Chapter Twelve #2
“Of course, it’s right through—” But as Harper was talking, the door to the bar popped open, and Charlie walked in, and all the thoughts in Harper’s mind fled.
She really should be used to seeing her in her yoga clothes, but occasionally, she wore something new and sexy as fuck, and it was like Harper was seeing her for the first time.
“Hey, sorry to interrupt, Harper. But I’m heading to teach a class, and I wanted to make sure we’re still on for tonight.”
Harper would have sworn that Charlie was radiating sunshine, and it took her too long to remember how to speak. “Uh, yeah. We’re still on. Six, right?”
“Yep. See you then.” And she was gone with Harper staring after her like a teenager with her first real crush.
When the door closed, Ellie said, “Who was that?”
“My, uh, tenant,” Harper said, unsure how else to describe her.
“You’re dating your tenant?” Hayden asked.
“Definitely not,” Harper said without hesitation. She did not date.
“Why not? She’s certainly attractive. And fit,” Ellie said.
“Hey,” Hayden said and lightly punched her arm.
“What? Not as fit as you, obviously.” Ellie kissed her briefly on the lips.
“Fine, but with that, let me use the restroom, and let’s go get some lunch. I’m starving. Running in this humidity this morning has me famished,” Hayden said as she squeezed Ellie’s shoulder.
Harper realized how much she missed casual touches like that with someone she was friendly with.
“And that’s why you’re the fittest person I know.
Because you still run when the humidity is, like, a thousand percent,” Ellie said as she smiled a goofy but adorable smile.
Hayden rolled her eyes good-naturedly and strolled off toward the restroom.
Harper’s chest squeezed a bit at the lighthearted tenderness of the entire exchange.
She took them to her favorite local waterfront restaurant, Sally’s Seashells by the Seashore, who had melt-in-your-mouth conch fritters that couldn’t be beat.
Two hours slipped away in what felt like minutes as they caught up.
Harper had no idea that a veterinary behaviorist was a career, but it sounded amazing, and their story—how they’d both saved each other a little bit—made Harper melty inside.
As they finished their lunch, Hayden said, “I’m going to take a walk along the water and let you two catch up alone for a bit, but I’ll be back.”
“Are you sure?” Ellie said. “You don’t have to.”
Harper said, “Yeah, please don’t feel like you need to. This has been really fun.”
“I know, but I also know you haven’t seen each other in years, and I want to let you have some private time. I’m sure I can find some cute shops to spend some money in. I love to buy local.” She pressed a kiss to the top of Ellie’s head and headed off.
Ellie sighed dreamily. “I love her so much. When we first met, I thought she was way too young, but we had this instant attraction. I don’t know, it’s funny how love hits you when you least expect it.”
Harper chuckled and threw a packet of sugar at her. “Just stop. I can’t with you.”
“Whatever.” Ellie shrugged. “But what’s up with you? Why do you think you can’t date that hot yoga woman who lives next door?”
“Because the thought of having deep feelings for anyone other than Kelly feels like cheating on her,” Harper answered without thought.
Ellie cocked her head. “Have you not been with anyone since you lost her?”
“I’ve had a few one-night stands with women who were here on vacation. I don’t want anyone getting ideas. And it’s why Charlie is off-limits. She lives here, at least for now. I don’t really know what her long-term plans are.” Harper sighed and rested her chin in her palm.
Ellie placed her warm hand on Harper’s arm.
“You know it’s not cheating, right? You and Kelly got screwed, and you were both cheated out of years together.
Selfishly, I was also cheated out of the best attorney duo I’ve ever worked with.
” Harper half smiled at that revelation.
“I still don’t have someone I trust as much as I trusted you both, but that’s life. ”
“Oh stop.”
“It’s true, and I won’t.” Ellie squeezed her arm.
“Sometimes unfair shit happens. Kelly was taken from the world before she even turned forty. I lost my best friend in the universe a few years ago, and she was barely forty. I still miss her all the time—I regularly reach for my phone to text her—but she brought Atlas into my life, and he led me to Hayden. And death may be the only guarantee in life, but life has to move on after it. There’s no way Kelly would have wanted you to spend the rest of your life alone and mourning her. ”
“She wouldn’t want me to forget her,” Harper said, anger—or maybe it was hurt—lacing her words. She couldn’t really tell.
“No one said anything about forgetting her. That isn’t possible.
You loved her for nearly two decades of your life.
But you hopefully still have four or five decades to go.
You don’t have to forget her to move on.
The love you feel for someone else won’t be the same as what you felt for her, but it could be something else.
Something just as beautiful, even as it’s different.
” Ellie’s eyes were full of compassion, and that made it even harder to hold back tears.
“What if all I can do is compare them? What if I can’t keep them siloed, and I get them confused?
When it’s just fucking, there’s no comparison.
Fucking a stranger is easy. But Kelly was the first woman I was ever with.
The only woman I had ever been with for the first forty years of my life.
The only woman I’ve ever made love to. She was my everything.
And if I find someone else, I’m afraid that’s going to dilute the perfection of what Kelly and I had.
” She lay her head on the table, and Ellie placed a soothing hand on her back and rubbed circles.
“I know it’s scary, and I can’t speak from experience about moving on after losing your wife.
But I do know what it’s like to lose my absolute best friend and try to continue living.
Iris and I were completely platonic, but she was my soulmate.
She knew everything about me and loved me anyway.
And no one can ever replace her, but getting closer to other friends didn’t dilute what she and I shared.
Nothing and no one could ever take the place of our relationship because it was one of a kind, just like you and Kelly.
And look, I don’t know what having sex with someone new, whom you have real feelings for, might feel like, but I do know that your heart has an infinite ability to love.
And the love you feel for someone new will never wipe away the love you will always have for Kelly. You deserve happiness.”
“I’m happy,” she responded on instinct.
“Are you? Really? Because you look comfortable. But you looked truly happy when you saw whatever her name is.”
“Charlie.” Harper nearly sighed her name but didn’t realize it until the word was already out there.
“You looked happy when Charlie opened that door.”
“I did?” She was surprised to hear that.
“You did. And you know, you have a lot in common with Hayden when I first met her. She’d lost her whole family and had these walls up to guard against anyone getting into her heart because she was afraid of losing them.
Thankfully, she figured out that love is worth the risk, and I really, really hope you can figure out the same thing. ”
“Really?”
Ellie put her hand on her heart. “I swear. I hope that you let down your walls enough to let someone in. And that someone doesn’t have to be Charlie. But I really hope you can get back out there. Because you deserve happiness.”
Her words bounced around in Harper’s head even after she and Hayden headed off to take a “nap.” Which Harper didn’t believe was the real reason they were headed back to their hotel and felt an unexpected pang of jealousy.
But she was happy that Ellie had taken time out of their romantic trip to track her down.
It felt good to catch up with an old friend.
And while she hated to admit it, maybe she had built up walls because she was afraid of being hurt.
The people she loved the most had abandoned her, not intentionally, but Kelly and her parents had left her way too early, and it wasn’t fucking fair.
And the thought of going through that again was terrifying.
But Ellie wasn’t wrong when she’d said Harper was happy when Charlie was around. She was happy when they were together, and that hadn’t been true for Harper about anyone or anything in years.