Chapter 12 #4
Later that day, I found him alone on the training field.
Alaric. My chest tightened at the sight of him.
I missed him, not just the boy I used to daydream about, but the future I’d imagined with him.
The idea of us. It felt cruel that I was tied to Aiden instead.
Cruel and unfair. The worst part was Alaric was still everything I wanted.
Everything I should want. And yet… the bond pulled me elsewhere.
Standing there, I realized his presence no longer settled me the way it once had.
That quiet flutter beneath my skin, the sensation I used to think meant everything was gone.
Not replaced. Just… missing. Gods, I hated that.
He peered up and grinned when he saw me, easy and warm.
And for a moment, that grin still felt like home.
Even if my heart no longer knew how to live there.
“How’s it feel,” he asked, rising into a stance, “to have the Sun Goddess powers?”
“Different,” I admitted with a sigh, stepping into place opposite him. “It’s like this constant warmth under my skin, like the fire is alive in me. Hard to control sometimes.” I struck first, but he blocked easily.
“Really? A warmth?” he pressed, pivoting with a quick sweep I barely dodged.
“Yeah. Like the fire isn’t separate from me anymore, it is me. I read something about Hemera last night.” I countered with a sharp kick that made him stumble.
“Oh? And what did you find?” His laugh was light, unbothered.
“That her power isn’t just sunlight. It’s light itself. She’s what brings the day, the dawn, the reason we aren’t left in darkness.” I parried his next swing, my breath catching on the words.
“Fits you,” Alaric said with a smile tugging at his lips.
I arched my brow. “How so?”
“Because you’ve always had light, Ryn. Even when we were kids you would trip, fall, get knocked down in sparring and you’d always rise.
Like nothing could extinguish you.” His voice was soft, reverent.
My heart fluttered. And gods, it hurt. The setting sun washed over the open field in amber, catching his hair, painting him like a figure carved in gold.
For a moment, I forgot everything; Arcanna, the bond, Aiden.
I wished it wasn’t him. I wished it was still Alaric.
“Earth to Ryn?” His hand waved in front of my face, laughter pulling me back.
“Sorry,” I muttered, shaking off the thought. “Thanks, though. It just feels wrong sometimes.”
His grin faded as his gaze softened. “Because of them?” he asked quietly. He didn’t need to say their names. Sofia’s screams echoed in my ears. And the memory of Clive’s blood on my hands still haunted me.
My throat tightened. “Sometimes it feels less like a gift and more like… a curse. Like I was given all this warmth while they—” My voice broke, but I forced the words out. “While Sofia and Clive were left in the dark.”
Alaric caught my hand gently, grounding me. “Don’t do that, Ryn. Don’t punish yourself for something you couldn’t possibly change.”
“They both should’ve made it, Al. Why did I survive and not them?” I whispered, tears pricking my eyes.
He didn’t hesitate. He pulled me into a warm embrace, his hold strong and familiar, the way it had been since we were kids. I clung to him, my chest shaking against his. His voice was steady, low.
“I know how you feel. I lost friends my first year, too. It never gets easier. But listen—” his arms tightened around me, protective, “you can’t carry their deaths like chains. You have to live for them. That’s the only way they don’t fade.”
The tears finally slipped free, hot against my cheeks. Alaric pulled back just enough to cup my face, his thumbs brushing the wetness away as if it didn’t matter. His eyes searched mine, steady and certain. “You’re light, Ryn. You always have been. And if anyone can carry this, it’s you.”
My chest ached at his words, but for the first time since the Rite, the ache didn’t feel like it would swallow me whole. His grin returned, boyish and warm. “Now come on, show me what you’ve got.”
I managed a laugh, shaky but real, and nodded. We dropped back into stance. Our blades caught the fading sun, and we sparred until the field was wrapped in shadow. For the first time in months, I felt like maybe, just maybe I wasn’t only surviving. I was moving forward.
“You’re getting better,” Alaric commented as we walked across the courtyard toward the showers. “Seriously, you took me down a couple times.”
“Thanks,” I replied, elbowing him. “Maybe I’m finally getting the hang of it. Or maybe I’ve just got an incredible teacher.”
He bumped me back with a grin. “Nah. That’s all you.
Soon you’ll be tearing through every opponent we face.
” His words made me smile, but also ache.
A soft, heavy ache that pooled in my chest and made my throat tight.
I glanced at him as we reached the showers, the weight of what I was feeling pushing down like a stone.
I’d been thinking about this the entire walk. Now or never.
“Alaric,” I said, stopping him before he stepped inside. He turned, brows raised.
“Yeah?” I hesitated only a breath before reaching up and cupping his cheeks. My fingers trembled, but I leaned in anyway, pressing my lips to his soft and searching. Just once. Just to know what it could’ve been like.