Chapter Twenty-six #3
“She says she didn’t, and I believe her, but the whole company and everyone there feels tainted to me.
What I found out about Charlie had nothing to do with Kelly’s death, but…
she was running for a not great reason. And now, all I can think is this is Kelly’s sign telling me she wasn’t okay with me dating someone.
” The thought made her feel nauseated, but could Kelly have been any clearer?
“Don’t you think that’s a bit of a leap?” A car horn in the background punctuated his question.
“Where are you?” Harper asked, glad for the momentary distraction.
“I was out for a jog, but now I’m walking so I can talk.”
“This early? And in November? Don’t you prefer the treadmill at this time of the year?” She knew Andrew liked to run, but being outside seemed strange for him.
“Oh you know…this foster thing is a little stressful, and this is the last time I’ll have to get out before she gets home, and then it’s foster dad mode until bedtime.
And it’s not that cold right now, though it’s supposed to drop into the twenties over Thanksgiving.
” A sharp pain shot through Harper’s chest at the mention of Thanksgiving, which she was supposed to be spending with Charlie’s family but was now planning to work instead.
“But stop trying to change the subject. I don’t know what Charlie was running from, but you took a very quick leap to this assumption that Kelly is telling you she doesn’t want you dating.
I vehemently disagree. Kelly wasn’t that kind of person.
She was kind and generous and loved you and loved your happiness.
There is absolutely no fucking way she would have wanted you to be alone.
She would have wanted you to live again and be happy.
Can you honestly say Charlie didn’t make you happy? ”
“I…” But she couldn’t deny it. “No. She did make me happy.”
“Can you say you were happy before she came into your life?”
That was harder, but she couldn’t deny it, either. “No.” Years of existing while she’d told herself she was happy but never was…well, it was a painful truth.
“So you’ve been unhappy for more than three years, then you meet someone, and she brings some happiness back into your life, but at the first sign of adversity you think Kelly, the woman who prioritized your happiness over anything, would have wanted you to be unhappy because she isn’t here to make you happy anymore? ”
She didn’t appreciate the tightness that seized her chest. She just hated feeling like she might be disappointing Kelly.
Ever. But he had a point. Kelly had always wanted her to be happy more than anything.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that Charlie’s former employer played a critical role in the accident that took Kelly from both of us. ”
“Did she work in that department?”
Harper sighed. “I don’t think so, based on what she said.”
“They’re a massive company with multiple locations around the world. If she didn’t work in that private equity division, she probably had nothing to do with it.”
“Yeah, but they breed a culture of compromising morals.”
He chuckled, but it sounded hard. “That’s capitalism at its finest, babe.
It’s life. You can’t blame her for something completely out of her control.
And it isn’t like you only ever worked for completely ethical clients when you were still practicing, and you know it.
She isn’t who she worked for. And who she is today isn’t who she was when she came down there, either.
And you’ve been getting to know her for months.
Trust those instincts while you see how things play out.
At least, that’s what I think you should do. ”
“Thanks, Andrew. I don’t know. I feel like she isn’t the person I thought she was.”
“Are you sure? Because you made it sound like she was pretty traumatized when she got there. And she’s been healing for months, so I think you know the real her more than who she used to be.”
She filed away how much he’d given her to think about but needed a break. “So tell me about Chelsea. How is she settling in. What keeps you so busy that you’re running so early?”
“She’s good. She’s sweet, and she’s been treated so poorly by the people in her life, but we’re allowing her time to settle in and giving her the space she needs to learn to trust us. We hope anyway.”
“I’m sorry she had such a hard time before, but I’m glad she has you to help her feel safe. I look forward to meeting her.”
“Would you be okay if we came for a visit in a few weeks? We haven’t seen you in years, and I miss you. And I think the more queer people she meets living normal lives, the better she’ll feel.”
“You’re all welcome any time.”
“Hmm.”
His sound made her pause. Had she made him think he wasn’t wanted?
She’d certainly had a hard time seeing him right after Kelly died and had found herself avoiding him, but in the intervening years, her feelings had changed.
Yet, now that she thought about it, she also hadn’t made any effort to go see him or Sheila.
She’d been living on a figurative and literal island.
In that moment, she realized the hypocrisy with which she’d been viewing Charlie’s actions. Harper herself had also run and walled herself off when things were too hard.
Shit.