Twelve years before
Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
I
t was one in the morning, and Erik was still awake.
Sleep often evaded him when he found himself in unfamiliar places. His own bed was safe. It smelled right. He was used to the inconsistencies in the mattress and the way the sheets felt against his skin. He’d even grown accustomed to the large, fluffy beds in the hotel they stayed in.
But this bed was new, and he hated it.
For the past few years, from the time Alex turned eleven and was deemed responsible enough to look after Erik and Abby, the three kids had been thrown into a double room together on their annual holiday. As the oldest, Alex pulled rank to get his own bed, leaving Abby and Erik to share, as was normal for them.
But somewhere in the past six months, mutterings had begun.
Maybe he and Abby should no longer be sharing a bed at sleepovers. Maybe he should bunk in with Alex on their next trip. A few weeks before, Erik had overheard an argument between his mother and brother when he stumbled towards the kitchen half asleep after waking up desperate for a glass of water.
‘Why do I have to share with him?’ Alex had grumbled.
Erik had been able to imagine his posture clearly. His arms would have been crossed defiantly over his chest as he leaned against the breakfast nook, something which annoyed their mother endlessly.
‘They’re almost thirteen. They’re just getting too old for that. It’s inappropriate.’
Erik heard squeaking sounds and assumed his mother was wiping down the counters. She did that when she was stressed.
Amusement tinged Alex’s voice when he spoke again. ‘What exactly are you worried is going to happen?’
Erik had the same question. He wasn’t sure what the big deal was.
His mother’s sigh was audible even through the kitchen door. ‘Alex, it’s not up for discussion. I’ve talked to Susan. It was fine when they were little kids. But they’ll be teenagers soon.’
‘And I don’t see how that’s my problem. Ask the hotel to put another bed in there. I’m not sharing with my little brother, who kicks in his sleep, by the way.’
Erik had winced a little. He and Alex hadn’t had to share a bed for years, but the last time, he had left bruises on his brother’s leg. It wasn’t his fault he was a bad sleeper. And Abby had never mentioned it. Maybe it wasn’t an issue anymore.
‘Aleksander…’ Their mom had sighed again, louder this time, and Erik had bolted, making it back up the stairs seconds before he heard the kitchen door open.
Alex had got his way. Alex always got his way.
A narrow single bed had been squeezed into their room, and it was there that Erik was now struggling to fall asleep.
The mattress was lumpy. The duvet was scratchy, and rustled loudly with each movement. His head was filling with noise at the sensations, and it felt like someone was turning the volume up.
He needed space.
He needed air.
Alex stirred at the rustle of sheets as Erik got up. He froze. After a second, Alex released a rumbling breath and rolled over again, snoring quietly. Erik snatched up his key card, tiptoed past Alex—and Abby where she slept in the bed nearer the door—and slipped from their room. He wandered their floor, hoping to stumble across an open window where he could sit for a moment, letting the salty air calm the static in his brain. Instead, he found a set of stairs tucked into an alcove.
Walking.
Walking was good.
If he tired himself enough he’d be able to sleep despite the terrible sheets.
A few minutes later, Erik pushed through a door to find himself on the roof. His breath caught in his throat at the expanse of stars above him. The black sky was thick and comforting, heavy and soothing like the weighted blanket on his bed at home, and punctuated only by those tiny pinpricks of light and a sliver of moon. The smooth surface of the ocean glittered with their reflections, while the town below him lay in darkness.
And best of all: quiet.
As he sat, he could hear the gentle tumble of the sea. The slight rustle of wind through the trees. The noises calmed him. There was nothing synthetic. Nothing man-made. No people laughing or shouting. No motors or engines.
Erik’s body began to relax. The noise in his head lowered. And when he snuck back into his bed half an hour later, he fell asleep almost instantly. But not before one thought flitted through his brain: there had been only one thing missing on the roof.
‘Abby,’ Erik whispered, shaking his friend’s shoulder gently. She woke with a small grumble, quieting as Erik pressed a finger to her lips. Her frown turned to curiosity when he cocked his head towards the door.
As soon as they were in the hallway, she turned to him, suddenly wide awake. ‘Where are we going?’
‘I want to show you something. Come on.’ He took her hand and dragged her in the direction of the stairs. It had been painful keeping the rooftop a secret the whole day. But between endless meals and activities, they hadn’t had a single moment alone together.
An enormous smile spread across Abby’s face as they settled on one of the old benches scattered around the roof. Erik supposed the hotel staff might use the space on their breaks. ‘How did you find this?’
‘I couldn’t sleep last night. Just started exploring.’ Her wide eyes softened at his words while her body shivered in the light breeze. Erik slipped an arm around her. ‘Sorry Sunshine. We don’t have to stay. I just wanted you to see it. I thought you might like it up here.’
Abby nestled her head into Erik’s shoulder and sighed happily. ‘I never want to leave. The view is so beautiful.’
Erik pressed a kiss into the top of her head, hiding his smile in her curls. ‘Yeah. Beautiful.’
They sat up there for another hour, revelling in the peace, and as they made their way to their room, a sliver of yellow light leaking under their door made Erik’s heart stop. He exchanged a worried look with Abby and swiped his card, opening the door to a bright room and a furious-looking Alex.
‘Where the fuck have you two been?’ his brother spat.
‘You’re not supposed to use that word,’ Abby piped up, sounding full of bravado that Erik didn’t feel. ‘I’ve heard your mum say so.’
‘Well, Squirt, you two aren’t supposed to leave this room after ten, and yet, when I went to the bathroom, I passed two empty beds. So spill.’
Explaining did nothing to help his brother’s mood.
‘You’re hanging out on a rooftop in the middle of the night? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you want to get yourselves killed? Do you want to get me killed? Because apparently I’m responsible for you two little shits and that’s exactly what’s going to happen if either of our parents find out.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Erik mumbled, face towards the floor. ‘I couldn’t sleep last night. The new bed felt weird.’
Abby’s hand wormed into his, soft, warm, and surprisingly strong, just like her. Even Alex’s face relaxed the tiniest fraction.
‘I was desperate for air and I found the stairs and I just started climbing. If you’re going to tell mum and dad, leave Abby out of it. I went up there first. It was my idea to go up again tonight.’ He felt a squeeze on his hand, and Abby’s eyebrows were furrowed when he looked up at her and shook his head. They didn’t both need to get into trouble for this. ‘It just… The quiet helped last night,’ Erik finished softly.
Alex didn’t know the extent of his issues. At least, Erik had never told him. Hadn’t let on how much he struggled with noises, with patterns, with sensations. But maybe he’d picked up more than Erik realised.
Alex rubbed his knuckles along his jaw, scraping against the golden stubble already sprouting at fifteen. ‘You were safe up there?’
‘We didn’t even go near the edge.’
‘Okay.’ Alex looked tired. Fair, considering it was past two in the morning. ‘Okay, you two can keep going up there. Just… don’t be stupid. And no more wandering off in the middle of the night. You tell me if you’re going exploring. You don’t just disappear.’
‘Deal.’ They spoke together, as a pang of guilt hit Erik square in the chest. He hadn’t fully considered what Alex would think if he woke up to find them gone. He supposed he hadn’t thought his brother would be that bothered. But Erik had seen fear mixed in with the annoyance on his face when they entered the room. And Alex—who was always full of jokes and quips—only got angry when he cared . When he was scared he might lose something important to him.
‘Sleep. Now.’ Alex jutted his chin towards their beds as he turned back to his own.
Before he pulled back the covers to expose the diversionary pillow he had left in his place, Erik threw an arm around his brother. Their height difference made it awkward; Alex had three years and half a foot on him. Still, he returned the hug, if a little stiffly.
‘What was that for?’
‘You’re a really good brother,’ Erik said with a shrug as he stepped away.
Surprise flooded Alex’s face for a second, paired with a crooked grin. ‘Yeah, I know, you weirdo. Now get into bed before you age me another five years.’