26. Kaycia
Chapter 26
Kaycia
T he breeze is cooler the farther north we drive from the crowded streets of the city, but this deep into summer it’s not the cooling relief I crave. I ignore the sticky sweat between my boobs and at my lower back from the thick leather of the jacket Shane gave me. It has reinforced and padded sections, and while there are vents built-in, it’s still warm. My heart swells a bit at the thought that he bought it for me in hopes I’d be exactly where I am now—behind him on his motorcycle, riding down the road into the sunset. Under different circumstances, I could see the appeal of it and I could focus more on the beauty of the fields that begin to appear about forty-five minutes into our ride, or the golden hour glow lighting our way. Instead, my nervousness refuses to dissipate. We can’t talk on the way like we could if we were driving in a car, so I’m stuck playing out every worst-case scenario on repeat the farther we get from the familiarity of our apartment building and the shining glass and steel of Argent.
When we stop at a flashing red light in the middle of nowhere Shane turns to shout, “Do you need a break? There’s a gas station a little up the road.”
“No, let’s just get there.”
He gives a little nod and we continue on, farther into the heavily wooded foothills of the mountains looming in the distance. About half an hour later we pass a sign for Snow Fern Tarn, slowing once the trees are tall on both sides of the two-lane road, cocooning us with their branches. A gravel driveway waits on the left, the rocks crunching under the wheels as we wind through the trees to a clearing. Pulling up next to Max’s truck and the sport bike we saw earlier, Shane cuts the engine and pats my hand gently. Relief fills me at the break from the ride, but Shane’s head is dipped as though in sadness or defeat.
“Here we are,” Shane announces softly. He holds my hand while I climb off the bike onto shaky legs, unclipping my helmet for me, and then taking my backpack so I can remove my jacket. My legs are as wobbly as a fawn while I stretch from the long ride. When he dismounts, Shane removes his own helmet, running his fingers through his sweat-dampened hair and placing both helmets on the bike. With a sideways look and deep sigh, he slides his hand in mine to lead me around the truck.
“Oh!” I gasp once we round the truck and the house comes into view. “It’s beautiful.”
An A-frame cabin sits in the center of the clearing with a wooden deck off the front wall of windows. Yellow light shines from within, allowing me to make out a small, cozy interior. Raquel, Jamila, and Max are arrayed in chairs on the deck, waiting with serious expressions that don’t fit with the relaxing surroundings.
“Thanks,” he replies. His voice is oddly hollow and my heart sinks. “Let me show you inside real quick so you can freshen up if you want.”
“No.” I pause, pulling his hand so he stops short. “Shane, I’m freaking out. I need to know what’s going on. Now.”
Shane just nods, his lips a flat line of tension as he pulls me toward the deck. “Come on.”
Max stands as we approach. He’s wearing his usual ensemble of a slim-fitting tee, torn jeans, and boots. His shoulder-length hair is tied back, but instead of his typical flirtatious smile, he looks serious when his eyes travel between Shane and me. “We doing this?” he asks Shane with a raised brow.
“Max, they just got here. Give him a minute,” Jamila scolds. “Kaycia, come sit with me, okay?” She pats the empty spot on the cushioned bench next to her.
I pass Raquel on my way to sit with Jamila on the little outdoor sofa. Raquel gives a tight smile, then saunters over to stand with Max. Shane looks uncertain, running his hand through his hair several times, leaving it messy and on end, and twisting one of the rings he wears around his finger until Raquel places her hand on his shoulder.
“You want to show her first? Or tell her the story?” Raquel asks.
“Show her,” Jamila offers. “It’s what worked best for me.” She smiles at me before adding, “Don’t worry, Kaycia. It will all make sense in a minute.”
I offer a nervous laugh. “Are you about to show me where a body is buried?” I joke, but my heart is hammering in my chest and sweat coats my hands. When Raquel and Max start taking off their shirts my nervousness swiftly turns to confusion. “Wait, what are you doing? Are you in some kind of sex club or something?”
Max laughs. “They wish!”
“Shut up, Max,” Raquel snipes standing in her sports bra and jeans. “Come on, Shane.”
Looking into my eyes for a moment, Shane reaches behind his head and pulls his shirt off, then they all kick out of their shoes and jeans to stand in the low light in their underwear.
“I still don’t understand,” I whisper to Jamila.
“Just wait.”
“Okay, I’m ready,” Shane says with a swallow, exhaling deeply before his body twists.
“Avert your eyes if you’re shy, Kaycia,” Max jokes, stripping out of his boxer briefs while Raquel pulls off her bra.
“What—” My question dies on my lips, replaced by a shriek. My surprise over their sudden nakedness morphs into shock as all three begin to shudder and change, shifting from the human forms I’m used to into something entirely different. Blinking rapidly, I jolt backward, but Jamila grabs my hand and holds me in place as questions fall from my lips. “Am I losing my mind? Did he give me drugs? Did we crash the motorcycle? Am I dead? Or high? Or both?”
“No, give them just a minute.” Her voice is calm, almost amused, but she holds my hand tight, offering support while I spiral. “They won’t hurt you. You’ll see.”
After another minute, I sit with my free hand over my mouth and my eyes wide. I’m speechless. I can’t believe what has replaced my friends, or what my eyes witnessed that my brain can’t quite work out.
A wolf, a raccoon, and a falcon all stand in their places.
The raccoon makes a sound that reminds me of a cross between a whimper and purr as it scurries over to us and jumps up on Jamila’s lap. Even though I’m still wildly confused I can’t help but reach out toward the little beast who harmlessly rubs her head on the palm of my hand.
“Raquel?” I ask, looking between the animal and Jamila. “Can she talk?”
“No. She’s finally quiet,” Jamila teases, causing Raquel to hiss at her.
“So, you’re the falcon that flew onto the balcony to spy on me?” I ask the bird of prey.
The falcon flaps his wings in response, then launches from where he’s perched on the back of the chair, screeching and circling in the air overhead.
“And Shane?” My voice trembles as I finally turn to the wolf sitting across the deck.
He’s huge. I’ve never seen a wolf in real life. I always assumed they were the size of a big dog, but I was very wrong. “Is that you?” The wolf whimpers in response, ducking his head as though in submission. “Can I… pet you?”
Jamila laughs and Raquel purrs while Shane gives a little whine and trots over, tail wagging as though he’s begging for me to run my hand over his furry head. He bumps my hands with his nose until I scratch behind his ears with what’s likely an idiotic expression.
“How is it even possible?” I ask, looking between them all. I return my gaze to Shane’s, marveling at the beautiful wolf. “Is this all you were worried about? Showing me this?” Shane whines again, this time sounding less like an excited pet and more like a tortured beast.
After another few pats, Shane prowls back over to where his clothes lay in a heap, transforms back into human form, and quickly dresses in silence. Raquel stays curled up on Jamila’s lap, content to remain a raccoon, but Max follows Shane’s actions, pulling on his clothes and grabbing a beer. Max offers me a drink, but when I decline, he turns his attention to the fire pit, focused on lighting the kindling and adding logs before offering an answer.
“No one really knows how . We just are ,” Max explains while Shane swallows nervously. “There aren’t a lot of us and we keep it quiet from humans for the most part. You know how they can be with their prejudices and curiosity.”
Max looks over at Shane, holding out a beer with a forced smile, but he shakes his head and warily focuses on me as if expecting me to freak out. I study him as he slowly approaches, like a beast stalking its prey even though he’s fully human again. I search his face and body for any evidence of the supernatural that I should have caught on to, but how do you look for something you had no idea existed? His eyes flash gold when they meet mine, the only sign of being something more than human. Something I’d noticed before, but always assumed was a trick of the light. His ability to move so quickly and silently makes sense now, even if I had rationalized it away before.
“No. That’s not what I was worried about, Kaycia. This is,” Shane finally says, sitting across from me and holding out his deeply scarred forearm, twisting it so the firelight catches the shiny depression. “The full truth about what happened in my past.”
I suck in a breath, leaning forward to listen. Although I’m unsure what he’s going to tell me, I’m certain it can’t be anything that will push me away. Can it?
If watching him turn into an animal didn’t scare me off, what could?
“Do you want some privacy?” Jamila suggests, stroking her fingers over Raquel’s back.
“You all know the story,” Shane replies. “You can stay unless Kaycia wants you to leave.”
“No, it’s fine.” Having Jamila next to me is comforting. I’m not afraid of Shane, but having another human nearby is reassuring, at least until I know what he’s going to tell me.
“I didn’t just leave my family for their safety. I was exiled from my pack. Cut off from my family because of stupid choices I made when I was younger. I told you part of the story, but it’s time you know everything.” Shane rubs his palms over his face with a deep sigh, as though dreading what he’s going to tell me. Before I can offer any words of encouragement he continues, “My best friend, Ethan Cameron, was the son of our pack leader. He and I were only a few months apart in age and grew up like brothers. When he was eighteen, and I was still seventeen, the son of a neighboring pack leader challenged Ethan. It was so fucking stupid looking back. All over a girl who Ethan was having a fling with. Logan Ross claimed she was his.” Shane’s jaw clenches, as though remembering his past hurts. “Those words mean something to wolves, so Ethan accepted the challenge, teenage pride outweighing sense. Of course, I was his second.”
“Like a duel?” I ask, morbidly fascinated by the savage prospect.
“Yes, but with fists and fangs, not guns,” Shane replies, cutting his eyes to me before returning them to the firelight in the low pit. “It was supposed to be to first blood. We had both been friends with Logan and his little brother, Colton, regardless of our packs having animosity in the past. Despite our childhood friendship, Logan fought dirty. He injured Ethan so badly that he couldn’t defend himself anymore and couldn’t heal fast enough to negate the damage. When Logan wouldn’t let up, I couldn’t control myself. Back then, when I was younger and was just learning about my abilities, it was nearly impossible to control my shift or my anger. I was irrational, and I lost it when I saw Ethan brutalized. Both Ethan and Logan died that night. Over fucking teenage jealousy.”
“Oh Shane, that’s terrible,” I murmur. I scoot forward, reaching out to lay my hand on his arm while he hangs his head “But you were defending your friend.”
“I killed someone Kaycia.” His head snaps up suddenly, startling me at the intensity in his gaze. “An important someone at that. It was either our pack exile me or offer me or one of my family members for execution in exchange. My father pled for exile, even though it meant I would be on my own without any connection to them any longer. It’s a punishment almost as painful as death for one of us, but I kept my life.”
Tears threaten, burning behind my eyes as I witness the pain on Shane’s face and hear the sorrow in his voice from the memory.
“They cut my pack mark from my forearm”—he rotates his arm, showing me the ugly scar I’d asked about on our first date— “and forced me to say goodbye to my mother and father, and my little brother and sister, that very night. Even though their alpha made the terms and our pack agreed to them, it didn’t mean all of the Ross pack thought it was fair, or that they would abide by the rules. Logan’s second was his younger brother, Colton. He had held Logan’s head in his lap when he took his last breath and cursed me when I was dragged away.
“When his father found exile to be a fair punishment for me, seeing as both packs lost their heirs, Colton raged against the decision and swore he would find me. For years some of his allies and supporters always did. I lost them in the cities, though, and it’s been a long time since anyone approached me.”
“Except for us,” Max interrupts, gesturing to Raquel, laying on her back and getting her furry belly rubbed by Jamila. “We dragged you out of your den, finally.”
Shane nods toward Max with a sad smile. “I hadn’t had friends for years. No one to call, no one to lean on. Not until these two”—he gestures toward his friends— “and Jamila.” Glancing at me from the corner of his eye he adds, “And for these past weeks, you.”
Standing from where he sits, Shane begins to pace. “But my selfishness has to end. It’s clear that Colton knows where I am, and that he thinks you’re a weakness. I can’t have them after you. They can come for me, but I won’t put you in danger anymore, Kaycia.”
“I don’t understand. Are you sending me away?” I’m frustrated that he thinks he can decide things for me, without even asking what I want. And I’m embarrassed now that everyone is still here listening to us. I don’t want to sound desperate, but I don’t want this to be over, either.
“I’m giving you the option now that you know the whole truth. This isn’t what you signed up for when we started seeing one another, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything upfront. But it’s hard to tell the girl you’re falling for that you turn into a wolf and that you’re a murderer.”
“You’re not a murderer. It was an accident,” I insist.
Wait—did he just say the girl he’s falling for?
“I killed him in cold blood, Kaycia. He deserved it, but I’m not innocent. You need to know that. I would do the same to protect any of you.”
Sighing, Shane rests his elbows on the railing with his back to us to hide any emotions that might slip through. Over his shoulder he murmurs, “You can ride back in the truck with Max and Jamila. I understand if you want to go back to Argent to think it over.” Then he walks down the three stairs and toward the back of the house, disappearing into the night.
“Just give him a minute,” Max advises, his drawl like warm honey as he sits in Shane’s vacated seat, closer to the rest of us. “He doesn’t like talking about his past, and I think it's twisting him up that they found him just when he found you.”
“Does he really think I’m going to leave?” I ask, looking between Max and Jamila. Raquel finally scurries to the edge of the deck and stretches back into her human form, slipping into her clothes and coming to squeeze in on Jamila’s opposite side.
“Unfortunately, it would probably be the smartest thing if you did,” Jamila says, picking at the cushion and earning a glare from Raquel. “Well, it would. These men are dangerous. Shane is dangerous.” She pauses when Raquel and I make a similar sound of irritation. She sighs and adds, “But he’s also one of our closest friends and would defend any of us until the death. He can be dangerous and a good man. I’ve learned that the laws of humans don’t always apply to shifters.”
“It’s been so good to see him with you, Kaycia,” Raquel adds. “And J is right, shifters abide by their own rules. But we’ll respect whatever you want to do—as long as you promise to keep our secrets. We’ll drive you back to the city and help you pack your apartment. Even help you find a new place if you want. It’s all your call.”
My mind swims with everything they’re telling me. With the fact that my new friends are shifters. Something I didn’t even think was real until tonight.
With the fact that Shane just said he could be falling for me, and the fact that I’m certain I’ve already fallen for him.
And the biggest issue—that his past may very well be putting both of us in danger.
“I changed my mind,” I blurt, pulling everyone’s attention to me. “I do need a drink.”