38. Rahzlyn
Rahzlyn
Water engulfed me. I treaded everywhere and nowhere, too heavy to make a difference against the force that suffocated me. This was it. No one was coming to save me. I was going to drown down here, alone, buried at the bottom of this magical, endless abyss—
I shot upright, gasping for breath and clawing at the sheets around me. Water coated my skin, but the softness of the bed reminded me it was sweat, and I wasn’t drowning.
But I was failing.
If I didn’t successfully find hudro soon, as Gregorios reminded me every day, my vivid nightmares would become my fate.
And what a horrible way to die that would be.
I dragged my hands through my damp, tangled hair.
I didn’t understand what else I needed to do apart from reading and soaking in baths every night.
Admittedly, the latter had helped speed the healing of my glyphs.
The scabs were falling off finally and the itching subsided.
I only wished my mind could progress as quickly as my body.
If I had to hear Gregorios remind me of my own power—and that I needed to get out of my own way—one more time, I was going to lose my stars-damned mind.
Sliding out of the bed, I sought my black robe and tucked myself into it tightly. The loss of my grandparents and brother would remain, but each day the pain of their absence became more bearable. My eyes landed on the double doors, picturing who stood on the other side.
I’d opted for meals in the kitchen with Nio every night, resulting in more conversations with Raithe along the way. We talked about nothing and everything, it seemed. There were topics I knew to steer clear of, particularly around his past, even though I longed to know more about him.
But the feeling of being trapped in my role and this palace eased with each conversation.
Our evenings in the kitchens became, surprisingly, the best part of my days.
He was the most intimidating man I’d ever met, and yet I was addicted to peeling back the quiet layers of his impenetrable armor.
I feared I was beginning to like the man underneath it all in ways that were utterly and completely forbidden.
My feet moved of their own accord.
Raithe’s concerned brow lifted as I peered at him from behind the cracked open door. “Everything alright?” he asked, no doubt having heard my initial gasp upon waking.
“Can’t sleep,” I admitted. “Bad dream.”
“Need me to fetch Letti?”
“I need a distraction.”
His lips twitched. “And you thought of me?”
“Didn’t you once offer yourself as one?” I crooned.
Raithe considered my invitation. “Follow me.”
I trailed after him back into my room, across the terrace, and into his neighboring chamber.
He kept his crimson curtains drawn, barring any visibility through the arched open wall.
Unlike Gregorios and Felaf, who opted to keep theirs half-open most of the time.
Though Gregorios could hardly ever be found in them, sleeping most nights in his observatory, apparently.
Raithe’s room was like mine on a smaller scale, with its high, vaulted ceilings, exposed stonework, and arched window.
The space was complemented by rich, textured furnishings, including ornate rugs, layered black bedding, and an entire wall of stacked bookshelves.
The wall opposite was lined with all sorts of beautiful blades, swords, and weapons I couldn’t identify.
His chamber smelled like him, soft and spicy. Sandalwood, from the incense I gathered he burned. A well-used pillow lay beneath his windowsill. “Do you meditate?”
“Every day,” he answered.
“Why?”
“Because it helps keep me centered.”
“Hm. Basil once suggested I try it.”
“Let me guess, you didn’t have the patience for it.”
“Maybe.” I tracked his frame as he went to the bookshelf and scanned the titles.
Beside the bookshelf was a carved wooden desk and a well-used upholstered armchair.
Not a single item seemed out of place. It was a peek into Raithe’s mind, and I couldn’t help but feel privileged.
“These are not just alphabetized,” I noticed with amusement at his side. “They’re color-coordinated as well.”
“Your point?”
I bit back a grin, admiring his handsome profile. “You’re meticulous in everything you do. My grandfather would have liked you. You would even get along with Basil. You three love burying your heads in books.” I blinked. “Loved.”
“I enjoy reading about history.”
“Why?”
Raithe shrugged. “It’s fascinating. Sometimes I can’t stomach the idea of never knowing all there is to learn,” he said into the bookshelf. “Most of these were either purchased or gifted to me from scholars across the queendom. I’ve accumulated a lot of texts in search of a way to break the curse.”
“And these figures?” I pointed to the wooden scorpions adorning the shelves. I didn’t want to touch them, not when it was clear he preferred everything a certain way to his liking.
“From woodcarvers in the city. I collect them,” he said with his brows scrunched. As if such a thing was surprising for him to admit. “And giving back to the queendom.”
“Ah, so you do have interests and hobbies. Besides aggravating everyone around you, that is.”
“Just you, actually.”
I hid my grin into my shoulder, glancing at his perfectly made bed. I tried not to imagine him lying there, sprawled and vulnerable with sleep, but the image was entirely too tempting. Especially as I wondered if he slept shirtless, or naked even.
I fanned myself with my hand as warmth crept up my neck. Above his bed hung a map of Scorpio sewn beautifully into a textured quilt. I neared it, leaning against the mattress to admire the tapestry. “Oh, this is beautiful.”
“What is?”
I turned and pointed behind me. “This. The details of all the cities, towns and villages are immaculate.”
As he craned his neck over his shoulder, his gaze snagged first on my knee propped atop his bed. Then it dragged slowly up my thigh to where my gown and robe parted.
My skin pebbled beneath his stare. I didn’t retract my leg, exposed as it was, savoring the way it flustered him. Raithe cleared his throat, lifting his eyes. “I haven’t been able to figure out how old it is. Hector gifted it to me after my Chosen ceremony.”
I smiled. “I also had a map in my room. Mine was of the entire realm marked with places I wanted to see. My grandfather and I drew it together.”
“I saw it when I was there.”
“Ah, so you snooped.”
“I did not snoop. I sought your pocket watch.”
“You’re a snooper, Raithe, admit it.”
His sigh was exasperating, though I could have sworn traces of mirth crinkled around his eyes. “On your map,” he said, “what did you want to see the most?”
I pictured the small space I’d shared with Basil for as far back as my memory would allow.
“Cancer’s infinite waterfalls, Pisces’s glacial palace, Virgo’s lush jungles.
Basil and I promised to see the realm together.
But it was the music that I wanted to experience.
Dancing is a language my body knows best. Sometimes, I think it’s all I’m good for. ”
“It’s not,” Raithe said, his tone leaving no room for debate.
Inclining my head, I asked, “When we first met, you said you didn’t have someone to say goodbye to. I now understand the solitary lives of Chosens, but… have you never had anyone? Before Hector. A friend, a lover, anyone you’ve ever been intimate with?”
A book caught on Raithe’s surprised fingers and tumbled to the ground. He shoved it back between the other spines. “No. My focus has always been my training.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Is it?”
“Yes,” I insisted. “It’s beautiful. Especially if you have a connection with someone.”
“Connection?”
“You know, a bond.”
He tilted his head up at the books. “Did you have that? With… Kole?”
My own answer surprised me. “I thought we did. I wanted too much from him. Time and distance have shown me that I…” I didn’t miss him that way anymore.
The sex was fun, but it never satiated my yearning for the kind of connection I dreamt of.
“He was an escape from my grandmother’s marital pressures and a release from the weight of her disappointment.
What we had was rooted in the need for validation clouded by lust, tainted by deceit. ”
“What do you mean?”
Shame tightened its grip around my throat. “I told you the story about how I almost died when I was twelve, right?”
He nodded, recalling the story I'd nervously shared with him when we traveled from Gemini to Scorpio.
“After I fell over the edge of that skyland and landed in the netting, Basil pulled me up with trembling hands. He looked me in the eyes and swore he would always protect me. From then on, we shook on promises made only between us, binding the other to our word.”
“What does any of that have to do with Kole?”
I sighed, fearing what he’d think of me. “Basil warned me to stay away from him the day we all first met. We shook hands on it. When Kole pursued me… I let him. I never told Basil, even as the guilt gnawed at me.”
“Why was Basil friends with him if he wasn’t someone he thought you should be around?”
I shrugged. “He didn’t have any problems when I befriended his sister, Mel. Maybe he didn’t want me to ruin his friendship? I don’t know. He didn’t care if I entertained other men, only Kole.”
“Other men?” A thick undercurrent of tension coated his words.
“Women too. Only with Kole, though.”
Raithe remained utterly still as he stared into the bookshelf.
I tucked my hair behind my ears that burned from his scrutinous silence.
“I used to think sharing him with others would make him want me more. But I hate sharing, especially when it comes to sex, because to me it’s sacred.
I may have flirted and taunted my body with others, but giving yourself to someone else like that is… ”
“Is… what?”