31. Nadia
31
NADIA
“It’s not a date,” I reiterated to Peanut, who was behind me, curled up in a throw blanket at the end of the bed.
As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, it became evident I’d unintentionally dressed in an elevated Cher from Clueless vibe, which was the first movie Callum and I ever saw together. It was Nora’s favorite movie, and we watched it after the first dinner I had at his house. We even dressed as Cher and Paul Rudd’s character Josh from the movie for Halloween the first year we were together. Tonight, I had on thigh-high boots, a black A-line mini-skirt, and a baby blue cable knit sweater with a white t-shirt beneath it. There were about two inches of skin showing between the hem of my skirt and the top of my boots.
Callum had a huge crush on Alicia Silverstone, specifically in her role as Cher and her cameo in the Aerosmith “Crazy” music video. He was a big Aerosmith fan, which was one of the reasons our song was “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.”
When I was getting dressed, I hadn’t consciously decided to pay homage to his childhood crush, but now, looking at myself in the mirror, it was obvious that is precisely what I’d done.
Tonight was Miles and Zoe’s bachelor/bachelorette party. Callum texted me in the middle of the week and offered to pick me up, but I declined; so therefore, it was not a date, which is what I’d relayed to Peanut.
The only reason I hadn’t taken Callum up on his offer was because I knew if we’d shown up together, it would only add to the raging inferno of fiery gossip spreading through town, fueled solely by speculation that we were getting back together.
Every single person I saw asked me what was going on with the two of us. That was only a slight exaggeration. It averaged one out of every three people I saw. The inquiries ranged from children in kindergarten asking if Callum was my boyfriend to the seniors in The Pace Makers walking group whose route went right in front of my house to the cashier at the Piggly Wiggly, Boris my mailman, and Leonard from the city sanitation department, whom I got to know very well when there were some issues with pipes at the school, everyone wanted to know the inside scoop on the status of Callum’s and my relationship.
To be honest, so did I.
I hadn’t seen him this week. The cold and flu that had made its way through the island had struck the Knight family. Matty went down first, followed by Nora and Chloe. Callum had been taking care of everyone. He’d texted every night, and we spoke a few times briefly, mainly just updating me on how everyone was doing, but we hadn’t seen one another. The butterflies I had in my stomach made no sense. This wasn’t a blind date, or a date at all. This was a co-ed bachelor-bachelorette party that my ex, who I’d hooked up with a few times, was going to be at. So, no reason to be nervous. Nope. None at all.
“Okay, you be a good boy.” I leaned down and gave Peanut a big kiss on his scrunchy head.
He snorted and snuggled further into the throw blanket he’d burrowed into. I headed down the stairs and saw Jelly and Butter lounging on the back of the couch, like the two Queens of Sheba they were.
“Be nice to your brother, ladies.”
Upon hearing my reminder, Butter flicked her tail as she rolled over so she was no longer facing me. Jelly continued staring out the picture window and managed to lay her ears back so flat it looked as if they’d been chopped off. Occasionally, I wondered what my cats thought of me, but then I would always come to the same conclusion that it was probably best if I didn’t know. I had a feeling my kitties made Regina George from Mean Girls look like Mother Teresa. If I knew what they thought of me, I’d probably have to go into therapy.
During the drive downtown, my thoughts were consumed by the countdown that had been ticking away in my head for days, leading up to this moment—the moment when I got to see Callum again. Thankfully, the gene that ran in my family skipped me, so I had never been addicted to anything, but the way I was obsessing over this man felt like I needed a fix. All week, it felt like he was a drug I was detoxing from. I missed him so much that I had physical symptoms and thought I had come down with the flu again because my body ached for him. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate. I didn’t have an appetite. I was love-sick.
The worst part about it was that I only had myself to blame. I knew hooking up with him a second time was a mistake, and now I was paying the price. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Missing him. Wishing he would show up on my doorstep. Thinking it’s him every time I get a call or text. There was more pine in my house than there was on Callum’s family’s Christmas tree farm.
It wasn’t just Callum I’d been thinking about. I’d been playing back my conversation with Nora. So much of what she’d told me had been illuminating. It made me understand her, understand the reason why she’d reacted so differently than most people would have expected her to when she found out about Danielle and Chloe.
It was proof that no one knows what goes on in a relationship except the two people in it. I would have never guessed that Nora’s upbringing had been so hard, or that she’d endured such a traumatic experience, or that she’d had any suspicion that Mr. Knight was cheating on her. She’d always been so positive and optimistic. She was the glass-half-full poster child. In my eyes, she was the perfect wife, the perfect mother, and the perfect role model, but maybe that’s why she was all those things. She wanted to be what she never had.
I wondered if she would ever tell Callum about her past. I suppose she wondered the same about me. I still could not believe she’d known, or suspected, the truth about me and Jerry Clemons. Part of me really did want to tell him the truth, but there was something holding me back.
Was it better for him to continue believing that I’d slept with Jerry, or would it be better to come clean, knowing that he would realize I’d allowed him to believe a lie all these years?
Maybe it didn’t even matter, and the entire thing was a moot point since word on the street was Felicity hired a wedding planner. But that didn’t make any sense. Last week in my kitchen, he said they were through. I had to admit, I’d done a deep dive of Felicity’s social media this week, and all signs pointed to them still being engaged. She was running polls as recently as yesterday for her followers to vote on different styles of wedding gowns and honeymoon destinations.
My head was going to be sore from all the conclusions I’d been jumping to this past week. The reality was, I didn’t have any answers to anything. Until I did, I needed to relax and stop overthinking, which was not exactly my strong suit.
I pulled up in front of the Opera House and saw that there were around twenty people already gathered in front of the building where the wedding was going to take place. They’d decided to squeeze in a quick rehearsal before the bachelor/bachelorette party because the wedding party was so small; it only consisted of the bride, groom, her son AJ, and Miles’ assistant, Jada.
When I got out and made my way through the small crowd, I didn’t spot Callum. I hadn’t texted him today, so when he wasn’t there, my first thought was that he must have come down with that nasty bug that had been going around.
I was disappointed for two reasons. The first was obvious: I wanted to see him. The second was, I wanted him to see me . I might have subconsciously picked out this outfit, but now that I was in it, I didn’t want it to be wasted when I knew how much he would appreciate it.
“Wowzo. You look smokin’ hot,” Ashley enthused as I joined her and her husband, Declan, who was talking to Harlan and his wife, Daphne.
“So do you!” I gave her a quick hug. “How are you feeling?”
“Good.” Ashley smiled as she put her hands on her belly. “I still can’t believe I’m cooking a human in there.”
“You are going to be such an amazing mom!” I beamed, hoping to mask the twinge of envy I had, wishing I were the one growing a human inside me.
Declan must have overheard us talking about the baby, or he was just very tuned into his wife, because without missing a beat of the conversation he was having with Harlan, keeping his attention on his friend, he wrapped his arm around Ashley’s waist and rubbed her belly.
It was so amazing seeing all my friends settle down with men who were so attentive and loving and whom I knew would take care of them for the rest of their lives. But of course, those intrusive, Debbie Downer thoughts try to crowd in, saying. look what they have and you don’t; you’ll never have that kind of happiness; no one will love you like their men love them. It felt like love was a captain in a game of life kickball; all my friends got picked for the team, and I wasn’t even picked last; I was the equipment manager sitting on the sidelines.
As everyone mingled, there was a palpable excitement in the air. Miles stood in front of the Opera House and called for everyone’s attention. “Thank you all for joining us to celebrate our last single night together. Zoe and I really appreciate you all being here. We have a few things planned; first up is a little bit of fun. We have something that AJ and his friends created; it is a selfie scavenger hunt.”
AJ was Zoe’s son and Chloe’s best friend Kendall’s boyfriend. The girls helped him and his friends, Stevie and Ricky, hand out pieces of paper. I almost asked Chloe if her brother was feeling better and if he was going to be here tonight when she handed me a paper, but I didn’t want to come off as desperate.
“You’ll be working in pairs of two, so if you have a partner, great!” Miles continued. “If you are single, then step over to the right, and you can pair up with someone. The first team to text in with photographic evidence of completing the hunt wins.”
This game demonstrated my kickball analogy perfectly. Harlan was with Daphne. Ashley was with Declan. Zoe was with Miles; those were just my closest friends, but the game could go on. I weaved my way through several people on my journey to the single side and was steps away when I felt large fingers encircle my wrist. Before I even turned to glance over my shoulder and see who it was, I knew the answer. An avalanche of tingly goodness spread through my body like I’d taken a shot of whiskey.
When I did look over my shoulder and into the dreamiest brown eyes I’d ever seen, a shudder of awareness rushed from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
“Hi,” I managed to breathe.
“Hi.” A lopsided grin curled on his perfect mouth, and it made the tiny hairs stand up on my arms.
It had only been a little over a week since I’d seen him, but he looked so much sexier. His beard had grown in, and the extra scruff made him appear even hotter. He also looked tired. But that probably came with the territory of caring for three sick people.
“How are you? How’s everybody feeling?”
“Good.” He looked down at the ground and then back up again. “Everybody’s good.”
“Good.” I’m not sure why the word good kept getting repeated. I took a deep breath. “Um?—”
“Okay! If everyone has a partner, then get ready, get set, scavenge!” Miles shouted.
“Do you want to be?—”
“Yes,” I responded before he could even finish the question. Of course, I wanted to be his partner. Who else would I possibly want to be partnered up with?
“Should we stay here or drive to the pier?” he asked.
“Oh, good idea! Let’s go to the pier!”
The pier was a quick two-minute drive, but there would be way more tourists, and if we stayed in the downtown area, then we’d be competing with the same pool of people.
“I’ll drive,” he offered.
“Where are you parked?”
“Just around the corner.”
As we both hurried to the truck, Callum placed his hand on my lower back and guided me along the way. I loved not only the warmth that I could feel radiating from his palm but also the heaviness of it against my back. He had a way of making me feel so safe and protected, yet at the same time, reckless and in danger.
I knew that I would always be safe with him and he would protect me from anything, but the greatest risk of all is giving yourself to someone completely, letting them in, and showing them all of you because if you do that, the danger is they have the power to destroy you.