8. Cedar #2
I finished off the eggs and pulled together the bacon, egg, and cheese toast sandwiches while she poured us two glasses of juice.
When she finished, I handed her a plate and took one for myself.
We headed into the living room and sat down to eat in silence.
I was sure she was thinking about all this just as I was.
I was honest when I said that I couldn’t see myself falling in love with a woman who didn’t accept my kid and my relationship with Sunday.
Hell, I couldn’t see myself falling for a woman who didn’t love my kid.
And if I was being all the way honest, I didn’t see myself falling in love again. That shit hurt too deeply.
When we finished our food, I took the plates and cups back to the kitchen, rinsed them, and set them in the dishwasher.
“Still wired?” I asked when I returned to the living room.
“Not completely. I’m getting sleepy.” She yawned and covered her mouth with her fist.
I sat on the other end of the couch. “Give me your feet.”
“What?”
“Give me your feet. I can help you relax.”
She hesitantly slid them out of her slippers and placed them on my lap. I took the first one, gently rubbed the ball of her foot, and slowly worked my way down and up again.
“That feels so good, Cedar.”
“I know. I’m good at this shit.”
“Did you used to do this for Taylor?”
I nodded. “Gave her full body massages, treated her to spa days, cooked for her, showed up with surprise lunches at her job, kept our weekly date nights, bought her gifts just because. Whatever I thought it would take to make her feel special, I did it.”
“You were a good man, Cedar. I’m sorry that she didn’t see that.”
“Yeah, I am too, I guess.”
I sighed and worked my way up to her toes.
“I used to ask myself what more could I have done to make things better for her, to show her that I loved her.”
“You couldn’t have.”
“I know that now. I couldn’t give her what she was looking for. It was never about me being a good man. She didn’t want a man.”
“There are so many women out there who would have loved and treasured a man like you. Don’t let her lies and betrayal harden your heart against love. It’s out there waiting for you.”
I smiled and pressed deeper into her instep, and she moaned. My dick immediately reacted to that shit, and I had to shift slightly so that it didn’t poke her in the calf. I hoped that she didn’t feel it, but that hope was lost when she glanced at me, blushed, and then turned her head away.
“What about you? Why didn’t you ever get locked down?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
“Besides the fact that I’m only twenty-five and my knight-in-shining armor hasn’t ridden up yet, I’ve had one major heartbreak also.”
“And you’re out here preaching to me.” I chuckled.
“Well, I didn’t turn away from the notion of love. I just proceeded with caution.”
“What did he do?”
She sighed heavily and answered. “My boyfriend broke up with me on prom night. We’d been dating since freshman year. We talked about our future goals and going to the same colleges. The night of our junior prom, I wouldn’t have sex with him, and he broke up with me.”
“Not that you had to do it, but what made you not want to? I mean, you’d been dating this guy for what? A year?”
“About a year and a half. I didn’t do it because I suspected him of messing with a couple of other girls in our school. I wanted the man who I gave my virginity to, to be someone special and worth it. That all changed over the next few years.”
“What do you mean?” I moved to her next foot, and she scooted down a little further on the couch and rested her head against the armrest.
“I met a man older than me in my senior year. Thought I was in love again, and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him, including giving him my virginity.
Then, when I got to college, I casually dated.
In my sophomore year, I threw caution to the wind and started having sex with a study partner.
We were good friends, and we spent a lot of time together, but we weren’t in a relationship. ”
“So, you two became casual fuck buddies?”
“Yeah, throughout my sophomore and junior years. Halfway through the year, he dropped out to return home. His mother passed, and he returned to help his father with their small grocery store and took classes at a local college.”
She yawned and stretched in my lap before she closed her eyes.
“And then what happened to you?”
“I met someone during my senior year at a party one night, and he took the place of the other guy. We smashed throughout that year until a few months after graduation. He moved to Chicago for a job, and that was that.”
“No great love affairs since then?”
“No love affairs. No relationships. No sex. Just casual dating.”
“Were they not good enough, or were you just not turned on?”
“It was neither. I decided that I would be abstinent because I treasure myself too much. I felt that I’d been reckless enough the last few years, and I needed to slow up and get to know the adult version of myself better.
I knew that when I found that special someone, I would give him my everything. ”
“How’d you end up with me then?”
She smiled, and in a very sleepy voice, she professed, “You’re someone special.”
I closed my eyes but kept rubbing her feet. Her words did me in. I vowed not to break this girl’s heart, but I wasn’t good for her. I was damaged goods, and she deserved something so much more.
I finished rubbing her feet. After a few minutes, Sunday snored lightly, and I moved her feet off my lap.
She didn’t budge. After a few moments of staring at her beautiful face, I couldn’t help myself.
I repositioned her on the sofa so that she was against the back of it, and I nestled in behind her on the edge.
I pulled her into my arms, and she snuggled closer. Dropping a kiss on the top of her head, I whispered, “You’re someone special too.”