Chapter 16
Agnes
"And in conclusion, I think the evidence has shown that Zangraxath the Destroyer—."
"Of virginity," Zan shouted, interrupting Touji's closing statement.
Not helping your case, I shot telepathically at Zan.
The appeal idea was working. It wasn't a true court case, just a hearing with a judge to determine whether Zan's good behavior had gotten him out of trouble with the guild. And he had been on good behavior, mostly because he'd been under house arrest in his mansion the whole time.
We'd passed our days helping him redecorate his mansion in The Above to be less garish. Though he'd insisted that the room with all the fountains and erotic art would eventually come back in style.
I had spent two months commuting to and from The Above for work, while Touji had quit his job, partly to focus on Zan's case heard, and partly because he was angry with the Guild. So far, they hadn't forced Zan back into hibernation, and we were spending as much of our time with him as we could.
The judge, a Sasquatch with the unlikely name of Candi, waved her hand. "Continue please, Mr. Inoue. Zangraxath, please refrain from mentioning virgins. This is your last warning."
Someone tittered behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder and made a face at Tabitha, who was sitting with her two men, Sam and Kaito. She waved and gave me two thumbs up. Our relationship was much less rocky now that she was in a stable throuple and I didn't feel the need to set her up with men.
Really, it proved my point that she'd only needed to date more.
Touji cleared his throat. "Zangraxath has reformed his ways and is committed to myself and my wife as our husband and life par—"
"Excuse me, sir. You can't film this," the judge said, interrupting Touji mid-speech. I looked over at Zan, who had slid his phone out, and had it trained on Touji. "Bailiff, please relieve him of his phone."
The bailiff, a squid-looking thing, slithered forward, taking Zan's phone from his hand. I growled at Zan and swatted his arm.
"What? People in this century film everything. You film your meals and post them on social media. Can't I film my husband giving a sexy closing statement in my case to jerk off to later—"
I slapped a hand over Zan's mouth before he could say more and grinned at the judge. "Sorry about him. Carry on." I widened my eyes at Touji, who began speaking again.
"As I was saying, in addition to his… reformed behavior." Touji shot Zan a stern look.
Zan tried to say something through my hand.
"The evidence I've presented has made it abundantly clear that modern humans don't care all that much about his hobby of corrupting virgins — though he has not engaged in said hobby in 157 years."
"And 92 days," said Zan through my hand.
Quiet. He's trying to stop you from having to go back into hibernation. Where's your self-control? I shot his way via telepathy.
I'm just adding important commentary, Zan said inside my head. Though now that you mention it, the same thing happened at my original trial, and that judge did seem a little perturbed.
A little perturbed? He gave you a 200 year hibernation as a sentence!
Touji was still delivering his speech, showing an impressive ability to ignore our telepathic bickering. "So even if he were to return to his old ways, it's doubtful that anyone would mind if he gifted adults of legal age with their first sexual experience."
I kept my hand over Zan's mouth, knowing full well that he wanted to gloat about what a great sexual experience it would be for them, mentally guiding him to stay silent if he wanted any rewards this week. Zan sighed and leaned back in his chair, looking pouty, and I lowered my hand, waiting for a beat to see if he'd say anything.
"According to Guild law, a person or persons who are involved in an important prophecy, such as the Prophecy of Adelaide, are to be released from any punishments for nonviolent crimes."
The judge set a pair of glasses on her furry Sasquatch nose. "Do you have any evidence that he is the demon in the prophecy?"
"The prophecy says that sister witches will each marry powerful ancient demons, and with their pet foxes. We think this line refers to the kitsune in this courtroom — myself and Kaito Nakamura."
Behind me, I heard Kaito snort. "Pet foxes," he muttered. "Insulting."
Touji continued. "Kaito and the demon Sam’angthikoth are in a relationship with Agnes's sister, Tabitha, which also matches the prophecy."
He grunted as my sister elbowed him and shushed him.
The judge read over the prophecy, then handed it back to Touji, turning to look at us. "Right, well, we were already planning to dismiss this case, and I don't suppose I can change my mind now. Though I kind of want to." She bit her bottom lip and eyed Zan. "Are you sure you can keep him in line?"
"We'll buy him a ball gag," Touji said quickly.
Ooh, I like that idea. This time, Zan kept his thoughts inside his head, though they were accompanied by lots of horny visual fantasies about him getting fucked while a gag shut him up. I rubbed my eyes, trying to shut out the psychic pornography coming from our husband. Touji picked up a file folder and held it in front of his crotch.
"Thank you, your honor. We appreciate you taking the time to hear our case," he said.
"That will be all," she said. "But keep him in line. If I hear about him seducing any more straight men, I'm going to reconsider the hibernation order."
"That was over a century ago! And they must not have been straight," Zan protested.
"No. Probably not," the judge said. When he started to talk again, she held up a hand. "Dismissed. I don't need any further details. Good day to you." With that, the judge gathered her papers, and stood up and left the room, and the bailiff slithered after her.
I slapped Zan's shoulder. "You pulled out your phone!"
"I've been asleep for a century and a half. I don't know what's okay to do with a cell phone!" he protested.
"It really doesn't matter, because we won!" Touji said, pumping his fist in the air. It took a second for his words to sink in, and then Zan and I were jumping up and down, hugging and kissing each other, and Touji, and Zan's hands and tail were wandering places that they shouldn't be in a courtroom.
"Guys! You're not alone!" my sister hissed, and I swatted Zan's hands away, turning to look at Tabitha, who was sitting with her two men, Kaito and Sam. I reached over and gave my sister a big hug.
"Who would have thought a little Halloween party could end like this?" I said.
Zan turned to both of us and grinned. "So, where do we find your other sister a pet fox and a demon?"
"Other sister?" Tabitha asked. "There's no other sister. It's just me and Tabitha."
"And we're not pet foxes!" Kaito added, looking disgruntled.
"Oh," Zan said. "I mean, I was there when the oracle Adelaide gave that prophecy, and I'm certain she said three witches."
Touji fumbled for his paper, then cursed as he read it closely. "Shit. You're right. I'm glad the judge didn't notice that."
"You were at a prophecy that was about you?" I asked. "Weird."
"Not if you two don't have a sister," Zan said, laughing. "Good thing, too, because it was something about saving the world. Sounded like a damn lot of work. And I consider myself more of a passive demon."
"A demon of leisure," Sam agreed. "Who needs to do dramatic stuff in prophecies?"
Zan nodded. "People might die, too. The prophecy didn't say if everyone survived."
"I thought you two weren't friends?" I asked.
a human"We despise each other, obviously," Sam said.
I blinked. "So. Celebration time?"
Zan whooped. "Yes! I'm free! What do you say, back to Yarrow Creek and Nana's house for the celebration? You're coming, right Sam? Tabitha spelled me this cool bracelet so I can pass as human."
With that, he slipped on his enchanted bracelet, which turned him into an obnoxiously good-looking blonde guy, a bit like a Ken doll. The Ken doll version of Zan beamed his obnoxious white teeth at me.
"And in conclusion, I think the evidence has shown that Zangraxath the Destroyer—."
"Of virginity," Zan shouted, interrupting Touji's closing statement.
Not helping your case, I shot telepathically at Zan.
The appeal idea was working. It wasn't a true court case, just a hearing with a judge to determine whether Zan's good behavior had gotten him out of trouble with the guild. And he had been on good behavior, mostly because he'd been under house arrest in his mansion the whole time.
We'd passed our days helping him redecorate his mansion in The Above to be less garish. Though he'd insisted that the room with all the fountains and erotic art would eventually come back in style.
I had spent two months commuting to and from The Above for work, while Touji had quit his job, partly to focus on Zan's case heard, and partly because he was angry with the Guild. So far, they hadn't forced Zan back into hibernation, and we were spending as much of our time with him as we could.
The judge, a Sasquatch with the unlikely name of Candi, waved her hand. "Continue please, Mr. Inoue. Zangraxath, please refrain from mentioning virgins. This is your last warning."
Someone tittered behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder and made a face at Tabitha, who was sitting with her two men, Sam and Kaito. She waved and gave me two thumbs up. Our relationship was much less rocky now that she was in a stable throuple and I didn't feel the need to set her up with men.
Really, it proved my point that she'd only needed to date more.
Touji cleared his throat. "Zangraxath has reformed his ways and is committed to myself and my wife as our husband and life par—"
"Excuse me, sir. You can't film this," the judge said, interrupting Touji mid-speech. I looked over at Zan, who had slid his phone out, and had it trained on Touji. "Bailiff, please relieve him of his phone."
The bailiff, a squid-looking thing, slithered forward, taking Zan's phone from his hand. I growled at Zan and swatted his arm.
"What? People in this century film everything. You film your meals and post them on social media. Can't I film my husband giving a sexy closing statement in my case to jerk off to later—"
I slapped a hand over Zan's mouth before he could say more and grinned at the judge. "Sorry about him. Carry on." I widened my eyes at Touji, who began speaking again.
"As I was saying, in addition to his… reformed behavior." Touji shot Zan a stern look.
Zan tried to say something through my hand.
"The evidence I've presented has made it abundantly clear that modern humans don't care all that much about his hobby of corrupting virgins — though he has not engaged in said hobby in 157 years."
"And 92 days," said Zan through my hand.
Quiet. He's trying to stop you from having to go back into hibernation. Where's your self-control? I shot his way via telepathy.
I'm just adding important commentary, Zan said inside my head. Though now that you mention it, the same thing happened at my original trial, and that judge did seem a little perturbed.
A little perturbed? He gave you a 200 year hibernation as a sentence!
Touji was still delivering his speech, showing an impressive ability to ignore our telepathic bickering. "So even if he were to return to his old ways, it's doubtful that anyone would mind if he gifted adults of legal age with their first sexual experience."
I kept my hand over Zan's mouth, knowing full well that he wanted to gloat about what a great sexual experience it would be for them, mentally guiding him to stay silent if he wanted any rewards this week. Zan sighed and leaned back in his chair, looking pouty, and I lowered my hand, waiting for a beat to see if he'd say anything.
"According to Guild law, a person or persons who are involved in an important prophecy, such as the Prophecy of Adelaide, are to be released from any punishments for nonviolent crimes."
The judge set a pair of glasses on her furry Sasquatch nose. "Do you have any evidence that he is the demon in the prophecy?"
"The prophecy says that sister witches will each marry powerful ancient demons, and with their pet foxes. We think this line refers to the kitsune in this courtroom — myself and Kaito Nakamura."
Behind me, I heard Kaito snort. "Pet foxes," he muttered. "Insulting."
Touji continued. "Kaito and the demon Sam’angthikoth are in a relationship with Agnes's sister, Tabitha, which also matches the prophecy."
He grunted as my sister elbowed him and shushed him.
The judge read over the prophecy, then handed it back to Touji, turning to look at us. "Right, well, we were already planning to dismiss this case, and I don't suppose I can change my mind now. Though I kind of want to." She bit her bottom lip and eyed Zan. "Are you sure you can keep him in line?"
"We'll buy him a ball gag," Touji said quickly.
Ooh, I like that idea. This time, Zan kept his thoughts inside his head, though they were accompanied by lots of horny visual fantasies about him getting fucked while a gag shut him up. I rubbed my eyes, trying to shut out the psychic pornography coming from our husband. Touji picked up a file folder and held it in front of his crotch.
"Thank you, your honor. We appreciate you taking the time to hear our case," he said.
"That will be all," she said. "But keep him in line. If I hear about him seducing any more straight men, I'm going to reconsider the hibernation order."
"That was over a century ago! And they must not have been straight," Zan protested.
"No. Probably not," the judge said. When he started to talk again, she held up a hand. "Dismissed. I don't need any further details. Good day to you." With that, the judge gathered her papers, and stood up and left the room, and the bailiff slithered after her.
I slapped Zan's shoulder. "You pulled out your phone!"
"I've been asleep for a century and a half. I don't know what's okay to do with a cell phone!" he protested.
"It really doesn't matter, because we won!" Touji said, pumping his fist in the air. It took a second for his words to sink in, and then Zan and I were jumping up and down, hugging and kissing each other, and Touji, and Zan's hands and tail were wandering places that they shouldn't be in a courtroom.
"Guys! You're not alone!" my sister hissed, and I swatted Zan's hands away, turning to look at Tabitha, who was sitting with her two men, Kaito and Sam. I reached over and gave my sister a big hug.
"Who would have thought a little Halloween party could end like this?" I said.
Zan turned to both of us and grinned. "So, where do we find your other sister a pet fox and a demon?"
"Other sister?" Tabitha asked. "There's no other sister. It's just me and Tabitha."
"And we're not pet foxes!" Kaito added, looking disgruntled.
"Oh," Zan said. "I mean, I was there when the oracle Adelaide gave that prophecy, and I'm certain she said three witches."
Touji fumbled for his paper, then cursed as he read it closely. "Shit. You're right. I'm glad the judge didn't notice that."
"You were at a prophecy that was about you?" I asked. "Weird."
"Not if you two don't have a sister," Zan said, laughing. "Good thing, too, because it was something about saving the world. Sounded like a damn lot of work. And I consider myself more of a passive demon."
"A demon of leisure," Sam agreed. "Who needs to do dramatic stuff in prophecies?"
Zan nodded. "People might die, too. The prophecy didn't say if everyone survived."
"I thought you two weren't friends?" I asked.
a human"We despise each other, obviously," Sam said.
I blinked. "So. Celebration time?"
Zan whooped. "Yes! I'm free! What do you say, back to Yarrow Creek and Nana's house for the celebration? You're coming, right Sam? Tabitha spelled me this cool bracelet so I can pass as human."
With that, he slipped on his enchanted bracelet, which turned him into an obnoxiously good-looking blonde guy, a bit like a Ken doll. The Ken doll version of Zan beamed his obnoxious white teeth at me.