Chapter 20
Zeke
I’ve seen Talon do a lot of things since moving in with him, but watching him cook is probably my favorite. He changed into athletic pants and a T-shirt as soon as we got home from work…because he’s obviously trying to torture me.
“How do you want yours cooked?” Talon asks, while I openly stare at his ass. It’s harmless; his back is to me.
Until it isn’t.
He spins around because I didn’t answer fast enough, and suddenly, I’m staring at his crotch. I snap my gaze to his face, but the damage has been done. He caught me.
“I, uh…” Shit. What did he ask? “I like yours. I mean, however you eat yours is fine.” Smacking myself mentally, I clarify one more time. “Your steak. However you cook your steak is good for mine too, I mean.”
The corner of Talon’s mouth quirks up into a half-smile so fucking hot my skin sizzles.
“Does talking about my meat make you flustered?” he teases, turning back to the grill top on the stove as I choke on my water.
The sounds of my distress have Talon by my side in one second flat, alternating between gently tapping my back and rubbing it in circles.
When my water finally goes down the correct side, I clear my throat.
“Talon.” I’m not surprised when it comes out as a whisper full of longing.
His hand stills on my back, but he doesn’t remove it.
“Yeah?”
I need to be honest with him. I’m living in the man’s house, for crying out loud.
But beyond that, things have always been easy with Talon.
Even when neither of us was being completely honest, I still trusted his heart.
I knew, in the depths of my soul, Talon would never physically hurt me, and I don’t think he’d purposely hurt me in any other way, either.
He won’t kick me out if I share too much, nor will he hold it against me. If more needs to be said, I trust him to have a conversation about it, not get defensive, become cruel, and use my feelings against me.
Nonetheless, I keep my eyes trained on my half-full glass of water as I begin speaking, while Talon’s hand remains on my back.
“I don’t know how to say this in a way that isn’t embarrassing, so I’m just going to throw it out there.
” Taking a deep breath, I do something I’ve never had the luxury of doing before, and I let the truth fly freely.
“I find you incredibly attractive, Talon. For a while, it wasn’t an issue because neither my body nor my brain could hold space for things like physical attraction, let alone engage enough to give a response, even if the attraction was there.
Every cell of my being was focused on survival, to the point where I was pretty sure I was broken beyond repair.
But, to my simultaneous delight and horror, that’s apparently not the case anymore, and the last thing I want to do is ruin this friendship with ill-timed reactions.
While I hate having to depend on you, I’m extremely grateful for what you’ve given me.
I respect that you’re my boss and that you’re straight, and I never want to overstep.
I know that by protecting me, you’re risking way more than I am, and I really don’t want to do anything to fuck this up for either of us. ”
When I pause in an effort to build courage to ask him to show mercy and tone down the innuendos, the touching, and the biceps-hugging T-shirts, he fills the silence.
“So, what you’re saying is you like me?” he asks as he moves to stand directly behind my chair and brings both hands to my shoulders, kneading gently.
Oh, God. That feels so fucking good.
“Precisely,” I confirm, my eyes drifting closed at his touch as our steaks continue cooking in front of us. “And it would be great if maybe you could make me not like you so much.”
“Is this okay?” he asks, using his thumbs to work the knots at the base of my neck while ignoring my statement.
“Unhh,” I groan, my head falling back and hitting Talon’s rock-hard chest. “Yes, but it’s not making me like you any less.”
“I don’t want you to like me less,” he says. “In fact, I think maybe I already like you more than you like me.”
“That’s not possible,” I say, my eyes opening as his hands disappear. Talon’s back is to me once again as he moves over to the stove and flips the steaks. What I feel for him isn’t purely physical, but that’s definitely part of it. A part he certainly doesn’t return.
“Why not?” he asks, facing me now with his butt propped against the same counter his fingers are curled over the edge of, pulling his T-shirt tightly across his chest, one ankle crossed over the other.
“Because there are…elements of my attraction that you simply can’t return,” I say carefully, wondering why he’s pushing this.
“Such as?” he taunts.
Sighing in frustration, I attempt to explain again.
“Talon. For the hundredth time, I’m gay. I like men. I am physically attracted to men. As a straight man, it’s unlikely that you would view me through that same lens.”
“Maybe I’m not as straight as I once thought,” he says quietly.
I swear I’m having a stroke because there’s no way I heard that correctly. My head whips toward Talon so fast my neck cracks.
“What?”
He shrugs, casually reaching a hand over to turn off the gas stove.
“When my sister was here, she basically asked me if I hated Derek so much because I was jealous over you. At first, I thought, ‘of course not.’ I’m exceptionally good at reading people, and I hated Derek the second I saw him because he’s a fucking dick.
Plus, it’s sort of just my nature to want to help people, so, of course, I’d want to help anybody in your situation.
” Talon pauses, scrubbing a hand down his face as I bite my lower lip, waiting for what comes next.
“But when you were in surgery, I realized that while I would help anyone in your situation, I wouldn’t move into a hospital room for just anyone.
I wouldn’t offer my home to just anyone.
And I certainly wouldn’t risk upsetting my parents and potentially creating problems for my company for just anyone.
I’d only do those things for you. You occupied a large amount of my mental capacity before moving in, and it’s only increased now that you’re here, and I can no longer pretend that everything I feel for you is platonic. ”
I’m frozen in place. Afraid that if I move too quickly, I’ll wake up from this dream I’ve found myself in.
Seeing the weight of his words resting heavily upon his shoulders, I smile, wanting to ease his anxiety.
“So, what you’re saying is you like me?”
Talon grins, and the tension is diffused, but only for a moment.
“I definitely like you, but I don’t know how to do this.” He waves a finger between us. “There are so many things to consider, like how I never want to do or say anything to make you feel trapped. I’d rather die than make you feel like you’re in the same situation you were before.”
“Talon, you and De—”
“Please don’t say his name. I might break something,” Talon says through gritted teeth, causing me to slip from my stool until I’m standing directly in front of him.
“You and he are two very different people. I could never mistake you for him.” Reaching forward, I grab his hands. “Is this okay?” I ask, giving him the same chance to pull back that he always gives me.
“Yes,” he breathes as I wrap them around my back before placing my hands on his chest.
“Nor could I ever confuse your touch with his.”
Talon wraps his arms tighter around me, pulling my body flush against his. I breathe him in as he rests his cheek on the top of my head, elated at the sensation of his chest rising and falling against my own.
“I just want to do this right,” he says.
“You’re sure you want to do this at all?” I ask. “You mentioned upsetting your parents and risking your company. I don’t want to be the reason either of those things happen. Not to mention, navigating a same-sex attraction for the first time probably warrants at least a minor freakout.”
“Why don’t we just take it one day at a time, communicate with each other, and see where it goes? I can’t shelter us forever, but we still have some time to figure things out.”
I nod against his chest, squeezing him back.
Talon serves my plate and sets it on the table where we eat every night. I love that about him. He never eats with his attention on his laptop, phone, or the TV. When Talon gives you his attention, it’s undivided.
“Are you up for a glass of wine tonight?” he asks.
“Depends. Do you have anything sweet?”
He shakes his head, but he’s smiling as he produces a bottle of red liquid with a flourish.
“May I interest you in a glass of Lambrusco Dolce?” he asks, presenting the bottle to me over his arm like I’ve seen the servers do at Summit.
“You may, even though I have no freaking clue what that is,” I laugh.
“It’s a sweet sparkling red wine I picked up just for you,” he says, brushing a knuckle lightly across my cheekbone after setting the bottle on the table. My cheeks flame, and Talon catches it. “I love when you blush. I especially love it when you blush because of me.”
Jesus Christ.
“You know, for being into guys all of twenty minutes, you’re pretty good at it,” I tell him.
“You make it easy,” he fires back, pouring my glass of wine.