Chapter 6 #2
That one hurts, not because I’m foolish to believe he loved me at some point.
Love was never part of the equation with us.
It hurts because Dylan wouldn’t be in our lives if Russell never found me that night.
I’ve got a lot of regrets, and twice as much resentment, but I wouldn’t trade my son’s existence for anything.
I can hate the man standing in front of me, and I can resent the one who took my boy inside just a moment ago, but I’m forever grateful to both.
The heartbreak they inflicted led me to the greatest love I’ll ever know… my son.
Straightening my shoulders, I drop my hands to my sides and stare Russell dead in the eyes.
“I won’t call you to be part of his life. I won’t beg you to be a father. He sees you exactly for what you are. A disappointment.”
“And you think he doesn’t see you for what you are?” He rounds the front of his car, pausing to glance over his shoulder at me. “One day someone is going to knock you off that high horse, and maybe then you’ll get it.”
I let him have the last word, and watch as he stumbles into his car.
The engine purrs to life, and he peels away from the bar, the tires kicking up dirt as they crunch over the gravel.
When the taillights fade from my view, I exhale a heavy breath.
I don’t have time to dwell on anything Russell said.
I’m still on the clock, and there is a boy inside waiting for me to right his world with a smile.
I glance at the watch on my wrist and sigh when I realize I have another twenty minutes before I can leave the bar. That’s when damage control commences, and I try to undo everything Russell did to our boy in the short time they were together.
My eyes cut to where Dylan sits beside my cousin in a booth. After I briefly assured my son that I was okay, Shadow and Maddox decided to take their party of two to a table, and my son accompanied them.
It was weird seeing my son and Maddox together, and even weirder than that was seeing how comfortable Dylan seemed to be around him. I didn’t like it one bit. I know what happens when you get too close to Maddox Meadows, and I don’t want my son to experience that pain.
Still, I refrained from dragging Dylan out of the booth.
I didn’t know what they were discussing, but Maddox and Shadow seemed to have no trouble keeping my son engaged.
Outside the bar, in front of his father, he looked angry, and sad—older than twelve and fighting to keep his composure.
Tucked in the booth, he looked like my little boy again, inquisitive by nature, hanging onto every word the adults spoke, soaking it all in.
He looked like he belonged, and I didn’t have the heart to take that away from him, so I told myself that tonight was the exception, and went about my work.
I tried not to stare, and mostly succeeded, but now that the crowd is thinning, it’s hard not to.
Dylan laughs at something Shadow says, but it’s the man sitting across from them that steals my attention.
There was a time when I wished he’d do what he did tonight, but I gave up on it ever happening.
I reminded myself of all the times he ignored me, and the times when he’d catch my eye only to look away in disgust. Maddox Meadows didn’t give a fuck about me.
Not then and certainly not now—so why the hell did he come outside tonight?
Why did he look like he wanted to kill my ex-husband?
He says something to Shadow, then turns his focus to Dylan, offering him his hand.
Dylan shakes it awkwardly, nodding in response to whatever Maddox says, then releases it.
He slides out of the booth and snatches his hat from the table.
Fitting it onto his head, he turns and makes his way over toward me.
I quickly look away, but I fear I’m too late, and with every step he takes, I feel my cheeks grow hotter.
I’m not sure how to play this. Do I reprimand him for sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong, or do I thank him for taking my son inside?
I’m not sold on either option. I wish he would just walk away like all the times before.
He slaps three fifty-dollar bills onto the bar, his eyes meeting mine from beneath the rim of his Stetson.
“That should cover my tab.”
“That’s way too much.”
“Well, then, keep the change or put some of it toward the damages I owe.” His eyes flit to the mechanical bull.
I had to put an out-of-order sign around its neck tonight.
“But you should just keep it,” he says, turning back to me.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to look at the bull myself before you call someone in to fix it. ”
I shrug. “It’s already broken.”
The corner of his mouth lifts slightly. “Have a little faith, Amelia. I’m good with my hands.”
I don’t know why that surprises me. The man owns a ranch. Things must break down all the time over there. I just can’t imagine him fixing them all, and to be fair, fixing a tractor-trailer is probably a lot different from fixing a mechanical bull.
“Are you?”
“You know I am,” he retorts huskily.
My eyes shoot wide, and I smack my lips together before I say something I’ll regret. There is no way he meant that suggestively, especially not after what he witnessed tonight.
Holding my gaze, he taps his knuckles against the bar.
“I’ll come by one day after the funeral.” He pauses for a beat, taking a step back as he shoves his hands into the front pocket of his Wranglers, but his eyes don’t leave mine. “Amelia.”
“Don’t,” I whisper. “Just forget what you saw and heard tonight.” I mean for the words to sound harsh, but they come out more like a plea.
“I wasn’t…” His voice trails, then he clears his throat. “I just wanted to tell you I think your kid is great.”
I don’t need anyone to tell me that, but it’s nice to hear, especially coming from Maddox.
And that’s probably a problem.