Chapter 34
Zeke
There are moments when things between Talon and me feel like they’re moving at warp speed, and times when they feel like they’re moving at a snail’s pace.
I just keep reminding myself that ours isn’t a traditional love story.
It’s rooted in guilt, desperation, and deception as much as it is in love, desire, and respect.
Moving to New York is a huge deal, and after only being here for thirty hours, it feels really fucking fast. But Talon’s right. We already live together, and neither of us has plans to change that.
In fact, the realization that his stay in Montana was temporary hit hard and has been weighing on me ever since I had the thought.
All I’ve ever wanted was to move to New York, and now, Talon’s offering me the chance to not only do that, but do that with him.
My boyfriend’s in the shower, going through the steps he assured me he was familiar with in order to get ready for me, while mentally, I check in with myself once more.
It’s extremely important to me that I critically assess where this desire is coming from.
Do I feel the need to take this step because of his offer of moving in together?
Do I feel like I owe him for tonight and the future he’s offering me?
The answer is a resounding no.
I want Talon for the man he is. For the smiles he gives, the compassion he possesses, and the drive he has.
I want him for all the little moments, the times he made me laugh when my world was full of despair, the way he reached for me in the dark, the way his presence makes my own good qualities stand out even more.
He makes me better, and if he says he wants to be with me, who am I to argue?
Tonight is not transactional.
I’d want to take this step with Talon even if it meant I had to go back to living in my car in the middle of a Montana winter.
When Talon emerges from the bathroom in nothing but a towel, he steals the breath straight from my lungs.
“Just so we’re clear,” I start, needing to be transparent, “I’ve never done this. Not from this side at least.”
“I know. I trust you,” he says confidently, moving toward me. “We’ll figure it out together.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I tell him, continuing to voice my fears.
I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong and cause him even a fraction of the pain I endured.
“You won’t,” he assures me. “We’ll talk. I have plenty of lube, and my prep job was…extensive,” he says with a wink.
I’m dying to know more, but my questions will have to wait. Before I can process what I’m doing, I’m crawling to him from across the bed, already naked, reaching to remove his towel.
And then I pause.
I haven’t put my mouth on him yet, and I’ve already admitted bottoming will be out for a while…but that means our relationship mirrors mine and Derek’s, with me mimicking my horrible ex. If I don’t return the actions, I’m doing all the taking, and I don’t like the way that makes me feel at all.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Talon says, dropping to his knees at the side of the bed to look me in the eye instead of forcing my chin up.
The act of meeting me down here is so simple, yet so powerful, and I return to the moment, but stay quiet because I’m not sure how to voice that, or even if I should.
I wish healing were linear. I wish once you got over a hurdle, it could never trip you up again, but that’s just not the way it works.
“I have no expectations tonight, Zeke. If either of us decides we’re not ready, then we’ll wait, okay?”
“I want this. I want this with you,” I tell him.
“You’re in control. Whatever you need, it’s yours. No judgment. No questions,” Talon says, calming my anxiety just like always.
I nod and tap his shoulder.
“Stand up,” I command. He does so immediately. “I want tonight to be ours. Your needs are just as important as mine, Talon. I need to know that you’ll tell me if you don’t like something I’m doing, okay? I need it to be good for you. I need you to have the first time I didn’t.”
“I’ll tell you everything. I promise,” he says as I move my face forward, taking my first tentative lick of the head of his dick. Talon shudders above me and holds good on his promise to tell me everything as he says, “You turn me on so fucking much. I’m not gonna last long.”
His words encourage me to take the whole head of his cock into my mouth. Breathing through my nose, I hold still for a minute, making sure I focus on where I am, who I’m with, and the fact that I’m safe.
Talon keeps his hips steady, careful not to thrust, which I appreciate so fucking much.
The first drop of precum hits my tongue, and I’m relieved to know his flavor is unlike anything I’ve ever tasted. It’s sweet and light and so perfectly Talon, I could weep. It keeps me grounded, reminding me I’m loved and safe.
As I pull back and drive forward again, my tongue licks the underside of his shaft this time, the desire to explore growing more intense with each swipe.
“Baby, I don’t know if I can keep standing up. You feel so fucking good, I’m about to melt into this carpet.”
Smiling around his dick, I grab the base with my hand and stroke as I pull my mouth free.
“Do you want to lie down?” I ask.
“Yes. I want to see how perfect you look between my legs,” Talon answers immediately.
His words heat my skin, and I slide back, allowing him enough room to climb onto the bed. Once he’s settled and propped up on a mountain of pillows that offers the perfect view, I dip my head back to his cock.
Now that he’s able to fully relax, it’s only another minute or two before he’s gently pushing at my shoulders.
“Okay, unless you want me to come right now, you’ve gotta stop.”
I know two things to be true in this moment.
One: that barely counted as a blowjob.
Two: I trust that he’s teetering on the edge like he says he is, which means his impending orgasm is more about the fact that it’s me doing this to him and less about what I’m actually doing.
And fuck if that doesn’t make me want to sink into him.
When I sit up, he pulls me to him for a kiss, and his hand instinctively flies to my dick. I love how he didn’t hesitate this time. There was no question about whether I was okay or if his touching me was too much right now.
I am, it’s not, and he’s demonstrating his trust in me.
Splayed out on the bed, Talon’s hair is a mess. It’s as though he’s been running his hands through it. I nip his lip before moving to his neck, then trail kisses over his pecs, and savor every ridge of his abdomen. Lower and lower I move until I’m flat on my stomach.
I’ve completely lost track of whether I’m giving or taking. All I know is that this is what I want: Talon all around me. I want to taste and explore every inch of him. Claim him in a way he’s never been claimed, and make him so delirious with need, the stretch doesn’t burn at all.
It takes me a few minutes to get the angle right, but finally, I push his knees into his chest and lick my way from his hole to his balls.
This is completely new to me as both a giver and a receiver. It’s far too intimate an act to have been performed before, and I relish the feel of doing this together, him and me.
“Ohmyfuckinggod, Zeke,” Talon whines as I eat my fill, moving even lower. “I didn’t know…ah, shit…” he trails off, getting lost in the sensation of my mouth invading such a personal place on his body.
“So fucking good,” I tell him quickly before diving back in for more.
I’m sure not every ass-eating experience is as good as this one, but Talon is clean, fresh, and so unexpectedly delicious that I could do this for hours.
“I need to come, Zeke. Please, my fucking dick aches.”
“Then come,” I tell him, not wanting to stop.
“Want you inside me,” he moans, his hips beginning to roll as he fucks the air, searching for friction.
Don’t have to tell me twice.
Grabbing the bottle of lube next to us on the bed, I pop the cap open, swirl a lubed finger over the same spot my mouth had just been, and slowly penetrate him with it. He’s so keyed up, I’m careful to avoid pressing forward on his prostate as I fuck him with my finger.
“More. Please. I’m ready,” he begs.
I advance quickly through two fingers, then three, more for my peace of mind than his, and before I know it, I’m lining my cock up to his needy entrance.
I’m glad Talon’s on his back because I need to read every expression that crosses his face. I want to see every wince, hear every breath.
“Are you sure?” I ask, too turned on to be nervous, but still concerned about doing a good job.
“God, yes,” Talon moans, holding his left leg up so I can use my right hand to guide myself in.
“Okay, take a deep breath,” I instruct. “As I push in, I want you to exhale and relax as much as you can.”
“You won’t hurt me, baby. I want this. I’m so fucking ready for you,” he reassures me again.
Based on the deep, angry color of his cockhead, I’d say he’s been ready for a while.
His body doesn’t fight me at all.
I slip right in, and although he doesn’t seem surprised, I’m baffled. I’ve only ever known pain and struggle with this part. It hadn’t even occurred to me that this could be so natural and easy.
“Ah, fuck yes. That’s what I’ve wanted. Holy shit, that feels so fucking good, Zeke. So fucking full.”
I’m so completely caught up in his rapture, his expressions of pure ecstasy as I make my way deeper inside his body, that I barely notice the euphoria surrounding my own cock.
The heat…the pressure.
My god.
“Can you move? I need you to fuck me if you can. I’m holding on by a thread here.”
I’m relieved to know that, because no way am I lasting more than another couple of minutes myself.
Especially not when I look up and find one of Talon’s hands wrapped around his swollen cock and the other pinching his nipple.
His back is bowed off the mattress, and his eyes are screwed shut as his orgasm looms closer.
“I’ve got you,” I tell him, overcome with emotion at the truth in my words. I’ve never even had myself, let alone had enough reserve to catch someone else when they fall. But I do now. I do for him.
I pick up my speed, both of my hands on the backs of Talon’s thighs again, my fingers gripping his flesh to keep me tethered to the earth as I slam harder and harder into his ass.
“Ohmy…fuck, yes…I’m com…” His sentence is cut off by a series of the sexiest grunts and groans I’ve ever heard come from another person.
The sight of his cum painting his stomach and chest, mixed with his ass choking my dick, has me balancing on one fucking toe on the edge of my own orgasm.
I know we’ve both been tested, but we didn’t talk about whether he actually wants me to come inside him despite the conversation we had about not wanting to use a condom. I’m trying to work my way through that when, once again, he says the words I need to hear.
“Don’t you dare pull out. Fill my ass. I want your cum so deep inside me I can taste it.”
Okay, then.
I snap my hips twice more and pour the very essence of my being inside him.
“Oh, shit,” I moan. “Talon…”
A few minutes later, as my breathing evens out, I ease out of him and collapse onto the bed, emotionally, physically, and psychologically spent.
I did it.
We did it.
And no one was hurt in the process.