Chapter 11
11
Ashley
A shley adjusted her hair bow and took another picture to make sure it was centered. The silver in her vanity mirror might not show her reflection, but at least her smartphone camera was silver free. Her phone buzzed, and a notification dropped down, covering her bow.
Esther
Wasn’t there a Friends episode about the nonexistence of a selfless gift? I think they had a point. Change my mind.
All thoughts of accessories vanished, and a quick dopamine rush sent warm tingles up and down Ashley’s arms. She took a beat to remind herself they were just friends before replying. This week’s lecture had been on gift giving. They were just two classmates discussing a lecture. Nothing sexy whatsoever.
Ashley
what happened to you being a forever optimist?
Esther
Not condemning anyone to hell is different from not believing in the existence of a selfless gift.
Ashley
ok. counterpoint. free suckers at the bank. BAM!
Esther
Corporate America’s attempt to commoditize the human desire for community through trivial acts of goodwill.
Ashley
woooooooooooooooow
I’m not giving up but I’m going to need a min after that
Ashley’s door opened, taking her focus from her game with Esther and her constant debate on whether Esther was flirting or not.
“Ready to go?” Cynthia’s blond hair feathered away from her face in deep, dramatic curls. She wore a baggy, red zip-up, belled denim jeans, and white Nikes.
“Cynthia, this is a Halloween party. You’re supposed to dress up.”
“I am dressed up.” Cynthia spread her arms wide and spun for Ashley to take it all in.
Ashley sighed. “How are you dressed up?”
“I’m Farrah Fawcett in Charlie’s Angels.” She jumped into a crouch, spreading her arms wide like she was surfing.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe it would make more sense with a skateboard, but I’m not carrying that around.”
“Whatever.” Ashley waved her comment away. She was ready to go party. “How do I look?” She did a quick about-face and lifted a pom-pom to sell it.
“Isn’t cheerleader a bit obvious?”
“Isn’t seventies’ icon a bit obvious?” she retorted. “Besides, it still fits.” She twirled, showing off the flare in her shirt. She hadn’t worn this outfit in over a decade. She wasn’t sure why she’d grabbed it from her parents’ house all those years ago except she was her most confident in this outfit, and at the time, she could really use some of that. Now wouldn’t hurt either, come to think of it.
“What are you going to do with the pom-poms?” Cynthia crossed her arms, tapping a finger against her biceps as she inspected Ashley’s outfit. “Carry them the whole night?”
“Good point. Hate that plan. We pregaming first?”
Cynthia tossed a bag of blood at her from somewhere unknown, and Ashley dropped her pom-poms to catch it.
“Drink up,” Cynthia said. “You have to finish that before we go out. No slip-ups. Remember?”
“This isn’t exactly the pregaming I had in mind,” Ashley grumbled, as she popped open the straw. “Ack! It’s cold.”
“Hurry up. I brought a vodka chaser.” She pulled an entire bottle of Smirnoff out of her jacket, unscrewed the lid, and took a pull.
Ashley wasn’t much of a vodka drinker, but the existence of a chaser was enough motivation for her to drain the bag. “Done. Gimme.”
They passed the bottle, then another. They needed to leave before John noticed they were going out again and queued up another lecture. Hannah and Claribel didn’t care either way. Don’t draw attention and don’t form human attachments. Aside from those two rules, they hardly cared. Which was why Ashley hadn’t invited Esther out with her. At best, if they were caught, she could expect a lengthy sermon from John on the long-term repercussions and complications of associating with something as fleeting as humans. At worst…well, she wouldn’t risk that.
After that night at the lake, she’d kept up a semi-regular stream of texts with Esther. Usually light and school-related, nothing suspicious. After blowing through the whole “don’t tell people about vampires” rule, she was determined to be fastidious about the others. But she couldn’t help if their texting bordered on flirty.
Esther is straight. You are just friends. Don’t make this complicated . But being friends was complicated. And now, she was addicted to the adrenaline rush she got each time her phone buzzed and Esther’s name popped up on the screen.
Ashley finished the bottle and made a face as Cynthia took a swig from a third bottle before tucking it back in her jacket. Where were these all coming from? Her jacket couldn’t possibly have that much space in it. Ashley hoped they had rum at the party. Alcohol took longer to hit since her change. And she was still kind of figuring out her tolerance level, but they’d finished over half of the third bottle when they booked it out of the house.
With the help of vampire speed, they were there in two Mississippis. The house was one of a string of McMansions along the lake shore—clearly a parents-out-of-town situation. She followed the music around to the backyard, Cynthia trailing along, where a majority of the party coalesced around a fabricated sound system and in-ground swimming pool. Being October in New York, no one was in the pool, but the blue light from it reflected off people’s faces, adding to the Halloween atmosphere.
“All right, well, I think I’m going to take off.” Cynthia hitched a thumb over her shoulder.
“What?” Ashley whirled on her. They had just gotten there. They hadn’t even spoken to anyone yet.
“Hannah wanted me to watch out for you, but you’ve got this under control.” She grasped Ashley’s shoulders and spoke like a coach to her star player before a game. “We’ve been doing this for weeks, and I kind of have my own life.”
“I thought you liked going out?” Ashley pushed Cynthia’s hands away. She’d thought Cynthia was maybe her friend. That maybe Cynthia went to these things with her because she enjoyed it. Ashley wasn’t looking for a babysitter.
“Yeah yeah, you’re totally fun, babe. But I’ve hit this scene, and I got a tweet from this band I’m following. They’re doing a pop-up show in Montreal like now-ish, so I’m going to go hit that up.”
“But Montreal is over an hour from here, and you don’t even have a car.” And she could have invited Ashley to this other thing if she didn’t want to go to the party. Ashley was flexible. She would have understood. Maybe she’d like the band, and they could bond over their similar taste in music. It wasn’t too late. Maybe she could still tag along.
“Hey, no worries. You got this.” Cynthia winked and gave Ashley a peace sign as she backed into a shadowed corner behind some shrubs. “Catch you on the flip side.”
“Wait. Cynthia.” Ashley realized what Cynthia was planning, but it was too late to stop her.
She tossed Ashley the half-empty vodka bottle before slipping out of sight behind a shrub. A second later, a bat fluttered out of the branches and off into the night.
Ashley’s shoulders slumped. Of course Cynthia was going bat to travel. It was easier than learning how to drive a car. Easier for Cynthia at least. Ashley still hadn’t managed anything useful in the transformation department, and Cynthia knew this. Ashley was just a burden slowing her down.
All right, Ashley was on her own tonight. Again. Not a problem. She could handle herself. Plus, she could probably name everyone here. For example, there was Fadl from her anthro class wearing a Big Lebowski cardigan and standing with a group of his friends. Time to put on a smile and make the best of the night. She took a fortifying swig from the bottle that was getting much lighter than she expected and set her shoulders.
“Fadl! Saleh! Taylor!” Ashley called.
“Heyyyy!” They all cheered, lifting their hands above their heads in greeting.
She wasn’t sure if any of them remembered her name, but they were always a welcoming crowd. She returned the dramatic hey and jogged over.
“Who’s jumping in?” She nodded to the pool where they congregated. It was best to take control of the conversation early. If there was a lull, people started in on the small talk which inevitably led to the dreaded, What’s your major ? And she really didn’t want the concerned, Oh you’re undecided ? Or worse still, the falsely supportive, Wow, how brave and, You have plenty of time to make a decision .
“Taylor can go first.” Saleh, always the jokester, had on something that looked like a khaki fisherman’s vest and had shaved his stubble into a goatee.
“Hey, man!” Taylor in a Pikachu onesie stepped back from the pool, raising their palms in the universal I’m out gesture. “I’m not going in. It’s cold in there. She can go ahead.”
Inspired, Ashley took a long swig of her vodka—yuck, she needed to check out that drink table—placed the near-empty bottle on the ground, and lifted both arms over her head.
“I said brrr,” stomp, clap, clap , “it’s cold in here,” stomp clap . “There must be some Clovers in the atmosphere.”
“Oh. My. God.” Taylor was smiling hard. “You know that cheer? My aunt and I spent a whole summer trying to learn it.”
“I have no idea what you people are talking about.” Fadl looked between her and Taylor, brow raised like he was unsure if he should laugh or change the subject.
“It’s from this old cheerleading movie from like 2000,” Taylor said. “ Bring it On .”
Thanks, Taylor . Now Ashley felt old.
“Can you show me how to do it?” Taylor asked.
“Yes.” Pepped back up, Ashley slowed down the move, and soon others were joining in. Someone pulled up the song on their phone, and in a matter of minutes, she had a handful of people performing a passable routine. This devolved into Ashley performing different jumps for people. The third time she landed a front handstand, she wobbled, rising to her final pose. Was she getting tired, or was the alcohol starting to get to her? Maybe she should move away from the pool. She cleaned out the last of her vodka while scanning the crowds for an excuse to move on when she spotted a flash of familiar blond hair.
“Uther!” she called and waved, excited to recognize another person.
And that wave was the final straw on her balance. She pitched backward, her foot catching on a stone tile, and arms twirling, crashed into the pool behind her.
Cool water enveloped her, blocking out the noise of the party and shocking her senses. Maybe the alcohol was getting to her after all. As a vampire, she couldn’t die of hypothermia or drowning, but it didn’t feel good. She kicked off the bottom and broke through the surface, lifting her arms in victory and showing she was okay.
Everyone cheered. Then a song she didn’t recognize started, and everyone cheered again, her tumble forgotten.
She leaned back and floated on the surface of the water, letting it muffle the sounds of the party like she was in another space, another room—apart. That was the goal, right? Good job, Ashley. You’re living the vampire dream . The pool must have been heated or still carrying some heat from the day because a shallow fog lingered on the surface. She let it play between her fingers, not caring if she looked like an idiot, because she wasn’t here with anyone, so there wasn’t anyone to care.
Eventually, she got tired of feeling sorry for herself. This was a party. She didn’t need to feel sad if she didn’t want to. Because that was definitely how happiness worked. Of course, this rule only applied to her. She sighed and pulled herself out of the Pool of Introspection before she cried in the middle of a party and ruined it for everyone. Water streamed from her clothes and hair, sloshing onto the tile that had tripped her. She looked back. Her bow remained floating in the pool. It was time for that drink table.
She wove her way toward the house—the ground gently swaying beneath her feet and people jumping out of her way to avoid getting wet—and finally found the table set up on the back patio. Legions of liquor bottles surrounded the punch bowl, a mysterious red concoction with a semi-melted, frozen hand floating on its surface. When at a Halloween party, she thought and filled a red cup. She took a sip. There was that rum she was looking for. And a lot of other things, but her vodka was gone and this was dangerously good.
A short brunette dressed as Wonder Woman appeared at her side. “Hey! Don’t we have anthro together?”
Ashley gave the girl another once-over. She did look familiar now that she mentioned it. “Charrrrrlotte?” Names were coming a little slower. What was in this drink?
“Char, actually. Well, I go by Charlotte in class, so that makes sense you would remember that. But most people just call me Char.”
“Cool cool coolio.” She performed some obnoxious version of finger guns, and Char giggled. Ashley still had it.
“Are you okay?” Char reached like she might pat Ashley’s arm before changing her mind. “You’re kind of wet.”
“You’re kind of wet.” Oh wow . Ashley needed to slow down with this drink. Char laughed it off though. What a good person.
“Do you want a change of clothes?” She looked Ashley over, and Ashley did a twirl for her, earning another squeak of laughter as water flew from her skirt. “You’re a bit taller than me, but I have an extra pair of pajamas inside.”
“Cool cool.” She wasn’t sure if that was the right answer. Decisions are hard .
“Let’s go in.” Char guided her through a fancy white-and-chrome kitchen, over some empty beer boxes, and into the nearest available bathroom. “Here.”
Ashley wasn’t sure when, or if, Char had left. Maybe she fell asleep. But it felt like time had passed because now she was sitting on a closed toilet seat as Char pulled a matching set of fluffy kitty-and-rainbow pajamas out of a duffel bag. A wave of love for all of womankind washed over her, and her eyes watered. Char barely knew her, and these pajamas were super cute.
“You can keep them.” Char said. “They’re getting a little short for me. Do you have someone I can call to come get you?”
Oh god. She felt an actual tear sliding down her cheek now. She pressed the pajamas to her face to hide it before answering. Or she would have answered if there was anyone she could call. Instead, she was left pinching her eyes shut to focus as she ran through an embarrassingly short list of names followed by why she very much couldn’t call them.
Hannah or John, obviously not.
Cynthia was out of the country by now and hardly answered her phone anyway.
Claribel didn’t even have a phone—apparently, Dr. Bell said something at a dinner party once, for which she still hadn’t forgiven him.
“I’m fine,” Ashley said with a smile. She just needed a minute to sober up. Then she could walk home on her own. The house was only a mile from here.
She peeled off her spankies and slipped a foot into the kitty pajama pants. Char jumped up and passed her a towel before backing out of the bathroom, apologizing and insisting she would give her some privacy. Ashley shrugged and peeled off her top while Char closed the door. There were no words for the feeling of being soft and fluffy after being cold and wet. She did a little shimmy before deciding this bathroom was too small and wrestled the door open.
The living room was huge. Open floor plan and two floors high at least. She made a popping sound with her mouth to check for an echo, but the music from outside was too loud to tell. Her super hearing was crap when there were too many sounds. She did catch an indecipherable grumble from the pile of blankets on a nearby couch.
“Can I get you a drink?” A guy in a ripped and dirty shirt with the word Brian written in sharpie across it appeared out of thin air. Well, probably not actually out of thin air, but Ashley was fairly confident he hadn’t been there five blinks ago. Or seven. Who counts blinks? What was she doing again?
“Oh. No, I got this.” Ashley lifted her much lighter red cup, which was still miraculously in her hand. How had she put on these pajamas? They were so fuzzy. Maybe she could turn the bottoms into capris and keep them forever. Would her body always be the same size? Did this mean she never had to buy new clothes again because they would always fit her? Being a vampire was sweet.
Brian lifted a bottle of rum that also appeared out of nowhere. “I’ll just top you off then.”
He filled her cup back up to the top.
“Wow, that’s a lot,” said Ashley, watching him pour into her cup like it was someone else’s. How irresponsible of them to have that much. Who knew what it was mixed with? She sniffed it curiously, and her eyes watered. That was strong all right.
“You’re a lot.” He put his free hand on her waist, and his thumb tucked into the hem of her pajama bottoms.
“Wow.” She backed up to move out of his reach. “That’s not okay.”
But he stepped forward with her.
Okay then, Brian. This was where the night was going.
An idea slowly formed. She sipped her drink, contemplating, before coughing because she forgot it was mostly pure rum now. That settled it. She needed to practice drinking without draining—and she didn’t mean rum. She was forming a brilliant plan with no flaws whatsoever. She could even practice memorizing! Mesmerizing? Glamouring? Hypnosis. What was that vampire trick called again? Didn’t matter. She was confident tonight was the night she could accomplish both, and then Hannah and the rest of the vampires would be so proud of her and welcome her into their home with open arms.
“All right, Brian.” She poked his chest and swayed a little.
“It’s Jeff, actually.”
“Jeff?” She stepped back and looked at his shirt again. “But your shirt says Brian.”
“My shirt says Brains.” He pulled down the hem to straighten out the wrinkles. “I’m a zombie. Obviously.”
“Okay, cool.” She set down her drink on a nearby surface—her mother’s voice asked about coasters, but she ignored it—and grasped Not-Brian’s face with both hands so she could focus on his eyes. Focusing her mesmerizing muscles that she was sure existed, she intoned, “You want to go somewhere private with me.”
“Heck yeah, I do.”
Hmm. It was unclear if that had worked or not.She decided to say yes it did, and now they were walking down the hall to find an open bedroom, or that was what he was hoping for at least. But it turned out there weren’t any bedrooms on the first floor, and she didn’t want to go upstairs because that was more of a commitment to the house than she wanted, and she liked that it was easier to exit on the first floor. So, they settled on an office-looking room instead.
The window at the back overlooked the lake and the party still going on outside. Not-Brian pulled half the curtain closed to provide some privacy like the gentleman he was then sat at the desk and slapped his legs in a universal “sit here” gesture. Wow. What a winner. He even turned his hat backward so the bill wouldn’t hit her face.
Be still her beat-less heart.
All right, it was going to be gross and embarrassing, and this guy was kind of the worst. She wasn’t even into men on a good day. He probably tasted horrible. But she would just have a sip. Enough to say she did it. She’d had a whole bag of blood before leaving, so it wasn’t like she was even hungry. Did blood work to absorb alcohol?
Focus, Ashley .
First step, sit on his lap. She perched herself as close to his knees as possible. No need for any more surprises from him.
And that was it. No stalling. Just get it over with. She extended her teeth, and his head pulled back from her in surprise. “Whoa. Wicked body mods. Are you supposed to be Caroline? I loved Vampire Diaries .”
She had no idea what he was talking about, and she frankly didn’t care. She looked deeply into his eyes. “Don’t freak out.”
Ashley wrenched his head to the side.
Before she could bite down, he leaped from the chair, knocking her to the floor. “Whoa, man. I’m not into that kind of stuff. Just because I’m supposed to be a zombie doesn’t mean I’m into the whole biting thing. You’re like hot and whatever, but umm yeah, I’m out.”
He left the room, and Ashley was disappointed to conclude that perhaps she hadn’t figured out the whole glamouring thing after all. What a waste of an evening. Maybe it was time to go home. With the help of the nearby desk, it took her two—no, three—tries to stand back up again, but she did it. Because she was a champion. She wobbled and leaned against the window, letting the cool glass press against the back of her head. That felt nice.
“Has anyone seen Ashley?” a voice called through the pane. “I’m trying to find Ashley. She’s tall and blond and dressed like a cheerleader. Is she still here?”
She was Ashley and also tall and blond and dressed like a cheerleader. She looked down and was shocked to find her uniform was gone. Who put her in these pajamas? They were cute. She turned her head, smooshing her cheek against the glass to look out the window. The party was clearing out. Only a handful of people lingered around the pool. Flitting among them was someone that looked like Esther.
Esther was so cool. She wished Esther was here. She tapped lightly at the glass, but maybe it was loudly, because the girl turned, and it was Esther.
They made eye contact before Ashley sank to the floor. A few minutes later, Esther was in the same room as her.
“Hey, Ashley. I heard you were about ready to go home. I’m here to give you a ride.”
“My hero,” Ashley proclaimed, lifting her arms. Stuck that landing.
Esther’s car was full of cutesy bobbleheads and fast-food wrappers. Also, Esther didn’t have a car. “Esther, you don’t have a car.”
“That’s right.” Esther continued to buckle herself in and adjust the mirrors. “Uther lent me his car.”
“I hate it.” Ashley pulled at her seat belt, but it kept snapping back against her neck. Why did Uther have seat belts that were trying to strangle her? “It’s only like a mile from here. We can walk. I wanna walk.”
“It was enough work to get you from the house to the car.” Esther put the car in drive. Not even a debate from her! “I’m not carrying you a mile home as well.”
“Uther’s seatbelt hates me.” She tugged on her shoulder strap. “It’s trying to kill me.”
“Stop tugging on it,” said Esther, keeping her eyes on the road. “You’re going to?—”
“Esther!”
The car stopped, and the momentum flung Ashley forward. She was stopped by the crappy seat belt and Esther’s hand in the center of her ribcage.
“Did you just mom block me?” Ashley asked, her eyes tearing up from a sudden outburst of emotion.
“Are you okay?” Esther looked her over. “Why did you yell? Did you see something?”
“What?”
“You yelled my name. I thought you saw someone crossing the road or something.”
“Oh, that. My seat belt locked.” She fiddled with the latch, trying to get it to release.
Two hands appeared on each of Ashley’s cheeks, and she looked up into Esther’s serious eyes.
“Stop fiddling with your seat belt,” Esther said.
Sweet baby Jesus, she was gorgeous.
Esther unbuckled and buckled her so the strap wasn’t stuck then leaned over Ashley to adjust some contraption by her head. Ashley didn’t know or care what she was doing. She was close enough that Ashley felt heat radiating off Esther’s body. If she breathed in deeply, maybe their boobs would touch. Could she handle that sensation, or would her mind self-destruct from sensory overload? She was starting to inhale when Esther finished her work and sat back in her seat. Ashley’s seat belt rested comfortably across her shoulder instead of her neck, and she hated it.
“You’re like a super mom.” Ashley felt the need to inform her. “Not that I’m projecting kids onto you if that’s not something you’re into. You would also be amazing at herding the drunk. Not that I’m drunk. Just a little tipsy. Good practice for when you get a real-life drunk person to herd.”
“Can’t wait for that day.” Esther rolled her eyes and put the car back into motion.
“Esther,” Ashley said. “My mom forgot I’m gay. My own mother! Who made me. From her womb. How gay is that? And yet she forgets?”
“I’m pretty sure some not-so-gay things happened that led up to you being born, but sure. I don’t know your mom.”
“And now I have to go home, and they don’t know I’m all vampire-like.” She lifted her hands into claws so Esther got what she meant. “And she forgot I’m gay. I mean, I guess it’s been a while since I’ve been home, but what did she think happened in the meantime? I was just out trolloping with the peniae, penises, dickory? Not that penises are a bad thing. I mean, you’re into the peen, right?”
“I have imbibed in a penis or two. That is true. Not that we’re conflating genitalia with gender, correct?”
“Touché.” It sucked that Esther wasn’t gay, but it was still so nice that she was here to give Ashley a ride. “You’re so nice, Esther. You should come home for Christmas with me.”
Shocking as it might have sounded, Ashley hadn’t thought this idea through before saying it aloud, but now she was obsessed with it. Her and Esther holding hands on the couch under the light of a Christmas tree, sipping hot chocolate while her mom played her favorite Christmas music and her dad told stories from his early firefighting days.
“I mean, my parents are out of the country.” Esther’s words drew Ashley’s attention back. “So, my uncle invited me to join Jason and his annual Disney trip, which kind of sounds like the worst. But I don’t want to impose on your family.”
“Oh my gosh, Esther!”
The car halted, and again, Ashley was flung forward and caught by Esther and the seat belt.
“Stop doing that!” Esther scolded. “You keep startling me.”
“No, but Esther. Esther!”
Esther silently fixed Ashley’s seatbelt.
“This would be perfect. You could be my girlfriend.”
Esther froze with her hand on the release, and Ashley realized her mistake. Esther didn’t like her that way.
“No, no!” she corrected. “Not a real girlfriend. You would be like my pretend girlfriend. So my mom knows I’m still gay. But also! Also, you can help me with the whole vampire thing. Because they don’t know about that, and I kind of want to keep it that way.”
Esther was driving again, and Ashley waited for an answer. And waited. Maybe Esther hadn’t understood her. Did she say the idea out loud, or was she talking in her head again? Sometimes she did that when she was drinking. But Ashley was basically sober now, and this was the best idea she had ever had since that time she thought about drinking from Not-Brian in the middle of a Halloween party.
Esther pulled to the side of the road and turned off the car. “How serious are you right now?”
“So serious. Super serious.” How could she emphasize this properly? The only thing she wanted for Christmas was for Esther to come home with her.
“I’m pretty sure you’re going to forget this conversation in the morning, so I don’t want to commit to anything you’ll regret the next day.”
“Oh, wow. That sounds like not a no.” Ashley bounced excitedly in her seat. Esther unbuckled her, which only made her more excited.
“Well, we’re here. Text me in the morning if you remember this conversation, okay?”
“Yessss.” That was definitely a yes. No doubt about it. “An unmemory never elephants,” she proclaimed and leaped from the car before Esther could change her mind. Her shoe caught on the curb, and she face-planted into the grass. Damn curb, making her look like a drunken fool when she was clearly sober. A car door slammed, and then Esther was there in front of her looking beautiful and concerned.
“Are you okay?” Esther asked. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
She helped Ashley up, and nearly on her own, Ashley walked up the porch steps and opened the front door.
“Are you going to be okay?” Esther’s brows were puckering most adorably. Ashley wanted to kiss that spot. So, she did, leaving behind a pink lip print in the middle of Esther’s forehead like a flag on the moon.
“You are the best fake girlfriend who ever fake girlfriended.”
And then Ashley sprinted to the bathroom and threw up.