46. Raithe
Raithe
A sickness lingered in my stomach.
It first seeped in the moment Alekko informed us of the attack in the observatory. Only for a few brief moments, when I could physically assure myself Rahzlyn was fine save for a nasty gash on the side of her head, the sickness had vanished.
It came roaring back with a vengeance the moment I told her the truth about Kole. I was pissed at Felaf for attempting to do so without me, but she’d been right. I shouldn’t have kept it from Rahzlyn to begin with. Seeing her devastation, my pelting words shattering what she thought she knew…
It wrecked me.
“How is she?” I beseeched Felaf the eve before the baron’s ball.
My only duty was to protect our princess, not inquire after her emotional state—but I didn’t care.
I needed to know. Rahzlyn had received her dinners in her chambers every night since the attack, ensuring she and I had no interactions.
I wasn’t going to force myself in her space, but she couldn’t avoid me forever.
“Her head wound has healed. But she’s not any closer to finding hudro,” Felaf said, looking me over.
“She’s not talking to me either, you know.
” I knew, having listened to each breath uttered from Rahzlyn’s lips while I sought sleep.
“We fucked up, Raithe. We need to tell her and Gregorios the rest—”
“I will. It was my idea, so she needs to hear it from me first.”
Felaf stepped forward. “If anyone else finds out he’s still alive—”
“He likely doesn’t have much longer, so it won’t matter anyway.”
“Do you hear yourself? We’re no better than the fucking apostai,” Felaf hissed.
Her eyes widened as though she were overcome by a horrifying realization.
“All this time… I’ve wanted you to see me as more than Hector’s replacement.
As an equal, someone as capable as you, and worthy of my title.
I, too, was top of my class at the Martial Isles.
A general, even, which you never were. I may not have won an Elemental Tournament, but you…
You have never even given me a chance. We are failing as guardians to this queendom because of your inability to trust anyone but yourself.
” Felaf’s stare was withering. “For all we know, you are the reason for this curse. With all your dishonesty and secrets, you’ve done this queendom more harm than good.
I see it clearly now: the person I’ve been looking up to all this time…
” She stepped closer. “Is no better than the apostai.”
My mind blanked, too stunned to formulate an appropriate response.
She whirled around, but I grabbed her arm, using my guardian strength to root her in place. Felaf bared her teeth at me, her eyes and glyphs glowing as she ripped her arm from my grip.
“I’m sorry,” I said solemnly. “I am. For putting you in this position, for making you feel this way.” It wasn’t like me to hand out apologies, but I was beginning to understand how detrimental my isolation had become—to me, and especially to those around me.
But if Felaf told Gregorios, Maryn, or anyone of what we’d done, it wouldn’t only be our necks on the line.
Rahzlyn would be questioned as well. And without Gregorios’s ability to use Blood Sight on her to prove she was oblivious to our treason…
I had to believe that Gregorios believed Rahzlyn was worth the risk of deceiving our court to keep her safe.
That he would understand why I did what I did and how it could benefit us all.
We wouldn’t have to worry as long as Felaf kept quiet.
A ghostly, exasperated look overcame her tan features. “You know, I am so tired of letting people put me in any position. I am not a pawn to be blindly led. This court has forgotten what it means to be a guardian, and you’re to thank for that.”
“Don’t do anything you’ll regret, Felaf.” Please, I almost added.
She smoothed her braid over her shoulder and rubbed at her arm where I had gripped her. “Believe me, I already have.”
The queendom’s twelve barons and their families arrived by skyship within a few hours of each other. Baron Ionis even surprised us with his presence.
Given his scornful glare upon his arrival, I surmised he was nowhere close to forgiving our court for his wife’s execution, even if her actions as an apostate were treasonous. He may not have the brand of the apostai, but he was no less dangerous in my eyes.
Felaf and I stood tensely outside the queen’s chambers as we waited for Rahzlyn to emerge.
We donned our formal uniforms designed for both protection and finery.
A high-collared chest plate of matte black armor hugged our torsos.
A single ridged pauldron adorned with gold and crimson edging guarded our right shoulders.
A black mantle hung down to our knee-high boots.
Our arms, of course, were entirely exposed to show off our glyphs.
Felaf had scarcely acknowledged my presence when I joined her.
“Where’s your dress?” Rahzlyn prompted from the chamber within. “You’re not joining me?”
“I’ve never been permitted to,” Letti replied tersely. “Hair and limp, remember?”
Felaf’s stance shifted beside me as we inadvertently eavesdropped.
“So? You’re the only person I’d deign to talk to at this ball. So long as there isn’t water nearby for you to throw me into.”
Letti snorted. “Well don’t give me a reason to throw you in any.”
Rahzlyn laughed. “Fair enough.”
“Besides, it’s far too late. I don’t have anything presentable.”
“We’ll have to remedy that.”
I could have sworn there was a smile in Letti’s voice as she said, “We’ll see.”
“Incoming,” Felaf muttered.
“Where is she?” Maryn demanded, storming our way from the main staircase. Her jeweled hands gathered her elegant black skirt as she raced toward us. Barto and Chessah trailed her, the former smug with false victory. Gregorios and an entourage of guards were waiting at the base of the staircase.
“The finishing touches are being made,” Felaf explained.
The queen regent scowled. “Everyone has been seated. Dinner is ready to be served. Any longer and it will be deemed an insult to our guests.” Her attention shifted to the large double doors. “I swear to Scorpio, if she does not come out right this instant—”
The doors groaned open. Letti appeared first, bowing her head. “Princess Novah is ready. Apologies for the delay, but her hair was simply a disaster.”
A swarm of silent maids emerged from the room, bowing as they passed Maryn. When they cleared, Rahzlyn’s figure appeared.
My heart faltered. Her beautiful hair cascaded over her shoulders. A gold scorpion clip nested atop her head with some curls wrapped around it. Most of her glyphs were on display as well. Scorpion jewelry dangled from her wrists and ears along with other lesser stones for luck and inner strength.
Black, shimmering fabric wrapped around her form in a crisscrossed embrace. With a high neck and wide bands that swept diagonally over her chest and shoulders, sharp cutouts revealed her tan skin beneath. The dress unfurled into flowing panels slit high along her toned thighs.
I resisted the urge to fist her leg chain I kept hidden deep in my pocket like a depraved fool.
It was the only piece of her I permitted myself, even though she wanted nothing to do with me.
I couldn’t make sense of the mess in my head: I craved her mouth and the words they spoke yet welcomed the harsh reminder that neither were mine to have.
I should have been more concerned that if given the chance, I’d likely break our oaths of chastity to have a single taste of her.
“You look beautiful, Princess,” Felaf offered after an extended pause.
She did. But when Rahzlyn’s eyes glossed over me, I stilled. None of her usual vibrant tenderness could be found. It was like a punch to my throat.
“I’m ready, Queen Regent,” Rahzlyn said cooly, brushing past me.
Unlike Maryn’s punishments, her detachedness was a torment I couldn’t bear.
I had the overwhelming urge to hug her flesh to mine and whisper every secret I’d ever harbored against her skin.
Not to get a reaction out of her, but to make her see me the way she had before I’d fucked everything up.
To make her see herself for the force she was, and not this hollow shell.
I clenched my hands at my sides, determination settling in.