22. Callum
22
CALLUM
The first rays of sunrise broke through the slats of Nadia’s wooden blinds as I leaned down and kissed her forehead before leaving to go home. She was sleeping soundly in her bed. It had taken every ounce of self-discipline I had to force myself to leave the only place I ever wanted to be, in Nadia’s bed with her in my arms. I straightened and headed downstairs before I did something stupid like strip naked and slide back into bed beside her.
Last night, or I guess this morning, I’d spent hours just holding her. Our song was Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” and that was exactly why I hadn’t slept a wink. I couldn’t. There was no way I was going to waste even a second of the time I had with her on something as useless as sleep. I’d waited as long as I could before forcing myself to go.
My mom texted me last night when they got home from the drive-in to let me know Matty fell asleep and she’d just carried him to bed, which is why I’d stayed as long as I had. But I didn’t want him to wake up without me there. He’d had enough change in his life lately. He was dealing with it fairly well, but I wanted to keep things as structured as possible for him, which meant I needed to be home when he woke up.
Felicity regularly stayed out all night, and Matty never liked it when he woke up and she wasn’t home. It made him feel insecure; I could tell. I wasn’t going to be an irresponsible parent. That role was already taken.
I hadn’t heard from Felicity for a few days. Five, actually. I wasn’t sure where she was. Last I heard, she was still in Bali, but that was nearly a week ago. She could be anywhere now.
As I drove back home, one question kept moving to the forefront of my brain. What did last night mean for me and Nadia? The resolutions she’d made sent a clear message that she wasn’t interested in dating and that she planned on being celibate.
Clearly, we’d broken that rule last night. Did that mean she’d want to break the dating rule? If she was interested in dating, was that the right thing to do with everything in my life so up in the air?
She was the only person I’ve ever loved, but we hadn’t had the healthiest relationship, and last night proved that. I wasn’t convinced anything would have happened with us if she hadn’t seen me and Kendra’s interaction in the Southern Comfort parking lot.
The ice between us had only broken because she’d gotten jealous. What did it say about us that we were walking on eggshells around each other, tiptoeing around the elephant in the room until she got jealous and broke the formality seal? I wasn’t a relationship expert, but I was pretty sure that was a pink flag if not a red one.
It didn’t bother me. I meant what I said, that we didn’t fight. But if jealousy was what Nadia needed to be interested in me, then maybe that was an issue.
Not that it mattered. All of this was pointless because I had no clue what she wanted. From what Harlan and Dawson said today over the pool table, she hadn’t had a serious relationship in the last ten years. That shocked me. She’d always talked about wanting to get married and have kids. Had that changed?
What if she didn’t want to settle down at all?
There was no way I could casually date her. There was nothing casual about my feelings for her. That was why it had hurt so much when she’d casually hooked up with Clemons the night after my father’s funeral. Technically, we were broken up. But that was just semantics. In all the years we were on and off again, we’d never messed around with anyone else when we weren’t together.
At least I hadn’t. Even after I saw Jerry sneaking out of her house shirtless, I still didn’t believe something had happened between them. Not really. It wasn’t until I confronted her about it, and she didn’t deny it, that I had no other choice but to accept the fact that they’d been together. Then it made me wonder, all those years, had she just been breaking up with me so she could fool around with people and then come back to me when she was bored? I was in my head about that for a few years, but then, one day, I realized none of that mattered. What she did when we weren’t together was none of my business.
I also realized I should have asked her why she hooked up with Jerry. I should have talked to her instead of accusing her. I should have asked her questions instead of just talking at her. I didn’t handle the situation well. But I was young, my dad just died, and I’d just found out he had a three-year-old child with a woman fifteen years younger than him after I’d heard my mom beg him for another baby for years. It was a lot to handle.
My head was all over the place as I pulled up to my mom’s house and saw a car I didn’t recognize. It was a white Mercedes with blacked-out windows. I pulled up beside it, and when I got out, I noticed a rental car company sticker in the top right corner of the windshield.
I was halfway up the front steps of the porch when Buzz came around the side of the house, thumbs hooked in the straps of his overalls.
“Hey.” I nodded to him.
“You’ve got a visitor, son.”
Before I could respond and ask him who it was, the front door opened, and Felicity appeared. Her hair was dark brown and fell down to her waist, which made me think she had extensions because when she left ten months ago, her hair was blonde and she had a pixie cut. That wasn’t the only change; her brown eyes were now a bluish green, so if I had to guess, she’d gotten a brand deal with a colored contact company. She definitely had filler in her lips because they were double the size they’d been the last time I’d seen her, and since her face was not moving an inch even though she was smiling, I’d say she’d overdone it on the Botox.
“Cally!” She walked over to me and threw her arms around me.
“What are you doing here?” I stepped out of her hold and walked inside the house. “Why didn’t you call?”
She followed me, and her fingers crawled up my back as she claimed, “I wanted to surprise you.”
“You can’t just show up like this.” I turned and shut the door. “You should have called.”
“If I did that, it wouldn’t have been a surprise,” she explained as if it was the silliest suggestion she’d ever heard. “And why should I call? He’s my son, and you said that I can see him anytime I want.”
“I’m not saying that you can’t; I’m just saying that it’s not good for him to?—”
“Mama?”
I looked over and saw Matty at the bottom of the stairs looking up at his mom like she was Santa Claus. Which, in fairness, tracked since the bearded man showed up about as often as Felicity.
“Matty! There’s my sleepy little prince.” Felicity bent down, and Matty rushed and jumped in her arms.
As she hugged Matty, Felicity looked up at me with an I-told-you-so look on her face, as if his reaction to seeing her negated my comment that she couldn’t just show up like this. I knew that he missed her. What kid wouldn’t miss their mom? That wasn’t the point. The point was, he wasn’t a toy she could put on a shelf and then take down to play with whenever she wanted. He was a child with feelings. He needed stability. He needed structure. He needed to know that he could depend on the people he loved to be there for him. She’d never proven to be one of those people.
The only thing consistent about her was that she prioritized herself above him. She disguised her selfishness and narcissism as ‘self-care,’ quoting things like needing to fill up her own glass before she can pour into anyone else’s and putting her own oxygen mask on before she can help anyone else. Those were all true statements, and a lot of parents did put themselves last, but she was never in danger of doing that. She weaponized ‘self-care,’ claiming that was her reason to leave for weeks, even months at a time, for yoga and wellness retreats, girls’ trips, mini-vacations, brand trips, and holidays.
“Mama, are you going to live here now?” Matty asked.
“No,” I stated firmly, leaving no room for argument.
“Yes,” Felicity responded at the same time.
Her head spun to me, and I could see she was going to argue, but before she got the chance, my mom came downstairs, looking beautiful, dressed and showered for the day.
“I thought I heard voices. Hello, Felicity,” she greeted Matty’s mom sweetly. “When did you get into town?”
“Just now.” Felicity stood. “I flew in from Los Angeles on a red eye and I am absolutely exhausted.”
“Oh.” My mom’s eyes cut to mine with a questioning look. I could see she was trying to silently and tactfully ask if I had any idea about her plans. I didn’t care about tact in this moment.
“I had no idea she was coming,” I answered her silent question bluntly.
“Of course you didn’t!” Felicity enthused as if it was a good thing. “What kind of surprise would that be?”
One that was healthier for Matty . I kept my response to myself.
“There’s a boarding house in town. I’m sure Mrs. B has rooms. Or I can see if the Montgomery estate is available. Miles Ford stayed there when he was filming.” If it was good enough for an Oscar nominee, then surely it would have to be good enough for her. Although, knowing Felicity, she would find something to complain about.
“Don’t be silly. I’m going to stay here with my Matty.” Felicity patted ‘her Matty’ on his head like he was her pet.
“You can’t. My mom has Bandit and Betty.” As if on cue, the duo came in through the doggy door.
“Oh, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“Fine? What happened to being deathly allergic?”
“People grow out of allergies.” The challenge in her tone told me that she was not going to back down.
If I didn’t let this go, I knew things would get heated. Not on my side, but Felicity loved a bit of drama. I hated it. I wasn’t going to argue with her in front of anyone, especially not in front of Matty.
Mom, being mom, clocked the tension and quickly intervened to defuse the situation.
“Why don’t I make us some breakfast?” my mom chirped cheerily. “How does French toast sound?”
“Oh, that sounds amazing. Cally, hon, can you go get my bags?” Felicity tossed her keys in my direction.
Out of instinct, I lifted my hand and caught the keys flying at my face.
“And I need a shower.” She aimed that statement at my mom. “I feel so gross from the flight.”
“Of course. I’ll go grab you some tow?—”
“I’ll take care of it, Mom.”
My mom had done so much already, opening up her home to me, Matty, and Chloe. I wasn’t going to have her going out of her way to wait on Felicity.
“Are you sure?” my mom asked.
I nodded.
“Can I help make the trench toast?” Matty lifted his hand high in the air.
“It’s French toast, like France, and absolutely you can help make it.”
My mom and Matty headed to the kitchen, and the dogs trailed behind them, leaving me and Felicity alone in the front room.
“We need to talk,” I told her.
“Later. I’m exhausted. I just want to take a shower and spend time with Matty. I’ve missed him so much…” Her words trailed off when her phone rang.
Without sparing me another glance, she rummaged through her bag, answered the call, and walked up the stairs. I stood, still in a little bit of shock, as I looked around the room. Felicity’s purse was in the middle of the floor, her jacket was hanging over the reading lamp beside Buzz’s lounging chair, and her shoes looked like they’d been kicked off and just landed haphazardly where they fell.
The scene was a perfect representation of who Felicity was as a person. She had no respect or consideration for anyone but herself. She made messes and expected other people to clean them up.
Buzz walked inside, and the screen door crashed behind him. He looked around and asked, “You want me to help with her bags, son?”
“No, that’s okay. I got it. Thanks.”
Buzz shook his head as he looked around the room. “That girl sure is a piece of work.”
That was one way to describe Felicity. I could definitely think of a few others.