Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE CARS, “DRIVE”
“It’s okay to change your mind. If anything happens to you, your parents will have no idea. Do you really trust Isaac?” Heather lived on the edge more than I did, but she stepped up and gave me the mom talk on our way to the church. And I loved her for it. As much as we were each other’s cheerleaders for taking chances and enjoying the beauty of being young, naive , reckless (and a little stupid), we loved each other like sisters.
I worried about her.
She worried about me.
“He was in the Army for six years. I think that makes him pretty trustworthy,” I said despite my hands shaking.
“Does he have your phone number in case he needs to call your parents? Does he have condoms?”
“I said we’re not?—”
“Sarah Elaine Jacobson, stop lying to yourself. Whether you like sex or not, you know you’re going to say yes to him. Don’t. Get. Pregnant.”
Chewing the heck out of my lower lip, shaky hands reaching for my seat belt, I nodded.
Heather pulled into the church parking lot at ten before six, and Isaac’s truck was already there. Adrenaline surged through my body; it was almost too much to take. Maybe it was too reckless, too stupid.
Yet, it felt like a mistake that I would only regret not making.
The thousand-calorie slice of chocolate cake.
Missing curfew to hang out with my friends a little longer.
Spending a whole summer’s worth of paychecks on the perfect leather jacket.
Kissing my boyfriend’s brother.
“If he’s the one, you’ll look back on this and feel bad that you hurt Matt, but you’ll never regret taking a chance on love,” Heather said, putting her car into park.
“I love Matt because he was my first love. I love music because it’s my endless love. Isaac is just a transition—a bridge to a new road.”
“My song.” Heather turned up the radio as Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” played. It was her favorite song, and we sang it together whenever it came on the radio.
I laughed. “I can’t stay and sing. Sorry.” I opened the door as Isaac hopped out of his truck.
“Love you,” Heather said. “Be careful. And have fun.”
“Love you too. I’m bummed everything happened on the same weekend. Thanks for being the world’s best friend and understanding.” I hugged her and stepped out of the car .
“Sunday Morning,” Isaac grinned, taking my backpack from me and waving to Heather as he led me to his truck.
“It’s Friday Morning,” I said.
“Every day is Sunday Morning in my world.”
He’s just a bridge. A bridge that could collapse.
Isaac tossed my bag into the back and opened my door for me. I watched Heather pull onto the road and disappear into the morning haze. This was it. No turning back.
“You’re nervous,” he said.
I shook my head.
He leaned his shoulder against his truck, not rushing me to climb into the seat. “The day I left for basic training, I couldn't stop shaking. Like the first time I performed in front of an audience. And the first time I roped at the rodeo.”
I nodded slowly, lifting my gaze to his, knowing he’d see every ounce of doubt I felt.
“But that was nothing compared to you.” He eyed me with an unreadable expression, lips twisted. “When you sang ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ while watching my hands on the guitar, I was scared out of my fucking mind.”
“Why?” I furrowed my brow.
“You know why.” He nodded toward the seat.
I didn’t. I was so naive, and there didn’t seem to be a way to expedite my way out of it. There wasn’t a magic enlightenment pill. I was Silver Cord Sarah. Isaac wasn’t trying to make me feel stupid. Just the opposite. He gave me more credit than I deserved.
He closed my door after I climbed into the truck, and we were off to Nashville.
We listened to music for several miles before I decided to make small talk. “Does your family know where you’ll be this weekend? ”
“Between my brother’s girlfriend’s legs? No.”
“Stop!” I laughed. “I’m serious. We’re not having sex. It’s overrated, even if Matt and I are …” I stared out my window, wishing that I could shed the guilt and leave it in Devil’s Head.
“You and Matty are what?”
I couldn’t look at him. Too many secrets burdened my conscience, and they all involved the Cory men.
“Our parents have high hopes for Matt and me. But he’s going to Michigan, and I’m …” I shook my head. “I don’t know, but I’m not going to Michigan or marrying him. And I’ve known this longer than Matt. Honestly, I think he’d marry me tomorrow if I wanted to move to Michigan. And that totally sucks to not love someone the way they love you.”
“But Matty won’t give up his own dreams to marry you. So I think you’re overestimating his love for you,” Isaac said.
I shook my head. “I don’t want him to give up anything for me. We’re too young to make such life-changing sacrifices.” I chuckled. “And we’re cowards. We’ve kind of ended it, but neither one of us can bring ourselves to tell our parents because everyone else is so invested. Your dad practically owns my family. Maybe everyone will get used to us not being together in a literal sense, and maybe they’ll?—”
“Forget you two were dating and planning on getting married?” Isaac laughed. “Dream on.”
I knew it was stupid. Matt probably did too. It was easier to ignore it and hope it went away than to suffer the consequences.
“So why have sex if it’s all ending?” Isaac asked.
I shrugged, but I knew the answer. However, I didn’t think Isaac would understand my thought process, my belief that Matt had earned the right to my virginity, or that I simply no longer wanted to keep it.
“Why are you cheating on your brother? And don’t give me a scientific explanation.”
“How am I cheating on him?”
“Loyalty. You’re not showing family loyalty. At least I can say that I’ve known that Matt and I are ending, but you didn’t know that until now.”
“Oh, I knew it was over for you and Matty when I let you play my guitar.”
I rolled my eyes. “Not the same thing.”
He smirked, but after a few seconds, his expression softened into a more serious one. “I did something for my family, something big. And yet, Matty’s always been the golden child. He has no interest in the ranch. He does very little to help out because he has baseball, or he can’t risk getting injured or not getting good sleep. It feels like everything has been handed to him on a silver platter. And even though I know he didn’t ask for this special treatment, I feel like he’s not shown enough gratitude for it either. The least you can do when someone gives you everything is show a little gratitude. Right?”
I turned toward him, adjusting my seat belt. “What did you do?”
Isaac shook his head. “Can’t say.”
As I opened my mouth to prod him, I thought of the things I couldn’t say. “So you’re upset with Matt for letting you do whatever you did while he got everything on a silver platter?”
“No. Matty doesn’t know what I did. So I’m holding a silent grudge, and those are the worst kind. ”
I frowned. “Are you saying I’m revenge? You just want him to have one less thing on his silver platter?”
“Baby,” he laughed, “you don’t belong to anyone. I could lasso you, but you’d break free. I’m not taking anything that’s not given to me.”
His short sentiment contained a lot. It was the first time anyone had ever called me “baby” in that way. I liked it coming from Isaac. And I felt a little more of that power he referenced in the farm shed. I was in control of us. He would only take what I was willing to give him.
The less he demanded, the more I wanted to give him. Isaac held me with open arms.
I turned up the radio, and we spent the next two and a half hours singing our hearts out with the windows down, my shoes off, one foot on the dash and the other outside the window. Nashville became an afterthought. Going anywhere with Isaac next to me and the radio blaring was everything.
He pulled over for fuel, and I ran into the gas station to use the bathroom. When I came out, he was waiting for me by the refrigerated section.
“Pepsi?” He opened the door and grabbed one.
“Yes.”
He handed it to me and grabbed his Mountain Dew. “Hungry?”
I nodded. “Starving.”
We found the stand of Hostess snacks. Isaac grabbed Ding Dongs, and I chose Twinkies. He also added a can of Pringles, Mentos, and a pack of lemon-lime Gator Gum. As we waited in line, he turned to face me, eyeing me with an unreadable expression.
“What?” I grinned, holding my pop and Twinkies .
“Nothing,” he said as a smile crept up his face, and he dipped his head to kiss me.
He was kissing me in public, and my father did not approve of public displays of affection. It wasn’t a long kiss, but a few people were staring at us, and it made me blush, so I dropped my chin to end the kiss. I kept my head down and strained my gaze to see if the bystanders were done staring. Isaac took my things and set them on the counter.
“I’ll meet you outside,” I mumbled, slithering out of the gas station.
Isaac, with his sexy Wrangler jeans, cowboy boots, white tee, and mischievous grin, strutted toward me as I stood at the back of his truck. “It’s not locked.”
“Just stretching my legs a little more.”
“Well, you’d better get in the truck before I embarrass you again.”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t embarrassed.”
“Liar.”
“I’m not lying.” I crossed my arms over my chest as he opened my door and set the bag on the floor.
“Are you sure?” he asked, shutting the door.
Before I could lie a second time, he took three strides, grabbed my face, and kissed me a lot harder than he did in the gas station.
Tongue.
A tiny moan.
Then he turned me without releasing my lips. My backside hit the bumper. He wedged one leg between mine, and his left hand slid down my neck and chest until he had my breast cupped, giving it a hard squeeze.
I knew with certainty that someone was going to report us for something like public indecency, and my parents would get a call from jail. When he released my mouth, I gasped.
“Do you like how I feel between your legs?” he asked with his lips at my ear.
My mouth dried up with panic.
Isaac didn’t give me a fair chance to respond before he abandoned me. He climbed into the driver’s side while I kept one hand on his truck to navigate my wobbly knees to my door.