24. Sabrina
Colette, my therapist, told me that it was time I started looking for independence. As grateful as I was that my sister took care of me after Trevor left, helped me through my pregnancy, and got me help with my postpartum depression, I needed a fresh start. I needed to do something for myself.
The problem with living in a small town, opportunities were lacking.
I knew Abigail felt responsible for me. Hence her refusal to set a wedding date. She didn’t want to leave me, which I appreciated, but the guilt was starting to overwhelm me. My sister deserved happiness with Bash, and I wanted her to take it.
I wanted her to stop worrying about me.
My goal was to get a place for Samuel and me. But apartments required down payments and a steady income, and I was hard-pressed to find a job. So when Juniper mentioned to me one afternoon at Godwin’s that the library was looking for a new librarian, I knew I had to jump on the chance.
Today, I was seeing that chance through to the end.
I blew out my breath as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I’d settled on a simple black headband to keep my hair away from my face as it fell in soft ringlets down my back. I’d applied a bit of makeup, just to make me look more alive than I felt. Samuel was teething, and he’d been up half the night letting me know how uncomfortable he was.
Abigail let me borrow a floral dress. It swished against my legs every time I moved.
Feeling as ready as I was ever going to be, I pulled open my bedroom door and walked out into the living room.
Abigail was feeding Samuel mashed carrots. His face was dyed orange, and when he saw me, he smiled, exposing his two front bottom teeth. Just as he opened his mouth, Abigail took the opportunity to shove more carrots in, but that only lasted a moment before he giggled and babbled, spewing orange goop from his mouth.
“Samuel!” she protested as she reached over to grab a kitchen towel from the table. “You have to keep the food in your mouth.” Her gaze drifted over to me, and her eyebrows went up. “You look amazing.”
I shifted so that the skirt twisted around my legs. “Do I look like a librarian?”
She smiled as a sad expression passed over her face. “You look happy.”
My heart hurt at her words. I knew she meant well, but there was unspoken pain behind what she said. I hated that I’d been the cause of her worry. It was not what I wanted for her. For our relationship.
I glanced at the clock on the wall. If I didn’t leave now, I was going to be late for my interview at the Honey Bee Library. “I should go,” I said as I headed over to the hooks by the door and grabbed my purse. I lifted the strap up onto my shoulder as I made my way back to Samuel and planted a big kiss on the top of his head.
Abigail was smiling at me when I met her gaze. I gave her a soft smile in return before I turned and hurried to the door.
“Good luck, Sabrina!” Abigail called after me.
“Thanks,” I said as I stepped outside.
With the door shut behind me, I paused and took in a deep breath. I could do this. I was ready to take a step into my future, and it started with this interview.
It all started today.
***