Epilogue Cassius #2
I think some part of me knew the first time I saw her under that stairwell, crying so quietly she scared the shit out of me even though I’d walked in mad enough to break something. I remember thinking it was nice to sit beside someone who didn’t need me to explain why I was messed up.
I knew again when Mom claimed her so fast it stopped feeling like Zae was visiting and started feeling like she belonged in our kitchen. I knew every time she showed up, not because it was her job, but because loving people is what Zae does best.
After the ceremony, everyone floods outside into the late afternoon sun. Mom and Zae want pictures. Riot wants “one serious one and one where we look like we started a cult.” Maverick joins in quickly. Ghost stands beside me in every photo.
Then Mom wants pictures of me and Zae alone. That just makes my hands start sweating, which is ridiculous because I have had Zae naked in my lap, and still somehow asking her one question in front of my mother has me feeling a hundred times more exposed.
Zae bumps my upper thigh with her hip. “Why are you being weird?”
“I’m not.”
“You are. Your face is doing that nervous twitch.”
“My face doesn’t twitch.”
“It does when you’re stressed.”
Mom lifts her phone. “Smile, you two.”
Zae wraps her arms around my waist, leaning into me with her cheek against my chest. I look down at her instead of the camera.
She looks up. “What?”
I don’t answer which makes her smile fade a little, curious. “Cass?”
My heart is beating too hard as I pull the ring box out of my pocket, and Zae stops breathing. So does Mom.
Somewhere behind us, Riot says, “Holy shit,” and Maverick immediately tells him to shut up.
I look at Zae, and every word I practiced leaves my head.
I had a whole speech, and now all I can think is that she’s here, looking at me like she might kill me if I make this too public and too sweet.
“I’m not asking you to marry me today.”
Her brows pull together. “You’re holding a ring box, Cass.”
“I know.”
“That is generally what those are for.”
“Let me finish.”
“You pulled out a ring box, said some confusing words, and expect me to stay quiet. It’s like you don't know me at all. But go ahead, continue. I’ll be good.”
I huff a breath, and my hand shakes a little when I open the box. The ring is simple, a gold band with a small oval stone. Something she can wear while gaming, writing papers, stealing my fries, living her life.
Her hand flies to her mouth immediately.
“I’m asking if you’ll promise me later,” I say, voice rougher than I want. “Not tomorrow. Not before you’re ready or before we’re steady enough to do this right. But someday. When it makes sense. When we’ve got more furniture than problems.”
She laughs and cries at the same time, which is very Zae and also dangerous for my chest.
“I want you,” I tell her. “Not because you make me better. I want you because you’re you. Because you’re loud and stubborn and you love people so hard it scares me sometimes. Because you make my life messier and funnier and better than I thought I deserved.”
Her eyes are full now, so I keep going before I lose my nerve.
“I’m still going to mess up. You are too. We’re still going to have bad days. But I want the bad days with you. I want the good ones, too. I want grocery lists and stupid arguments. I want to come home to you yelling at a video game. I want all of it.”
Zae wipes under one eye, smearing mascara.
“I’m not getting down on one knee,” I add. “Not here. Too many people.”
I take the ring from the box. “Wear it if you want. Don’t if it feels too big right now. I just need you to know I’m not leaving after today. Not ever, really. But I’m thinking about our future.”
Zae looks at the ring, and then at me. “You’re asking me to be your long-term fiancée?”
My throat tightens. “Yeah.”
Her face crumples, and she laughs through it. “You absolute asshole.”
Mom makes a sound behind her.
“I’m taking that as a yes?” I ask.
Zae grabs my face and kisses me hard enough that people definitely cheer. I hear Mom crying. I hear Riot whoop. I hear Maverick mutter something about good choice.
Then Riley’s voice cuts through all of it. “ABOUT DAMN TIME.”
Zae laughs against my mouth, and the little sound she makes before she pulls back and presses her forehead to mine almost ruins me completely.
“Yes,” she whispers. “Yes, I’ll be yours forever.”
Riley makes a strangled sound somewhere behind her. “I’m fine. Nobody look at me.”
Zae turns her head without moving away from me. “Are you crying?”
“No,” Riley says, clearly crying. “I have allergies to emotionally constipated men finally making good choices.”
I roll my eyes at her comment with a grin still on my face as I slide the ring onto Zae’s finger.
It fits perfectly.
Thank God, because I measured one of her rings while she was asleep and spent two weeks convinced I had accidentally sized it for her middle finger.
She holds her hand out and stares at it. Then she looks at me. “I’m still finishing school.”
“I know.”
“And I’m not planning a wedding while writing finals.”
“I know.”
“And I’m picking the cake.”
“Obviously.”
“And you’re not allowed to use this as an excuse to say fiancée every five seconds in your hot voice.”
I blink. “My what?”
She points at me. “Don’t act innocent. You know what voice.”
Maverick leans toward Ghost. “I want to hear the hot voice.”
Ghost says, “No.”
Zae looks at her ring again, then back at me, smiling so wide it hurts to look at.
“Say it once.”
I lean closer. “Fiancée.”
Her eyes flutter shut. “Okay. That was a bad idea.”
Mom laughs behind us, and I pull Zae into my arms before she can say anything worse in front of my mother. She comes easily, wrapping herself around me, face tucked into my chest.
“I love you,” I tell her into her hair.
“I love you too,” she says. Then, quieter, just for me, “I’m proud of you, Cass.”
That one almost takes me out, because she knows graduation isn’t just the degree. It’s the staying without running. The work no one saw. The days I chose to come back mentally correct. So I hold her a little tighter.
A few feet away, Mom is crying into a tissue. Ghost gives me another small nod. Maverick lifts his brows with a smile. Riot is already telling a stranger that he was present for the greatest graduation proposal of all time.
Zae lifts her head, following my gaze, then groans. “We have to stop letting Riot witness things.”
“Too late.”
She looks at the ring again, then at me. “Worth it.”
I kiss her forehead and keep her tucked against me while the sun drops lower over campus, while people take pictures and families cheer and the future waits for us without feeling quite so scary. For once, I don’t need to know every bad thing that might happen.
Zae’s hand slides into mine, her ring pressing cool against my fingers. I look down at her. She smiles up at me, bright and teary and mine because she chooses to be.
We made a promise we’re finally healthy enough to make. And for the first time in my life, later doesn’t scare me so much.