9. Asher
9
ASHER
Coralie groaned as she flipped from her left side to her right. Her eyes were closed, and it took her a moment before she opened them and glanced up at me. “Who’s messaging you this early on a Saturday?” Her eyes slowly drifted closed as she snuggled deeper into her pillow.
I was currently sitting up, with my head resting on the headboard and a pillow shoved under my back, as I stared at Ella’s text.
Guess I’m your own personal Barbara Walters. I’ll be hanging out with you for your wedding planning, so you might as well ask me to be your best man.
I hadn’t meant to wake up Coralie. In fact, I was being completely still with the hopes that she’d fall back asleep. I wasn’t sure how to process Ella’s text, and having Coralie looking over my shoulder while I tried was going to make it even harder.
She didn’t know about my past feelings for Ella, and I really had no intention of telling her. I knew the consequences of saying those words and the path of destruction they created every time they were spoken. It was best for me to bury them six feet under and forget they even existed.
“Go back to sleep,” I whispered as I pulled the covers off my body and moved to stand.
Coralie murmured a soft, “Okay.”
I made my way into my bathroom and shut the door. I set my phone down on the vanity and then rested both hands on the cool marble counter, dropping my head as I closed my eyes.
I knew having the wedding in Harmony was going to be a struggle. Everywhere we went, Coralie drew attention to herself. I’d wanted to elope in Las Vegas to just to get it over with, but when tears filled Mrs. Parks’ eyes at the thought of forsaking the grandiose wedding she’d always dreamed of planning for her daughters, I knew that wasn’t an option.
And with Mr. Parks’ condition, they thought that Harmony would be the best place to host the wedding. “Smaller and more intimate,” Mrs. Parks said, but I honestly knew what she meant.
Fewer eyes.
So I’d agreed. And here we were, living in my apartment with memories of Ella around every corner and with Ella’s text message sitting on my phone, waiting for a response. I was regretting ever making that concession.
Vegas was looking infinitely better right now.
I decided to leave Ella’s message alone and take a shower. Hot water always had a way of clearing my mind so I could think. Once I was clean and had pulled open the shower curtain, the bathroom was completely full of steam. I wrapped a towel around my waist and stepped out onto the plush bathmat Ella had insisted I buy along with a fresh set of towels when she first saw the state of my apartment.
I wanted to get rid of everything that I’d ever purchased with Ella, but that was the majority of things in my place. And I wasn’t sure how I could explain that to Coralie without telling her everything. My feelings for Ella would fade over time. My focus right now was on moving forward and satisfying the people in my life who I loved and looked up to. Every move I was making right now was for that reason.
Marrying Coralie was the solution everyone was looking for.
I had half my face covered with shaving cream when my phone rang. At first, I thought it was Ella calling to see why I hadn’t texted her back. It took a moment for my nerves to settle when I recognized Mom’s familiar ringtone.
I used my knuckle to swipe on my screen, and the call was connected. “Hey, ma,” I said as I returned to rubbing cream on my chin.
“Asher?”
“Yeah.” I curled my lips over my teeth as I focused on my upper lip.
“I’ve been thinking…” Her voice trailed off. From the tone of her voice and the tense silence between us, I could tell Mom wasn’t happy with something.
I paused and glanced down at the screen when she didn’t continue. “You still there?” I asked. The timer on my screen was ticking up, so our call was still active.
“Yes,” she said.
“What were you thinking about?” I finished smearing cream on my left cheek and then turned on the faucet so I could rinse my hands off.
“I just don’t know about this wedding.”
I was in the middle of drying my hands as her words settled around me. I glanced down at my phone again. “What do you mean you’re not sure about this wedding?” I hated that one phone call from Mom had me doubting the choice I’d made a week ago.
She sighed. “I just don’t want you to feel pressure to go through with it.” Her voice was soft, and I could tell that her thoughts were plaguing her.
“I don’t feel pressure.”
Silence. “Really?”
Well, if she wanted the truth, yes, I felt pressured, but illness had a way of changing priorities. I wanted everyone in my life to be happy, and if marrying Coralie accomplished that, then I would do it. After my debacle with the Proctors, I wasn’t sure I could make any decisions for myself. My decision to confess my feelings to Ella was evidence enough that I needed to hire someone who could just make my choices for me.
“I don’t want you to marry Coralie because you feel some duty to do so.”
“I know that.” I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The last person I wanted to hurt was my mother. I wanted her to be happy for me. I was her only child, and I was getting married. She should feel confident in my love for my future wife. “I’m not marrying her out of duty.”
“But are you happy?”
The truth? No, I wasn’t happy. But what would make me happy would make others miserable. And I loved everyone in this equation too much to take away their joy. So I was going to put my happiness to the side so I could watch others find theirs.
“I’m happy, Mom,” I lied and then paused to see if she could see through it.
“What about Ella?”
I swallowed against the lump that had formed in my throat. I knew Mom had suspected I had feelings for my best friend for a while now, but she had never fully come out and asked me. I guess I’d never thought she would.
“Ella’s excited for me.” I forced myself to sound nonchalant. “She even offered to be my best man.” I paused and continued before I could stop myself. “I think I’ll take her up on that.”
I stared at my reflection as those words crossed my lips. I sounded happy, but there was pain in my eyes and the last thing I could do was smile. Everything had changed. No matter how badly I wanted to stuff everything back into Pandora’s box, it was impossible.
“Asher.” Mom’s voice was soft. It reminded me of all the times I would throw a tantrum as a kid and she would try to rationalize with me.
I knew she meant well, but I wasn’t in the mood to hear what she had to say. My heart was already pulverized by Ella’s rejection and George’s diagnosis. I needed to see the people around me happy if I was going to find the strength to move forward. That was the only way I was going to survive.
“Mom, I’m fine. Ella’s fine. Coralie’s fine.” I sighed and tipped my face toward the ceiling. “We will be fine.” I needed to stop saying the word fine , or Mom was going to discover that everything was, in fact, not fine. “Be excited. My wedding is in a week.”
Mom’s sigh came through the speaker. It was a sigh that said she wasn’t happy with my answer, but she’d resigned herself to accepting it. Grateful that she wasn’t going to push talking about Ella or the marriage any further, I decided to distract her by asking what her travel plans were for the wedding weekend.
She told me she was in the process of looking for plane tickets, and as soon as she knew when she’d be arriving, she’d let me know. I told her that I’d keep an eye out for her text, and we ended the conversation with I love you and talk to you later .
The shaving cream was half dried when I finally ended the call and turned back to the mirror. I decided to just go with it and turned on the faucet before grabbing my razor. Once I was clean-shaven, I rinsed off my chin and patted it dry.
I ran my hand through my damp hair a few times before I opened the bathroom door to find Coralie was still in bed, but she was awake and scrolling on her phone. I disappeared into the closet, where I dressed. When I came back out, Coralie had vacated the bed and was in the shower.
I made the bed and grabbed a pair of socks from my dresser. I slipped them on before I walked out of the room and into the kitchen. My stomach was grumbling, and I was ready for breakfast.
My eggs and bacon were cooked and plated when Coralie emerged from the bedroom. She was wearing a white shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. Her hair was damp. And when my gaze met hers, she smiled.
“Morning,” she said as she padded over to the fridge.
“Morning.” I was still getting used to sharing my mornings and nights. I’d never lived with a woman before. I enjoyed my solitude, but I was forcing myself to accept the fact that Coralie was going to be around. Always.
“Want some of my eggs?” I offered, holding up my plate.
She wrinkled her nose. “No, thank you. Nothing with a face, remember?” she said, her eyes widening as she tapped her nose.
Right. I knew that she wasn’t into meat, I just didn’t think that her aversion extended to eggs. “Sorry.” I gave her a sheepish smile as I set my plate back down in front of me.
“We should really talk about you cooking that in the house, too,” she said. I could see her eyeing the pan I’d left to cool on the stove. “When we’re in our own house, I’m thinking a grill on the porch is where that is all going to take place.” She motioned toward the stove and then to my plate.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about what she was saying. I ate meat. She didn’t. So why did I feel like, eventually, I wasn’t going to eat meat, too.
Not wanting to get in an argument, I just smiled and said, “Sure. We can definitely talk about that.”
That seemed to appease her. She grinned as she moved to open the fridge.
“Who were you talking to this morning?” she asked as she pulled out the jug of almond milk that we’d picked up from Godwin’s last night and set it on the counter before turning to get a bowl from the cupboard.
“My mom,” I said through a mouthful of eggs.
Coralie paused her search for cereal in the pantry to glance over at me. “What did she have to say?”
I sat back in my chair and shrugged. “Just wedding questions. Letting me know her plans. Those kinds of things.”
“Ah,” Coralie said as she turned back to the pantry and finally emerged with a box of Frosted Flakes. “Is she excited?”
No . But I wasn’t going to say that. “She’s super excited.”
A smile spread across her lips as she opened the flaps of the box. “I’m glad.” Then she shyly looked up at me. “Are you excited?”
I grinned over at her as I pushed all feelings for Ella to a dark corner of my mind. “Of course.”
Coralie studied me before she set the cereal down and crossed the room to wrap her arms around my neck and sit on my lap. I stared up at her as I leaned in, just to feel her pull back.
“Rinse,” she said as she reached over her shoulder and grabbed the glass of water I’d set next to my plate.
“What?” I asked.
She nodded toward the water. “Rinse.” There was a bite to her tone. “Remember? No animal products?” She motioned in a circle around her face.
“Right,” I said as I grabbed the glass and filled my mouth with water. After swishing a few times, I swallowed it and then turned my attention to her. “Good?”
“Good,” she said, her voice low as she leaned in.
Her lips found mine, and I responded by pulling her closer to me. Sure, what we ate wasn’t something we had in common, but that was quickly overtaken by the fact that our lips could find quite a few things in common. We kissed until she pulled back to look at me, effectively helping me forget the strange conversation.
“Are you excited about the wedding?” I asked as I studied her.
She nodded. “Yes,” she said, her voice coming out all breathy.
“Good.” I smiled up at her. “What wedding plans are we knocking out today?”
Her smile grew as she shifted her weight so she was facing me head-on. “I was thinking cake for sure. And maybe flowers?”
I nodded. “Both of those sound good.”
“Shelby said she would get a list of places we could look at both here in Harmony and in some of the surrounding towns. I mean, it’s only a week away, so we’ll have to find someone who can accommodate.”
“Whatever we need to do to make you happy.” I smiled up at her.
“You mean, make us happy, right?”
A black cloud floated through my mind at the thought of my own happiness. But I didn’t want her to notice, so I pressed my lips to hers once more. “Make us happy,” I agreed as I pulled back and offered her a soft smile.
“Good.” She moved to stand, so I helped her climb off my lap safely.
She joined me at the table with her cereal while I finished my eggs and bacon. She filled the kitchen with talk of flowers and flavors of cake. I nodded along with her, offering my input when I thought she wanted it.
When she was done, I grabbed her bowl and set it on my plate as I moved to stand. She declared that she was going to go blow-dry her hair as I started to rinse our dishes in the sink. I nodded as I pulled open the dishwasher.
“Sounds good,” I said giving her a smile and a wink.
She grinned back at me before she disappeared into the bedroom.
Now alone, I paused what I was doing and allowed myself to stare out the kitchen window. I took in a deep breath as I thought about Coralie, this wedding, and…Ella. Her earlier message floated into my mind. Shoot. I’d forgotten to text her.
I flipped off the water and dried my hands on the towel before I reached into my back pocket for my phone.
Me: That’s awesome! You’ll do an amazing job. And yes, I’d love to have you by my side as my best man if you’re still willing.
I stared at the screen after I sent off the text. I read what I’d written over and over again. Truth was, I didn’t want Ella to be my best man. There were so many labels I wanted to give her, and best man wasn’t one of them. But, if I couldn’t have her as my wife, then I was going to have to settle with her being my friend.
And if she wanted to be my best man, who was I to tell her no?
Once the dishes were loaded, I took a second to clean out the sink and then wipe the counters down. By the time I got back to my phone, Ella had texted back. I dried my hands on the dish towel and then threaded it through the oven handle before I turned my attention to what she had written.
My heart sank at her words, but I forced myself to ignore my reaction and feel grateful that she still wanted to be my friend.
Ella: You’ve got it, boss! Best man reporting for duty. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.
I stared at her response. I knew she was trying to be supportive. I knew that I was the one who had messed up our relationship. I was the one who’d changed the rules of the game. She should be mad at me. But she wasn’t.
This just proved something that I’d known for so long—she was the better friend.
I sighed as I slipped my phone into my back pocket. If Ella could put on a smiling face and, with her whole chest, be this supportive, then I could do the same. I was going to move on and find happiness.
Ella may be the better friend right now, but I was determined to be the better friend in the future.