Chapter 10 #2
Her voice held no warmth now. It seemed like she had intended for the conversation to go in another direction and now made a complete pivot. Transforming the flirty glint in her eyes into one of hard steel.
“There are rules,” Harper said. “If I didn’t respect him, he wouldn’t respect me.
That’s the whole point. Last time we were together, he said something dumb, like usual.
I pointed it out, and he got pissed about it.
Decided to show just how angry he was with a bit of carnal punishment, but I wasn’t in the mood for that. That’s when he hit me in the face.”
That wasn’t quite what had happened. The night they broke up, Kieran had started an all too familiar argument. He wanted her to quit, saying that she didn’t need to work anymore since he could take care of her.
She’d countered, as always, that she could take care of herself just fine. And, like always, he’d gotten upset about it. At that point, angry sex had been the norm rather than the exception, but it wasn’t just angry that time. It was scary, too.
She hadn’t realized at first. Like a drowning victim who didn’t realize the current was pulling them away from shore, everything had been fine until it wasn’t.
Getting dragged into his bedroom was expected. As was her being shoved down on the bed. But then he turned her over, held her down, and smothered her protests by clasping his hand over her mouth.
The only reason she got away was because she landed a lucky kick between his legs. When she’d then shouted his ear off, his solution for shutting her up was a backhand across the face.
To think she’d liked that once. Not the hitting, but everything that came before it. It had felt fun, safe, and exhilarating all in one.
In the beginning, he’d liked when she prodded at him. Kieran being provoked was an act, and the consequences of doing so had just been an adult version of playing pretend. Not a frightening trap she had only escaped because of chance.
Harper had just dismissed it as Kieran being a possessive asshole and nothing more. But the anger rising in Maya’s dark eyes suggested something else entirely.
“You told him to stop, and he didn’t listen?” Maya asked, shock underlining every word. Harper’s brows knitted together.
“Why would he do that? Safe words don’t count during punishments.”
Maya’s irises darkened until they looked pure black.
“What?”
There wasn’t even a hint of humor in her voice now. Instead, her eyes filled with so much fury that she became almost unrecognizable. It might be an extreme thought, but Harper had the sudden feeling that if Kieran had been present right then, Maya might have killed him.
“That’s how it’s supposed to happen.” Harper tried a casual shrug, but the movement felt stiff. “You have safe words so you can let your partner know if there’s something you don’t like. You’re not supposed to like punishments.”
“That is not how safe words work. They’re meant to ensure everything happens safely and consensually, no matter the context.”
Harper rolled her eyes. “Okay, calm down, will you? You’re making it sound like Kieran committed a crime or something.”
“He did. Safe words should not be disrespected like that. They aren’t toys to have fun with, and they should never be taken away as a means of punishment. If Kieran did that, then he assaulted you, Harper.”
Harper almost dismissed the accusation again but stopped herself. Stopped herself from defending him, something she’d been doing for months. She’d just done it internally rather than with an audience present.
But lying to yourself was easy. There were no people around to pick apart your arguments.
Kieran was great in the beginning. Patient, careful, and protective to the point where it got annoying. But after a while, he changed. Started making demands rather than requests, responding to her comments with snarls rather than laughter.
He’d liked being rough with her, too; something Harper had far from minded. The light, dizzying feeling those moments could produce was wonderful enough that she’d let Kieran do things she wouldn’t normally have allowed. He was the one with all the experience, after all.
But there was a difference between liking rough sex and only being able to get off if your partner acted like they wanted you to stop. Especially if you insisted on keeping that part of the relationship secret, under the guise of wanting privacy.
He’d made her believe it was normal. And he’d made sure she didn’t talk to anyone so she couldn’t find out how much of a filthy liar he really was.
Harper shot up from the chair. She didn’t even bother picking up the money from the vanity, only pausing to grab her jacket before rushing towards the door.
Maya grabbed her hand, making her stop.
“Harper, wait—”
Harper wrenched free. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
Tears had risen in her eyes. Because of course they had. Harper hated crying in front of people, and she refused to cry in front of Maya. They’d fallen into a routine, one of friendly flirting and shared laughter, and it didn’t involve that worried tone Maya was using.
Worrying about her was useless. Not only did she behave in the dumbest ways possible, but she kept being a problem.
Kept starting fights, kept falling for the wrong people, kept being stupid.
If she wasn’t that last thing, she wouldn’t have been blind to Kieran’s behavior until a third party pointed out how messed up it was.
She hurried outside through the back door. It didn’t slam shut, as someone caught it before it could close and then fell in right behind her.
Harper gritted her teeth. “Go away, Maya.”
“I’m not doing that.” She sped up until they were side by side. “You’re not walking to your car by yourself.”
Harper kept her eyes on the corner of the lot. The streetlight above it had shattered, so only a faint outline of her car could be seen.
“How strange. I seem to be experiencing déjà vu,” Harper said. “Once again, I’m being followed across the parking lot by someone I explicitly told to get away from me. You and Kieran might be more alike than I thought.”
The comment was as mean as it was unfair. But it was effective. Maya stopped, letting Harper walk ahead on her own, even though her absence only lasted for a brief moment.
“I’m not like Kieran.” Maya went against that statement by falling in next to Harper again. “I get that you’re upset, but him manipulating you isn’t your fault.”
Then whose fault is it? Kieran might be the prime scapegoat for this, but he hadn’t made her maintain a relationship that required blinders for it to be working.
And she’d happily worn hers, staying with a man who was worse than any other asshole she’d been with, just because he’d briefly made her feel safe.
She started walking faster. “You don’t know anything about how I’m feeling.”
“I know you’re blaming yourself when you shouldn’t be. Kieran lied to you. You’re not in the wrong for believing someone you thought you could trust.”
Harper dug her nails into her palms. Not only did Maya sound understanding of all fucking things, but she was also ignoring that Harper didn’t want a goddamn pep talk.
It wasn’t surprising, actually. She had a gift for being attracted to people who started out charming and then revealed themselves to be monsters. Maya might be as bad as Kieran, just in a different font.
“I don’t need you to comfort me.” They’d made it to her car. Harper pulled out her keys, unlocking it. “I also don’t want company right now. Repeating myself isn’t making me want to change my mind.”
“Harper—”
“What aren’t you getting!?” She spun, glaring up at Maya. “This isn’t your problem. I’m not. I’m not your responsibility, or yours to protect, even though you’re acting like that’s the case. I don’t want it, or your goddamn pity, so fuck off and leave me the hell alone.”
Maya stared at her, shock making her silent. She clearly hadn’t expected Harper to react like this, and neither had Harper, for that matter. If this involved anyone else, she might not have.
But it wasn’t anyone. It was Maya. Maya, who had appeared out of nowhere and had become a lone beacon of peace in the desperate mess that was her life. Someone who didn’t know all the shit Harper had been through. Who was easy to be around. Who didn’t judge, whisper, or overstep.
Now she could do all of it. Judge Harper for going down a road she had walked enough times that she should know to avoid it. Whisper about the terrible things she had let happen, potentially tattling about it to Nell and Patricia.
And Maya was doing that last thing. Standing so close, eyes glittering gold even though she was shrouded in darkness.
She gave a single nod. “Okay. I’ll leave you alone.”
Harper scoffed. No way it was that easy. “Yeah. Right.”
“I’m serious. I won’t be happy about it, but if you want me to leave you be, I will. If you don’t want me to talk to you, or be anywhere near you, then I’ll keep my distance. If you tell me to stop, I’ll stop.”
Harper stared at her. That didn’t make sense. What she wanted wasn’t taken into consideration, about anything. Instead, she was told to try harder. To give in, to keep her mouth shut. The only people who had never done any of that were the chosen few she considered family.
“I don’t believe you,” Harper said, surprised by the earnestness in her voice.
Snow whirled around them, catching in Maya’s dark brown hair. She was still standing so close. She only needed to take one step forward, and they would be touching.
“Then tell me to back off.”
“Back off,” Harper snapped, channeling all the confusion rushing through her into the most biting tone she could muster.
But then all that just-summoned anger evaporated when Maya actually did it. She stepped back, increasing the distance between them until she was several feet away.
The quiet became almost deafening. Snowflakes fell from above, invisible except for when they drifted into the golden cones of the distant streetlights. The wind muted any surrounding noise, making the silence so much heavier when neither of them spoke. When neither of them moved.
When exactly had Harper’s heart started racing? She wasn’t making a run for her car anymore, so its rhythm should have eased. But how could it, when her eyes were locked on Maya, standing at a greater distance than Harper found she wanted?
She was only wearing a black t-shirt and jeans but seemed completely unfazed by the cold. Her posture was straight but not tense, her gaze focused but calm. A controlled mask, hiding a danger deep within those mesmerizing eyes of hers.
Maybe that was why Harper’s focus shifted. Maybe it was because of the regret she’d been walking around with ever since that night on the park bench, and now they were alone in a dark parking lot, with no one around to see.
Maybe it was just because she had an innate calling for doing stupid things.
“Come closer,” Harper whispered.
For a moment, Maya didn’t move. Then, she took a single step forward.
Harper leaned against the front of the car, gripping it in a vain hope that doing so would slow the pounding rhythm of her heart.
“Closer.”
Another whispered request. Another step forward. Maya kept advancing until she was so close that their bodies nearly touched.
A brief shine flickered over her irises. A similar sheen to how a nocturnal animal’s eyes would respond to light.
“Do you still want me to go?”
There wasn’t even a hint of a smile on her face. No teasing. And no anger. Instead, there was something else. Something yearning.
Something Harper had been fantasizing about in far more detail than she should have allowed.
“No. I don’t.”
Maya put her hands on either side of Harper’s hips, resting them against the car.
“Do you want me to kiss you?”
Harper tried to say yes. She really tried, but she couldn’t make the word escape. Make any words escape.
All she could do was nod.
Maya’s arms tensed. “Ask.”
Her voice was lower now. Near silent, yet it felt like a shout. She was usually so easy to be around that it was hard to picture her in the dominant role she apparently enjoyed.
It wasn’t hard to picture now. Not when every inch of her body emanated danger, want, and pure commanding authority. Not when she’d given an order that Harper couldn’t even imagine disobeying.
So, for once, she did what she was told. And asked.
“Kiss me.”