11. Harlan
Chapter 11
Harlan
“ S unshine. You gotta tell me what you’re running from. What’s got you so scared?”
The demanding plea is ripped from my chest, driven by pale skin, trembling hands, rapid breathing, and the purple bruises under her tired, liquid silver eyes.
Silent tears track down her face, their downward spiral only impeded by the hasty swipes she takes at them, as if trying to erase the evidence of her pain from existence.
Come on, honey. Tell me what’s going on.
A hiccuping breath and the sound of Audra gumming the ice in the baby contraption I’m holding for her are the only noises in the midnight air.
A firm kick against my stomach draws my attention away from Maisie to Audra. The little girl in my lap is like her mama, a bolt of sunshine after dreary skies. The same silvery eyes stare up at me in fascination as she takes comfort from the cold mesh against her gums. The weight of her little body in my lap a wonder beyond words.
“My ex was abusive.”
The stark declaration rips my attention back to Maisie. Her stare burns a hole into me as she whispers the words I’ve suspected into the night air. The shaking in her hands intensifies, and she sucks in a deep breath of air trying to stem the panicked reaction.
“You’re safe. Maisie. You’re safe.” The two words the only comfort I can offer her as she grapples with some invisible decision. My fingers twitch with the need to reach out to her. To touch her and reassure her that she’s safe, that I’d never hurt her, but I can only verbally reassure her. Two inadequate words that shouldn’t ever have to be uttered to another human being, but that’s not the case for the world we live in.
Those two words seem to open a flood.
“It was verbal, and then physical. Lasted for two years before I got out. I started seeing my ex when I finished my master’s degree. We met at an event at the college. He was charming and asked me out on a date. I said yes. It took him less than a year to hit me for the first time. But the red flags started well before then. What not to wear. Who I could talk to. Where and when I could work. Little digs that he manipulated to seem well-meaning. What I ate, thought, said or did was never good enough. Nothing I did could have prevented it, no matter how hard I tried. And then —” her breath catches on a stutter “— I - I got pregnant.”
Incandescent rage sets fire to my chest, and I focus on breathing through it. Scaring her with my reaction, with my anger toward the piece of shit that put his hands on her after breaking her down to nothing mentally, won’t help.
More moisture pools in her eyes, turning the silver of her gaze into a burning liquid before the tears fall to her cheeks.
“Does he know about Audra?” I ask, trying to keep my anger out of my voice .
She shakes her head. “I left the night I did the pregnancy test. I started putting the plans in motion before then. Siphoning a little bit of money off each time I went grocery shopping and depositing it into a secret bank account. Buying gift cards if the store I went to had receipts that showed cash back in the subtotal. Setting up the bare bones for my business and working with clients without him knowing. I knew that if I was going to be successful in leaving that I had to think smart and bide my time — to play a longer game.”
Hatred for the fucker that put her through this burns through me. She shouldn’t have had to play a longer game. “Was he ever arrested or charged?”
Her eyes cut to the side and down. “No. I never reported anything.”
There’s something there. Something she’s not telling me. But this is her story, and I won’t push her or make her uncomfortable. Someone else has already done that enough.
“What happened the night you left?”
She presses her fingers to her eyes before answering. “Sean was at work. I was making dinner, and the smell of the raw meat turned my stomach. My period was late, but I’ve never been regular, so I figured it was just PMS. But there was this little niggle of suspicion, so I went and bought a test from the store. When it was positive, I think I stared at it for a solid ten minutes until the smoke detectors started going off.” Her eyes lift to mine and a small smile curves her lips. “Burned dinner.”
That small reaction loosens some of the pain and agony tearing at my insides for this woman.
“Realized that if I stayed, I’d either end up dead or have to watch him hurt her. After that horrifying realization, I started packing a bag. If it was just me, I could have waited a little bit longer. Gotten more things planned out. But it wasn’t just me anymore. She was the incentive I needed to finally pull the trigger, even though I was terrified. Grabbed the burner phone I bought and stashed in a box of tampons under the sink and left. Drove until I hit Dallas. Ditched my car in a parking garage and then took a bus to San Antonio, bought my camper, and started heading east.”
“Was there anyone who could help you? Family, friends?” I croak the question out, my throat burning.
She shakes her head. “No family. My dad passed away the summer before I left for college, and my mother took off when I was a baby. I used to have a good group of friends, but with my dad passing and all of us going off to college, we grew apart. I was alone.”
Jesus Christ.
The pain and misery this woman lived through. The terror she must have felt when she found out she was pregnant and then the fear of running while pregnant.
“Does anyone know about…” The abuse, Audra, the life on the run. I can’t pinpoint a specific one, so I let the question trail off.
She shakes her head again. “No. I didn’t make friends while traveling. Tried to live under the radar as much as I could.”
“How long has it been since you left?”
“About fifteen months. I went to a doctor in Louisiana a month after I left. Got checked out. Confirmed my pregnancy and that she was healthy. I don’t stay in a place longer than a month though, so figuring out the healthcare portion of my pregnancy was hard. She was born in Maine on a stormy night. That’s what her name means. Storm. I remember hearing thunder when the doctor laid her on my chest for the first time.” Her eyes are glued to the little girl in my lap, and I follow her gaze. Audra’s little hands are curled around mine. Her face slack in sleep. She must have drifted off while Maisie was talking, and we didn’t notice.
Black lashes fan across her chubby cheeks, her little mouth slightly open. The mesh bag resting on her chin. This miracle of a baby is one of the reasons that Maisie is safe. That she got out. I’ve never felt grateful to an infant before, but I do now.
“Maisie.” Her name is wrenched from me. I don’t know what to say beyond that. Beyond the syllables of her name drenched in sorrow and sympathy for what she went through.
Maisie doesn’t say anything. We both just watch her daughter sleeping on my lap and the urge to shield them both from the hurts of life engulfs me.
There’s a comfort in the quiet between us now that she shared her burdens and fear with me. Maybe it’s because of the hour, or the fact that all is quiet in the night around us. But I soak in the small measure of comfort, astounded at the strength of the woman next to me.
Frying bacon and baby babble wake me. My lower back pings as my eyes drift open and I take in the early morning light coming through the windows.
The ceiling of the apartment comes into focus as I realize a light blanket is draped around my shoulders. The pink fuzzy material is soft against my cheek.
Maisie is standing at the stove, Audra propped on her hip and bacon frying in a pan.
Shit. What time is it ?
I glance at my watch. It’s still early. I don’t have to be at the station for a few hours.
I sit up gingerly just as she replaces the lid over the pan on the stove.
“Good morning,” I rumble quietly, not wanting to startle her.
She turns and gives me a small smile. “Morning.”
Her shoulder sling is still off, probably because she’s using her hurt arm to cook while Audra is held in her other arm, her body angled so that Audra is away from the hot stove.
Stretching as I stand, I work the kinks out of my back and neck from sleeping on the couch. I don’t remember falling asleep, but after the heavy conversation with Maisie, I couldn’t bring myself to leave.
Maisie seems less scared but still hesitant around me, and I figure it’s going to take some time for her to feel comfortable around me — with good reason.
Last night’s conversation filters through my head and with it comes the rush of anger at her ex. How anyone can lay hands on their partner is beyond me. The fact that Maisie lived through it until she could get out safely is astounding. Her strength is astounding.
“Uh. I made some eggs and bacon. I didn’t want to wake you but didn’t know if you had to work this morning.”
“I do. But not for a little bit yet. Thank you.”
“Okay. Well breakfast is about done whenever you’re ready.”
“Be right back.” I step into the bathroom to do my business, and seeing the toothpaste on the counter, swipe some on my finger and run it across my teeth before splashing water on my face.
The excited screech from the kitchen is the first thing to greet me once I emerge from the bathroom.
Maisie’s trying to plate some of the eggs, but Audra’s bouncing and wiggling in her arms. Her little feet digging into Maisie’s side for leverage.
“Here. Let me take her.” I pluck Audra out of her arms and settle her on my own hip. My forearm under her butt. Little feet kick at my side, and I stare down into her bright eyes.
“Someone’s a morning girl. Aren’t you?” I whisper as Maisie finishes cooking breakfast.
Twin dimples wink into existence against chubby rosy cheeks and my heart thuds in my chest at her smile.
“She looks like she’s feeling better this morning,” I say to Maisie, relieved that the discomfort from the previous night seems to have passed.
Maisie nods and smiles at her daughter propped on my hip. “Yeah. She slept the rest of the night too, so that was a nice change.”
“Does she usually wake up more often?”
“Sometimes. We’re going for longer stretches now, but she still nurses in the middle of the night if she wakes up.”
The dark circles under Maisie’s eyes are a little lighter this morning, but I don’t know if it’s from the additional sleep she must have gotten or some of the pressure of unburdening herself last night.
“Here, why don’t you sit down and eat. I’ll take her back.”
The conversation from last night runs through my head. Maisie all alone, pregnant and moving from one place to another, month after month.
“I’ve got her. You should sit down and eat while it’s hot. ”
A pinkish blush crops up on Maisie’s cheeks. “Oh, no, really, it’s okay. I can take her.”
“Maisie.” Her name, two syllables, but it gets her to look at me. “Why don’t you want me to hold her while you’re eating?”
“I don’t know, okay? I’m just not used to having help, or other people around us. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hold her while I eat. We’ve been alone for a long time — I’m used to it — and you’ve already helped us so much, I don’t want to be a burden.”
My heart cracks right there in my chest. A jagged split down the center.
“If you really want her back, that’s fine — she’s your daughter. But me offering to hold her doesn’t make you a burden, especially not when I offer. The fact that you’ve been doing this alone for so long is admirable, but it doesn’t mean that you always have to do everything on your own.”
Maisie relents, though I can tell she doesn’t believe my words yet. “Okay.” She takes her plate to the other side of the breakfast counter and sits down.
I snag my own plate and sit down next to her, careful to keep a little bit of distance between us for her comfort. “Is she allowed to eat any of this?” I ask as Audra reaches for my plate.
Maisie glances over at us. “She can have small bites of the eggs, or the soft parts of bacon. She’s really good at chewing with just her gums.”
Cutting a minuscule portion of my eggs, I balance it on the tip of my fork and aim it for Audra’s mouth, careful to keep the tines controlled so she doesn’t hurt herself. Audra bites down on the eggs and I nearly crow at the happy gurgle she lets out at the taste of the food .
“She’s already eaten though, so you don’t have to share with her if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t mind.” I mumble, my concentration focused on feeding Audra.
We eat in silence as I split my meal between me and the infant balanced on my lap. Maisie makes quick work of her own breakfast and turns to me.
“There, all done. Do you want me to take her so you can finish?” She offers hesitantly.
I level a playful look at her. “Sunshine. You gotta learn to share the baby snuggles.”
Keeping things light between us is my goal this morning. Though her story from last night sits heavy in the pit of my stomach.
Maisie’s own lips purse in a small smile before she holds her hands up. “Okay. Sorry. It’s knee-jerk. You want to hold her while you eat, you can.”
Maisie stands and then steps to the sink before rinsing her plate and putting it in the dishwasher.
“So,” she says, her gaze pinning me in place.
“Yeah?”
“About last night. I’m sorry that I unloaded all of that on you.” Her hands twist in the hem of her shirt as she apologizes and my still bleeding heart cracks at the sight of her anxiety.
I shake my head. “Nothing to be sorry about. I asked, you answered.” My tone is firm. I’ll be damned if I have her apologize for sharing something so traumatic — something that I know wasn’t easy to share with a virtual stranger.
“Yeah, but —”
“No buts. I know that it’s going to take some time before you believe that you’re safe here. I promise what you told me last night will stay between you and me and that you can talk to me about anything at any time. But don’t be sorry. Not when you’ve been carrying this on your own for so long. But you are safe here. Have you thought about staying more?” I ask, hopeful that she’s considering it.
She nods. “I don’t have the money to fix my camper, or even buy a new one right now. So I’m kinda stuck until I complete the pending work for my clients.” Her cheeks go pink again at the admission, and I keep all traces of the sympathy I feel for her situation off my face.
She doesn’t need my pity.
“There’s no time limit on how long you can stay. The apartment is empty. You’re free to use it for as long or as short as you need. If you can’t stay — even though I really hope you do — we can figure something out to get you back on the road.”
I want to bite back the offer to help her leave. But she’s had enough choices taken from her and I won’t be another person who steals her independence and autonomy.
There’s a part of me that wants to beg for her to let me help her. To protect her and the little bundle of happy squirming on my lap trying to get my now-empty plate, but it has to be her choice. Her decision.
Maisie smooths a lank of hair behind her ear, drawing my gaze to the graceful line of her neck.
“I’d like that. If that’s okay. I can pay you rent.”
“You’re not paying me to use the apartment that I’ve just got sitting here.”
She opens her mouth to argue. “You need the money more than I do at this point. It’s not like I’m using the space or losing money by having you here.”
She sucks in her bottom lip and nods. “Okay. If you’re sure. ”
“I’m sure.” Warmth creeps through me at the happiness that she’s staying.
Last night painted a small portion of the picture of what she’s been through, but I know that I don’t have the full story yet. I can only hope that spending time here in Everette, around me and my family — because I’ll never keep their nosy asses away — will show Maisie that she can trust me, that I’ll never hurt her, and I’ll do everything I can to keep her and Audra safe.
After not having someone she can trust to have her back for so long, I want her to know that she can trust me.
“I’m at work until this evening. I’ll get a couple of my brothers to meet you down there to help move everything. Sound okay?”
She nods. “Sure. Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Sunshine.”