Chapter 30
Zeke
The strength of this man never ceases to amaze me.
Perhaps it’s the statement he just uttered that slices through the last link in the chain holding me back from completely letting go with Talon.
Perhaps it’s the honesty with which he spoke the words.
Perhaps it’s the physical distance from my trauma and the only life I’ve ever known. But most likely, it’s just him.
“I don’t think I want to be protected anymore. Especially not from you.”
Talon searches my eyes as he cups my face and uses his thumbs to caress my cheekbones in a move he does often. Despite adding weight, they’re still a prominent feature of mine.
“My confession was in no way meant to make you feel guilty, or like I’m unhappy with where things are, Zeke. It was simply meant to make you aware of the reason behind my hesitation,” Talon says.
“I know. But I’m tired of being a prisoner of my past.” I quickly place my hand over his mouth because I know he’s going to argue.
“And before you give me what I’m sure was going to be a well-thought-out pep talk about how surviving trauma doesn’t make me a prisoner or a victim, the reality is that it does.
For me, at least. Every time I don’t go after what I want because I fear the reaction, whether it be mine or someone else’s, I add another bar to my jail cell. ”
I curl my fingers into the hem of his shirt and slowly lift it up until he realizes I want it off as I continue speaking.
“Sex has never been something I’ve enjoyed because I was never given the time or space to learn how to enjoy it. It just always happened regardless of whether I wanted it or was ready for it.”
Talon’s hands fall from my face, and he crushes me against his now-bare chest, wrapping his arms around me, kissing my hair.
“I still want to kill him, you know that, right?” Talon asks in a tone that makes me pretty confident that if Derek were standing here right now, Talon wouldn’t hesitate to send him to the pits of hell.
But I don’t think Talon understands how hard it is for me to reconcile my complicated feelings for Derek.
Obviously, he’s fucked up, and what he did was fucked up, but he was the only person willing to reach out when I needed it.
Until Talon, at least. But without Derek, I most likely wouldn’t have survived long enough to meet Talon.
So, it’s complicated at best. It’s also the biggest reason I didn’t want to press charges.
“Yes, I do know that,” I confirm. “And I want you to know that I’m ready to move on.
I don’t want to be angry at him anymore.
I don’t want his treatment of me to dictate your treatment of me.
I’m finding it easier to gain perspective as the days pass, and I’m done cowering.
I’d like to get into therapy, like you suggested.
I want to return to the stage. I want to chase my dreams, and I don’t want to waste another moment thinking about my ex.
Most importantly, I want to learn how to be comfortable during sex, but in order to do that, I have to have sex.
And I want to have it with you. I trust you, Talon. And I need you to trust me.”
“I do, baby. I do. Fuck, I love you so much.”
I’m in shock from his last words as his mouth crashes down on mine, his kiss filled with urgent need.
“Shit,” he says, huffing out a laugh. “That’s not how or when I meant to say that.”
“Is it true?” I ask, staring up into his eyes.
“Absolutely. And I had planned to tell you here in New York, just…like…on a carriage ride through the snow in Central Park, not in my bedroom directly off the plane.”
“I love you, too,” I tell him, meaning every word. “And as nice as the carriage ride sounds, there’s something about it just flying from your mouth because you couldn’t hold it in that really does it for me.”
Grabbing his hand, I guide him toward my dick so he can see the truth in my words.
Talon has never touched my dick. He’s always allowed me to be in control of how we get off, which I appreciate, but that changes now. I want to melt into that place of bliss at his touch instead of my own hand.
“Can I?” he asks, bringing both hands to the button on my jeans.
I nod with a shaky exhale.
He moves in close, his lips grazing my neck as he pops the button through the hole. The sound of my zipper coming down reverberates around the room, adding to our panted breaths.
His mouth moves to my ear, and when his hand makes the faintest contact, he fucking whimpers. It’s a sound, much like his declaration of love, that just erupted from his throat without his permission.
“Fuuuck.” It’s half whine, half moan as his fingers close around my shaft. “Tell me how you like it.”
Even on the rare occasions when I was home and Derek wasn’t, I didn’t reach for my cock. I wanted a break from being touched more than I wanted to be satisfied. So, in reality, I’ve been driven purely by desire when getting off with Talon, and I just always did what felt right in the moment.
“Whatever you’re doing feels really good,” I tell him.
Leaning against the wall behind me, I watch him stroke me for a second before his tongue requests entry into my mouth. I thread my fingers through his hair as he kisses me deeply. I grip his roots involuntarily, and I immediately know what I want and how I want it.
Reaching down, I grab his wrist to stop his strokes.
He looks at me, eyes full of concern, thinking he did something wrong.
My pants are still mostly pulled up, so I use my free hand to hold them in place and walk backward toward his massive bathroom, his wrist still in my other hand.
“I know what I want. Would you be willing to get on your knees for me?” I ask. His consent to this is obviously vital.
“Willing? Baby, I’m begging.”
My skin burns with the heat of a thousand suns already. I may need to run cold water for fear of overheating.
“Let’s shower. Then I’m all yours,” I tell Talon.
Even though the plane was private and luxurious, I’ve still been up for a long time, and I’ve moved around a lot. If this is the first time Talon has a dick in his mouth, I want it to be the cleanest, freshest dick on the planet.
The water barely has time to run from my shoulders to the tile floor before Talon is on his knees.
“I can’t wait, Zeke.”
I laugh nervously, reaching for the soap.
“Thirty seconds. Let me wash the travel day off at least.”
He nods, an intense look on his face as he watches me soap up my dick before sliding my hands lower, ensuring whatever his mouth touches is clean.
I wish I could say I’m not nervous at all, but that would be a lie. Just because I want this and am ready to move forward doesn’t mean all my baggage simply disappears.
What if he doesn’t like it?
What if I freak out?
What if…
“Hey, Zeke, where’d you go?” Talon asks. His hands are sliding up and down the backs of my thighs in a way that’s soothing more than sexual as he plants a kiss on my hip. I turn to the water and rinse off all the soap.
Looking down, his dark eyes invite me to get lost in them. Lost in him.
Taking a deep breath, I smile.
“I’m here.”
“Me, too. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he says, sensing my anxiety. “Put your hands here so you can guide my speed and depth.” He reaches for my hands and puts them on the back of his head before putting his lips back on my thighs, slowly moving his kisses higher.
He swipes his tongue tentatively across the head of my cock, and my stomach flutters.
For a brief second, I think he’s testing things out to see if he likes it, but it’s not long before his fingers are digging into the backs of my thighs, and I realize he’s trying to hold himself back. He’s being hesitant for me, giving me time to process and stop him if needed.
Talon plants his chin on my thigh, looking up at me.
“How are you doing?”
Instead of answering verbally, I use my hands on his head to guide him back to my dick.
Talon wastes no time wrapping his lips around me through his smile.
He readjusts his position on the hard floor, inching closer.
One hand is now on my hip, the other moves to cup my balls as his mouth engulfs me.
I throw a hand against the shower wall over his body to steady myself, but my blood has vacated my brain, and between the heat of the shower and Talon’s mouth on me, I’m dizzy.
“Need to sit,” I force out between panted breaths.
Without taking his lips off me, Talon turns me sideways and pushes me backwards until the backs of my legs hit the tile bench seat behind me. I sit quickly, thankful not to have to hold myself up anymore as Talon bobs on my cock.
“For never having done this…you’re exceptionally good,” I tell him, even though we both know this is the first blowjob that’s ever been given to me, so he could be terrible and it’d still be the best one I’ve ever had.
He hums around my shaft, and the vibrations make my balls tingle.
Talon pushes my knees wider, and my hips roll forward.
Apparently, it’s still not close enough for him because he wraps an arm across my lower back and pulls me right to the edge of the seat before tugging on my balls and falling back onto my dick, working me over.
Talon gives head like it’s his sole purpose in life, and I have to stop myself from thrusting into his mouth. I know what it feels like when…no, not going there.
I refocus on the man in front of me. Talon’s beautiful naked body is a work of fucking art, and the fact that he’s on his knees for me is an indescribable feeling.
His moans of pleasure remind me that he wants to be here, and suddenly, another sound is added to the mix.
It’s the wet slap of his hand as he shuttles it across his own cock.
That familiar crack of lightning races down my spine as my stomach swirls at the sight.
“Talon, I’m gonna come,” I warn, pushing at his shoulders.
He doesn’t budge, just sucks harder until I have no choice but to flood his mouth.
“Oh, shhhhhiiiit.”
Utterly spent, I sink back against the shower wall as Talon’s release is wasted down the drain before he plants his forearms on the bench seat on either side of me.
“Thank you,” he says, kissing my stomach.
“I think that’s my line.”
“I know it takes a lot of trust for you to open yourself up to me like this,” he says.
“I know I’m safe with you.”
And every time we’re together, he proves it even more.