27. Sunshine
Chapter 27
Sunshine
O nly a few days after I’d dropped by Julian’s firehouse, we were driving into San Francisco to go shopping for his heat. Julian had wanted to drive, so I got to stare at him out of the corner of my eye the whole time. It had taken a little bit for our schedules to line up, and now that we were out I felt so much more alive.
It was early May, and the coastal breeze was something out of a fairytale, bringing with it the scent of citrus and eucalyptus. And car exhaust, but I was going to ignore that scent.
Julian seemed excited to go shopping, and I hoped I’d had the right idea in suggesting it. Having three omegas in the family meant I’d gone shopping for a heat more times than I could count. Sometimes it wasn’t even because they needed something, so much as it was the process of going out and gathering supplies that satisfied their instincts.
Thinking about heats made me realized I’ve been dating Pack Kahele for almost a month.
I didn’t trust it. I hated that I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop—for something terrible to happen—but I couldn’t help it. Pretty much everything else in my life had taught me that good things came to an end.
“Hey.” Julian poked my side. “You’re thinking too hard. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I smiled at him. He looked so effortlessly handsome in a t-shirt and shorts. I couldn’t stop looking at him. The effect was almost overpowering and I considered asking him to pull over and climb into the back seat with me. His tattoos were peeking out from below his shirt sleeves, teasing me and making me want to trace the lines with my tongue.
I was turning into a sex addict. I’d been having sex almost every day, sometimes more than once in the same day, but I still felt the pulse of desire every time I saw them. I pulled my thoughts back to the focus of the day.
“I’m plotting where we should stop first.” I told him instead.
“I don’t care where we go, so long as I’m with you.”
My heart melted and I squeezed his hand. Then I started worrying that he might think that the places I planned to visit were stupid.
At least I was confident that my first idea was sure to make him happy. I gave him directions through San Francisco, and he pulled into a gaming store parking lot.
He grinned. “Seriously? This is the first stop? I thought we were going to hit up a nest store.”
“We will.” I slipped my purse strap over my shoulder. “But we need some new games for during our downtime.”
“Who says I’m gonna let you have downtime?” he muttered as he got out of the car.
Julian wrapped his arm around my waist, and we strolled through the gaming store. We picked up games and discussed the pros and cons.
An alpha with a scraggly beard and a shirt with the logo from the popular online video game kept looking over at us. Then I heard him snorting about casual gamers.
Before I thought about it, I stepped forward, the urge to punch him in the face so strong that I had to physically check myself.
“So violent.” Julian hooked his arm around me again, dragging me down the merchandise aisle. “Love to see it.”
I was normally extra-protective of my sisters when they were getting ready for their heats. I always felt an increased need to make sure they were okay, that they had everything they needed.
The urge was stronger around Julian, fueled by something more aggressive. I’d wanted to grab Chuck and throw him off a cliff.
I rolled my eyes at Julian’s comment, and we headed over to the merchandise aisle.
“Now this is something Luca hasn’t thought about yet,” Julian said with a laugh. “As far as games and consoles go? Yes, he’s all over that.”
I held up a plushie of Tom Nook, our furry overlord on Animal Crossing. “Has he got you any plushies of the games you play?”
“Not yet.”
“Good. I claim victory.”
Joy bubbled up inside me. We strolled through the aisles, adding more games to our stash until we agreed we had enough, and headed to the checkout.
Julian tried to pull out his wallet, but I gave him a look. “Let me.”
“You don’t have to.” Julian kissed my cheek. “I loved coming here with you.”
“I want to.” I paid for our loot, and we toted the bags back to the car. Julian was beaming. The amount of joy I felt, knowing I made him that happy, was ridiculous.
I directed him Twine and Egg, a special goods store that catered to omegas. The name was a little pretentious and some of the stuff they carried was ridiculously overpriced, but it had a wide range of linens, clothing, and other supplies. My family like Twine and Egg’s selection much better than Bedding Best, which ended up feeling like a supermarket every time we walked inside.
Twine and Egg was big, but felt homey with comfortable nooks of bedding, furniture, clothing, and odds and ends. There were bright colors, neutrals, and electric patterns. I liked bringing Stella, Luna, and Ember here because they loved the variety of stuff to look at, and it always felt like a flea market. A really high-end flea market, but one nonetheless. Maybe they just loved the hunt through the textures and colors of the textiles section of the store.
Julian wrapped his arm around my waist again once we got inside the store, and I loved that he seemed incapable of not touching me.
“Babe, not that I don’t love being here, but I have more sheets, pillows, blankets, and clothes made from omega-friendly fabric than I know what to do with.”
“That’s fine.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek. “What about me? Should I get some sleep shirts or something?”
Julian leaned over and whispered. “Who says I’m gonna let you wear clothes?”
I blushed. “I’ll need clothes at some point.”
“You can borrow mine.” He nuzzled my neck, and warmth crept down my neck. I was never going to survive Julian’s heat if this was how he responded before it even got here.
Maybe this place wasn’t such a good idea. I should have realized that, with Luca around, Julian would have the best nesting supplies an alpha could buy. “Right, we can go.”
Julian straightened up. “No, we just got here.”
He looked confused, and his tone had become a little bit plaintive.
I raised an eyebrow. “You just told me you were good and didn’t need anything.”
“But…” Julian looked around again at all the different colors and fabrics. “Fine, fine. I do want to look and touch the stuff, even if I already have plenty.”
“Exactly.” I tucked his arm in mine, and we browsed the aisles. Most of the shoppers were omegas, with only the occasional alpha. All the other omegas were women and they gave me and Julian a double take before they figured out who was which designation.
The omegas relaxed, and Julian fell easily into conversations with a few of them about his favorite brands of sheets. I loved how he was able to talk to anyone, and the omega girls left happier with his help.
I let him set the pace, while I pictured coming back in another three months, and another three months after that.
For the rest of our lives.
It was too easy to imagine. I shoved the thought away. I wouldn’t ask too much, or plan too far. I was already at the point where it would shatter me if something happened. I would never get over losing Julian. Not if I lived a thousand years.
Julian nuzzled my neck, rubbing his chin on my shoulder. “More candles?”
“Always.” I picked up some lavender and rosemary for when we wanted to establish a calming mood, and also some ylang ylang and jasmine for when the mood was sexier.
“Better get, like, three of those.” Julian pointed at the sexual energy candles. I laughed and added more to our little cart. I added some throw pillows just because I liked them, and a super soft blanket.
While I was deciding on them, Julian found several pretty nightgowns and brought them over to the cart with a broad smile. “I figure you should have some nice stuff, too. Even if I’ll just rip it off you in two seconds.”
“How considerate.”
We checked out and, again, I refused to let him pay. Maybe it was just my principles, but I wanted to take care of him. Not just because he was an omega, but because of who he was to me.
The next place I directed Julian to was Ms. May’s Tea Room, and as we parked, my stomach gave a little twist of nerves. This place was the most questionable of all the stops on my schedule. All my omega family members loved it, but maybe Julian would think it was dumb.
I opened the door, and the little bells hung over the threshold jingled. I walked up to the hostess stand and said hello to Maeve, an adorable beta with blue tips in her hair, who greeted us both.
“Who’s you’re new friend?” Maeve beamed at me and Julian.
“Julian Kahele.” I linked my arm in his. “He’s my boyfriend.”
A thrill of pleasure raced through me at the word. It never got old, being able to claim Julian in some way. Maeve’s eyes widened and her smile got even bigger.
“We’ve got your usual table ready, so please follow me.” Maeve picked up menus, and we followed her through the tearoom. It was only half filled, almost totally by women from across a range of ages.
The place was decorated like a classic 18 th century British tearoom, with wallpaper covered in small flowers and small, round tables made of dark wood, covered in white cloths.
Maeve showed us to a table against the far wall, next to a series of portraits of English ladies. Whenever I came here with Ember, she liked to make up stories about the wild and crazy lives of omegas in historic times.
Sitting the fabric menus down on the table, Maeve smiled and gave us a little wave. “Delia is going to be your server. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” I sat down, carefully watching Julian’s face for any sign of annoyance.
Maybe this was too girly for him. It must be weird being an omega and a dude, when the rest of the world assumed you were going to be a woman and catered to what they thought was feminine.
“This is really cool.” Julian was looking around, craning his neck to scan the other rooms. I tried to see it from his view, remembering the pure joy and wonder I’d felt the first time I had come here.
The air carried the aroma of sugar and tea, but the scent diffusers meant it wasn’t overpowering. Fresh flowers decorated the tables and shelves, everything from full, blowsy pink roses to dainty violets.
“It’s a private tearoom,” I said, fiddling with the menu. “You have to make an appointment, and only omegas with their designated attendants are allowed in.”
Julian opened the menu. “Oooo, what kind of food do they have? Dainty little cucumber sandwiches?”
“Of course. We can choose between a la carte, brunch, afternoon tea or high tea.”
Julian flipped through the menu. His brown eyes were warm, and he kept smiling. “High tea has the sandwiches, scones, and desserts? That is the clear winner then.”
I loved that he had such an open face.
“Is this okay?” I decided to ask. He was honest with me, and I was sure he would tell me if he wasn’t feeling it. “We could go somewhere else if this is too…girly.”
“What? Why?” He frowned. “The vibes here are top notch. I’m all relaxed and I need to carb up.”
I grinned. “You’re sure?”
“Positive.” He propped his hands up on the table and rested his chin on his fingers. “I want nothing more than to spend an afternoon here, with you, eating dainty little sandwiches.”
“Hello, Sunshine. It’s good to see you again.” Delia smiled at me. She was a tall, lanky omega, built like a volleyball player. My family and I had been coming here for years, so I knew most of the staff. She turned to Julian and raised her eyebrows. “And who’s this?”
Julian grinned. “I’m the boyfriend.”
“Good for you.” Delia’s smile grew wider as she bumped my shoulder. “Have you decided what sort of tea I can start you off with?”
“I haven’t really drunk many different types outside of regular black tea or, like, the cold, sweet peach or lemon tea at restaurants.” Julian scanned the menu.
“Ah! A newbie.” Delia brightened up and tapped the two pages of tea and fruit infusion options. “We have a wide range of green, black, white, and rooibos teas along with fruit infusions.”
As Julian scanned the menu, his nose scrunched in the most adorable way.
“How about we have the Around the World tea sampler?” I cocked my head. “I like a wide variety of tea, and that way you can try a bunch of different ones.”
“Perfect.” My omega pointed at the high tea option on the menu, looking at me for confirmation. “And this sounds amazing.”
I was already nodding. Cute sandwiches, scones with jam and cream, and then dessert? Sign me up.
“Great! I’ll bring your tea out in a few minutes.” Delia took our menus with a smile and left.
“You come here with your family?” Julian rested his chin on his hands again. The soft bustle of the tearoom helped focus me somehow, more effectively than if we’d been in a completely quiet room.
“A lot.” I grinned. “They all love it. Sometimes we come as a group and sometimes pairs.”
“I’ve been an omega so long, I feel like I already have my routine down.” Julian glanced around the room. “But I like this. It’s nice. Different.”
“Good.” I smiled in relief. Maybe this wasn’t such a crazy idea after all.
It didn’t take long before Delia came back carrying a tray with a pot of hot tea and beautiful cups and saucers. They were porcelain, with a gold rim and a flower pattern, and I always felt like a duchess from a period drama when I drank out of them.
“Ohhh fancy.” Julian leaned back and let Delia set his cup and saucer down.
“Our first tea is Eternal Spring. It’s a white tea with rose petals and strawberries. It will wake up your palate without overriding the flavors.”
Delia poured us both a cup of the fragrant tea and left us to our conversation.
“We’ve been coming here as long as Stella’s been an omega.” I sipped my tea. It was soft and fruity with a hint of floral tones. “It wasn’t a shock when Stella’s designation flipped. She had been moody for weeks, and she’d never really liked people in her space, anyway.”
“Luna, too?” Julian sipped his tea, and his face relaxed with pleasure. “Mmm. This is good.”
“She was always really shy, and being the baby of the family probably didn’t help. She flipped designations as a teenager, just like Stella.” I cocked my head. “You did too, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.” He grinned. “I wasn’t surprised. For years I’d felt weird cycles of not wanting to be around anyone but also wanted to be cuddled and touched. No sexual frenzy of course, that doesn’t kick in until later. But the signs were there.”
It was nice that biology decided to let omegas ease into the hormone overload. I didn’t want to know what going into a heat would be like if you were sixteen. If it worked like that, there’d be too many omegas who would bond too early and be miserable later in life.
“What about Ember?” Julian took another sip of tea and swallowed. “That’s really nice tea. Did she flip early?”
My throat closed up and I swallowed around the lump. “Yeah. When she was thirteen.” I pushed away the sudden cocktail of grief and panic. It was in the past and gone now.
Julian frowned, picking up on the tightness in my voice. I was terrible at hiding my feelings.
“What’s wrong?”
I tried to smile and settled for a shrug. “Ember’s designation flipped because of a stressor. She was, uhh, in the plane crash that killed our parents. She was hospitalized.”
Julian’s face fell. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
I shook my head. “I know. It’s okay.”
Delia arrived with a three-tiered cake stand. On the bottom were sandwiches cut into triangles, egg salad, and roast beef with horseradish, bacon and spinach quiche slices, and sausage rolls.
The middle level was filled with scones served with strawberry and blackberry jam and clotted cream. The top tier was covered in a range of mini desserts: chocolate eclairs, madeleines, chocolate ganache slices, and fruit tarts.
She also brought our second tea, a light black tea with peach pieces in it.
Julian’s entire face lit up at the sight of the food, and I smiled, some of my sorrow lifting. Of course I missed my parents. I always would. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t find other people to fill my life with joy and happiness.
After Delia left, he took my hand, and his expression sobered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”
I squeezed his fingers. “It’s okay. It happens. I don’t mind talking about heavy things with you.”
I’d cried on his shoulder more than a few times in the past. One of the best things about dating a man who was already my friend was him knowing so much about me.
“Speaking of…” He looked at me a little nervously before letting go of my hand to serve us both sandwiches on the beautiful fine bone China plates that were the same floral pattern as our cups.
“What’s wrong?” My stomach dropped, and I immediately thought he’s breaking up with me .
Of course, the logic that he just asked me to be part of his heat only a few days ago didn’t sink in, no that was too easy for my brain. I immediately jumped to thinking that I had done something wrong, some unforgivable sin.
“When you said you’d never been part of a heat before…” Julian cleared his throat. “What did you mean? I know I’m your first omega, but…weren’t you there during the Pack Beneventi omega’s heat?”
He didn’t want me to be part of his heat. That had to be it. He had thought about it and realized I wouldn’t be able to help. I regretted the bite I’d just taken of the roast beef sandwich.
“I uhhh… No.” I cleared my throat and took a sip of black tea, the leaves a little bitter on my tongue. “Mason wasn’t comfortable with me there at all.”
Julian’s face pulled into a frown. “At all? That’s weird. I mean, his alphas had to have smelled like you.”
Heat crawled up my neck, and I resisted the urge to rub my forearms.
“Oh, babe, I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” Julian’s expression went stormy. “They were all assholes for treating you so badly.”
“I know.” I swallowed hard. “But I get it. Heats are a big deal. I’m not going to be mad if you’re not comfortable with me there.”
“Comfortable?” He blinked. “I don’t know what I would do without you. That’s why I’m asking. I’m worried I’ve pressured you.”
My brain skipped tracks. “Pressured me?”
“Yeah.” Julian nodded, and then inhaled an entire sandwich, buying me time to tell my brain to calm the heck down.
He picked up his cup and drank some tea. “Pressured you into being there. It’s a lot…I’m a lot.”
He paused and searched my face. “I don’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. During my heat I’m clingy and needy. And I don’t want anyone to leave the nest, ever.”
I managed a smile. “That sounds like every heat I’ve read about.”
“Yeah, but when you’re with us it’s different. It’s basically sleep, sex, and snuggles.” He grinned. “The three s’s.”
“What about snacks?” I gestured at his sandwiches.
“I’m not much interested in eating. It drives Logan nuts.” He grinned, not looking sorry at all. “And heaven help him if he leaves the nest because he thinks he has to get something.”
“Well, I’m gonna add snacks to that equation,” I said firmly. He hadn’t been telling me no. He’d been worried about me.
He fiddled with his sandwich. “I just want to make sure you’re not going to hate sex afterward. Or be upset that I made you so sore. You can tell me no, it’s okay.”
I blinked. “I need more elaboration.”
Julian sighed. “In the heat of the moment, you’re going to be riding high on my pheromones. But I don’t want to…wear you out or for you to end up feeling so sore that you get upset with me.”
“Me?” I frowned. “Isn’t that what you have your alphas for? To wear you out?”
Julian cocked his head. “I do. And they will. But I want you, too, Sunshine. I’m going to be demanding you touch me. I’m going to be demanding to be inside you all the time, the same for Logan and Luca. You’re a beta, and your stamina is different.” He looked at me, very seriously. “Betas have come out of heats needing to be hospitalized because no one knew when to say stop.”
“Oh.” I grabbed Julian’s hand. “I’ll take a break if I need to.”
I seriously doubted I would really want to take a break, if our previous sexual marathons were any indication. Julian still looked worried, so I tried to reassure him some more.
“And those stories about hospitalization are usually because there was a combination of other health factors too.”
“Still.” I was happy to see he’d relaxed, some of the worry going away from his face. “I just want you to be as comfortable as possible. If there’s anything I can do—anything you need—tell me.”
I dropped my gaze to where my hand held his and rubbed the soft skin between his pointer finger and his thumb. “It’s not a need, but I’m curious.”
“You can ask me anything, I hope you know that by now.” He grabbed another sandwich with his free hand. “Also, you’re going to have to carb up with me.”
Julian was right. I maneuvered my own sandwich with my other hand. We would probably lose weight during the heat, and it would be easier for all of us if we were eating highly nutritious meals beforehand, to prepare. I’d done a lot of research on betas and heats, and I had a fair idea of what to expect.
Sometimes betas did great. Like Julian said, omega pheromones were potent, and we could ride the waves of lust and need like the alphas. But, biologically, we were built differently and couldn’t always ignore the needs of our bodies in the same way as alphas in a rut could, or like an omega in heat did.
Theoretically, betas should be part of every heat, to balance things out and make sure everyone was eating and hydrating properly. It made sense from a biology standpoint, but it had always seemed like nature made us destined to be helpers. Standing on the sidelines, not the actual reason for the event.
“What’s wrong?” Julian squeezed my hand. When I looked up, I could see he was starting to get worried again.
“Nothing.” I licked my lips. “I’ve been wondering…I know every omega is different. I was wondering how lucid you are.”
Some omegas stayed lucid through most of their heat, only going into a semi-feral state of need when their hormones peaked. On the other end of the spectrum, some omegas basically operated on needs-based instincts and didn’t do much but have sex, sleep, and eat.
“I don’t care either way,” I added quickly. “I’m just curious.”
Julian perked up. “That’s a good question. I would say I’m semi-lucid most of the time. Sort of like when I’m about to fall asleep. I can carry on a simple conversation, but more complicated thinking is harder.”
I nodded, gently withdrawing my hand so I could start loading up our plates again.
“I’m usually in heat around a week, including the day or so of warming up and a day or so after to make sure I’m not going to have a hormone spike again.”
“Sounds good.” The thought of Julian, in heat and needy, sent a flush of yearning coursing through me.
He grinned. “Only good?”
“Sounds great.” I put a scone on his plate. “You better fill up if you’re a brat about eating during your heat.”
“Yes ma’am.” Julian smirked. “Also—don’t answer now—think about if there’s anything sexual you don’t want to do. Heats have a way of making everything feel intense and exciting.”
“I can’t think of anything.” I eyed the blueberry and lemon scone, wondering if Logan could make us some more.
Julian raised an eyebrow. “Bondage? Breath play? Double or triple penetration?”
“Oh.” More of that syrupy desire spread through me at the thought of all those exciting possibilities. “Oh, I should look at a list or something.”
“That’s right, babe.” Julian grabbed two more scones, handing me the blueberry and lemon. “Your sister, cousin—whatever Holly is—has two omegas in her pack right?”
“Oh, duh.” I shook my head. “I should ask her for tips.”
Julian grinned. “Didn’t she deal with two omegas without an alpha during their first heat with her? Before they packed up?”
“She did.” I laughed. “I’ll ask her for advice.”
“Good.” He patted my hand, looking calmer. “I don’t want to break you the first heat.”
It was really sweet, knowing he was worrying about me as much as I worried about him.
We talked about video games and movies the rest of the time, eating our way through all of the tiers of the cake stand. Well, Julian did most of the eating, but I still managed to eat more than usual.
Now that we’d had the chance to talk, I was equal parts excited and nervous. Maybe Holly wouldn’t mind if I asked her prying questions.
We drove back to Julian’s house. I spent the evening making some appointments and carrying out research, and by the end of the night I was exhausted.
It was like my brain had already checked out and had gone straight into ‘waiting-for-heat’ mode. I needed it to get back online long enough for me to update Holly on all my events, so she could handle things while I was gone.
I could ask her about Noah’s heat then.