6. Asher
6
ASHER
I felt like an asshole. Standing there, staring at Ella as she tried to process what Coralie had just revealed. Granted, Coralie didn’t know everything about my most recent history with Ella—all she knew was I had a best friend in Harmony—but I’d asked her not to say anything about our engagement tonight. Now, two seconds into the pub, she was spilling the beans.
Well, it’s like a bandage, it’s easier to just rip it off then try to tug it off slowly.
“Fiancée?” Ella sputtered out, her gaze whipping over to me.
“Yes,” Coralie said as she extended her left hand to show off the half-carat ring Mrs. Parks had given me when I asked for their permission to marry Coralie. Apparently, it was a family heirloom.
Ella glanced down at it and then back up to me. “Wow.”
Guilt. Goddamn guilt was what I felt. And I hated myself for feeling bad. After all, Ella had made it pretty clear, twice , that she was never going to see me as anything but her friend.
I hadn’t gone to New York with the intention of coming back engaged. I’d just wanted to suppress my feelings for Ella. I’d wanted to find the strength to move forward. As each day passed, I’d realized that I’d held onto my ridiculous crush on Ella for far too long, and I needed a change.
And then there was Coralie. We had a history. We had a family connection. The more time I spent with her, the more I began to realize that perhaps she was my future. Coralie actually liked me. Her family adored me. There had been a break in the storm that was her father’s illness, so we decided that this was the time to act. I would never forget the smile on his face when we told him that we were engaged.
It was like seeing my dad smile again. There was nothing I wanted more than to make Mr. Parks happy. And getting engaged seemed to accomplish that.
Plus, it helped me move forward from Ella. I needed to cling to that fact. Because just seeing her caused all of the feelings I’d thought were buried to resurface, and it sucked.
“When did…” Ella swallowed. “When did this happen? And how…?” She hadn’t removed her gaze from my face.
I felt like I was melting under her scrutiny right there in the middle of Harmony Pub.
“Coralie and I go way back.” I was certain that I’d mentioned her to Ella in the past. “We dated in high school. Then we reconnected in New York,” I said as I wrapped my arm around Coralie’s shoulders once more and pulled her next to me. I needed something to hold. I felt like I was on a Tilt-a-Whirl, and I needed something to ground myself.
I thought I’d prepared myself for seeing Ella again. Apparently not.
“B—but you’ve only been gone for a few weeks.”
I shrugged, hating that my heart still broke for Ella. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to confuse her. My feelings for her were desperately trying to claw their way up from the depths of my mind and settle back into my brain. But I knew the truth. Ella didn’t want me. She was never going to want me, and I needed to move on or I was going to go insane.
“When you know, you know,” I said as I squeezed Coralie’s shoulders.
Coralie’s hand found my chest once more as she glanced up at me. “And I knew.”
She rose up onto her toes, so I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. It felt strange, kissing another woman in front of Ella, knowing that she was watching. But Coralie was going to be my wife. I was going to have to get used to this.
And if Ella and I were going to stay friends, we were both going to have to get used to being around our significant others.
When I pulled back from the kiss, I glanced up to see Ella studying us. I could tell that she was still trying to process what I’d said. I knew what Ella’s investigative journalist expression looked like, and right now, two plus two was not equaling four in her mind.
“Oh, my gosh, you’re Coralie Parks,” a female voice had all three of us turning to see who had spoken.
Shelby Sorenson stepped up to stand next to Ella. Behind her, Abigail and Juniper followed.
I frowned as I studied Shelby. How did she know Coralie?
“You know her?” Ella asked, glancing between Coralie and Shelby.
Shelby nodded. “She’s—you’re the mayor’s daughter.”
Ella looked even more confused. “Mayor? Mayor of what?”
Shelby glanced over at Ella. “Of New York City.” She paused. “I used to work for the wedding planning agency that your sister, Willow, works for.”
I wasn’t sure what the story was there, but there was a curt tone to Shelby’s voice. Something that told me her memory of that place wasn’t positive.
“Oh!” Coralie said as she waved her hand in Shelby’s direction. “Okay. Yeah, Willow doesn’t work there anymore.” She leaned in. “She showed up drunk to work a few times.” Corlie laughed.
From my brief interactions with Willow while I’d stayed with the Parks, I knew that Coralie was telling the truth.
“Oh,” Shelby said, her cheeks turning pink. “That’s interesting.”
“Coralie is Asher’s fiancée.” Ella finally spoke.
It was strange, hearing that word from Ella. It wasn’t that I’d never heard it before. After all, I’d said the word, fiancée , a few times. But to have Ella speak that word out loud, made this situation real. Like, real, real .
All of a sudden the implications of my proposal came crashing into me. This was going to be my life. I’d chosen it. So why did her words unsettle me?
“Fiancée?” Shelby asked softly before dragging her gaze from Ella to Coralie and then to me.
“Isn’t that great?” Ella said, her enthusiasm as artificial as her favorite banana-flavored taffy.
Shelby glanced back at Ella. “That’s…fantastic. When are you getting married? And where?”
Coralie giggled. “Next weekend.”
“Next weekend?” Ella’s reaction was high-pitched and squeaky. She stared at Coralie for a moment before she turned her attention to me. But like the chicken I was, I couldn’t meet her gaze. I didn’t want to witness her confusion. I already knew what she thought, but I was determined to not care.
“Yes,” Coralie said slowly before turning back to Shelby. “We decided to do it here in Harmony. My Asher adores this small town. It’s so quaint and sweet.” Her hand was back to resting on my chest, where she patted it a few times.
Then she paused like she was thinking about something, and suddenly, she jerked her hand away from my chest and pointed it in Shelby’s direction. “Why don’t you plan the wedding?” Coralie’s tone had risen an octave from excitement.
Shelby’s eyes widened. “What, me?”
“Oh, I would love that! I’m heading back to New York after this weekend to tie up some loose ends and find my dress. It would make me feel so much better to have you here, helping Asher with everything. After all, if you worked under Patricia, then you have to be good.” Coralie glanced up at me. “The woman has impeccable taste. Ooo, I’m so excited. I get a Patricia wedding without the Patricia cost.”
“I, um…” Shelby’s gaze was on Ella, who was blinking at a rapid pace. “What do you think, Ella?”
Ella startled as she turned to look at Shelby. I hated that she looked so blindsided. I wanted to fix this. I wanted to take away her pain. I wanted her to be happy. But I wasn’t sure how to do that. Especially since the last thing that Ella wanted was me.
It was torture to want to be with her. My soul ached to love her when I knew she wasn’t capable of returning that desire.
I’d lived too many years in a one-sided love story, and I was determined not to slip into that habit again. My union with Coralie was desired by so many people, and if I couldn’t be happy, then at least they could be.
“I think…” Ella paused before a smile spread across her lips. “I think that’s a great idea. Shelby will do an amazing job.” She cautiously raised her gaze to meet mine. “Asher deserves the best wedding.”
I studied her, my stomach sinking. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t secretly hoped that she would struggle with my engagement. I was looking for a spark of…something. Jealousy? Longing, maybe? But as I held her gaze, I saw nothing but the love of a best friend.
And that sucked.
I wrapped my arm tighter around Coralie’s shoulders, pulling her against my side. Coralie was my decision, and I was grateful for her in this moment.
Marrying Coralie was going to fundamentally change my relationship with Ella, and I hoped that, after the wedding, Ella and I could find a new normal. She would see me in a happy, healthy relationship, and hopefully the confession that I’d made to her would become a distant memory. One that we would laugh about for years to come.
“Thanks, Ella,” I said, giving her a genuine smile.
She held my gaze for a moment before she started to nod. “Of course. I’m happy for you, Asher.”
Her words shouldn’t have felt like a dagger to my heart, but they did. I just prayed that, over time, I would feel better about all of this.
I prayed my feelings for Ella would fade to a manageable, sustainable level. I definitely wasn’t there yet.
“So, you’ll do it?” Coralie had pulled away from me and was standing in front of Shelby with her hands clasped in front of her.
Shelby glanced from her to me and back again. “I…guess. I mean, I’ve been telling Miles that I want something for myself. Maybe this is it?” I could see her excitement in the way the edges of her lips began to tip up into a smile.
“Beautiful!” Coralie cheered as she crossed the space between her and Shelby. She wrapped her hand around Shelby’s elbow and almost dragged her to a newly vacated table.
Abigail and Juniper studied Ella. It was slight, but I saw Ella nod toward them. That’s when Abigail declared that she needed some stale pretzels and hooked her arm around Juniper’s as they walked away.
I was left alone with Ella.
Two months ago, this wouldn’t have felt weird. It would have felt as natural as breathing. Ella had been my home. Now, I felt like I was a stranger in a small town, and I wasn’t sure who I was or where I was going.
Ella paused before she glanced up at me and offered a weak smile. I hated that smile. It was the one she gave to people she didn’t know. I missed the smile she reserved only for me, and I feared that I was never going to see it again.
“So, engaged,” she said as she folded her arms in front of her chest.
I pushed my hand through my hair and stared down at my shoes. “Yeah,” I muttered, not knowing what to say.
“I’m happy for you, Asher.”
I glanced up to meet her gaze. “Really?”
I really hoped that she meant those words. All I wanted was for her to be happy. I wanted everyone in my life to be happy.
“Yes, Asher. I am happy for you.”
She took a step forward and extended her hand like she was about to touch me. My arm zapped from the anticipation of her fingertips on my skin…but the sensation never came. Instead, she just curled her fingers into her palm and dropped her hand.
“Are you excited?” She asked as she took a small step back.
Normally, I wouldn’t have noticed these small nuances to her actions, but my mind seemed laser-focused on interpreting everything she was doing. The small changes in her breathing. The darkening of her eyes. How she was positioning her body in relation to mine.
I was going to drive myself mad, and yet, I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to know that we were going to be okay. That I hadn’t messed everything up like I feared I had.
She was studying me with an expectant look. Realizing that she was waiting for me to respond, I shoved my hands into the front pocket of my jeans and nodded. “Yeah, I’m really excited.” I gave her a forced smile.
She glanced over to where Coralie and Shelby were sitting. “She seems nice.”
“She is nice.” Sure, Coralie wasn’t Ella, but she wasn’t bad. She was just from a different world than the one I was from. Right now, I liked that difference. It created a distraction that I was desperate for. “I’m excited for the two of you to get to know each other better.”
Ella glanced over at me and held my gaze for a moment.
“You know, since you’re my best friend. Kind of important that the two of you get along.”
I hated saying the word best friend, even though I knew we were never going to be anything more. But if being best friends with Ella was the only way to keep her in my life, then that was what I was going to do. Being friends was better than being nothing. I’d take the wins where I could get them.
“I’m excited to get to know her better as well.” She gave me a soft smile.
Seconds ticked by as we both stood there, staring at the other. The air between us felt tense, and I stupidly thought that if I didn’t speak, the air would magically shift from awkward to normal. I wanted that normal so bad. If I could go back in time and never say those stupid things, I’d sell my soul to make it happen. I’d stuff my feelings deep down inside of me and never let them come to the surface.
But I didn’t have a time machine, and no amount of wishing could make one appear. I was going to have to live with the consequences of my decisions and work hard to prove to Ella that we could go back to a sense of normalcy. Eventually.
“There you are.” A man’s deep voice had me pulling my gaze from Ella. I glanced over to see a guy approach her. “I thought you’d run out on me,” he said as he raised his arm and plopped it down on Ella’s shoulders.
Heat burned in my body as I stared at him. Who was this guy? Had I missed something?
The stranger suddenly seemed to realize that I was standing there. He brought his gaze up to meet mine before extending his hand. “Chad Perkins. And you are?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his fingers tighten on her shoulder as he tugged her closer to him.
I had half a mind to deck this guy, but I was also paying attention to Ella’s body language. She seemed startled, but not disgusted. Maybe she really did know this guy. After all, it had been a few weeks since I left. I was already on thin ice with Ella. Punching her new boyfriend wasn’t the way to get back in her good graces.
“Asher,” I said as I shook his hand.
“Nice to meet you, Asher.” His grip got tighter with each word. As if he were trying to tell me to back off.
He was kidding himself if he thought that was all it was going to take. He had no idea who he was dealing with. “How do you know Ella?” I loosened my hand and dropped his. I wasn’t going to be a part of his pissing contest.
“We met recently,” he said as he glanced over at her.
“Oh?”
Ella seemed to finally come around. She nodded. “Yes.”
“And how do you know Ella?” Chad held my gaze as he leaned in as if trying to threaten me.
This guy was a joke. “I’ve known Ella for years. I’m her best friend.” For the first time in weeks, I was grateful for that title. I hoped he’d feel the weight of what that meant. I wasn’t going to let her get jerked around by some loser.
“Wow.” He glanced from Ella over to me. “Well, nice to meet you, best friend.”
A hand slipped around my arm, and I turned to see that it was Coralie. She was staring up at me with her bottom lip jutted out. “I need a drink,” she said.
I didn’t want to stop talking to this Chad guy. I wanted to stand here and establish the fear in this man that if he hurt Ella, he would have to face me. But I didn’t know how to do that and be the fiancé I was supposed to be to Coralie.
“Well, it was nice meeting you, Asher. Looks like you’ve got things to do.” Chad nodded toward Coralie. “We’ll see you around.” He kept his arm on Ella’s shoulders and used it to turn her away from me.
I wanted to stop them. I wanted to yank his arm off her body and tell her that if she wanted to stay with me, she could. But I didn’t. I just stood there like an idiot, watching the two of them walk away.
If I was the best friend that I said I was, this shouldn’t bother me. Her dating other guys shouldn’t be an issue. I had a fiancée and a whole future ahead of me.
Focusing on Ella wasn’t part of my plan anymore.
If only I could get my heart to understand that, maybe I would feel better about everything. Maybe then, I’d be able to survive.