Chapter 20 Zandra
TWENTY
Zandra
I woke to warm yellow light shining onto white walls. The murmur of voices from somewhere nearby. I was in a nest of thick blankets up to my neck, and I wasn’t alone. A large arm draped over me, absently caressing my belly through my sleep shirt.
Even if I’d somehow lost all memory of last night, I’d be able to tell it was Callum in bed with me. Not just from the combined scent of cologne and masculinity. But the electricity I felt from his touch.
I’d felt it all last night too. I couldn’t even explain the relief I’d experienced after seeing him safe and sound. The loved ones of first responders and soldiers had to get used to it, right? The helplessness.
I was hardly his loved one. We were just getting to be friends.
But in my heart, I knew the world would be a much darker place without Callum’s irreplaceable light in it. And my world was already so dark sometimes.
It was terrifying how much I craved having his light shine on me.
“You awake?” Callum’s voice was rough from sleep. His lips pressed soft kisses against my neck, chin scratchy with stubble. “I think you’re awake.”
“Need the bathroom,” I murmured.
When I tried to scoot from him, though, he clamped his arm down. “Nope.”
“Callum, I’m serious.”
“Same.” Another kiss. “You know how long I’ve been wanting you in my bed? Not letting you escape.”
I huffed a laugh. “I’ll come right back.”
“Promise?”
Turning my head, I locked eyes with him. “I’ll hurry back.”
“’Cause you like it here, huh? My bed is the best place ever. Ten out of ten.” He pulled me even closer and burrowed his face in my neck.
“Let me go!” But I was full-on laughing.
He released me, and I scrambled to the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it.
Because who knew what shenanigans Callum might come up with.
I did my business quickly, then brushed my teeth and washed my face.
My hair had come partly out of its braid, but at least my eyes weren’t as bloodshot as last night.
That awful note, on top of the fire and what Tommy had said… I swallowed down a lump, but it sat at the back of my throat. Still there.
Was it foolish to be here with Callum? Probably. But it was hard to care. I was happier around him. After Jessa’s death, I’d gotten used to a base level of unhappiness. That was probably why I’d put up with Ian for so long.
I liked how I felt when Callum was around me.
Emerging from the bathroom, I found Callum leaning against the wall right outside. His rumpled bedhead only made him sexier. The way his pajama pants hung low enough to reveal the base of his happy trail? Sinful.
“Here to escort me back to bed?” I asked.
“In a sec. I need the bathroom too. But keep in mind, I hid your car keys.”
“Callum, I wasn’t going to leave.”
“Just making sure. On foot, I can definitely chase you down.” With a grin, he vanished behind the bathroom door.
The clang of dishes and scents of bacon and coffee came from the kitchen. Which meant Callum’s roommates were up. I wasn’t hungry though, and I wasn’t interested in socializing. I really didn’t want to leave this room.
While Callum was in the bathroom, I took the opportunity to glance around. I’d seen it the night we cooked together, after I’d showered off the brownie batter. I’d been surprised at how tidy the place was.
Walking over to his desk, I touched the framed photos there. His brother Ashford, sister Grace. A little girl I assumed was Callum’s niece, Maisie. There were lots of candid poses of family and friends.
Callum was always surrounded by people. That had annoyed me when we were younger. But had I just been jealous? Of him for effortlessly having so many friends. Or maybe jealous of everyone else, because they got to have Callum’s happiness shine on them.
My teenage self would’ve denied such longings to her last breath. Also she would’ve had an opinion or two about my sanity.
I was still studying his photos when the bathroom door opened. Half a second later, Callum’s arms had closed around me, my feet had left the ground, and he was carrying me back to the bed.
“Hey!”
He knee-walked us both across the mattress, lying me down and stretching out over me. “If you want your car keys back, you’ll have to earn them.”
“Excuse me?”
His mouth dropped to nibble my neck. “Kidding. But I think you should spend the day with me. It’s Monday. No work.”
“Spend all day in your bed?”
“Doesn’t sound so bad.”
“I should text Rosie.”
“I already did last night. I let her know you’re safe.”
“Without asking me?”
“Z,” he said softly. “You don’t need to fight me on everything.” He lifted his hand, brushing his thumb down my lower lip. I shivered as threads of pleasure worked their way through my body, forcing me to relax.
“Since I got here last night, I’ve been very agreeable, I’ll have you know.”
“Yes, but your first instinct is to push back. To grump at me and tell me to fuck off. No matter what I’m asking.”
My mouth opened, but I didn’t really have a response to that. Because he was right. I knew it, and I wanted to be easier. To not have the word No be my first thought at all times.
At least, not with him.
I wanted everything Callum could give me.
The gold in his irises glittered. “Say yes to me. For one whole day, just say yes unless we hit something that’s a hard limit. Bet you a hundred bucks you’ll enjoy it.”
I found myself nodding, not quite trusting my voice. This was not comfortable for me. Yet at the same time, I craved it. The power to let go and let Callum make me feel good.
Make everything better, like he’d said last night.
A slow grin spread his lips wide. “Let’s start with an easy one. Can I kiss you?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
His lips slanted over mine. Kissing gently at first before deepening the connection. At the same time, he took my wrists in his hands and brought them over my head, placing my hands beneath the pillow where my head rested.
“Now I’m going to kiss and touch the rest of you.” It had been a statement, yet his eyes held an implicit question. Another test.
I nodded, my body vibrating with nerves and from how much I wanted this.
He scooted down until his jaw was level with my belly button. My borrowed shirt had already ridden up, exposing my stomach, and I gasped as his lips made contact with my skin. His fingers rucked the shirt up higher. His shirt.
“So pretty, baby.” His breaths were hot. “So sexy.”
As he kissed a line up my torso, he kept moving the shirt too. Until the cotton tugged over my breasts, creating friction against my nipples just as they met the open air.
“Fuck, Zandra.” His gaze hungrily traced my curves. “You’re—”
The rest of his sentence was lost when he twirled his tongue around my nipple. I moaned, clapping a hand over my mouth when I realized how loud I’d been. His roommates were out in the kitchen and living room, having breakfast.
But Callum didn’t seem to have the slightest concern about that. He moved to the other nipple and sucked until I was biting my lip to stay quiet. While he lavished attention on my breasts, his thumbs hooked the waistband of my borrowed sweats and worked them down past my hips.
Then his mouth kissed downward again. He nosed at the skin just above my panties, which had tugged down slightly. Someone laughed in the living room.
“Lift your hips,” he urged, lowering my panties when I did. He quickly tossed the clothing somewhere on the floor, kneeling over me and eating me alive with his fierce gaze. His erection tented the flannel of his pants.
I’d never felt so exposed. Shirt up over my breasts, naked everywhere else. And this was Callum O’Neal. The boy I’d despised in high school. Who I maybe, secretly, had wanted.
He stroked the length of his shaft through the fabric. “Z. You don’t disappoint. I could almost come just from looking at you.”
“Hope you’ll do more than that.”
“Oh believe me, I plan to.” Scooting down further, he suddenly grasped my thighs and pushed them apart. “I’m gonna kiss your pussy now,” he growled.
“Yes. Yes, yes,” I rambled.
“Good girl.”
When he pressed his face between my legs, I almost levitated off the mattress. This was an out of body experience. Yet I’d never felt more physical either. Never felt more desired.
His tongue delved inside me. Licked and flicked my clit. Callum’s eyes closed and he moaned, and I saw his hand reach inside his pajama pants to grip his cock. Everything about Callum was so overtly sexual, unapologetic, and I was wild for it.
Suddenly he sat up, shoving his pants down to free his erection. He roughly groped for his nightstand, drawer flying open as he rummaged around. He came back with a condom. The gold foil caught the light as he lifted it up.
I nodded vigorously. “Please.” I needed this. Couldn’t wait another second to feel him.
With a few practiced movements, Callum got himself ready. I felt his tip press to my opening. His eyes were fixed on mine, but I was glad that he didn’t ask for permission now.
Instead he held my hips and slid every inch of his cock inside me, his chest rumbling with a groan. No hesitation.
It was like he just knew. Right now, I needed to be taken.
He rested more of his weight against me as he started to move. One hand braced on the mattress by my head, the other hooking below my knee to bend it wider for him.
I reached for him and dug my fingers into his messy hair. My hips lifted with every thrust, meeting his. The headboard banged against the wall, and I flinched. But he just bent down to kiss me.
“Focus on me,” he murmured. “Nothing matters but us. Forget everything else.”
Slowly, I relaxed. Let Callum hypnotize me with his sexy expressions and the sweet, dirty praise he whispered in my ear. You’re doing so well for me. Love how wet you are.
When he pulled out of me and rolled me onto my side, arranging me so he was spooned behind me, I just let him position me. His cock slid easily between my legs, entering me again, and I whimpered at how his shaft felt inside me, stretching me.
“Here, let me fix this,” he said, gathering up my hair, which had come out of the braid and was all over the place. He carefully laid my locks over the pillow, then nuzzled his nose against my temple. “Better?”
“Mmhmm.”
Callum pulled me tight against his big body. Like he was cherishing me and filling me up at the same time. Like he could surround me and swallow me up if he wanted to. I was half drunk on this man. He did things to my brain that were inexplicable.
But also…we weren’t moving.
“What’s happening right now?” I asked dreamily. “We’re just lying here.”
“It’s snuggle sex.” He ran his hand down my side. “I don’t want this over too fast.”
“Snuggle sex?”
“Yep.” His fingers trailed down to squeeze my butt cheek. “This way, I can keep you on my cock for as long as possible. I think this will work well for us.”
“Callum,” I grumbled.
His fingers danced over my inner thighs next. Teased between. “What is it? You need something?” His fingertip glanced over my clit, and I shook with how good it felt.
Especially when he shifted slightly, and the sensation of his thick cock inside me lit up every one of my nerve endings. “Do that again,” I moaned.
“Only if you beg me.”
I’d like to say I stayed strong. But I didn’t.
After several more minutes, I barely knew what I was saying. “I want it, Callum, want you so bad, I—oh, yes, please.”
“Don’t you worry. I’ve got you.” His panting was loud in my ear. Our hips slapped together as he pulled me onto his cock again and again.
Suddenly he changed our position. Sprawled me out, flat on my back, while he went to his knees, towering over me. “Just look at you.” He licked his lips. “Never seen anything like you, Z.”
“I’m enjoying the view myself.” All that smooth skin over muscle, the tattoos. And that sexy smirk. Ugh, it did me in.
“Grab the bottom of the headboard.”
I reached up and slotted my hands under the headboard to hold on. Callum spread my legs and pulled me back onto his cock. My head tipped back, my lips closing to muffle a desperate moan.
If the younger me had any idea Callum would be this hot in bed, maybe I would’ve overcome my hate for him sooner.
He pushed my knees up, and I felt him so deep. The mattress shook with every thrust. Sweat beaded between his pecs. “You close, Sunflower? Gonna come for me like you’re mine?”
“Yes. Yours.” The curl of tension inside me ignited. A fuse lighting and starting to burn. My hands grabbed at the headboard. Then my back arched and my legs cinched around his waist as rolling waves of pure pleasure took me over.
Nothing existed but us. My body singing while the hottest man in the world took me over the edge and kept me right there, quaking and chanting his name.
“Z. That’s perfect. You’re gonna make me—” The pulse of his orgasm inside me gave me another jolt of pleasure.
And the look on his handsome face just heightened the sensation.
Almost always, Callum looked happy, but right now he seemed struck by awe.
Like he was just as overwhelmed by this moment as I was.
I couldn’t believe how much I wanted that. To give him as much as he was giving me.
Callum lowered himself to the mattress and pulled out, moving down slightly so he could kiss me. I got lost in the caress of his lips, his warm body rubbing against me like he couldn’t bear for us to be separated, even though the sex was over.
A dose of clarity hit me.
Oh, this was so, so bad.
Yet the wave of comfort that flowed through me as he held me in the afterglow, gently kissing my hairline, was even worse. Because I already knew one time with Callum wouldn’t be enough. Why did I have to like him so much?
This was probably going to hurt when it was over.