Chapter 15 #2
I didn’t say anything. I was glad we were downtown, far from the home, and that Carol couldn’t be outside listening to how naive I sounded.
“You break my heart,” Miss Berry said, and indeed, she did seem truly unhappy, her eyes growing shiny, her pert little nose turning pink. “You girls. You break my heart.”
Before I could say anything else, she shook her head and flipped open my file.
“Obviously, I can’t call Japan,” she said. “But I have the number for his parents right here. If you want to hear it from them, I can call them now.” She checked her watch. “It’s daytime charges, so I’m going to limit you to three minutes. I’ll have to pay the charges myself.”
My heart pounded. The Liftons weren’t on my approved call list. No one was. Even Mae had said the rates were too high, and we’d need to stick to letters. Miss Berry reached for her phone.
“We’ll just get it over with.” She was already dialing. “I hope they don’t complain that I let you call. Your parents won’t like it either, if they hear about it. But maybe it’ll bring you some clarity.”
I worried that meant she could lose her job.
Still, I didn’t stop her. I kept my gaze on the porcupine, rising and falling.
She was really making the call. Even with the receiver pressed to her ear, I could hear the ringing.
It was daytime, a weekday. Mr. Lifton wouldn’t be home. There was that, at least.
I heard the line pick up, then Mrs. Lifton’s voice: “Good afternoon, Lifton residence.” It seemed impossible that all along she could be reached so quickly, and so easily. I held my breath as Miss Berry introduced herself, apologizing for the interruption.
“I have Nora here with me,” she said. “She wishes to speak with you briefly. I hope you don’t mind?”
Mrs. Lifton said something else, and Miss Berry, her eyes lowered, held the receiver out to me. With a trembling hand, I took it.
“Mrs. Lifton?” I used a finger to close my free ear. Across the desk, Miss Berry looked at her folded hands.
“It’s Mr. Lifton, Nora. How are you?”
I couldn’t speak. It wasn’t yet two in the afternoon. He shouldn’t have been at home. “Oh,” I said. “I thought Mrs. Lifton answered. I heard her answer.”
“Yes. We’re getting ready to leave town. For the holiday. What is it that you need?”
The way he asked this, as if he couldn’t guess what I might want to know, made me again suspicious of Mae. I straightened my shoulders.
“I’d like to know what you’ve heard from Leonard.”
“No one told you?” He sounded surprised.
“No,” I said. “No one told me anything.”
“Oh. Well. We let your stepmother know, what Leonard wrote. We assumed she would tell you.”
Mae, I thought. Oh, Mae. I closed my eyes.
“He wishes you the best. Leonard wishes you the best.”
Miss Berry leaned back in her chair. Her gaze was still averted, but I knew she’d heard him.
“His best,” I repeated, steely now. “Anything else?”
The line stayed quiet. I was aware of the seconds passing, my three minutes slipping away.
“Mr. Lifton? Are you still there?”
“He was sorry for your predicament.”
I rested my hand on the porcupine, looking at the windows. The sky was overcast enough that when the stoplight changed from yellow to red, the steam took on the same tint.
“We’re sorry, too.” His voice quieted. He sounded embarrassed. “Mrs. Lifton and I are both glad you’ll be able to move forward with your life. We heard you were doing well up there, considering. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy.”
I nodded. I’d never taken to Leonard’s father. But he’d at least always been his true self with me, not feigning warmth he didn’t feel. For all I knew, it wasn’t Leonard’s future he’d been worried about, but mine. He knew his son. He’d known him for longer.
“What did he say about Bradenton?”
Miss Berry looked up with a pained expression, two fingers pressed to her lips.
Mr. Lifton sighed. “He…contradicted your claim. He wrote that he never saw you when he was on leave. He said you must be mistaken.”
I blinked. Mistaken.
“We talked it over, Mrs. Lifton and I. We admit we can’t know for certain who’s telling the truth.”
“I’m telling the truth.” I kept my voice even. “We were together in April. In Bradenton. This is his child, sir.”
“Well,” he said. “You understand. We can’t know.”
Miss Berry leaned across her desk, one arm extended, offering to take my hand. I couldn’t move. Mr. Lifton cleared his throat.
“We’re paying half your bill, Nora. I’m not sure if you knew that. But we are, because of what occurred in our home last year. And that’s the most you or your family can ask of us. Given our…uncertainty about the current situation.”
“I’m telling the truth,” I said again.
“Well. The fact is, Leonard is unable to do as you hoped.”
“You mean unwilling.” I clutched the receiver. Leonard’s mother had tried to protect me. I’d thought her a fool, but I was the fool. She’d been alive for longer, and knew a boy’s heart could change. She knew her son, as Mr. Lifton did. I was the one who didn’t know him.
“I want you to listen closely,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle.
“We acknowledge that on at least one occasion, our son conducted himself poorly regarding your welfare. But Nora, you have to acknowledge that you yourself made poor decisions. You promised Leonard’s mother that you would stay away.
And now you’re telling us you broke that promise.
So you can understand. We don’t know who to believe. ”
They believed Leonard. I could hear it in his voice.
“We’ve done all we can to help you get your life back on track. But this mess has all been painful and draining for us as well.” He paused. “It was my understanding, I mean with your parents, that you wouldn’t contact us. That our business with you would be concluded.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t want him to call my father. “I won’t call again.”
“Then I’ll let it go. Provided that you mean that.
I don’t mean to be harsh. I know you’re young.
And my wife was always fond of you. But this has been terribly hard on her, especially.
Please know that we’ll be sending you good wishes.
In the next few weeks, and after that. Our hope is that we can all, finally, put this behind us.
And you can go on to live whatever kind of life you want. ”
“Thank you, sir.” I truly appreciated his frankness. I wished Mae had shown as much. I lifted my chin. “You won’t hear from me again. Goodbye.”
I handed the receiver to Miss Berry, and she put it back in its cradle. I looked at her with dread. She had every right to gloat.
“Nora,” she said. “Are you familiar with Mary Wollstonecraft?”
I shook my head. I didn’t care about Mary Wollstonecraft. I wanted to die.
“Well, over a hundred fifty years ago, she wrote a book called A Vindication of the Rights of Women. And one thing she says in it is that she didn’t wish for women to have power over men, because what they needed most was power over themselves.
And in my opinion, you showed that just now.
” She put her hand to her heart. “True power. Because you kept yourself together. That couldn’t have been easy, hearing that.
I’m sure you wanted to scream. But you didn’t.
You stayed polite and got off the call. That bodes so well for your future.
You might not believe me now. But it does. ”
I believed she was trying to be kind. I was crying full-on by then, my face in my hands. She came around her desk and tried to kneel beside me, but she couldn’t because her skirt was narrow. She crouched as much as she could, squeezing my shoulder. She smelled like a perfume I didn’t know.
“Listen to me,” she said. “I know you feel positively awful right now. But you just took your first step in the direction of dignity. Do you hear me?” She gave my shoulder a little shake. “For goodness’ sake. Keep going.”