Like the city?” I hate how young the awe in my voice makes me sound. I also hate that as soon as the words leave my mouth, Derek’s voice is in my head. ‘It’s just a pipe dream. You know that, right? People like us don’t make it out of here.’
Talon beams when he answers, the pride in his voice clear as day.
“Like the city.”
“God, that’s my dream. I’ve never been outside of Montana, but I swear I’ll get there one day.”
Talon’s eyes widen with excitement. “You should totally go! The city is awesome. I mean, it’s really nice out here, too. I love how open it is, but I thrive on connection, and the energy of the city is like nothing else. I like the noise and the chaos. It’s comforting to me.”
Despite never having been, I understand what he means. My veins are buzzing just from hearing him talk about it, and I know I would love it as much as he does.
“It sounds perfect,” I muse wistfully.
“Like anywhere, it has its good and bad parts. There’s definitely a lot of crime. Some parts of the city are dirty and unsafe, but it’s all part of the human experience,” Talon says, beautifully putting into words things I’ve felt but could never describe due to a lack of experience.
Before I can answer, my phone pings, alerting me to a text.
Derek
What time is rehearsal tonight?
I’m not really surprised Derek ignored my thirteen apologies over whatever the hell happened last night, but a small part of me had hoped maybe he’d issue one of his own for the fingerprints he left behind.
But I should know better than to wish he’d change.
“What’s wrong?” Talon asks beside me, making me jump. I’d somehow managed to forget he was there. Then again, I suppose it’s not all that surprising since Derek drains the life out of me with every interaction.
“Nothing,” I lie.
“Your face says otherwise,” Talon points out.
I’ll have to do a better job of keeping my mask in place when he’s around. Apparently, he’s more observant than everyone else up here.
“No, it’s fine. It’s just my…roommate,” I finish, unsure why I called Derek my roommate and not my boyfriend. I’ll have to analyze that later, though, because his text demands an answer.
Me
No rehearsal tonight. I’m working the dinner shift at Summit.
Derek
I can’t believe the one night you don’t have to be at the stupid theater, you choose to work late instead of spending time with me.
Is he serious right now?
Me
It’s my job. It’s how I pay my bills.
Derek
Wrong. Sucking my dick is how you pay your bills. Or have you forgotten?
I put my phone back in my pocket, not bothering to look when it goes off again.
Shame washes over me. I would absolutely die if Talon read that message.
I’m proud of myself for doing what needs to be done to survive, but there’s still a lot of shit in my life I’m not proud of. A lot of skeletons lurk in my closet.
My arrangement with Derek is one of them.
Suddenly, there’s movement to my left, but Talon’s already on the move by the time I realize what’s happening.
“Hi!” he says with a wide smile to the couple waiting at the host stand. “Do you have a reservation?”
They give him their names, and he clicks all the right buttons on the iPad, asking if they’ve been here before, and laying out our procedures and expectations perfectly while I struggle to pull air into my frozen lungs following Derek’s messages.
Things between Derek and me weren’t always so tumultuous.
When we first got together, I thought he genuinely liked me.
As it turns out, he doesn’t genuinely like anybody…
including himself. We’ve been together four years now, and I’ve never even met his family.
He never brings friends or coworkers around, and he occasionally shows up here just to let my friends and coworkers know I’m unavailable.
Of course, when he shows up, he’s dripping in sweetness.
More than once, I’ve thought he should audition with those skills, but Derek wouldn’t be caught dead in the theater.
Not as a spectator and definitely not as an actor.
It remains a source of tension between us.
I’d be surprised that Derek still allows me to go to the theater and interact with people he doesn’t know, but it didn’t take long to figure out why he’s okay with it.
It gives him something to hold over my head, a way to keep me in line because he knows the theater is my sanctuary.
‘You’d better get on your fucking knees unless you want me showing up backstage, telling all those losers how pathetic you are, or having a fit during your monologue and disrupting the stupid thing.’
Talon disappears into the foyer of the restaurant with the couple he just checked in, getting them seated before returning a few minutes later, carrying two steaming mugs.
“Not sure how you take your coffee, so I opted for hot chocolate,” he says, holding a mug out for me.
Since he also brought one for himself—and I know for a fact that hot chocolate and coffee are both free to employees on the clock—I accept it.
“Two creams, one sugar, but this is perfect. Thank you,” I tell him, pulling the mug close, trying to let the warmth seep through my gloves into my frozen fingers.
“Don’t mention it,” he says easily as my text alert goes off again.
“A couple minutes inside really helps get the blood circulating again. Why don’t you give it a try?
I can manage out here.” I’m about to tell him no, but then my phone starts ringing.
His brows raise, and his lips fold in on each other before he says, “Sounds like someone needs to get a hold of you. Go on. I’ll be fine. ”
Pulling my phone back out, I see Derek’s name on the screen.
“I’ll only be a second,” I tell him, heading for the doors, clutching my hot chocolate as though it can somehow give me strength. It’s best to get this over with.
“Hello?” I answer, heading straight for the employee lounge.
“Why didn’t you answer my last text?” Derek demands.
“I’m at work, Derek. What do you need?”
“I need to know when you’re paying me for your half of the utilities. The power bill is due tomorrow. Or do you not have enough to cover it…again?”
“I’ll get it to you tonight,” I say through clenched teeth. Inhaling through my nose, I release an exhale and ask, “Where’d you go last night?”
I always wonder if this will be the time he finally admits he’s running around on me. In a weird way, it would hurt. Not because I’m in love with him or anything, but because it would just confirm that even after allowing him to use me, break me, and control me, I’m still not good enough.
Sometimes I think if he admitted it, it would finally be enough to make me leave, but then I have to laugh.
I have nowhere to go.
“Why do you care? It’s not like you missed me,” Derek pouts. “I bet you’d miss me if I threw your ass out, though.”
Here we go again.
Whenever Derek gets his feelings hurt, he threatens to kick me out. Which he could do because my name isn’t on the lease. Which also means I have no credit, and there’s no record of me living there despite paying half the rent. Another reason why I can’t just walk away.
“Of course, I missed you,” I argue. “I still don’t know what I did to make you so angry, and when you didn’t come home, I sent you thirteen text messages apologizing and asking you to come back.”
“I went to Jason’s to watch the fights.”
“Oh. Did you guys…have a good time?” I ask hesitantly, hoping to placate him with the question and not stoke his ire.
Derek prattles on about his night, not caring at all that I’m at work. I don’t dare interrupt, though.
After five minutes or so of trying to make me jealous over his night, Derek and I’s conversation gets interrupted when Talon calls from the doorway.
“Hey, Zeke? I need you for a second.”
“Who the fuck is that?” Derek snaps on the other end of the line, having heard Talon’s statement.
“Just a new employee. I’ve gotta run. Let’s talk when I get home, okay?”
“I’m not interested in talking, but you can work on paying those bills,” he says, making me cough to cover up a dry heave at the thought of sucking his dick after last night.
Hanging up, I follow Talon outside, where he meant to check someone in and accidentally deleted their reservation instead.
At least it’s an easy fix because my mind is still reeling from the fact that he said he needed me. Even if it was just to fix this silly problem, no one has ever needed me, and it’s left me feeling oddly peaceful despite knowing what’s waiting for me at home.