Chapter Fourteen
The morning after Mallory Square, Harper awoke before Franky, which had only ever happened a handful of times.
But her eyes popped open before dawn, and all she could see was a movie showing every moment with Charlie the night before.
Every brush of skin against skin, every lingering gaze, and the warmth of Charlie’s hand in hers as they’d walked for blocks.
Somehow, Harper had resisted the burning need to kiss her several times.
But what was more surprising was that she wasn’t panicking about any of it.
In fact, her body felt calm and eager to see Charlie again.
It didn’t make sense, given that every time she’d had a spark of attraction toward Charlie before yesterday, she’d panicked and pulled back.
Except, maybe it did. Her chat with Ellie had her rethinking things, and maybe that was enough for her subconscious to open up to possibilities that she’d ruled out.
She walked through her apartment mindlessly as she brushed her teeth and made her coffee but eventually found herself in her guest bedroom, picking up the photo of Kelly that she kept on the dresser in there. She sank onto the bed as she stared at it.
“Are you okay with all of this? Everyone says you would be. I never thought that I would be, but maybe I’m getting to a point where I can.”
She ran her fingers across the glass. “I love you so much, and I miss you so much. I always thought we’d die together in old age like in The Notebook but without all the really sad Alzheimer’s stuff. You were my person. Till death do us part. But death did part us. And I hate this.”
Harper took a deep breath until her lungs couldn’t expand any farther and sighed it out.
She’d never pulled her punches with Kelly and didn’t think she should start now.
“I think you’d like Charlie. She’s funny and teases me and doesn’t let me get away with my normal shit.
Did you know she called me out when I was avoiding her?
It reminds me of when you did that to me when we were at UVA, and I was so afraid of you and afraid of dating a woman publicly.
” She laughed and realized she had tears on her face.
“I’d actually forgotten about that until just now. ”
The kettle beeped in the kitchen. She wiped at her tears and took Kelly’s photo with her, placing it on the counter next to the brewer.
As she poured the hot water over the coffee in a circle to get the grounds moving in the filter just right, she looked at Kelly again.
“Andrew and your Mom have been telling me for two years that you wouldn’t want me to be alone.
That’s finally starting to sink in, but I need to look at you while I say it.
While I ask you.” She set the kettle back on its stand while she waited for her coffee to brew. “Do you want me to move on?”
She sucked her lower lip into her mouth as she stared at the photo.
Kelly didn’t answer, but Harper felt a wave of calm wash over her even as tears slid down her face.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I love you so much, and I always will. But Ellie—yes, that Ellie—walked into the bar yesterday and reminded me that I don’t have a finite capacity for love, and that really spoke to me.
I know I’ll always carry my love for you, but it doesn’t mean that I have to relish living in the pain of you. ”
Harper picked up the photo and kissed it. But rather than put it back in the spare bedroom, she felt like she could put it on the shelf between her parents’ wedding photo and the one with her parents at her law school graduation.
Mom: Dad and I are going to be in Miami for a workshop at the end of August. We’d love to come down and take you to lunch or dinner if it will work with your schedule. No pressure, but we really want to see you.
Charlie lay on her back and stared at the preview of words from her mom’s text on her home screen.
The text had come in shortly after she’d gotten home from watching the sunset with Harper.
She hadn’t gone into it because she didn’t want her mom to be able to see that she’d read it, but she couldn’t keep ignoring her.
Of course she was going to go, right? She had to. She didn’t have an excuse not to.
Did she want to? Yes. But was she ready to face them? That was the harder question. She could now look herself in the eye in the mirror every morning and not feel self-loathing, but seeing her parents was another big step.
It was terrifying even as she wanted to see them. Before she could chicken out, she typed: Sounds good. Why don’t we meet in the middle? Key Largo or something.
She got out of bed while she waited for her mom’s response and did the mundane morning routine.
As she brushed her teeth, she couldn’t think about much besides Harper.
Had she thought it was a date? Would she be okay if it was a date?
Charlie certainly wanted it to be a date when she’d asked, but she also didn’t want to scare Harper off, so she hadn’t framed it that way.
But Harper had held her hand and put her arm around her.
Charlie was pretty confident they’d almost kissed several times.
But she wanted Harper to be the one to take that step. She was afraid that if she pushed, she’d scare her off, so she was trying to let Harper come to her.
So she’d keep dropping hints and holding long eye contact, and maybe Harper would get there.
Charlie had always been the aggressor in her past relationships, and it felt weird letting someone come to her.
Though she guessed she was kind of going after what she wanted.
She’d basically asked Harper out and couldn’t seem to help letting her gaze and touches linger.
Her phone buzzed, and she grabbed it immediately.
Mom: Of course. We’ll meet you wherever.
Charlie hearted the message even as guilt seized her heart.
She wished she could just run to them with open arms and hated that she hadn’t quite gotten herself there yet.
But she was excited to see them. And she could meet them for lunch rather than dinner, which felt low-pressure.
In any case, it was three weeks away. She could get herself ready to see them in three weeks.
Charlie taught two back-to-back yoga classes and attended the next class as a student.
The class focused on twists, which was perfect as she reveled in the feelings of freedom that every twist and release gave her.
It was as though she was trapping her fears of everything—seeing her parents, Harper, what the future held for her—into each twist and letting them go into the universe as she unwound.
After she came home and showered, she gave Franky some love and headed downstairs. Tonight’s food truck was Neapolitan pizza, which had Charlie’s mouth watering almost as much as the thought of staring at Harper as she sat at the bar and chatted. As long as Harper was done avoiding her, anyway.
She opened the door to the bar, wondering if Harper was going to pull back like she had every other time they’d gotten a little too close but was pleasantly surprised when Harper greeted her loudly. “Hey, Charlie.”
The bar was fairly empty, but she was a little early, too. Before she was even seated on her barstool, Harper was in front of her. “How were your classes today?”
“Good. I focused on ahimsa. I think I told you about it before, but it’s basically about being kind to yourself and others.
I think most people have the kindness to others down more than toward themselves, so it was a self-love and accepting yourself as you are, even as you work to be a better person, class. ”
“I love that. I kind of wish I’d come.” She leaned her elbows on the bar as she looked at her.
Charlie’s mouth dropped open, and she brought her hand to it to try to mask the reaction she knew was ridiculously obvious. “Oh?” she managed. “Y…you want to come to more of my classes?” For some reason, that idea made her really nervous.
“I enjoyed the one I came to. Why wouldn’t I want to repeat?” Harper’s head was cocked to the left, her brows furrowed.
Charlie licked her lips, trying to bring a little moisture to what felt like Death Valley.
“Well, you said that in the moment, but you never brought it up again, so I didn’t think you were serious.
” Of course she wanted her to come and wouldn’t mind an excuse to give her a few more assists during class, but the idea raised the stakes so much more than a normal classful of strangers.
“Charlie. I took you to the spectacle of Mallory Square last night because I enjoyed class so much that I lost the bet. The fact that I would go to that tourist trap should have been a clue that I really liked your class.”
Harper laughed, but Charlie felt like a dart had just popped her optimism. Her shoulders sagged. She’d been so sure Harper had really wanted to go with her, to spend time with her, but apparently, it had all just been the bet.
“Hey, no.” Harper placed her hand on Charlie’s forearm. “I didn’t mean I didn’t want to spend time with you. But Mallory Square is a lot. The people. The noise. It’s not my scene. Since I left Chicago, I don’t exactly love crowds.”
Charlie stopped staring at the vee in Harper’s shirt and looked up. “Oh?”
Harper’s crooked smile greeted her. “Yeah, I was actually thinking we should see the sunset from somewhere a little better. Are you game?”
“Of course. When?”
“How about tomorrow?” In a rare show of nerves, Harper rolled her lips in.
“Don’t you have to work?”
“No. Well, I did. But Aiden is going to cover it.”
She’d already asked him to work for her? Before Charlie had even come in? Her chest lifted as the finale of a fireworks show seemed to be going off inside her. “Excellent. I’m in.”
Harper’s smile probably mirrored her own. Wide, beaming, unguarded.