11. Sunday
Sunday
“ T hanks for meeting me here today, Sunday.”
I glanced nervously around and squirmed in my seat. I wasn’t sure what this meeting would lead to, but I knew that it was the least that I owed her.
“You’re welcome.” I toyed with the handle on my purse as I stared at her. “I was, . . . uhm, . . . surprised to hear from you.”
She smiled brightly back at me and nodded. “I know. I didn’t think you would reply, and when you did, I was pleasantly surprised.”
“So . . . how, uhm, how have you been doing?”
I cast a tentative gaze at the wheelchair she was sitting in. I felt like such an idiot for asking that question. How did I think she was doing?
“It’s okay, Sunday. It’s fine for you to ask me that question. Just because I’m stuck in this chair does not mean that I don’t have quality of life. If I weren’t in this chair, you would easily have asked me the same thing.”
“If you weren’t in that chair, I would already know how you were doing.”
“True.”
A softness touched her voice and eyes, but then she smiled brightly.
“Honestly, being in this chair has made me a better person and taught me to understand what really matters. Relationships. Quality of life.” She looked up at the ceiling as though she was searching for that final thought. “Forgiveness.”
A smile graced my old friend’s lips and warmed my heart.
“Layla, I’m sorry for what I did back then.”
She smiled gently at me and reached across the table for my hands.
“Honey, it’s okay. I have truly forgiven you from the bottom of my heart. We were foolish teenagers doing stupid things back then. I had no right sneaking out of the house and going to that party anyway.”
“And I should have . . . never been driving in that condition.”
“It wasn’t even that for me back then. I wasn’t upset with you about that.
We all were doing things we shouldn’t have.
I knew how Derek could be when you went against him, and I always worried about you.
I worried that he was physically abusive to you and that you were hiding it away from the rest of us.
He was very volatile, and the way he talked to you and snatched you around let me know that he was abusive. ”
“He was. And there wasn’t an excuse for it, but it came out whenever he’d been drinking.”
“Which was almost always.”
I nodded.
“You know what hurt the most?” she asked.
“What was that?”
“When I was lying in the hospital bed, and you told me that I could have found another ride or drove instead of you. That I knew the condition you were in, and I should have been a better friend by putting my foot down.”
The tears I’d been trying to hold back flowed freely from my eyes at the moment. I pressed my fist against my mouth and choked back a sob. My heart ached for her. I wasn’t a good friend. I wasn’t shit to her back then, and she deserved so much better.
I shook my head. “I was such a selfish, cold bitch. I’m so sorry, Layla. You didn’t deserve that.”
“No, I didn’t. But you were my friend, Sunday. You were selfish, but you weren’t cold or a bitch. Those things were never in your nature. You were scared, especially with the police investigation hanging over our heads.”
“Meanwhile, my best friend was lying in a hospital bed, struggling to recover. And you were struggling to regain control of your legs.”
The tears wouldn’t stop, and I could barely speak over them.
“We all thought it was temporary at that time. And it would have been. What none of us could have known was that I would be diagnosed with MS while in the hospital and lose my mobility soon after.”
“I’m so very sorry,” I apologized with a sincerely repentant heart. “I tried reaching out to you in the months afterward, but your mother said you didn’t want to hear from me.”
In the first several weeks after her accident, Layla stayed in contact with me, and I thought we would be okay. Then, one day, she no longer accepted my visits.
“I didn’t, Sunday. I was extremely angry with you, with Derek, with God, and with the world as a whole.
I felt like everything had been so unfair.
Here I was with these track scholarships to college, and I couldn’t run anymore.
How was I supposed to pay for college or even attend when I couldn’t walk?
I didn’t want everyone looking at me in this chair and asking what happened or feeling sorry for me. ”
“We all lost that night, Layla. And it was because I was too much of a coward to speak up and do what was right. Derek eventually went to jail for selling drugs to minors. I lost my best friend, and you lost everything .”
Layla nodded and grabbed a tissue to wipe her eyes. She pressed her lips together tightly as she looked up at the ceiling, closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply. She held her breath before she finally released it and smiled again.
“Did you ever tell your mother about . . . the baby?”
I grabbed more napkins and pressed them into her hands. She wiped her face just as the waiter returned to take our orders.
We placed our orders, handed our menus over, and resumed our conversation.
“When the doctors gave me that news, it was before you all were in the room with me. I was alone at that point, and I asked him not to share that with anyone. You were the only person who knew about the baby or the loss of it. It wasn’t until a week later that I eventually told her.
As you can imagine, she was devastated. She couldn’t believe that I had gotten pregnant, knowing that I was jeopardizing my scholarship.
She asked me how I could be so careless. She blamed you.”
“For you getting pregnant? Me?” I slapped my hand against my chest.
“Yeah. Not that you got me pregnant. But she didn’t believe you were the best influence on my life.
She thought that I wouldn’t have been messing around with Craig if it wasn’t for your influence.
She thought you and Derek were moving way too fast and too soon.
I told her that my choices were mine. You weren’t around when it happened.
You weren’t in the bedroom with me or on the phone.
That was strictly mine and Craig’s doing. ”
“So, when you decided to push me out of your life, I’ll bet she was super excited about that.”
Layla nodded and sighed loudly. “She was. But in time, she regretted it. After I pushed everyone out of my life, she encouraged me to reach out to you. She said that I was sinking into depression and what I was going through wasn’t good for me.
She thought I needed to surround myself with things and people who were familiar to me. ”
I reached across the table and grabbed her hands. “I’m sorry, Layla. I should have been there. I wish that I had been there for you. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”
“Eventually, I didn’t.”
The smile that graced her lips told me that there was so much more to her story.
“I’m listening.”
I rested my arms on the table and folded them as I leaned forward eagerly to hear the rest of her story.
“I was going through rehab before the MS stole my mobility. And there was another patient in there who had suffered a football injury in college. He was regaining his ability to walk again too. We were both frustrated, but he was able to put his frustration aside when he saw me break down crying one day. He encouraged me, and we made a pact to be each other’s support system and bet which one of us would gain mobility again first.”
Layla’s chuckle was soft and sweet as her eyes stared off into a faraway place, and I could tell she was lost in a beautiful memory.
“I regained mobility first, and then he did. We developed a beautiful friendship over the next several weeks, but I eventually lost mine again. He was by my side, encouraging me and comforting me every step of the way.”
She pulled her hand from on her lap where it had been resting. When she laid it on the table, I noticed the pear-cut diamond ring on her hand. She twisted it left and then right, and a smile graced her beautiful, round brown face. Her hazel eyes twinkled merrily as she looked up at me.
“Bryan and I have been married for four years now, and we adopted a beautiful little girl. Amara is five months old and the joy of our lives.”
“Oh, my goodness, Layla! I’m so happy for you.”
I jumped out of my chair, rounded the table, and threw my arms around her. I kissed her soft, damp cheeks and squeezed her. She squeezed me back and leaned into the hug. The familiar scent of honeysuckle she’d always loved floated around me and brought back plenty of beautiful, warm memories.
When I released her, I patted my eyes because they were full of tears. The waiter chose that time to return.
“I hope my presence isn’t bringing all this on,” he stated as he served our food.
Layla and I both laughed.
“Sorry that we’re crying every time you approach, but trust that they are happy tears,” I explained, laughing.
“Y’all must’ve been awfully hungry to cry when you see your food coming,” the waiter commented and winked at us before he left the table.
We joined hands and prayed over our meal before we resumed our conversation.
“I’m so glad that you have the beauty of love and a family in your life. You deserve it, Layla.”
“Thank you. It wasn’t easy to accept that I wouldn’t be able to have children or any of the things that I couldn’t do.
I’ve been in therapy for the last eight years.
It was how I was finally able to forgive you.
I actually forgave you a long time ago, or I thought I did.
But it wasn’t until last fall that I truly knew I had done that.
Not long after we adopted Amara, I decided to find you again.
I missed my old friend and wanted you back in my life.
You weren’t the only one who was doing what you were back then. We all were.”
“You’re the only one who paid the penalty for it, though.”
She shook her head. “I suspect you’ve been paying it right along with me all these years.”
I nodded as I thought about the self-recriminations that I lived with daily.
“I missed you so much, Sunday.”
“I missed you too.”
My words were genuine, but my heart thudded loudly in my chest. I was ashamed that I blamed everyone except for myself and that I abandoned my friend in her time of need.
Going away to college helped me put that behind me, and I hadn’t confronted it since then.
It was even better when I moved to Cherokee Springs because no one knew Layla.
No one would be able to associate me with the ugly deed I’d done.
But all that changed when she returned. If Layla were back in my life, I would have to tell Cedar what happened.
What would he think of me? The beautiful and courageous girl he saw was not really that person.
I was a fraud. How would he feel about me if he knew what I’d done?
How would he judge me? What would he think about my ability to be the mother of his child and my decision-making skills for our son’s future?
All those thoughts flowed through me, and fear like a slow-burning fire grew in my belly.
“So, how far along are you?” Layla asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“I’m just over halfway through my pregnancy. Twenty-two weeks. He’s due in September.”
“Aww, congratulations. A little boy. It seems everyone I know has been having girls. Are you excited?”
“I am. No more than his father is, though. I swear that man is on cloud nine about this little boy, and he caters to my every need.”
“Anyone I know?” She wiggled her eyebrows.
I laughed and shook my head. “No. He’s someone who I met here.”
“Well, I can’t wait to meet him. We really should set up a date night sometime so that you can meet my husband and daughter the next time that I’m in town. I’d love to meet your . . .”
“Boyfriend,” I clarified when she glanced at my empty ring finger.
She nodded. “It would be so cool.”
“Yeah,” I replied nervously. “We should set something up sometime.”
Layla stared at me for several long moments. She knew me so well, even after all this time.
“He doesn’t know, does he?”
I shook my head. “It never came up, Layla. I’m sorry,” I apologized softly.
She pressed her lips together and replied, “It’s okay.” But I could hear the disappointment in her voice.
We finished our meal and said our goodbyes. I couldn’t help but think that I was back in the same situation I’d been in the past, choosing a man over my best friend. Would I always be a coward?