Chapter 2
I'll Be Your Mirror - The Velvet Underground
‘S
hit, Abby, are there bricks in this tote?’ Erik groaned as they walked the final few steps towards their rooms. He had insisted on carrying her bags in, ignoring her protests that she had navigated a decent part of London carrying them. For all his complaints, his breathing was barely affected.
Abby swiped her key card and pushed the door open, hearing Erik kick it shut after walking in behind her. He dumped her suitcase on the large bed. It looked obscenely comfortable, with a thick, fluffy duvet and a mound of plush pillows she was desperate to collapse onto.
‘Ah. Close enough,’ Erik muttered, peering inside her tote.
In hindsight, she may have over-catered on reading material, and her heart stopped as Erik dipped a hand into the bag and fished out a paperback with a lurid cartoon cover. Of course the one he’d picked out was particularly steamy, with words like forbidden desire , domination , and ecstasy prominent on the cover. Abby snatched it from his hand and attempted to drag the tote away from him.
‘Not so fast, Sunshine,’ Erik said, tightening his grip on the straps and reaching in to grab another book. The pastel pink cover showed two featureless figures embracing, and a byline about the passion threatening to consume them. A wicked grin spread over his face. ‘Level with me: is this whole bag full of smut?’
Abby glowered. ‘No.’
Yes .
‘I’m not judging! I actually read that book you posted on Instagram over Christmas. It was good.’
She bit her lip to hide her smirk. The small town holiday romance had become a fast favourite. Delicious yearning between the two main characters. Tender, intimate sex scenes. It had also been significantly milder than anything Erik was likely to find in that stash.
‘I’m just saying, you’re only here for a week. How many books could you possibly get through?’ Erik continued. A thoughtful look crossed his face and he raised his eyebrows suggestively. ‘Or do you only need to read a few key parts of each?’
Abby returned to glowering, hoping the flush she could feel spreading through her cheeks would read as annoyance. ‘I need them for research. For my thesis.’
And for another project. The one she wasn’t ready to tell him about just yet. That document tucked away on her laptop, ever growing as she plotted meet-cutes, subverted tropes, and untangled third act conflicts.
‘What’s your thesis? The way romance novels with cute illustrated covers are making it socially acceptable for women to consume porn on public transport? Because the woman I sat next to on the plane was reading this ,’ he said, holding up a new book as he paged through it, stopping when he got to a bright pink tab, ‘and I’m now slightly uncomfortable about the way she started looking at me after her second glass of wine.’
The hero of the book in question had Erik’s same messy, dark blonde hair and chiselled features. A random lady ogling her friend didn’t sit well with her, but it was unsurprising. Even more so when one considered how skilled said hero was with his tongue in the scene Erik was now reading.
‘You’re not far off,’ Abby said, hoping to draw his attention back away from the book. He didn’t need to see which specifics she had underlined. ‘I’m exploring the link between the rise in the mainstream success of contemporary romance novels and women’s increasing freedom to acknowledge their sexuality. Romance novels allow women a non-exploitative way to encounter new ideas and acts, even new kinks. Which you know. Because I’ve told you before.’
‘Yeah. I just wanted to see you blush when you said “kinks”.’ Erik smirked at her, eyes alight with mischief.
Abby stuck out her tongue, though annoyingly enough, a faint warmth was blooming across her cheeks. For all the work she’d done to become more comfortable talking about sex, it still wasn’t easy. She considered herself extremely sex positive in theory . But in practice, her confidence still left a lot to be desired.
Erik stretched out on the bed as Abby unpacked her bags, piling seemingly endless books onto the nightstand and hanging more dresses than she probably needed for a week inside the wardrobe. She basked in the return of the safe silence that had enveloped so much of their lives together. As much as they could also make endless conversation, the quiet companionship they shared was a gift she’d never found elsewhere. There was a complete lack of performance in their friendship—a sense of security she could only dream of experiencing with anyone else.
Abby smiled when she glanced at Erik and saw that his eyes had shut. He wasn’t sleeping yet. The slight tension he always carried in his forehead and jaw while awake was still there, but softened as he nestled deeper into her pillows. A lot about the coming seven days would be stressful, but she hoped he would be able to find more of these moments of peace.
Returning to her suitcase, Abby reached inside to retrieve the last of her toiletries and transfer them to the shared bathroom between their adjoining rooms. Distracted by thoughts of smoothing the little furrow between Erik’s eyebrows, she absently grabbed what she assumed was a box of tampons. Then she looked down and realised the glossy cardboard in her hand had a picture of a bright pink vibrator on it.
‘Everything okay?’ Erik’s eyes flew open at the small squeak she let out.
Abby dropped the box back into her suitcase with a small thump and let the lid fall closed. She nodded, feeling her flush from before deepen and spread. Erik tracked her movements with a quizzical look as she dumped the suitcase on the floor and shoved it hastily under the bed, actual tampons still inside. No matter how close they might be, he didn’t need to see her sex toy. Especially since she hadn’t been aware she owned it until a few seconds before.
Oh.
Sarah .
Sarah had finished packing for her that morning. She’d obviously squeezed in a gift. One Abby would kill her over later.
Abby composed her face into something more casual and flopped onto the bed next to Erik. ‘It’s time to go and meet them, isn’t it?’
Erik checked his watch, still the same one his grandfather had passed down to him on his eighteenth birthday. While the brown leather strap probably needed replacing, the gold rimmed face was still pristine. It was simple, classic, and lightly masculine. It suited him. ‘I said I’d have you here by dinner. We can hide out a little longer.’ He reached for her hand, squeezing gently again. ‘I’ll be right by your side the whole week. You stop me strangling my mother; I’ll stop yours having a go at you.’
Abby laughed, and felt some of the stress of the past few months leave her body. Her degree, her parents, her first serious breakup. It all erased itself as Erik ran his hand higher up her arm, applying light pressure all the way.
She hadn’t felt the same sense of soothing since— Nope . Not the time to dwell on that.
Attempting to distract herself from a dangerous line of thinking, she asked, ‘What’s Nora done to warrant such violence? I thought you were the golden boy.’
‘Unfortunately I am not enough for her anymore.’ He sighed dramatically. ‘Apparently she’s desperate for golden grandchildren. And since Casey and I broke up…let’s just say she’s worried about the timeline.’
A small kernel of discomfort twisted Abby’s gut at the thought of Erik getting married and having babies. She thought she’d covered it with a wry grin, but the deepening lines on his brow told her she had failed. ‘She knows you’re twenty-five, right? And that she has another son?’
Erik snorted. ‘Yeah. She wants to be a young grandmother, apparently. And Alex is…well. Alex . I suspect she’s come to terms with the fact that she may never get grandchildren there.’
Abby smirked at the idea of Erik’s serial dater of a big brother—though dating was perhaps a generous term for what he did—growing old behind a white picket fence with 2.5 children. But even that ludicrous mental image couldn’t stop that kernel growing in her stomach. She supposed the bright side of Erik settling down would be seeing him more often. But it wouldn’t be the same. They’d never acknowledged it openly, but when one of them started seeing someone, a subtle shift occurred in their relationship. There would certainly be no more lying on hotel room beds together, fingers knotted between them on the bedspread, trading exasperated whispers about their parents. No more hand holding, no more lazy hugs any time Erik found her within grabbing distance, no more kisses to the sides and top of her head. The casual touches that felt as natural as breathing would be replaced with hugs of greeting and farewell and not much in between. It would be nothing she hadn’t experienced before, but outlined with the permanence of marriage, it would feel different.
Erik liked to say that Abby craved touch more than anyone he’d ever met, but that wasn’t strictly true. She could be remarkably touch-averse with most people. She merely deeply enjoyed touch from a select group, and their years of friendship had put Erik top of that list.
It wasn’t just the easy physical intimacy she would miss. Thanks to a childhood pinky swear, they told each other everything. That dynamic would inevitably change when he became serious with someone again. Going the rest of her life without him as her confidante, without their unusual candour, was a painful prospect. But after the way her relationship with Sam had ended…she wasn’t going to risk Erik’s next shot at happiness going the same way.
‘Are you doing okay? With the breakup?’
Erik shrugged, one broad shoulder lifting carelessly. ‘It’s been six months.’
‘You were together a long time.’
‘So were you and Sam,’ he said casually, eyes focused on the duvet while he picked at a loose thread. ‘How are you handling that?’
‘I’m…I think I’m actually good,’ she said slowly. ‘He was great. The perfect boyfriend, really. But there were a few areas where we weren’t quite on the same page. Things I wasn’t willing to compromise on.’
Their gazes locked for a single second before she looked away.
So maybe they told each other almost everything.
Both of them had always been slightly cagey about their relationships. An unspoken rule not to bring too many romantic details into the friendship. They might laugh together over a funny story from a bad date. But they rarely discussed their partners beyond the superficial.
Abby certainly wasn’t ready to share the things Sam had said when he dumped her.
They lay together in comfortable silence, and when a loud knock at the door made her eyes burst open, Abby realised she’d fallen asleep. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt relaxed enough to take a nap. Maybe this holiday would be good for her after all. Judging by Erik’s slow blinks, he had dozed off too. His eyes were soft and tender as a sleepy smile spread across his face. It evaporated with a wince when the pounding on the door continued.
‘Abby, darling, the nice boy at the front desk said you had checked in. Are you there?’ The knocking was joined by the unmistakable voice of Abby’s mother, Susan.
‘Can we hide?’ Abby mouthed at Erik.
The flash of a grin lit him up before being replaced with an exaggerated pout. He shook his head and squeezed her hand again. Fine . She lifted herself with a small groan and opened the door to her doom.
‘Hello, mother.’
‘Hello, darling— Oh .’ Her mother frowned as she looked up from the handbag she’d been rifling through. Holding her entire life as it did, it was no wonder she could never find anything in there. ‘You will be freshening up, won’t you? A grungy shirt and shorts certainly isn’t appropriate dinner wear.’
Abby frowned and touched the soft flannel hem protectively. ‘Always lovely to see you too, mother.’
‘And some mascara should open those eyes right up. That’s not polite, dear,’ her mother continued as Abby rolled her eyes.
‘I didn’t think you’d notice. My eyes are so small without mascara, after all,’ Abby said dryly. After so many years, her mother’s inane jabs washed over her, more an annoyance than anything truly hurtful. She’d done a lot of work to close herself off from the negative emotional effects of spending time with her parents. She accepted the sting, acknowledged the intent—or lack thereof—behind it, and then let it go, watching it drift away on a light breeze in her mind.
‘Don’t snap at me.’ Susan’s frown deepened and Abby raised a hand in surrender.
Part of her healing journey had been learning to give up on the fight. There was simply no point arguing with her mother’s heady combination of narcissism and haughty arrogance. It drained her, energised Susan, and would never resolve anything. So she’d learned to safeguard her peace instead.
‘Why must you always pick a fight when I see you, darling?’ Susan continued in a softer voice, pulling Abby in for a hug. It was received stiffly.
Why had she done this to herself?
Then she felt Erik manifest behind her and her body relaxed into the warmth that flowed from him. Right . There was that. A strong hand slid to the back of her neck, his thumb working at a knot just below her hairline. She had to swallow a pleased groan, and was grateful when he spoke, covering the small sound that had still managed to escape her throat. Although his thumb pressed harder, suggesting she hadn’t hidden her reaction as well as she’d thought.
‘We’ll be down in fifteen, Mrs B.’ His voice oozed charm. Bastard . ‘I’m the one who needs to freshen up. I’m afraid I don’t have Abby’s natural glow.’
She knew it would make no difference to her mother. But having Erik stand up for her lifted her own spirits nonetheless.
Susan’s face softened as she patted Erik gently on the cheek. ‘Don’t be silly, dear. This handsome face doesn’t need any help.’
Erik chuckled and dropped his hand to Abby’s waist to pull her closer to him, creating slightly more room for her to breathe outside of her mother’s orbit. ‘We’ll see you at six-thirty.’
Abby blew out a long breath as soon as the door closed and dropped her head against Erik’s shoulder. His arms closed around her immediately. ‘You okay?’ he whispered into her hair.
She nodded, face burrowing into his soft t-shirt. ‘Wasn’t expecting the very first thing out of her mouth to be an insult, but I’ll live.’
Erik’s arms tightened slightly.
‘I’m really glad your handsome face is here,’ she said, looking up with a small grin.
‘Aw, you think I’m handsome?’ His eyes twinkled and it pulled on something in her chest as she reached up to flick his ear. He pulled her close again and she sank into his chest as he laughed against her hair. ‘I’m glad I’m here too, Sunshine.’