Ten years before
Say You Won't Let Go - James Arthur
‘W
hat happened to you, Squirt?’
Erik had managed to drag a giggling, clumsy Abby through the front door and up the stairs to his room before Alex appeared, slouching in his doorway.
‘She had a little too much to drink,’ Erik said, digging through his drawers to find pyjamas Abby wouldn’t drown in. He wasn’t about to rummage through her bags.
‘You don’t say,’ his brother drawled.
Erik located a t-shirt and drawstring shorts and turned to find Abby already slumped against his pillows. Shit .
‘Alex, what’s going on?’ A tired voice carried down the hall, followed swiftly by a tall, pretty redhead wearing Alex’s old Nirvana shirt. ‘Oh. Hi,’ she said, eyes flicking over Erik’s attempt to coax the clothes he was holding into a barely conscious Abby’s hands.
He returned a muttered greeting, widening his eyes at his brother. Alex shrugged.
‘You doing okay over there?’ the girl continued.
‘She threw up,’ Erik explained. ‘I need to get her into some clean clothes. But she’s too out of it to change herself and I can’t…’ He trailed off, cheeks flaming at the idea of undressing his friend.
The girl rolled her eyes and flapped her hands at them. ‘Out. Both of you.’
‘Friend from uni?’ Erik asked, heading towards the bathroom.
Alex made a non-commital noise.
‘I thought you weren’t supposed to have girls here when mum and dad aren’t home.’
‘There have to be some perks to giving up my weekend to babysit you two. A bed without a roommate six feet from it is one of them. Besides, you do.’
Erik frowned, opening cabinets in search of painkillers and any receptacle he could leave out in case Abby needed to be sick again. ‘She’s actually supposed to be staying here this weekend. And it’s not the same.’
Alex slumped against the wall, rolling his head lazily to look up at Erik. ‘Isn’t it?’
‘She’s my best friend.’
‘And you’re in love with her.’ He said it as casually as he would state any other mundane fact.
The sky is blue.
Grass is green.
You’re in love with Abby.
And that…that was what this was, wasn’t it? That ache in his chest every time he looked at her. The fact that a single moment with her made him happier than anything else could ever hope to. The way his world went quiet when she touched him, even while his heart raced.
Love .
Erik had fought his feelings for her for so long. Misunderstood and ignored them even longer. Maybe it was time to finally give them a voice. ‘Is it that obvious?’
‘Only to people with eyes.’ Alex laughed. ‘The way you stare longingly at her every second you’re together. You’re so soft and simpering when you talk to each other, too. “Oh, Abby, you’re so lovely” this and “Oh, Erik, you’re so wonderful” that. He adopted a breathy falsetto as he mimicked them.
Erik glared, though it probably wasn’t too far from the truth.
‘You need to tell her, dude.’
‘What if she doesn’t—’
‘She does.’ Alex’s voice was firm. ‘What got into her tonight anyway? You’re fifteen; neither of you should be drinking that much. And why weren’t you looking after her?’
Erik shouldn’t have been surprised to hear the concern creeping into Alex’s voice. As much as he enjoyed winding her up, his brother really did care about Abby.
Moments from the party flashed through Erik’s mind.
A group of them had been relaxing outside while a band droned through the speakers about how good 1996 had been. Abby’s eyes had caught his at a line that always made his heart stop, about needing a lover rather than a friend. She had looked away quickly. He hadn’t. He had still been staring intently at her profile when a voice whispered in his ear.
‘Do you want to dance?’
He turned to find Claire, a pretty brunette from his English class, smiling at him. He hadn’t, really. But he was unfailingly polite and incapable of saying no to a reasonable request. So he had spared one glance back at Abby, suddenly engaged in a spirited conversation with a boy from the year above them, and followed Claire into the house.
‘Yep, that would do it,’ Alex said, interrupting his recap of the night.
Erik raised his eyebrows. Alex cocked his head.
‘Think about how you’d react if you saw her grinding with some guy—’
‘We were not grinding .’
‘You’d probably also get trashed.’
‘It was a party. Everyone was drinking. I hardly think it was because I danced with some girl.’
‘Was Abby sober before that?’
Erik paused. ‘Mostly, yeah. She’d had one drink in the hour we’d been there.’
‘And when you came back from what she possibly assumed was more than just dancing…?’
‘She was doing shots. Fuck . And you think that’s because of me?’
Alex’s eyes said: obviously .
Erik crossed his arms and leaned against the bathroom cabinets. ‘So what do you suggest I do?’
‘I’m driving back to uni first thing in the morning. Mum and dad and the Briars won’t be home until late tomorrow. You’ll have the house to yourselves. Make her breakfast, then talk to her . That’s what you two do, isn’t it? You talk . About everything .’
He said it as if the concept repelled him.
The red-haired girl appeared in the doorway before Erik could respond. ‘She’s changed. I’m going back to bed,’ she said to Alex with a yawn.
‘I’ll be there in a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ Erik called as she walked towards Alex’s room. She responded with a wave of her fingers before slipping in and closing the door.
‘Erik…’ Abby groaned as they walked back into his room, but a small smile appeared as Erik brushed her hair back and tightened the blankets around her.
‘Hey, Sunshine,’ he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. ‘I’m going to leave water and some painkillers next to the bed, okay? Take them when you can. I’ll be on the sofa if you need me.’
‘No.’ Her arm shot out with surprising speed, given her state, and caught a fistful of t-shirt. ‘Don’t go,’ she whispered.
He looked up at Alex, torn. His brother smirked, unruffled as ever. ‘You going to tell mum and dad about the girl in my bed?’
Erik shook his head.
‘Great. I won’t tell them about the girl in yours. Goodnight.’
Erik woke with a start, brushing at the soft fluff tickling his nose. Warmth flooded the right side of his body, and a sleepy moan sounded near his chest, bringing flashes of the night before flooding back.
Abby .
Abby getting plastered at the party. Him tucking her into bed. Her begging him to stay.
He’d slipped under the sheets intending to keep a respectable distance between them, but Abby had rolled into him immediately, head nuzzling into his arm until he lifted it and draped it around her. She’d sighed happily as her head dropped onto his chest.
‘I love you,’ she’d said, her voice muffled by his shirt.
Erik’s heart had tightened. It was nothing, really. They’d said those words so many times over their lives. But the exchange was becoming harder for him each time. ‘I love you too. So much,’ he had finally whispered into her hair, pain stabbing his chest with every syllable.
‘Erik.’
‘Mhm?’
‘I don’t want you to date Claire.’ The words had been mumbled, barely audible, but they had made Erik’s heart stop.
‘Who should I date then?’ Quiet. ‘Abby?’ he had asked again into the darkness.
Then a soft groan, followed by slow, deep breaths. Erik had sighed and shut his eyes. ‘Goodnight, Sunshine.’
In the grey early morning light, Abby was still clinging to his side, one leg curled over his, exactly where she’d passed out. It dawned on Erik that it had been years since he’d slept as well as he had the night before. The peace and comfort he drew from her felt endless.
Her eyelids fluttered open, showing tiny red eyes, and she yawned adorably.
Erik kept his voice low as he said, ‘Coffee?’
She grumbled appreciatively.
Mulling over what Alex had said the night before, Erik prepared his opener as he boiled water, folded filter paper, and set the beans to grind. How exactly did you broach something like this when you’d been best friends since infancy? When your families spent every celebration together? If she didn’t feel the same, each Christmas, Easter, and birthday in their immediate future was about to become unbearable.
Abby, I adore you and I want to date you.
Hey, Sunshine, I think I’ve been in love with you for as long as I’ve understood the concept.
You’re perfect, and I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
In the end, he went with none of them.
By the time the coffee was ready, Abby was slumped over the kitchen island.
‘Here you go, Sunshine.’ Erik handed her a steaming mug loaded with milk and sugar.
She smiled up at him sleepily. Even exhausted, hungover, and with her blonde curls a rumpled mess, she was so pretty. His shirt was at least three sizes too big for her, hanging off one small shoulder. He was desperate to touch the exposed skin there.
‘You said something last night…’
Her eyes widened in panic. ‘Oh lord,’ she groaned. ‘Erik, I was so drunk. Ignore every word.’
‘Even what you said about Claire?’
Abby froze. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I should get home. I have a test tomorrow and I haven’t even started studying.’
Faster than he’d thought her hungover body would be able to move, Abby was darting to the front door. Erik leapt out of his seat, following her quickly as his heart plummeted.
‘Abby, wait.’
‘I’ll see you at school,’ was all she said right before she grabbed the spare set of keys to her house that hung in their hall and disappeared through the door, still wearing his clothes.