Chapter 33 #2
“Thank you for earlier. With Evie,” Harper said once Maya had closed the bedroom door. “It was nice of you. Though I wish it wasn’t necessary.”
Maya shrugged. “I don’t mind. Evie can’t help how she’s feeling. If I were her, I would have reservations, too.”
Her eyes were distant, her expression pensive.
Harper was all too familiar with that look. With the arguments that followed it. The past few days had been close to perfect, so it shouldn’t be surprising that they came with a catch.
But that look could be disarmed. Pursing her lips, Harper stepped around the bed and started lighting the candles.
Even without turning around, she knew Maya was staring. Took in the sight of Harper placing tea candles on every even surface until the room was bathed in warm light.
“Don’t know about you, but I’m getting sleepy.” Harper walked over to Maya. She brushed a finger under the hem of her t-shirt. “Would you mind tucking me in? You can take all the time you want.”
Maya sighed. “Harper…”
“Come on.” She hooked her fingers through the belt loops of Maya’s jeans, pulling her closer. “You were gone all day. I missed you. I want to show you just how much.”
Maya’s brows were still furrowed. Only slightly, but enough that her reluctance was obvious.
Was she shy? So far, their escapades had been mostly private. Maybe having other people in the house was making her hesitant.
But Harper was good at being convincing.
Keeping eye contact, she pulled her t-shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor. She wasn’t wearing a bra, leaving her naked from the waist up.
“Nell and Evie will fall asleep in no time. They won’t even notice. Besides… you know I can be quiet.”
Maya’s eyes drifted to her chest, lips parting.
Harper felt her smile turn smug. Maya might like being in charge, but that didn’t make her immune to this kind of trick. Even though it was basic, it still had an effect.
“Sit.”
Maya pushed down on her shoulders, and Harper dropped to the edge of the bed. Maya kneeled, pulling off Harper’s sweats and leaving her in just her underwear.
Harper ran her foot up Maya’s waist.
“Aw. It suits you. Being on your knees.”
Maya didn’t react. She didn’t even look at Harper when she stood again, undoing her belt and stripping down to her bra and underwear.
What the hell? Maya usually responded to her comments with either a quip of her own or swift consequence. She never ignored them.
“I’ve been that bad, huh?” Harper eyed the leather belt in Maya’s hand. “It’s been a while since you’ve needed to use that.”
“I don’t need to use it.” She joined Harper’s hands in front of her, wrapping the belt around them in a makeshift cuff. “I’m just making sure you won’t go anywhere.”
Harper grinned. “You’ve yet to do anything bad enough that I wanted to run. I think you’re safe.”
More silence. Instead of responding, Maya sat at one end of the bed, back against the headboard, and gestured at her lap.
“Come here.”
Harper raised an eyebrow. “Is this when I tell you to make me?”
“If you do, I will.”
Her voice was even, with no humor in it at all. As unyielding as her hard gaze.
This wasn’t the plan. Harper had expected her provocations to be caught with the same playful attitude as usual. That Maya would match her energy rather than derail it.
Cold gripped the base of her spine. But she still moved over and straddled Maya’s lap. They were so close, their faces coming only inches apart as Maya hooked Harper’s bound hands behind her neck.
“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Maya said. “I’m going to tell you some things. You will sit here and listen, and you will not interrupt. Is that clear?”
Harper’s smile faltered. Maya had never sounded like that. Grave and stern. As though she’d had enough. As though Harper’s antics had finally switched from charming to frustrating.
It might just be a warning. If Harper just played along, did what she was told, then that steely look might fade from Maya’s eyes.
“Uh… Okay.” Harper fidgeted in place. “I mean, yes, Sir.”
Maya took a deep breath. Then, her hard expression fell. She ran her hands over Harper’s thighs, barely touching her skin.
“You’re remarkable, Harper. You’re one of the most marvelous people I’ve ever met. Every time I’m with you, you do something unexpected that makes you all the more wonderful. And it pains me that you don’t see it yourself.”
Harper frowned. She leaned back, the retreat stopped by her arms still being around Maya’s neck.
“What?”
“Don’t interrupt.” Her gaze didn’t waver.
It matched her tone, serious and earnest. “I’ve met a lot of people in my life.
Hundreds, if not thousands, and not one of them can match your fire.
You are so sharp. So sweet and so interesting.
So smart that even when I try my hardest, I can barely match you. ”
Needles pricked up Harper’s back, turning searing as they went.
She let out a weak chuckle. “Stop it. This isn’t funny.”
“It’s not meant to be. It’s the truth. One I’ve seen you deflect more than once, and I don’t understand why.”
Why? It should be obvious why. Words like that didn’t fit her. Implying otherwise would just reopen that old wound every parental lecture had poured salt into.
Maya pulled her closer. “I want you to say it. Out loud. I want you to tell me that you aren’t stupid.”
Shame coiled in Harper’s stomach. It radiated through her limbs, burning like acid.
“Stop,” she whispered.
“Not until I hear you say it.”
Maya’s eyes were unyielding. As hard as black stone, and filled with such piercing intensity it felt like her words got stabbed into Harper’s body.
“No. Stop it.” Her voice trembled. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“Try. I’ll keep repeating it until you do. You are not stupid. Say it.”
Harper’s eyes burned. What was this? A callous setup, intended to break her down, perhaps? To hurt her with words rather than fists?
She hadn’t thought Maya capable of such cruelty. That she would like being mean for no reason. Or perhaps just to amuse herself. If that was the game she was into, Harper didn’t want to play at all.
“Stop!” She lifted her arms over Maya’s head, leaning back. “Red.”
Maya immediately retracted her hands. Her gaze softened, and somehow that hurt more. It added a pitying taste to her already deceitful words.
“Harper, I—”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Harper blinked, smothering the tears stinging her eyes. “Is this how you like to get off? By making me feel like shit? By mocking me?”
“Mocking you? That’s not… Harper, I’m not mocking you.”
“Yes, you are. You’re saying things you don’t mean.”
“What things? That you’re smart? Sweet? Interesting? Are those the words you don’t believe?”
Her bottom lip quivered. The shame coiled into a knot of razors, rising to her chest and slowly tightening around her heart.
“Yes. Because they aren’t true.”
She knew it in her bones. Believed it, as harsh as that was. A brutal thought that had enough mounting evidence to be considered fact.
She felt like covering up suddenly. Like wrapping the bedsheets around herself and hiding from the world, but she couldn’t with her hands tied together. She could just sit there, tears spilling over as Maya stared at her with what appeared to be genuine disbelief.
Maya raised her hand, then paused. When it was clear Harper wouldn’t stop her, Maya ran her thumb over her now wet cheek. A tender caress that hit harder than a slap could have done.
“Just one more question,” Maya said. “Do you think you’re stupid because reading is difficult?”
Another stab disguised as a statement. She could read, just not well. The words had a habit of shifting around on the page, so it took time and all her focus to make sense of them, and then she had none left to interpret the paragraph they formed.
Her parents had presented multiple solutions. Tutors, mock tests, berating her for not trying harder. All of it just made her grades slip more, as she was too exhausted from the extra work to pay attention in class.
It shouldn’t have been difficult. Hope and Henry had excelled in school—something that was shoved in her face every time she entered her childhood home. When she saw her siblings’ pictures on the mantle while hers were nowhere to be found.
Her gaze fell, but Maya pushed her chin up, making their eyes meet again.
“Is that why?”
Her voice held none of the sternness from before. It was just soft. So soft.
Harper nodded. Barely a movement, but Maya still caught it.
“That doesn’t mean you’re stupid. Based on what you’ve told me, what I’ve seen, it sounds like you needed more tools than you were given. That you weren’t helped like you should have been. I may be wrong, but… Harper, it sounds like you could be dyslexic.”
No. No. That wasn’t it. That couldn’t be it. Someone would have noticed. Told her. Or her parents, at the very least.
But maybe they had, and they just refused to accept it. Like they refused to accept anything that might stain their picture-perfect lifestyle.
And thinking about it… it made sense. It explained why certain fonts were almost impossible to comprehend, why she could never make written words match what she wanted to say, and why dense legal contracts had always gone right over her head.
But just because it made sense didn’t make the reveal hurt any less.
“I didn’t do well in school either,” Maya said, answering the question Harper couldn’t voice. “My parents mistook my lack of interest for me struggling, so they had me tested. It didn’t fit me, but… it might fit you. I’m not trying to trick you or mock you. I’m just telling you what I believe.”
She smiled again. A warm smile that made Harper’s vision turn blurry. “You’re an amazing person. With so many talents. And you’re so quick-witted that most people struggle to keep up, including me. You are not stupid, Harper. That is a fact. One I think you’d benefit from saying out loud.”
It wouldn’t help. They were just words. They couldn’t mend the shattering ruin tearing at her insides.