Chapter 25
Summertime - My Chemical Romance
A
walk along the beach followed by a picnic breakfast would ordinarily be an appealing way to end a seaside holiday. But the frosty greeting they had received from Abby’s parents that morning had dampened the mood slightly. She lingered at least a hundred metres behind them at all times, hand in hand with Erik as they trod over rocky shoreline.
Unused to the silent treatment, he seemed even more discomfited than she was. Though they hadn’t been expecting a warm welcome, Erik was used to addressing things head on, and the waves of passive aggression rolling off Susan and Andrew had to be killing him. He would want to talk things out, but that wasn’t the Briar way. It was far easier to endure weeks of uncomfortable silence until the issue went away by itself. And since they only had a few more hours together, Abby had assumed they would ride out the awkwardness.
But it seemed for once, her parents’ sense of justice won out over their desire to ignore the problem.
‘Are you planning to apologise?’ Her mother’s high voice broke through the silence as she angrily unpacked the hotel-supplied picnic basket. Even Nora, never normally one to allow dead air, had barely said a word all morning.
Erik stiffened, immediately on the defensive in a way Abby had never seen him. ‘For what, exactly? Reminding you that your daughter is a grown woman allowed to make her own decisions?’
‘Of course she’s allowed —’
‘Oh please,’ Abby scoffed, surprising even herself. Maybe it was the warm, steady hand at the base of her spine, feeding her strength and confidence. Maybe she’d just had enough of her parents saying one thing and acting entirely differently. ‘It’s been ten years since I told you I didn’t want to be a doctor, and you’ve never been happy about it.’
‘We just wanted what was best for you, darling.’ Her mother looked shocked. After that one big fight, Abby hadn’t spoken to them so directly since.
‘And you decided what that was before I was even born,’ Abby spat. ‘You wanted what was best for me? Why didn’t you ever ask what I wanted for my life? Instead, the minute I stopped following your perfect plan, you lost all interest.’
Nora’s eyes flicked between her friend, her son, Abby, and her husband, eyes widening at the latter, as if willing him to step in. He shook his head slightly, angling his body to watch the sea crash against the rocks.
‘What little interest you had, anyway,’ Abby continued, a lifetime of upset bubbling to the surface. ‘You missed half of my childhood, always too busy working to get to know me or what I cared about, and then you were surprised when I wasn’t the person you’d banked on me becoming.’
‘You’re behaving as if we neglected you. It wasn’t as if you ever wanted for anything,’ her father finally said. ‘You went to excellent schools. We always made sure you were being looked after when we were on call.’
‘And we loved having you around, dear.’ Nora seemed relieved to have something to contribute to the conversation.
Abby ignored her. ‘Sure,’ she said with a bitter laugh. ‘I had everything I needed, except my parents .’
‘You never needed us, Abigail.’ Her father’s voice turned soft, a loaded look exchanged with her mother. ‘As long as you had Erik, you were always happy.’
The hand that had been stroking her back stilled, then resumed with slightly heavier pressure. Erik’s mouth twisted as they locked eyes.
In her periphery, she could see Peter begin to pick at the neglected spread of food.
‘You know some of the stories,’ her mother cut in. ‘That just after you were born’—she nodded at Abby—‘Nora came to visit and put Erik in your crib. Within a minute, you had grabbed each other’s tiny hands. You know that you two screamed blue murder if we tried to separate you for travel. But for each thing you’ve heard, there are ten more you haven’t. Did you know that he was the first person you smiled at? You were such a frowny little baby, but once you started smiling at him, you never stopped.’
‘We took you to the park to learn to ride your bike and you fell and scraped your knee. You ran past your mother and straight to Erik. He had to stay with you while I patched you up, holding your hand all the while. When you got chicken pox, you were almost delirious with fever. You didn’t want to eat. You wouldn’t sleep until you passed out from exhaustion. You wouldn’t talk to us except to beg for Erik. When he caught it at school too, we decided we’d let you two convalesce together. As soon as he came to see you, you calmed down.’ Her father sounded tired. ‘It was convenient for us that you always wanted to be with Erik, and maybe we took advantage of that, but it was easy to justify when you were so much happier to spend time with him than with us.’
Erik shifted behind her, adjusting his posture so his chest pressed against her back, letting his warmth and bulk soothe her. He’d remained silent since she’d started talking, knowing she would need to do this herself, but reminding her he was right there, in case she needed him. She supposed it proved the point being made: she had always reached for Erik before anyone else.
‘I’m sorry for making you feel like I didn’t need you,’ Abby said quietly, her eyes stinging. ‘But I was a child , and I felt like my parents didn’t want me. And as I got older, no matter what I did, it never felt like I was good enough. All I wanted was to make you proud.’
‘Of course we’re proud of you,’ her mother scoffed. ‘You’re exceptionally bright and hard-working. A PhD isn’t an easy thing to pursue.’
The tears Abby had just about held back slipped out the second she heard those words she’d been so desperate for. ‘I appreciate that. But would it have killed you to show it? Just once, could you have said that when I finished top of my English class, or won a creative writing competition? Instead of making me feel like my accomplishments weren’t worthwhile because they were different to what you wanted from me. The little comments like you made last night? How wonderful it would have been if I’d pursued medicine or any other science? How do you think nearly ten years of that has made me feel?’
Her dad looked surprised. ‘We hadn’t realised it came across like that.’ He reached to his right, taking her mother’s hand. ‘We love what we do. We met when we were both students and we bonded over our shared passion for medicine instantly. It’s part of the foundation of our relationship. And I suppose we assumed you’d share it too. We’ve never really known how to relate to you, Abby. It would have been nice to have some common ground in that way. Maybe sometimes we were blinded by our passion for work. But it wasn’t our intention to make you feel bad about what you had achieved. We thought it was obvious that we were proud of you either way.’
Abby thought back to the fight they’d had a decade before. The disappointment, the anger, the suggestion that she was wasting her intelligence. Maybe they’d forgotten the finer details of that night, and maybe…maybe she needed to let them. She’d been nursing so much hurt for so many years. And her parents admitting any fault was more than she’d ever hoped to get. Accepting what they had given her today felt like a good first step towards healing.
‘She needed to hear it.’ Erik’s voice was rough, in contrast to the gentle touches he left on her shoulders. ‘Words matter to her. It figures, right?’
Abby reached up to clasp his fingers. A silent thank you .
Another look passed between her parents. ‘We can work on being more supportive,’ her dad said slowly. ‘And maybe you can invite us to be more involved in your life. Erik is about to become more important to you than ever, if that’s even possible’—even through the maelstrom of emotion orbiting her body, that made her smile—‘and it stands to reason that he will always be your priority, but we’d like a little more of you. More of your time, more insight into your life. We’ll make an effort to carve out more time for you, but we need to make a commitment from both sides.’
Abby nodded. ‘I’m willing to put the work in if you are. But to add to what Erik said last night, when I do have kids, if you ever show them anything less than the utmost respect, you’ll be cutting yourselves off from them and from me. Because I won’t let them go a single moment of their lives feeling anything less than loved and secure.’
Her mum leaned forward, delight sparking in her eyes. ‘So there will be grandchildren?’
A slight shake behind her told her Erik was chuckling silently, and Abby smiled. It would take a while to heal things entirely with her parents, if it ever happened. But for now, this could be enough.